For what do you most remember Jessica Simpson — (a) her vocals, on a par with a famished grizzly; (b) her fashion style, which looks like it came from a cheap beer dive somewhere in the boonies; (c) her business acumen, which probably came off the back of a Shreddies box; or (d) her offstage shenanigans and subsequent tabloid appearances? It's no wonder Nick Lachey wondered what he got himself into when he married this human safety hazard. The opening credits said it all: the happy couple settles into what they think will be domestic bliss but turns out to be the biggest train wreck since Paris Hilton spoofed Green Acres. If you find yourself wondering why you still give any hoot, take heart: Nick quit while he was ahead, as did his sister-in-law Ashlee, and they're better off for that. Jessica, who desperately tried to reinvent herself to counter Carrie Underwood, still thinks she can defy the odds to make a comeback. The rest of us know better.
Review of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica
