I understand that the film was longer than 20 minutes, but after that point I literally ran out of the room.
My Wife would often rave about this movie. Like so many other comments that I've seen from Pirate Movie fans, it was a fondly recalled part of her childhood (which seems a little disturbing). She mentioned that it was a film that her entire family enjoyed in its day. So after a 25 year sabbatical from the film, she decided to order it on NetFlix.
Knowing nothing of the movie, I sat to watch it with her. Honestly, I was not expecting much from a film creatively entitled "The Pirate Movie". I assumed it would be a rather cheesy comedy, and that's as far as I got, before my wife pressed play. The first 15 minutes was as much as I expected. This was a movie for girls in their early adolescence.
I have to admit, after realizing that this was a girls fantasy movie, I am no longer curious about what woman want or dream about. I am happy to be left outside and ignorant of such things.
When the protagonist started her dream sequence, I realized that this was the beginning of the end for me. I started to notice a feeble nausea in my stomach which irrupted into a volcano of bile. As soon as the Pirates started to dance on the deck of the ship, blood shot from my nose and ears and my eyes itched as though they were begging to be ripped from my head. I left the room in quiet agony - begging the gods of celluloid to end my misery on this retched earth. As I lay on the floor of my garage in the fetal position, my wife came in to see if I required medical attention. Apparently, she could only take about 40 minutes before she turned off the movie.
"I don't understand it", she said to me. "Everybody in my family loved the movie."
"Okay, you are one of three sisters - born of a mother who is addicted to cheap romance novels."
"But my dad loved it too. He'd even sing the songs around the house."
"Your dad also came out of the closet in the early nineties and divorced your mom."
"Oh, yeah."
I gave this film a "1" because IMDb's rating system would not allow for negative integers. My mind cannot undo what this film has done to me. At this point, though - I must be fair. Had I known more going in, I may have been more prepared. I've seen "Rocky Horror" and a couple of John Waters movies, but I was always prepared going in. The events leading to my viewing of this film was just completely unfair. I was completely blindsided.
Gentlemen, let this be your warning. Ladies, enjoy this sensual fantasy film, and warn any gathering gentlemen at your discretion. Children - no.
My Wife would often rave about this movie. Like so many other comments that I've seen from Pirate Movie fans, it was a fondly recalled part of her childhood (which seems a little disturbing). She mentioned that it was a film that her entire family enjoyed in its day. So after a 25 year sabbatical from the film, she decided to order it on NetFlix.
Knowing nothing of the movie, I sat to watch it with her. Honestly, I was not expecting much from a film creatively entitled "The Pirate Movie". I assumed it would be a rather cheesy comedy, and that's as far as I got, before my wife pressed play. The first 15 minutes was as much as I expected. This was a movie for girls in their early adolescence.
I have to admit, after realizing that this was a girls fantasy movie, I am no longer curious about what woman want or dream about. I am happy to be left outside and ignorant of such things.
When the protagonist started her dream sequence, I realized that this was the beginning of the end for me. I started to notice a feeble nausea in my stomach which irrupted into a volcano of bile. As soon as the Pirates started to dance on the deck of the ship, blood shot from my nose and ears and my eyes itched as though they were begging to be ripped from my head. I left the room in quiet agony - begging the gods of celluloid to end my misery on this retched earth. As I lay on the floor of my garage in the fetal position, my wife came in to see if I required medical attention. Apparently, she could only take about 40 minutes before she turned off the movie.
"I don't understand it", she said to me. "Everybody in my family loved the movie."
"Okay, you are one of three sisters - born of a mother who is addicted to cheap romance novels."
"But my dad loved it too. He'd even sing the songs around the house."
"Your dad also came out of the closet in the early nineties and divorced your mom."
"Oh, yeah."
I gave this film a "1" because IMDb's rating system would not allow for negative integers. My mind cannot undo what this film has done to me. At this point, though - I must be fair. Had I known more going in, I may have been more prepared. I've seen "Rocky Horror" and a couple of John Waters movies, but I was always prepared going in. The events leading to my viewing of this film was just completely unfair. I was completely blindsided.
Gentlemen, let this be your warning. Ladies, enjoy this sensual fantasy film, and warn any gathering gentlemen at your discretion. Children - no.