Snowboard Academy (1997 Video)
2/10
Believe it or not, I've seen a few shoddier and more awful films--but not many.
22 January 2010
Jim Varney, Brigitte Nielsen and Corey Haim star in this film...need I say more?! The only person in this film who could act was poor Joe Flaherty (his work in "SCTV" and "Freaks & Geeks" would testify to this)--and how he got stuck in this film is anyone's guess, though if you check his career, he has made some interesting decisions as far as the projects he took. I assume he desperately needed the money...period. In SNOWBOARD ACADEMY, he really isn't given anything to do.

As far as the film goes, it's purported to be a comedy. With such 'hilarious' jokes as a guy with a giant frozen booger stuck on his face, a boss named "the head cheese" and phrases like "d!@$weed" and "buzz off d!@$head". This is very clever writing...if you are a 3rd grader.

Flaherty plays the owner of a failing ski resort. In order to try to attract more people, his youngest son convinces him to open the runs up to snowboarders and teach snowboarding classes--and snowboarders had been previously banned from the hills. Up until this decision, the audience was treated to the hilarious antics(?) of the snowboarders who were breaking the rules by using the trails. The other son hates snowboarders and will do anything to get rid of them--even though this makes zero economic sense.

Jim Varney is hired to be a combination comic for the lounge, safety engineer and god knows what else. No one knows that he can't ski (a prerequisite for the job) and his antics are very broad and very, very slapstick--with lots of pratfalls. It's not good, but frankly he's probably the best thing in the film because at least his character seems likable--something NOT shared with the other 'stars'. Plus at least kids will think this Varney is funny.

As for the other characters, they are really caricatures--stereotypes with no dimension to their personalities. The snowboarders are mostly obnoxious idiots. The older son is sullen and grumpy. The younger one is...well...younger. The evil wife is evil--like every money-grubbing estranged wife you could imagine rolled up into one. The ex-security chief is...well..the most untalented, obnoxious and horrible person in the film. I'd rather have a migraine than watch the 'antics' of this amazingly unfunny guy---who is supposed to be there for comic relief!! None of them are worth putting in the film--yet they make up 80% of the movie!! Overall, this is an incredibly stupid and poorly written film. It's painfully unfunny and a waste of time. HOWEVER, I can't give it a 1 because the production values are not 100% bad and, believe it or not, I've seen a few shoddier and more awful films--but not many. I can see how it made the IMDb Bottom 100 list, but I would only place it in the Bottom 500 if such a list existed. Not a glowing endorsement, I know, but the film was only 97% horrible.

For a good ski comedy, try the cult classic BETTER OFF DEAD. Unlike the sludge that is SNOWBOARD ACADEMY, the writing is great and the film fun for all ages.
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