I have a question for a lot of the positive reviewers on here: Did you REALLY like this movie, or are you just gushing out of respect for Rodriguez??? I'm a Rodriguez fan too, in case you didn't know. Tarantino and Rodriguez are the kings of b-movies. They know how to make a good b-movie and their extensive filmography has shown. With Tarantino you have Kill Bill, Jackie Brown and Inglourious Basterds, with Rodiriguez you have Planet Terror, From Dusk Till Dawn and the king of all things "Visually gorgeous", Sin City. What I love about both of them is that while their films are indeed exercises in Style Over Substance, they're aware of it and don't take themselves too seriously.
I still stand by Grindhouse as the most fun I've had at the theatre. Two great movies from two fantastic directors with some hilarious fake trailers thrown in there for the price of one. After "Hobo With A Shotgun", "Machete" showed. I laughed so hard! And then the news broke that Machete was going to be a full movie. I was excited.
Turns out, some fake trailers should just stay fake trailers.
As I mentioned earlier, Rodriguez's films are Style Over Substance. But they are aware of it, and don't take themselves too seriously, and for that, come off as awesome. Was this movie Style Over Substance? Yes. Did it follow its "Don't take yourself too seriously" rule? Well, it did... for the first 20 minutes.
I was liking the first 20 minutes. Even as a gore hound, I was wondering if I should be eating during that scene! Then of course, we get the awesome betrayal scene and the hospital scene... I especially loved when Machete cut the man's abdomen open and used his intestine as a rope to escape through a window. I laughed!!! Then it went downhill from there.
First off, Jessica Alba was annoying. Take her out of the movie and it wouldn't be different. All she does is just run around and scream the plot out loud. The most cringe worthy scene was near the end when she got up on the bonnet of the car and made that speech. That brought back memories of "Robin Hood" of earlier this year (you know what scene I'm talking about). Second, this film has too much plot in it, and too many characters. For a movie that's supposed to be a b-flick, this movie shouldn't be about political mumbo jumbo.
The characters are a big letdown here. Or at least the representation of characters. Let's begin. "She" is a great character. About halfway through the film she is killed off... then near the end she survived!!! Or the Priest. He is a likable character too. Then he gets killed off 5 minutes after his first appearance. Or what about Daryl Sabara's character? He's a funny guy and he has (what feels like) 30 seconds of screen time... and yet he's one of the main actors in the opening credits!!! Bigger yet, what about the villain? WHO'S THE VILLAIN? Is it Segal, who has a total of 6 minutes of screen time, De Niro, or Fahey, who easily out of the three supposed villains gets the most screen time... except he dies 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE CLIMAX. Or Lindsay Lohan... why is she even in there, other than the fact that she's Fahey's character's daughter??? The climax is a total anticlimax. There's no excitement in the battle at all, it's incredibly dull and boring. Even the iconic bit shown in the trailer with the bike was underwhelming. And Segal's character's death even felt copped out and lazy.
By the time the film was done, I was so glad I was out of the theatre. The film bored me enough with its slow pace. For a movie that claims to be an ultra gory action b-flick, there's about 10 minutes of action, 90 minutes of boring dialogue. This is supposed to be a b-movie, not some political crap. I like slow paced films, but not when they're supposed to be fun b-movies.
Sorry, Mr. Rodriguez, but I think your days are numbered!
I still stand by Grindhouse as the most fun I've had at the theatre. Two great movies from two fantastic directors with some hilarious fake trailers thrown in there for the price of one. After "Hobo With A Shotgun", "Machete" showed. I laughed so hard! And then the news broke that Machete was going to be a full movie. I was excited.
Turns out, some fake trailers should just stay fake trailers.
As I mentioned earlier, Rodriguez's films are Style Over Substance. But they are aware of it, and don't take themselves too seriously, and for that, come off as awesome. Was this movie Style Over Substance? Yes. Did it follow its "Don't take yourself too seriously" rule? Well, it did... for the first 20 minutes.
I was liking the first 20 minutes. Even as a gore hound, I was wondering if I should be eating during that scene! Then of course, we get the awesome betrayal scene and the hospital scene... I especially loved when Machete cut the man's abdomen open and used his intestine as a rope to escape through a window. I laughed!!! Then it went downhill from there.
First off, Jessica Alba was annoying. Take her out of the movie and it wouldn't be different. All she does is just run around and scream the plot out loud. The most cringe worthy scene was near the end when she got up on the bonnet of the car and made that speech. That brought back memories of "Robin Hood" of earlier this year (you know what scene I'm talking about). Second, this film has too much plot in it, and too many characters. For a movie that's supposed to be a b-flick, this movie shouldn't be about political mumbo jumbo.
The characters are a big letdown here. Or at least the representation of characters. Let's begin. "She" is a great character. About halfway through the film she is killed off... then near the end she survived!!! Or the Priest. He is a likable character too. Then he gets killed off 5 minutes after his first appearance. Or what about Daryl Sabara's character? He's a funny guy and he has (what feels like) 30 seconds of screen time... and yet he's one of the main actors in the opening credits!!! Bigger yet, what about the villain? WHO'S THE VILLAIN? Is it Segal, who has a total of 6 minutes of screen time, De Niro, or Fahey, who easily out of the three supposed villains gets the most screen time... except he dies 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE CLIMAX. Or Lindsay Lohan... why is she even in there, other than the fact that she's Fahey's character's daughter??? The climax is a total anticlimax. There's no excitement in the battle at all, it's incredibly dull and boring. Even the iconic bit shown in the trailer with the bike was underwhelming. And Segal's character's death even felt copped out and lazy.
By the time the film was done, I was so glad I was out of the theatre. The film bored me enough with its slow pace. For a movie that claims to be an ultra gory action b-flick, there's about 10 minutes of action, 90 minutes of boring dialogue. This is supposed to be a b-movie, not some political crap. I like slow paced films, but not when they're supposed to be fun b-movies.
Sorry, Mr. Rodriguez, but I think your days are numbered!