Full disclosure up front: I watched the German version; the subpar dubbing might in part be responsible for the film's failure to connect with me. Then again, I was aware of this at all times, and it will not be part of my critique, or reflected in my overall rating.
With that out of the way, I do wonder what is supposed to be funny about this movie. Apart from the mildly amusing premise and exactly one unexpected situational-comedy scene, this movie is clearly a drama, and a boring one at that.
My TV guide praised Rembrandt as "lighthearted comedy". From that and the short plot summary I expected something along the lines of How to Steal a Million; or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; or at the very least Ocean's Eleven; you get the idea. Movies of this genre hinge on evoking empathy for the crooks and liars that their protagonists are; you find yourself rooting for them.
Sadly, that's precisely where I found Rembrandt to completely fall flat. There is not a single character in the entire movie — main, supporting, or otherwise —, that is really likable. Quite a few are downright despicable. The movie makes sure to establish them as scum, but forgets to throw in a single trait or deed going for them. At best, you find yourself not caring for them; at worst, you want to see them behind bars from minute one and till the very end.
I like slow-paced movies, but the pace must have a point. Here it does not. The exposition drags on forever, but doesn't establish anything that couldn't have been established in half the time. Throughout the rest of the movie, too, some scenes are longer than they need to be, and one or two are entirely superfluous. Character development is attempted, but in the end everyone is pretty much exactly where they started. As others have pointed out, several characters don't get any resolution at all. They silently drop out of the movie, leaving you wondering why they got so much screen time in the first place.
None of this seems to be a deliberate choice; much of it is clearly just sloppy writing. The dialogue is simply not tight. On more than one occasion, cheap devices such as lighting a cigarette are used to try and distract from the fact that the character has nothing left to say or do and the scene should long be over.
There are plot holes and continuity errors, too. (Spoilers ahead.) For example, the character who proposes to burn the portrait (only to be ignored by others) is the very same one who a few scenes later, out of the blue, is the only one to violently oppose doing just that (only to be ignored by others yet again). That destroying the portrait is an option at all, is absurd; there are countless ways to get rid of it without it taking any damage. Not to mention that you could turn it in for an exceptionally lush reward.
In fact, at no time do these people handle the portrait like it's of any value at all. It's not packed for transport, not packed for storage. You treat your groceries with more dignity — and you don't expect to resell them for 20 million. (Little in this movie makes any economic sense. Offering 20 million for something you know for a fact couldn't be sold for 12, is idiocy; so is falling for such an offer; so is setting the reward at 1.5 million.)
The worst plot hole, however, is the final twist. It suggests that in addition to not caring about guarding the only work of Rembrandt's in the entire country, the Danish also do not care for checking if it's just a poster.
Now for the plusses. The cinematography is good; no objections there. The acting is actually quite solid, across the board, for what little the actors are given to work with. The music is par for the course, though on a couple occasions a tad intrusive, bordering on cheesy. And then there's that one scene on the junkyard that singlehandedly adds a whole star to my rating, for originality.
All in all, a 3/10 from me. I can see how it can get a 5/10 from others, especially from the Danish audience. But anything beyond that is wishful thinking.
With that out of the way, I do wonder what is supposed to be funny about this movie. Apart from the mildly amusing premise and exactly one unexpected situational-comedy scene, this movie is clearly a drama, and a boring one at that.
My TV guide praised Rembrandt as "lighthearted comedy". From that and the short plot summary I expected something along the lines of How to Steal a Million; or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; or at the very least Ocean's Eleven; you get the idea. Movies of this genre hinge on evoking empathy for the crooks and liars that their protagonists are; you find yourself rooting for them.
Sadly, that's precisely where I found Rembrandt to completely fall flat. There is not a single character in the entire movie — main, supporting, or otherwise —, that is really likable. Quite a few are downright despicable. The movie makes sure to establish them as scum, but forgets to throw in a single trait or deed going for them. At best, you find yourself not caring for them; at worst, you want to see them behind bars from minute one and till the very end.
I like slow-paced movies, but the pace must have a point. Here it does not. The exposition drags on forever, but doesn't establish anything that couldn't have been established in half the time. Throughout the rest of the movie, too, some scenes are longer than they need to be, and one or two are entirely superfluous. Character development is attempted, but in the end everyone is pretty much exactly where they started. As others have pointed out, several characters don't get any resolution at all. They silently drop out of the movie, leaving you wondering why they got so much screen time in the first place.
None of this seems to be a deliberate choice; much of it is clearly just sloppy writing. The dialogue is simply not tight. On more than one occasion, cheap devices such as lighting a cigarette are used to try and distract from the fact that the character has nothing left to say or do and the scene should long be over.
There are plot holes and continuity errors, too. (Spoilers ahead.) For example, the character who proposes to burn the portrait (only to be ignored by others) is the very same one who a few scenes later, out of the blue, is the only one to violently oppose doing just that (only to be ignored by others yet again). That destroying the portrait is an option at all, is absurd; there are countless ways to get rid of it without it taking any damage. Not to mention that you could turn it in for an exceptionally lush reward.
In fact, at no time do these people handle the portrait like it's of any value at all. It's not packed for transport, not packed for storage. You treat your groceries with more dignity — and you don't expect to resell them for 20 million. (Little in this movie makes any economic sense. Offering 20 million for something you know for a fact couldn't be sold for 12, is idiocy; so is falling for such an offer; so is setting the reward at 1.5 million.)
The worst plot hole, however, is the final twist. It suggests that in addition to not caring about guarding the only work of Rembrandt's in the entire country, the Danish also do not care for checking if it's just a poster.
Now for the plusses. The cinematography is good; no objections there. The acting is actually quite solid, across the board, for what little the actors are given to work with. The music is par for the course, though on a couple occasions a tad intrusive, bordering on cheesy. And then there's that one scene on the junkyard that singlehandedly adds a whole star to my rating, for originality.
All in all, a 3/10 from me. I can see how it can get a 5/10 from others, especially from the Danish audience. But anything beyond that is wishful thinking.