Osombie (2012)
1/10
Special thanks to Xbox as our technical consultant!
5 May 2013
Great production value for what it is. The CGI is pretty good, and the costumes and props are excellent. Also, if you like good movies, you won't like Osombie. If you like bad movies, you won't like Osombie, but hey! If you think Ewe Boll is a genius and ahead of his time, then you'll love this movie.

If you know anything about military tactics, this movie will offend your sensibilities. If your military experience comes entirely from media, this movie will still offend your sensibilities. This group of soldiers, purportedly Army Rangers, utilize the "rush into the center of a hoard of zombies and fire in all directions" combat method. They don't hold a line. They rush to melee range to shoot .50 BMGs from the hip. In their defense, they never look surprised when someone is bitten, which is at almost every encounter. Interestingly, the meat head who likes to fight zombies half naked shows impressive survivability.

The dialogue is horrid. Whoever wrote it tried to cram in every colloquial metaphor they'd ever heard in a tragic failure to sound cool. I could forgive "Tomboy's" flawless makeup in every scene and the fact that everyone looks clean and well-fed in spite of daily temperatures in excess of 120 degrees Fahrenheit and near-freezing nights in Afghanistan, but the dialogue is just so, so bad.

This movie exists as a vehicle to hamfistedly deliver us to cliché zombie movie moments, which are then poorly executed. The only reason so many people have heard of it is due to its exploitation of one of the most reviled men in history.

Good sets, good costumes, good props, a very nice camera, and actors that I believe could have delivered if given literally anything to work with... It just breaks my heart that the makings of a great movie were in place, and the people running the show produced this tripe.
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