Profiler (1996–2000)
5/10
Profiler is DOA
27 December 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Once you remove all of the graphic, sensationalistic violence and gratuitous eye candy, Profiler is really nothing more than a silly little soap opera cop show permeated with melodramatic acting, nonsensical/meandering plots, more psycho-babble than an Oprah marathon, and lots of hair flipping by Ally Walker. I'm not sure what this show really sets out to achieve, but that's okay, neither does the show itself. Granted, it does try to expose some X-Files type government evils, but unfortunately that all gets lost in the proverbial sauce.

Profiler falls many many rungs below The Pretender and the British alternative, Cracker. It lacks the ingenious vengeance plots of The Pretender as well as the earthy realism of Cracker. And unlike many fans of the show I believe the problems begin long before seasons 3 and 4, although most of season 4 -- excluding Ep1, Ep2, and the Pretender crossover episodes -- is a total train wreck.

Among its many shortcomings this show lacks fundamental believability. Characters come and go; story arcs simply vanish into thin air; shows are aired out of sync due to "sweeps week" ratings considerations, and ideas that start out interesting soon become onion paper thin after just a few episodes. This series isn't really all that "dark"; what it IS is insufferably DULL.

The acting is wooden and one-dimensional. The internal back stories don't hold much water -- or interest. And because of Robert Davi's Neanderthal/Joe Friday butchering of his role, Profiler more times than not hits with about as much subtlety as a Sybian set on "High" (but with a LOT less pleasure). And you wanna talk about depravity? Look at Davi's hair for a while; you're not hallucinating when you keep getting flashbacks to Eddie Munster. Davi is clearly the weak link in this series. His boorish, stale testosterone act gets old very quickly until his presence grates upon one's nerves like nails grating against a blackboard (very long, very sharp, very annoying nails).

Then there's Ally Walker's performance. She has a repertoire of about 3 "looks", and her character's insights/flashes wouldn't significantly advance a Psych 101 textbook. It gets even worse once her replacement, Jamie Luner, takes over. Her non-stop mono-tribes leave one breathless; but not in a good way. Beyond that she's like a poor man's Jennifer Anniston as far as eye candy goes. Erica Gimpel's role as Angel is dubious/questionable at best. And Julian McMahon would be a better fit for some local neighborhood theater troupe than the prime time spotlight. (He's actually best suited for one of those Ditka/da Bears/Discount Daaaable Check commercials.) And Roma Maffia is...well...Roma Maffia (She has a voice that would blend in perfectly with The Simpsons).

What else is there to say about Profiler? Not much. It's way over-hyped. Typical MSM hackneyed liberal agenda fare. And frankly, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did.
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