4/10
The Three Kaijuteers Fight Ghidorah
26 August 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Let's be genuinely honest with each other as we review this movie. Your opinion and rating of this movie is going to depend VERY HIGHLY on how you feel about Kaiju (giant monster) movies and even more, guys in giant rubber suit movies. Most of the reviews written on this site now seem to come from fanboys (or girls) and there's nothing wrong with that. We all have guilty pleasures, but to call this movie a 10 seems more than a little bit silly. On the other hand, very few people are probably stumbling into these reviews not knowing a little bit beforehand that they're at least somewhat interested in the genre.

I'll start with the fanboy perspective. The original GOJIRA is one of the greatest horror movies ever made, in my opinion. It is a bleak portrayal of Japan in a post-nuclear era that used a giant monster as metaphor for nuclear annihilation. In the sequels that followed, they began introducing other monsters to act as Godzilla's nemesis and eventually the series becomes what is essentially studio wrestling in monster suits.

This movie is important for several reasons. It is the turning point at which Godzilla becomes a hero out to save Japan, rather than a monster bent on destroying it. It also features a fan's dream team as he teams up with Rodan and Mothra to combat what many would consider to be Godzilla's greatest enemy, King Ghidorah, introduced here in this movie. There would be bigger monster mashes to come in this series, but this is the beginning of the mass team ups. There is a lot of campy fun to be had here as the monsters wage war with each other and try to drive this outer space entity back where he belongs. Not necessarily the greatest of the Godzilla sequels or even the best of the Showa era (Godzilla fans typically divide the movies into three eras), but it's generally one of the most popular.

Now, let's take a step back, just for a moment, and review this movie as an outsider with little experience in Kaiju. I'm not a noob to the genre, at all, but I'm really not a fanatic. I have seen a few, mostly in my childhood. This movie is bad....I mean, really bad. The humans in the movie make no sense and the dialog and dubbing is a giant mess. The plot is an incoherent mess of sci-fi ramblings, complete with brain waves, fairies, odd songs and some sort of pseudo-James Bond storyline involving a princess who's being threatened with assassination. There is far more bad human drama than monster goodness and let's talk about those monsters. Yes, they're guys in big, rubber suits, throwing and kicking rocks at each other, for the most part. They spend a lot of time just staring at each other shaking their arms and heads around. We get four legendary monsters fighting each other and the big climax basically comes down to the same method Spider-Man uses to catch two-bit crooks.

I realize by now that the fanboys have already clicked NOT HELPFUL on this review because I dared to trounce one of their favorite movies. As I said earlier, there are two very different ways you can look at this movie. If you're a fan of Kaiju you would judge it much differently, I am sure. As more of an outsider, this is a fun movie to laugh at with some friends and drink a beer or two, but in the grand scheme of cinema history, it's pretty laughable.
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