tadpole-596-918256 Review of Night of Dark Shadows

Night of Dark Shadows (1971)

This spoof of Alfred Hitchcock's REBECCA . . .

[4/10 · 26 October 2014]

. . . turns out to be crappier than the outhouse in SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. Referencing Manderley's housekeeper, "Mrs. Danvers," in its opening scene, NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS inadvertently highlights the only thing it has in common with 1940's Best Picture Oscar winner: a housekeeper. While Mrs. Danvers in truly creepy, SHADOWS' "Carlotta" is merely a creep. Since every cast member here alternates between hammy overstatement and stage-frightened minimalism, the film editor employs countless virtual freeze frames (which cuts down on the many live action snafus, while Cluelessly highlighting the fact that this cast looks like what the cat dragged in). The sappy film score is sorely inappropriate, grating like an outtake reel from a daytime TV soap opera or a Hallmark Channel romance flick. After about 10 minutes, every musical note sounds like nails on a blackboard. If the proverbial thousand blind monkeys actually could type out a Shakespeare play given an infinite amount of time, SHADOWS seems like ONE sightless chimp's lunchtime doodles. It's really hard to imagine how this film could have been any worse.