Review of Exeter

Exeter (2015)
4/10
The meaning of "Rushed" , "Stereotypical" and "Annoying" does not cut it. Not even remotely
8 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Another day, another horror. But is it another disappointment? Lets find out.

When I saw the cast and recognized the lead actor and especially Stephen Lang I reckoned that this was gonna be another casual horror, jump-scare kinda film but when it started the positive visuals and acting caused me to become more optimistic. Which was good. I was like; Hey, this is actually not so bad. Story is interesting, Stephen Lang is probably gonna be all Holy and stuff inside that house later.

Well... that all ended after right about 15-20 minutes. The teens are throwing a party, drunk, half naked and urinating everywhere inside the spooky horror house. Now I am gonna tell you exactly what you're gonna get from this so you can stay away.

A little kid gets possessed. How scary... They call a priest (Lang) Some dude appears with a gun and threatens to shoot the teens...because of reasons. Same dude dies when he goes to see the possessed kid. Teens see the dead shotgun-wielding dude. Freak out and run to their car. Stephen Lang gets hit by same car and dies... *sigh* Ohh...and did I mention that a small love story FIGURATIVELY manages to get shoe-horned into the mix in the middle of all this which unfolds in LESS THAN 20 minutes. And now... it just unfolds by having the teens walking around spooky house, performing an online handyman's version of an exorcism which fails. Then after a bit their friends begin to die off or get possessed even more.

Ohhh, and they take some of Lang's holy water too...spraying each other when suddenly practically everyone gets possessed randomly and freak out with creepy eyes. But when that doesn't work anymore the lead actor decides to grab a plastic fork and knife (from the looks of it) and force both into a possessed girls eyes. Even though she was his friend like...10 minutes ago. But yea... Then SUDDENLY! SLANG appears again. Wonderful! Stephen is back! Alright, guys. Even though he was hit by a car and flew in through the front windshield. But...whatever. SOme kid seas him, freaks, runs away, trips and falls and kills himself by falling on a pickaxe. *sigh*. By the way FORGET ALL about dramatic reactions to the many deaths through the film. These teens are hardcore. Death has no impact on these fellas. In the end it turns out Slang is this evil priest who tries to kill them all and only the lead Actor ( Blatz) survives. he then throws a lighter at Slang. He catches fire and the house catches fire too. Most incredible lighter ever.

But is that it? Hell no. The gal from love story part returns from the dead and turns out as the REAL bad guy here and she then gets brutally killed too.

The End.

I cannot elaborate on how MANY times Nispel decides to film random doors close whenever something ALLEGEDLY spooky happens. Man...the slamming door effect was scary the first time. But the 2nd-3rd-4th-5th- 100th freaking time !! has it lose its "scary" effect. Gets trivial really fast and ESPECIALLY considering how rushed your film is.

This film has teen lame horror written all over it that would only be able to frighten a 5 year old and the comedy factors that other reviewers claim it has would appeal to a 12 year old who laughs at the lamest of unfunny and paper thin joke material like having this stoner dude with long greasy hair walking around the ENTIRE film in his underwear with what looks like an orange donut attached to his right shoulder.

Ohh...and text drawn on his back which goes like: "I love ****." 4 letter word, guys. I'm pretty sure you can figure it out. Right... Funny... *slow claps for Marcus Nispel* I am very glad I watched your film online so I wouldn't regret paying for transport and entry to the cinema only to get...this.

So yea. That is Exeter or Backmask which it now calls itself. In my experience when a film suddenly changes its title after release that's already a red flag.

Stay away from Exeter/Backmask, my dear reader.

But if you so decide to experience its horrificness and partake in pure mindlessness (in a rather poorly done way) then I strongly advice you watch it online because paying for this would have you regret it. I can imagine there could be other things you could spend a total of 25-35 bucks on which should cover transport, cinema ticket and maybe popcorn and such.

Thats my take on this film. 4 out of 10. If it wasn't so SUPER rushed and annoyingly silly I would have rated it 5 for being an average horror flick like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and such. But that is simply NOT the case here. It actually reminds me a bit of scary movie 5 combined with some random exorcist flick. If that did not shock you then go watch scary movie 5. Do that so you can save yourself the time of watching this.

4 out of 10. A disappointing and annoying film that actually had potential. Zero replay value, fellas'. And I stress the word; Zero! Because if you like myself enjoy a serious horror flick, zero sums up the entertainment you'll get from this as well.
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