Review of 5 to 7

5 to 7 (2014)
3/10
A movie where every line spoken is a cliché
9 December 2015
When I decided to see this movie I was aware that it played a little bit on stereotypes. American vs. French culture, clumsy writer vs. ex-model trophy wife and so forth. Boy was I in for a surprise!

The script of this movie is a feat of creative writing. It proves that yes, you can actually write a movie script where every single line spoken is a cliché and where every single character is a superficial caricature. The clumsy writer says all the things "clumsy writers" say. The beautiful French adulteress responds with everything that we would expect from a "French adulteress". They have an affair, but everybody is cool with it because this is how they do it "in France". You get the picture.

The screenwriter evidently thought that his little gem could find itself in no better hands than his own, so he decided to also direct the movie. This leaves us with the added bonus of visual clichés in addition to the linguistic ones. Look, when an actress behaves all the time like she's some kind of Venus walking on earth, it's not sexy or sensual, it's just cheesy and banal. And yes, you dear director, I think it's your fault that she does it like that.

The movie could have been promoted from a sad parody to a watchable run-of-the-mill romantic comedy if the actors had helped it a bit. But no, the actors are not really acting, just reading the miserable script. So, sad parody it will be.

My advice is save your precious time for something better. This is just a pretentious trashy movie that thinks of itself that since it has a "French" theme it must definitely be full of high culture and refinement. No, sorry, it just doesn't work like that.
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