Cloud 9 (2006)
7/10
winning team: Marnette Patterson + Katheryn Winnick... forget about the movie
16 April 2017
White trash beach volleyball extravaganza. Definitely a straight-to-video kind of thing, with many, many dodgy characters. The one dodgier than the next. Starts off in a way that I cringe at the sight of this amateur-looking thing posing as the afternoon's entertainment. But it does get better, the girls carry it. No credit to Burt. But it does get a whole lot better, they do manage to carry this off, against all odds, just like the volleyball team in the movie.

Forget about Burt Reynolds. Forget about Gabrielle Reece. Forget about the volleyball too. The poster should have been of Marnette and Katheryn. I didn't buy this DVD for any other reason. I knew the movie was going to be stupid, I downloaded that first stretch, and with aging Burt Reynolds in it, I didn't even need the clue. I just checked up on the girls before buying, and by the time the downloaded bit hit that leggy dressing room scene, that was all I needed to see. I am possibly one of Marnette Patterson's craziest nuts-about- her fans, and I collect all her movies, ever since stumbling across her (oh, I wish) in the final season of otherwise off-putting CHARMED, and Katheryn, a hot fiery chick with cute attitude, was magnificent in her one-off appearance as Kelly in "Partners", an episode of NIKITA, also LOVE & OTHER DRUGS in which she had a small but attractive part.

Needless to regale, they appear in this movie as strippers- turned-show-volleyball-players. Both of them do not only look good in a bikini, they are out-of-this-world drop dead gorgeous with toned and not tanned bodies, sculpted to perfection, I mean, not an iota of fat on those two, sleeker tummies than those are impossible. They are so beautiful they hurt to look at, but in a good way. They also do a fine job portraying their loopy characters. Katheryn is Russian import Olga messing with the English language ('wally ball'), and Marnette is sweet Crystal, you know, in the Pamela Anderson mold.

If you're terminally into pretty actresses, like me, this is for you. Otherwise stay away. Movie has D-U-M-B written all over it. Especially as you wade in, reluctantly, 'cause the thing's off-putting the way it starts. Infuriatingly thick-headed and dense guy alert, the movie teems with them. Oh, and Burt is here because he's a big name, he isn't even remotely the slick wily old rogue character he is supposed to be portraying.

But it does get better. Like a loser team managing to score. Come on, it's a train-wreck, but there are some damn fine moments. They all involve Grade A flesh.

Okay, and finally, no longer ignoring Gabrielle Reece. I am not qualified to comment, I know too little, but I wonder how much of the acting was the for-real person? I'll bet that's Gabrielle in real life! Come on, in real life, those girls are neither prostitutes nor strippers, only cute actresses, but Gabrielle is definitely the product of steroids. Definitely. Okayyyy, perhaps not, but from her looks... And volleyball appears to be a spectator fun sport. Do we need a...??? Don't we rather need bikini beauties?

My review seems to be wandering between like and dislike. While there are loads to dislike, there is more to like. Let me try once more:

Movie summed up: You'll end up cheering for them! And that says a whole lot!
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