Now this movie would like to make you think that nobody has beaten this game because it is so dangerous. They say that it is always returned to the store and the buyer is never heard from again. That is a lie as accurate as CNN presidential polls. The true reason nobody beats this game is that the rules are arbitrary crap and none of it makes any Goddamn sense. This game is as simple as the average Buzzfeed writer yet as complex as high school algebra.
I have to get this out of the way, a big part of what makes this movie incredibly stupid is that they had to choose a VHS board game. Had they upgraded to DVD, the gamed would not be as laughably stupid and the reason for this is the host of the game's incredibly long wait for the players to take their turns. It took them 24 hours to make the fist move. The host in the mean time is cut to as she waits for them, silently watching and dare I say, getting a little bored and fidgeting around. Had this been a DVD they could have theoretically called it a loop as it awaited a command but as it is, it would be real time video. And even after they do make a move, half the time she doesn't respond until 3:13 the following morning. She's just there,kind of looking around for something to occupy her mind. Now of course, this is supposed to be a magical tape, one that can't be seen by non-players and interacts with them a little but for most of the movie she is just there not doing anything. Its a waste of the evil guide and borders on being farcical. Then post credits, it just dives across that line when she pops up once more, supposedly to be threatening but just once again looking around like she has no clue what she is doing. That was the best part of the movie, I couldn't stop laughing at it.
There are no rules to this game either. Take for instance Jumanji, a kids movie but still a great example of the magic board game concept. The rules are simple, you roll the dice, the game moves on a set path, you get an effect activated. That effect is seen in the real world and in how the game is played. Here, there is no semblance of organization in how the game is played. The first brother is instructed to roll the die, the host points out he got snake eyes, dice never play a roll in the game again. They are instructed to flip one of four cards and proceed to flip all of them without any repercussion. They are instructed they need four keys to beat the game and open the gate to the next world. They open it with three. Does Satan not have play testers? Does no one in Hell know anything about game design? There isn't even rhyme or reason in the effects. The host just pulls out what they have to do out of her butt and three times out of four it involves kill somebody. She even targets one of the people playing the game, what happens if its her turn after that? And there are six places on the board, why do they only move through three of them?
There is no semblance of urgency to any of the hosts commands. She says that if they fail to complete them that their souls will be lost to the game, but they have forever to do anything. It literally takes days to play this game because it takes forever for all her commands to take effect. Hell, when the cop is driven mad by the key in his head, they quit playing and went back to packing up their dad's defunct old tape rental store. They could have probably gotten married, raised children, and become grandparents before the game started to actually do anything to them. There are demons running around but really, they are pretty inconsequential. The only reason they actually keep playing the game is because the one brother wants to find their lost abusive father but this takes up exactly one line of dialogue.
The heroes are pretty sub par. The main one has a girlfriend and abstains from alcohol after hurting her in a fight once and the other has nowhere to live. This is all kind of dumped on the audience and doesn't have any real impact on the story. The girlfriend is a sleep walker. This too comes up once and is then shortly forgotten. Nothing about them seems to matter. Nothing matters. This movie is a mess of apathy and meandering. The acting isn't atrocious except for the store clerk that thinks he's John Waters, that is the only positive thing I can say.
I have to get this out of the way, a big part of what makes this movie incredibly stupid is that they had to choose a VHS board game. Had they upgraded to DVD, the gamed would not be as laughably stupid and the reason for this is the host of the game's incredibly long wait for the players to take their turns. It took them 24 hours to make the fist move. The host in the mean time is cut to as she waits for them, silently watching and dare I say, getting a little bored and fidgeting around. Had this been a DVD they could have theoretically called it a loop as it awaited a command but as it is, it would be real time video. And even after they do make a move, half the time she doesn't respond until 3:13 the following morning. She's just there,kind of looking around for something to occupy her mind. Now of course, this is supposed to be a magical tape, one that can't be seen by non-players and interacts with them a little but for most of the movie she is just there not doing anything. Its a waste of the evil guide and borders on being farcical. Then post credits, it just dives across that line when she pops up once more, supposedly to be threatening but just once again looking around like she has no clue what she is doing. That was the best part of the movie, I couldn't stop laughing at it.
There are no rules to this game either. Take for instance Jumanji, a kids movie but still a great example of the magic board game concept. The rules are simple, you roll the dice, the game moves on a set path, you get an effect activated. That effect is seen in the real world and in how the game is played. Here, there is no semblance of organization in how the game is played. The first brother is instructed to roll the die, the host points out he got snake eyes, dice never play a roll in the game again. They are instructed to flip one of four cards and proceed to flip all of them without any repercussion. They are instructed they need four keys to beat the game and open the gate to the next world. They open it with three. Does Satan not have play testers? Does no one in Hell know anything about game design? There isn't even rhyme or reason in the effects. The host just pulls out what they have to do out of her butt and three times out of four it involves kill somebody. She even targets one of the people playing the game, what happens if its her turn after that? And there are six places on the board, why do they only move through three of them?
There is no semblance of urgency to any of the hosts commands. She says that if they fail to complete them that their souls will be lost to the game, but they have forever to do anything. It literally takes days to play this game because it takes forever for all her commands to take effect. Hell, when the cop is driven mad by the key in his head, they quit playing and went back to packing up their dad's defunct old tape rental store. They could have probably gotten married, raised children, and become grandparents before the game started to actually do anything to them. There are demons running around but really, they are pretty inconsequential. The only reason they actually keep playing the game is because the one brother wants to find their lost abusive father but this takes up exactly one line of dialogue.
The heroes are pretty sub par. The main one has a girlfriend and abstains from alcohol after hurting her in a fight once and the other has nowhere to live. This is all kind of dumped on the audience and doesn't have any real impact on the story. The girlfriend is a sleep walker. This too comes up once and is then shortly forgotten. Nothing about them seems to matter. Nothing matters. This movie is a mess of apathy and meandering. The acting isn't atrocious except for the store clerk that thinks he's John Waters, that is the only positive thing I can say.