JL Ranch (2016)
2/10
This isn't a movie...
12 April 2018
Don't go near this. The UK release is actually a re-branding of a US TV movie called JL Family Ranch which appears to have been the pilot film for a proposed show that never went anywhere. It sets up lots of conventional, boringly-done threads of family drama (feuds, money worries, mother-daughter disputes, problems with alcoholism and gambling etc), which go almost nowhere because the whole thing is over in an hour and a half, all left unresolved pending the follow-up series that never came. Even the central plot about property ownership fraud isn't closed off properly.

What this is definitely not is what it has been promoted as in non-US markets; the UK DVD artwork (featuring a rifle-toting Jon Voight standing amongst squad cars and armed police officers) and replacement title of Texas Blood peg it as some kind of mash-up of Lonely Are the Brave, First Blood, and Harry Brown, with an old-time cowboy resorting to violent resistance in the face of persecution by his enemies and corrupt authorities. Just so you know - there are two gunshots in the whole thing, when fatherly rancher Voight scares some wolves off his land at the very start. The rest is tedious, uninvolving talk, with Teri Polo pulling emotive faces, a plastic-surgery ravaged Melanie Griffith unrecognisable (if not for her name in the credits I wouldn't have known it was her), and an ancient James Caan looking like he was going to bust every blood vessel in his head at any second.

As a lead-in for a TV series it is lacking, and you can see why the show didn't get picked up. As a movie...well, this isn't a movie. The earlier reviewer called 'BaronessFC-209-7408351' is having an absolute laugh raving so much about this thing; one can only assume they are related to / friends with those who made it, or else have some financial interest in it themselves.
4 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed