Dunkirk (2017)
1/10
Sorry, this one's a turkey
18 May 2018
Warning: Spoilers
What a shame. I was hoping for the definitive modern 'Dunkirk' film. This isn't it.

Right from the start the film fails to offer an overview of unfolding events, instead presenting the viewer with massed British and a few French troops on a beach with no explanation as to how they got to be there. The style is annoyingly disjointed, switching continually between a Spitfire pilot, a small rescue boat chugging across the channel, and various troop predicaments. Irritating background music is meant to create a mood of tension where there is none. You don't even get a sense of the magnitude of the rescue operation. What happened to the huge flotilla of small craft that braved the dive bombers? I counted a group of about fifteen boats, and that's it. In an effort to link the whole mess together Kenneth Branagh keeps popping up wandering up and down a makeshift jetty looking stern/emotional as required. The subject matter deserves much better than this.

If you are still thinking of seeing this film then here comes the spoilers and some ridiculous errors that you will be inflicting upon yourself.

1) A Spitfire pilot shoots down an implausible quantity of aircraft before running out of fuel. Just how much ammunition is he supposed to have then? He's not finished yet however. He then appears to pull off an amazing feat by downing a final plane even though he has now been gliding at low level for what seems quite a few minutes. What! Give me a break! Also, wouldn't pilots be under strict orders to bring their aircraft home in order to fight another day? This chap burns his perfectly serviceable plane on a French beach and gets himself arrested.

2) A group of troops in a beached leaking fishing boat decide they need to lose weight in order to re-float it. While they argue over who should be forced to get off at gun point, tons of water flood in up to their chests, rendering their deliberations pointless. The viewer has figured out this failure of logic already of course but still has to watch. It could be a good moment to consider visiting that cafe down the road for a cup of tea and a sausage sandwich and not bother going back.

3) A soldier swimming in an oil slick has oil everywhere except his eyes and mouth. I am fairly certain that one of the horrors of a face full of crude is that it pretty effectively blinds you. A couple of shots later and most of the oil has washed off. I don't think so. No points for realism here either then.

I would advise going to see this film expecting it to be awful, then you won't be disappointed. A Bridge Too Far was a war film done properly. This is the opposite.
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