3/10
Cry Boredom, Viewer!
26 January 2019
Some movies make you wonder how you got to this place in your life. Sitting there on your couch, the sun shining outside as you watch 80 minutes of empty boredom on your TV. I do say this with the understanding that a lot of people just try to steer clear from the movies that are unknown, boring, or just badly rated. Still, anyone who has watched their fair share of films knows this feeling. I'm going to call it "The Empty" and it is rampant in Cry Blood, Apache.

What seemed to be basically a revenge film, where the Apache woman takes her would be killers on a wild goose chase looking for gold, all the while setting traps and killing them all, actually didn't feature any of that. Cry Blood, Apache is about an old cowboy reminiscing about the one time, he and a few of his ne'er do well friends shot, killed and raped their way through an Apache camp. During this time they stomped on a pot and found gold inside it. They then murdered all the people until one of the women gave in and told them she would lead them to the gold. Our "Hero" then remembers how they wandered a long time while being followed by an Apache warrior, who also had his eyes on the woman they captured. I'd like to give some specifics, but very little happened for most of this film. Long shots of them walking, watering horses, and constant inane voice dubbing of the "religious guy" who literally spoke some sort of BS scripture about God instead of having dialogue. Wait...wait there was a standout moment where two of the outlaws including the religious one, watched the woman clean herself in the water. They actually giggled at the sight of seeing a woman naked, or at least topless. So yeah, that's a scene...

Cry Blood, Apache takes way too long to get going, and never satisfies in any way. The story, characters, and direction just dry up any interest in this film. Leaving it just a dusty old western.
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