9/10
GOLIATH "MACHO" MACISTE
30 October 2020
A lot's happened to Goliath and Philistia since he was the giant ogre who challenged little future King David to an unfair fight in the Bible (He lost that fight, btw).

Since recovering from his humiliating defeat, and apparently being reincarnated, if you believe the accounts of his demise in I Samuel, he's reinvented himself, taken a new Italian alias, Maciste, and turned into a gorgeous Good Guy, Hometown Hero and Champion of the People against the evil Karnak, who now, from his inaccessible mountain lair, holds the Philistines under his sway, with black magical powers and in insatiable need of FAIR MAIDEN'S BLOOD (they never specify virgin, but one assumes extra-virgin is always more desirable, in blood as well as olive oil) Oddly enough Golly's new incarnation looks remarkably like Gordon Scott (it is), Tarzan in 6 movies, right down to the loincloth he wears tilling the fields in the hot sun, practical apparel that goes easily from jungle to desert, and looks just as fashionable anywhere. And to go into town incognito, all he has to do is throw a burlap scarf over his shoulder--ONE shoulder-- and somehow manages to slip unnoticed into the crowds, otherwise garbed universally in chin-to-floor caftans.

Incredibly imaginative mix of sword n sandal, fantasy and horror makes this a big winner. You really have to pay attention to the twisty turny CRAZY plot. something that will probably turn off basic no-nonsense Muscle Man movie-goers, but you sure can't beat this for all round popular entertainment: Lots of heroic daring-do from Our Hero, natch (he even channels Samson in a scene where he pulls down a column}, and Scott is REALLY athletic, and a nice, humble guy; but also: effective and scary violence and gore, pirates raping (figuratively) and pillaging (literally), 50's special effects, some good, some not, sultan's court intrigue, dancing barely-veiled harem girls, a belly dance to an anachronistically 60's Poppy little number, played by what sounds like a band of Ventures wannabes, stylish modern Italian bouffant hairdos and make-up on both courtly ladies and slave girls, with Scott's signature pompadour (the rest of the men wear turbans or helmets, more appropriate Italian studio costume attire), zombie soldiers, just waiting for the elusive secret potion that will reanimate them, Blue Man military troops, a femme fatale mata-hari--see what I mean? CRAZY!

Scott manages to play amazingly natural thru all the OTT hoopla and mayhem. By far the best performance comes from exquisite Gianna Maria Canale as the gorgeous and devious Astra, attempting to play good and evil against each other and ultimately falling doomed between them. Her aura and allure are of that special kind, so gratifying when achieved in such a loathsome role. Jacques Sernac is also wonderful as the mysteriously circumspect Kurtik, keeper of the zombies in hopes of bringing them back to life to fight the oppressor Karnak, while Karnak wants them to amplify his ranks of rapers and pillagers. There's even a boy to Scott's Goliath like Boy to Scott's Tarzan, except the boy in this one dies. Usually such characters are added to entertain the kiddies, but, with all the considerable violence, murder and gore (even the kid gets killed), I hope this didn't play the children's Saturday matinee. Even today i wouldn't think it appropriate for children less than 11 or 12, but of course nowadays toddlers play "Grand Theft Auto Umpteen" from the second their hands are able to grasp a gaming device.

There's a slow, "romantic" sequence where Goliath and his fiancee' are lost in a sandstorm, desperately searching for one another while being whipped about by the wailing winds. It goes on so long, just when you're sure they'll NEVER find each other, they do, thank god. And there's a stiff attack on Goliath by soldiers lined up in stiff costumes and moving so clumsily, if they had clubs, hearts or spades on their uniforms you'd think them the Queen of Hearts' squadron from Alice in Wonderland. Principal among bad effects are the ridiculous plastic "monsters", but with everything else, Ray Harryhausen. probably wasn't in the budget. Minor moments in an otherwise colorful, action-packed, very involving classic period Muscle Hero/Fantasy/Horror combo

Hercules, ya got competition here!
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