Let me know when the movie starts as this Zelda dragon from Nintendo is cartooning its way around the introduction credits. Let's go already.
"His name is Robert Paulson." This guy's name is YO.
Not making any sense, YO enters Canada and imports a suitcase full of plastic explosives through customs.
Elsewhere, Mako is introduced and surrounded by Yakuza cohorts and would you look at all the poker faces! Smile, boys. Why so serious?
Some chameleon assassin has infiltrated Gastown BC and operates as a well-dressed hitman out of his hidden Beaver Lake cave in Stanley Park. He must takedown some art dealers who have double-crossed him with fake Rembrandts and bogus Ming crockery.
Everyone is sophisticated in this movie and move at slow motion. I bet they even wear their glasses and suits to bed.
The lead actor reminds me of Pauly Fuemana. He sang that "How Bizarre" song. Don't recall it, huh? "Wanna know the rest? Buy the rights." Never mind.
I'm sitting here like a toadstool watching this.
It thinks it's high-class but in reality - it's boring.
Some "Lonely Planet" guide goes on a jaunt from San Francisco to Vancouver, England, China, then Japan, where she meets YO AKA The Red Dragon.
They take pottery classes to Righteous Brothers 'Ghost' music.
Yuppy art auctioneers get shanked.
Red Dragon makes love to a stone statue while being tortured by the witch from "Double Dragon 3: The Sacred Stones."
It's all in slow motion in the tradition of a John Woo movie and annoying as all hell.
What's this supposed to be - the 'Godfather' of Asian cinema?
Why do all these bad boys in karate movie feel sorry for themselves? It's pathetic. Grow a pair.
This is doing absolutely nothing for me. I'd rather watch dog poop grow hair and mold.
Hold that thought. Naked flesh. For an old lady... she's okay.
Everyone in this movie acts like they're in control but you know they'll all die in the end.
And all this John Woo murder is great for the Japanese tourism industry.
I heard a rumor that if you visit a restaurant in China and clean up your plate that it insults the chef. Supposedly you are to leave a few spoonful's on the plate. It tells the chef that he sated your appetite. But at the price they charge for Chinese cuisine it's all onion, rice and light on meat, so I'm gobbling that slop down and informing the chef that his lousy tradition is outdated and that he's a hustler in the food industry. Not that I'm going to that part of the world anyway.
The only thing that livened this movie up was the naked Japanese cougar, who used the coat hanger harness swing to ride Sheriff Boyle from 'Silence of The Lambs' in the closet.
As guessed, all the baddies die at the end in a slow-motion display of opera proportions. Two people take fatal shots to vital organs yet manage to solider on in defiance. (I think if you're stabbed in the heart, the old cigarette plastic trick won't plug that hole and let you live.)
The jungle explodes from Nintendo timer devices and the two love birds float off to some other adventure.
This movie didn't give birth to a sequel, did it? Heaven help us.
"His name is Robert Paulson." This guy's name is YO.
Not making any sense, YO enters Canada and imports a suitcase full of plastic explosives through customs.
Elsewhere, Mako is introduced and surrounded by Yakuza cohorts and would you look at all the poker faces! Smile, boys. Why so serious?
Some chameleon assassin has infiltrated Gastown BC and operates as a well-dressed hitman out of his hidden Beaver Lake cave in Stanley Park. He must takedown some art dealers who have double-crossed him with fake Rembrandts and bogus Ming crockery.
Everyone is sophisticated in this movie and move at slow motion. I bet they even wear their glasses and suits to bed.
The lead actor reminds me of Pauly Fuemana. He sang that "How Bizarre" song. Don't recall it, huh? "Wanna know the rest? Buy the rights." Never mind.
I'm sitting here like a toadstool watching this.
It thinks it's high-class but in reality - it's boring.
Some "Lonely Planet" guide goes on a jaunt from San Francisco to Vancouver, England, China, then Japan, where she meets YO AKA The Red Dragon.
They take pottery classes to Righteous Brothers 'Ghost' music.
Yuppy art auctioneers get shanked.
Red Dragon makes love to a stone statue while being tortured by the witch from "Double Dragon 3: The Sacred Stones."
It's all in slow motion in the tradition of a John Woo movie and annoying as all hell.
What's this supposed to be - the 'Godfather' of Asian cinema?
Why do all these bad boys in karate movie feel sorry for themselves? It's pathetic. Grow a pair.
This is doing absolutely nothing for me. I'd rather watch dog poop grow hair and mold.
Hold that thought. Naked flesh. For an old lady... she's okay.
Everyone in this movie acts like they're in control but you know they'll all die in the end.
And all this John Woo murder is great for the Japanese tourism industry.
I heard a rumor that if you visit a restaurant in China and clean up your plate that it insults the chef. Supposedly you are to leave a few spoonful's on the plate. It tells the chef that he sated your appetite. But at the price they charge for Chinese cuisine it's all onion, rice and light on meat, so I'm gobbling that slop down and informing the chef that his lousy tradition is outdated and that he's a hustler in the food industry. Not that I'm going to that part of the world anyway.
The only thing that livened this movie up was the naked Japanese cougar, who used the coat hanger harness swing to ride Sheriff Boyle from 'Silence of The Lambs' in the closet.
As guessed, all the baddies die at the end in a slow-motion display of opera proportions. Two people take fatal shots to vital organs yet manage to solider on in defiance. (I think if you're stabbed in the heart, the old cigarette plastic trick won't plug that hole and let you live.)
The jungle explodes from Nintendo timer devices and the two love birds float off to some other adventure.
This movie didn't give birth to a sequel, did it? Heaven help us.