From my review for Jurassic World Dominion: "If I were to list out all the things this movie focuses on, dinosaurs would be fifth or sixth, behind multiple storylines that range from bland to useless. I'm baffled by how little focus is on dinosaurs."
Now just switch "dinosaurs" with "giant sharks" and you have Meg 2: The Trench. If you're here for a creature feature, you will be disappointed. At least 80% of the movie has zero to do with sharks.
It starts with a fight scene that seems like it should be in a Bourne movie. I wondered, am I in the right place? Then we're introduced to super-suits that can break boulders. What movie is this again? There is a fully useless espionage subplot. Where am I???
Meg 2 is ridiculously dumb. The action is mostly gibberish and impossible to see. I couldn't even tell which characters were dying. The story is useless. There are so many cheesy moments. The attempts at jump scares are laughable. Like, are you even trying?
You never feel the stakes. At one point the characters are in a dire situation that will be extremely difficult to survive. Their lives are all in danger, and yet they walk around in wonderment and awe like they're on a fun adventure.
This movie made me laugh a lot. But only a couple times was it intentional. It's 8 stars on the So Bad It's Good scale. If you liked the first one, you might enjoy it. But I don't recommend it unless you want to laugh at how bad it is.
(1 viewing, opening Thursday UltraScreen 8/3/2023)
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
A few things I remember that I couldn't believe, to the point of laughter.
(1) The villain guy in the trench facility has Statham unconscious but doesn't kill him. I think, maybe there's a reason he needs him alive. But that would already conflict with the previous scene where the villain woman asks someone to kill Statham. And even worse, as soon as Statham wakes up, they start fighting. And it's clear that the villain guy is trying to kill Statham.
They could have at least tried to make sense. Maybe tie him up to interrogate him and Statham is able to escape. Then it wouldn't be so glaring. But no, it's just atrocious writing and they hope you won't notice or care.
(2) Two good guys armed with a taser and mace are able to beat five bad guys armed with automatic rifles. I kid you not. And it's not like they had the element of surprise. The bad guys knew where they were. Made me laugh so hard.
(3) There is a character named Rigas who at one point seriously considers killing Statham to save herself. Later she begs Statham to seal the hatch and leave a team member behind to die. Then the movie has the gall to give her this line with regards to Statham's adopted daughter: "I'll protect her with my life."
She is literally the last non-villain in the movie who I would trust her with. She is more likely to sacrifice the daughter to save herself. Even after this we see her put another friend in danger by running and leaving him behind. I thought they were setting her up to die, but nope. Horrible character.
(4) The super rich head boss villain lady is sitting in the chopper waiting to leave a highly dangerous situation. She's completely fine with killing innocent people, a character we'd likely see abandoning her henchmen to ensure her safety. Yet when she hears a noise, she tells the pilot to go investigate.
Let me repeat that. She sends the pilot, the only one who can fly the chopper, out to investigate in a scenario where people are getting eaten by giant lizards. I can't do it, man. It's too dumb to handle.
(5) I know this is supposed to be a light and fun movie, but these characters just watched, nay, experienced numerous friends and team members dying. And yet they are celebrating, toasting, and making jokes at the end. Not even a moment to remember the fallen?
There is so much more, I just can't remember. Probably because it's so forgettable.
EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to mention Statham swimming at the bottom of the ocean without a super-suit. They give you some explanation that sounds like complete nonsense. You just have to fill your sinuses with water??????? How do you do that? Even if you can... how do you prevent your lungs from collapsing? They could have easily written around this. It's just lazy.
Now just switch "dinosaurs" with "giant sharks" and you have Meg 2: The Trench. If you're here for a creature feature, you will be disappointed. At least 80% of the movie has zero to do with sharks.
It starts with a fight scene that seems like it should be in a Bourne movie. I wondered, am I in the right place? Then we're introduced to super-suits that can break boulders. What movie is this again? There is a fully useless espionage subplot. Where am I???
Meg 2 is ridiculously dumb. The action is mostly gibberish and impossible to see. I couldn't even tell which characters were dying. The story is useless. There are so many cheesy moments. The attempts at jump scares are laughable. Like, are you even trying?
You never feel the stakes. At one point the characters are in a dire situation that will be extremely difficult to survive. Their lives are all in danger, and yet they walk around in wonderment and awe like they're on a fun adventure.
This movie made me laugh a lot. But only a couple times was it intentional. It's 8 stars on the So Bad It's Good scale. If you liked the first one, you might enjoy it. But I don't recommend it unless you want to laugh at how bad it is.
(1 viewing, opening Thursday UltraScreen 8/3/2023)
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
A few things I remember that I couldn't believe, to the point of laughter.
(1) The villain guy in the trench facility has Statham unconscious but doesn't kill him. I think, maybe there's a reason he needs him alive. But that would already conflict with the previous scene where the villain woman asks someone to kill Statham. And even worse, as soon as Statham wakes up, they start fighting. And it's clear that the villain guy is trying to kill Statham.
They could have at least tried to make sense. Maybe tie him up to interrogate him and Statham is able to escape. Then it wouldn't be so glaring. But no, it's just atrocious writing and they hope you won't notice or care.
(2) Two good guys armed with a taser and mace are able to beat five bad guys armed with automatic rifles. I kid you not. And it's not like they had the element of surprise. The bad guys knew where they were. Made me laugh so hard.
(3) There is a character named Rigas who at one point seriously considers killing Statham to save herself. Later she begs Statham to seal the hatch and leave a team member behind to die. Then the movie has the gall to give her this line with regards to Statham's adopted daughter: "I'll protect her with my life."
She is literally the last non-villain in the movie who I would trust her with. She is more likely to sacrifice the daughter to save herself. Even after this we see her put another friend in danger by running and leaving him behind. I thought they were setting her up to die, but nope. Horrible character.
(4) The super rich head boss villain lady is sitting in the chopper waiting to leave a highly dangerous situation. She's completely fine with killing innocent people, a character we'd likely see abandoning her henchmen to ensure her safety. Yet when she hears a noise, she tells the pilot to go investigate.
Let me repeat that. She sends the pilot, the only one who can fly the chopper, out to investigate in a scenario where people are getting eaten by giant lizards. I can't do it, man. It's too dumb to handle.
(5) I know this is supposed to be a light and fun movie, but these characters just watched, nay, experienced numerous friends and team members dying. And yet they are celebrating, toasting, and making jokes at the end. Not even a moment to remember the fallen?
There is so much more, I just can't remember. Probably because it's so forgettable.
EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to mention Statham swimming at the bottom of the ocean without a super-suit. They give you some explanation that sounds like complete nonsense. You just have to fill your sinuses with water??????? How do you do that? Even if you can... how do you prevent your lungs from collapsing? They could have easily written around this. It's just lazy.