You will most likely recognize yourself in either of the two main characters at multiple times during this film. You will feel empathy and at the same time, anger towards them, as you can be both empathatic and angry towards yourself.
I personally felt a lot of different emotions whilst watching this film and even learned things about myself I would've rather not known.
The acting is incredible. It is common for an actor to portray certain behaviours, emotions and even developments of a character their playing. But in this film we see 2 characters with various states of beings, interacting with each other from each stage. Essentially they're trying to recreate two very real people, with extremely different backgrounds, with multiple personalities or 'layers', being triggered by a set of different events and environments. Both characters go through a difficult journey of how they view society, their peers and theirselves. And both characters are constanly ruled by fear, anger and desparation, expressing these emotions in very different ways.
The disurbing part for me was my own response to the events in the film: I was more drawn to Preston's story in general and felt more sympathy towards him. I felt sorry for him throughout the entire film. At first I thought this was because I do have more in common with him than with Jules, but quickly I realized this went deeper than that. When Jules meets Preston in the sauna and follows him to his car, even though wrong in so many ways, I realized I would have followed him too. I would have allowed him to insult me the way he would continue to do after that first encounter. He would even have had all my sympathy and fascination. I would have tried to make him feel good and get him to smile, which would then make me forgive all the horrible things he would be doing to me. Eventually I would be the one, like Jules, taking over control. Knowing that at that point I have won his complete trust, and made him dependant of me too. Gave him what I know he would desperately want, someone who leads him, loves him. Gives him purpose. But he would also regularly creep into his 'safe' mode which would entail agression and defensiveness, slowly destroying me mentally and physically. But this wouldn't matter.
The way Preston opened up, started to trust himself and some of the new people around him, was satisfying to see. Which is why the ending was initially so utterly unsatisfying. I understand 'negative-open' endings leave a greater impact on the viewer which is what writers will want to achieve when writing about these topics, however, it is disheartening that most gay themed films end with both getting very hurt or someone dying. But after thinking about the entire film more and more I realize that the ending couldn't have been more perfect.
I spent the last minute hoping Jules would go back and hug Preston as he was laying there. Understanding him, consolidating him. Yet, all we see is Jules continuously defending himself and trying to walk away. To escape.
After everything Preston has done, I was judging Jules' actions.
In retrospect: Jules who starts at a place of extreme strength. This strength and much more was taken from him by Preston. He is then forced to come to terms with many more parts of himself and realize they all make one 'Jules'. Masculine, femmine, and weaker and stronger parts of his being. All while being abused in many ways by Preston. You can tell he refuses to fully reflect on his behaviours and is in constant conflict with what is right and wrong and what he should do and desires to do. At the end we can see how he has figured out that it doesn't matter anymore, he doesn't care. He is reborn. He has the control now. He's created more strength from everything that he lost. A stable, fearless form of strength that no one can take from him anymore, not even Preston.
The fact that I would have gone and hug Preston shows that I do not have this strength yet. He would have taken even more from me until there is nothing of me left. I would have let him consume me.
His pain does not weigh greater than Jules', and he doesn't get to abuse Jules and then also require Jules to pick him up after he's done. This represents millions of abusive relationships around the world. I hope this film gets to awaken other people on why it is we fall for this trap. Why we would let Preston's abuse us instead of letting them go. Whether they will find their way or not in this world is not our responsibility, we're responsible for ourselves.
I would say the following, I wish all Prestons in the world could be healed and all the Jules' of the world would not meet any Prestons. This, however, is impossible. What I do hope is that all the Jules' of the world who do meet Prestons can find a similar strength, and walk out of those gates.
I personally felt a lot of different emotions whilst watching this film and even learned things about myself I would've rather not known.
The acting is incredible. It is common for an actor to portray certain behaviours, emotions and even developments of a character their playing. But in this film we see 2 characters with various states of beings, interacting with each other from each stage. Essentially they're trying to recreate two very real people, with extremely different backgrounds, with multiple personalities or 'layers', being triggered by a set of different events and environments. Both characters go through a difficult journey of how they view society, their peers and theirselves. And both characters are constanly ruled by fear, anger and desparation, expressing these emotions in very different ways.
The disurbing part for me was my own response to the events in the film: I was more drawn to Preston's story in general and felt more sympathy towards him. I felt sorry for him throughout the entire film. At first I thought this was because I do have more in common with him than with Jules, but quickly I realized this went deeper than that. When Jules meets Preston in the sauna and follows him to his car, even though wrong in so many ways, I realized I would have followed him too. I would have allowed him to insult me the way he would continue to do after that first encounter. He would even have had all my sympathy and fascination. I would have tried to make him feel good and get him to smile, which would then make me forgive all the horrible things he would be doing to me. Eventually I would be the one, like Jules, taking over control. Knowing that at that point I have won his complete trust, and made him dependant of me too. Gave him what I know he would desperately want, someone who leads him, loves him. Gives him purpose. But he would also regularly creep into his 'safe' mode which would entail agression and defensiveness, slowly destroying me mentally and physically. But this wouldn't matter.
The way Preston opened up, started to trust himself and some of the new people around him, was satisfying to see. Which is why the ending was initially so utterly unsatisfying. I understand 'negative-open' endings leave a greater impact on the viewer which is what writers will want to achieve when writing about these topics, however, it is disheartening that most gay themed films end with both getting very hurt or someone dying. But after thinking about the entire film more and more I realize that the ending couldn't have been more perfect.
I spent the last minute hoping Jules would go back and hug Preston as he was laying there. Understanding him, consolidating him. Yet, all we see is Jules continuously defending himself and trying to walk away. To escape.
After everything Preston has done, I was judging Jules' actions.
In retrospect: Jules who starts at a place of extreme strength. This strength and much more was taken from him by Preston. He is then forced to come to terms with many more parts of himself and realize they all make one 'Jules'. Masculine, femmine, and weaker and stronger parts of his being. All while being abused in many ways by Preston. You can tell he refuses to fully reflect on his behaviours and is in constant conflict with what is right and wrong and what he should do and desires to do. At the end we can see how he has figured out that it doesn't matter anymore, he doesn't care. He is reborn. He has the control now. He's created more strength from everything that he lost. A stable, fearless form of strength that no one can take from him anymore, not even Preston.
The fact that I would have gone and hug Preston shows that I do not have this strength yet. He would have taken even more from me until there is nothing of me left. I would have let him consume me.
His pain does not weigh greater than Jules', and he doesn't get to abuse Jules and then also require Jules to pick him up after he's done. This represents millions of abusive relationships around the world. I hope this film gets to awaken other people on why it is we fall for this trap. Why we would let Preston's abuse us instead of letting them go. Whether they will find their way or not in this world is not our responsibility, we're responsible for ourselves.
I would say the following, I wish all Prestons in the world could be healed and all the Jules' of the world would not meet any Prestons. This, however, is impossible. What I do hope is that all the Jules' of the world who do meet Prestons can find a similar strength, and walk out of those gates.