Major League (1989)

Bob Uecker: Harry Doyle

Quotes 

• Harry Doyle : JUST a bit outside.

• Harry Doyle : Just a reminder, fans, comin' up is our "Die-hard Night" here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.

• Harry Doyle : One hit,that's all we got, one goddamn hit?

  Assistant : You can't say goddamn on the air.

  Harry Doyle : Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.

• Harry Doyle : The post-game show is brought to you by...

  [searches through his papers] 

  Harry Doyle : Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.

• Harry Doyle : In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.

• Heywood : [Hayes has just reached on an infield single]  You really knocked the crap out of that one.

  Willie Mays Hayes : Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this.

  [shows Heywood his black gloves] 

  Willie Mays Hayes : I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.

  Heywood : My ass.

  Harry Doyle : [Hayes takes his lead off first base]  We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a hell of a job.

  Heywood : Real hard to steal second with your shoe untied.

  Harry Doyle : [Hayes looks down, then gets thrown out by the pitcher]  Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.

• Harry Doyle : Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.

• Harry Doyle : [before the playoff game]  Monty, anything to add?

  Colorman : Ummm... no.

  Harry Doyle : He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!

• Harry Doyle : [as Haywood hits a high-fly ball]  Haywood swings and crushes this one towrd South America. Tomlinson is gonna need a Visa to catch this one, it is out of here, and there is nothing left but a vapor trail.

• Harry Doyle : The Indians win it! The Indians win it! Oh my GOD, the Indians win it!

• Harry Doyle : [Vaughn is coming out to pitch]  So, here is Rick Vaughn, the one they call the "Wild Thing". So, he sets and deals.

  [Vaughn throws a wild pitch] 

  Harry Doyle : Just a bit outside, he tried the corner and missed.

  [Vaughn throws another wild pitch] 

  Harry Doyle : Ball 4.

  [Vaughn throws another wild pitch] 

  Harry Doyle : Ball 8.

  [Vaughn throws another wild pitch] 

  Harry Doyle : Low, and he walks the bases loaded on 12 straight pitches. How can these guys lay off pitches that close?

• Harry Doyle : [an Indians pitcher is removed from the game]  Well, you can close the book on Kellner.

  [covers the microphone with his hand] 

  Harry Doyle : Thank God!

• Harry Doyle : This guy threw at his own son in a father son game.

• Harry Doyle : [about Haywood]  Haywood is coming up to the plate, who is now leading the league in every offensive catagory, including nosehair.

• Harry Doyle : [after Vaughn was tossed from the game]  So, an eerie start for the Erie warriors as they drop a heartbreaker to the Yankees, nine to nothing. The pst game show is brought to you by...

  [Rifles through papers] 

  Harry Doyle : Christ I can't find it, the hell with it.

• Harry Doyle : [after Vaughn accidentally hits Coleman of the Yankees]  Uh, oh.

  Lou Brown : Interesting.

  Harry Doyle : [Seeing the Umpire throw out Vaughn]  'Bout time it's Eight nothing.

  Umpire : You, you're gone.

  Rick Vaughn : What?

  Umpire : You hear me, you're gone.

  Rick Vaughn : He was on top of the plate.

  Heywood : Oh, c'mon that's horseshit.

  Lou Brown : [to Pepper]  I think you can get him out of there.

  Rick Vaughn : The ball slipped out of my hand, it was an accident.

  Umpire : You threw at him intentionally.

  Rick Vaughn : Oh, kiss my ass.

  Umpire : Get out of here.

  Rick Vaughn : You're full of shit, fuck you!

  Umpire : Get out of here, rookie.

  Rick Vaughn : Hey, why don't you blow me, ump?

• Harry Doyle : [after Vaughn throws 12 wild pitches and hits Coleman the next batter]  Whoa! It's about time, it's 8-nothing.

• Harry Doyle : And Heywood crushes one towards South America!

• Harry Doyle : [Tomlinson hits a long fly ball, but it is caught on the warning track.]  Tomlinson gave it a ride but came up short.