Dinosaurs (TV Series)

License to Parent (1992)

Stuart Pankin: Earl Sinclair

Quotes 

• Fran Sinclair : [to Officer Bettleheim]  Maybe if you had experience as a real parent, you'd know how to handle children without pulling a gun.

  Earl Sinclair : Not that I haven't considered that myself.

• Baby Sinclair : [squirming in his high chair]  My diaper's itching. I think I'll... take it off.

  Earl Sinclair : [looking up from his parent's manual]  Don't you dare!

• Earl Sinclair : Surely we can talk about this. After all, this is kind of a coincidence.

  Officer Bettleheim : A coincidence? How?

  Earl Sinclair : Well, that ticket has my name on it, and I do believe this crisp one dollar bill has your name on it. Wouldn't you call that a coincidence?

  Officer Bettleheim : No, I would call that a cheap attempt at bribery.

  Earl Sinclair : What if it was a five? What? Oh, come on, you're not giving me another ticket.

  Officer Bettleheim : Section 9, Paragraph 4, setting a bad moral example for a child.

• Earl Sinclair : I have three kids, and I love them.

  Robbie Sinclair : Hey, Dad.

  Earl Sinclair : Shut up, I'm talking.

• Fran Sinclair : Earl, do you have to spend every spare second reading that manual? It's just a car.

  Earl Sinclair : Frannie, you are such a female. First of all, it's a brand new car, and as such, it is a reflection of who I am.

  Fran Sinclair : It is a bulky, bottom-of-the-line fuel guzzler with no pick-up, no options, and it's completely owned by the bank.

  Earl Sinclair : Love you, too.

• Earl Sinclair : I mean you don't need a license to go fishing or own a gun, but being a parent, for that you need a license.

• Earl Sinclair : I've spent 15 years raising three kids. The only thing I'd use that parenting manual for is to whack their butts.

• Earl Sinclair : [as Baby begins to take off his diaper]  I'm warning you! I may not be a licensed parent, but I'm still the adult here. And I'm telling!

• Earl Sinclair : It's quite simple. You have to be selective in order to be effective.

  Fran Sinclair : Oh shut up.

• Fran Sinclair : Maybe I've learned something today. Good parenting does come from here.

  [points to heart] 

  Fran Sinclair : But when you need a little help, you can find it here.

  [points to parenting manual] 

  Earl Sinclair : So you're saying it's not black or white, it's a little bit of both? Gee, now there's something you don't see on TV.

• Robbie Sinclair : So, Dad, when do I get to take her for a spin?

  Earl Sinclair : It's a new car, son, it's not mean to be driven.

  Robbie Sinclair : But you just let Mom take it.

  Earl Sinclair : Son, your mother is a capable, responsible...

  [hears engine roar] 

  Earl Sinclair : WHAT? WAIT FOR ME!

• Fran Sinclair : [They are driving to the doctor's office]  How about a cupcake?

  Baby Sinclair : Ooh, cupcake.

  Earl Sinclair : [driving]  You're giving a kid a cupcake in a new car? What are you thinking about?

  Fran Sinclair : Him. He gets a little nervous whenever I take him to the pediatrician so I'm trying to make the whole experience a little more positive. It's called parenting, Earl.

  Earl Sinclair : Oh, please. I've been parenting for 15 years, nobody has to tell me how to be a good dad.

  [to Baby] 

  Earl Sinclair : You get one crumb on that seat, and you're crawling home, buster.

• Officer Bettleheim : License please.

  [Earl shows him] 

  Officer Bettleheim : Not your driver's license, your parent's license. I'm with the Parent Patrol, and you're in a lot of trouble, Mister.

  Fran Sinclair : Well, Earl, see what happens when you lose your temper?

  Earl Sinclair : Oh please. He's just the Parent Patrol, it's not like he's the real police.

  Officer Bettleheim : Beg your pardon?

  Earl Sinclair : Oh nothing. So what's the problem, Officer, did I stop in a No Diapering zone?

  Officer Bettleheim : Parent Code Section 7, Paragraph 3, a crying child must be handled with sympathy and patience. You were screaming at the boy, Mr. Sinclair. I'm giving you a citation, just like the real police.

• Officer Brazzelton : Hello, I'm Dr. Brazzelton, and I have to give your child a very scary and painful shot.

  Earl Sinclair : [to Baby]  There was one little boy who wouldn't let the doctor give him a shot. And you know what happened to him? His toes fell off, his eyes melted, and his head swelled up.

  [Baby faints] 

  Earl Sinclair : Okay, Doc, he's out, stick 'im.

• Earl Sinclair : [studying his parent's manual while Baby chants gibberish]  Do you mind? I'm trying to study!

• Officer Brazzelton : [to Earl]  Mr. Sinclair, what are you doing?

  Earl Sinclair : Well, he told me his imaginary friend was scarring him. So, I took out my imaginary gun and blew off his imaginary head.

  Baby Sinclair : You killed him, you killed Snookey!

  Earl Sinclair : [to Baby]  Your daddy fixed it, he's so dead.

  Baby Sinclair : No, No, No, No, No!