Frasier (TV Series)

Mother Load: Part 1 (2002)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Daphne : Where are we supposed to put all this? I cleared out two drawers; this'll fill two closets.

  Niles : Well, we said we'd both bring whatever we needed for any eventuality.

  Daphne : Isn't there anything you can leave behind?

  Niles : I don't see how. I have formal, semi-formal, déshabille, wet weather, cold weather, cloudy. I mean, if there's something here you find excessive, jump right in.

• Niles : In the last five days, that woman has made my life a living hell.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You wanna trade? Simon put my sixty-five-dollar apricot skin polish on his muffins!

• Simon Moon : Don't cry, mum. I really though this junket to America would cheer you up.

  Niles : It still can. Go away.

  [Daphne gives Niles a weird look] 

  Niles : I mean... Get out there, and see the country.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, that is a splendid idea. This land is rich with snow covered mountains, sun kissed beaches... wild, untamed rivers and a-a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States, this... America.

  [an American flag unfurls outside Frasier's window] 

  Niles : How did you do that?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [Frasier fumes silently and runs to the door]  Cam Winston!

• [Roz and Daphne are shocked at how much clothing Niles intends to take to Daphne's] 

  Niles : Well, uh, I guess I could do without this dressing gown. Oh, but, what if I'm wearing dark pajamas?

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles, will you relax? You always make a good first impression.

  Niles : Second impression - the first impression, I made when I kidnapped their daughter from her wedding.

• Gertrude Moon : Niles, be a dear and get me a pillow for my head. Oh, and I wouldn't get too settled in; you'll need to take me home soon so I can take my medicine.

  Niles : I thought I suggested you bring that with you.

  Gertrude Moon : Daphne, dear, aren't you lucky to be dating a man who's always right?

• Niles : Sometimes I think this is too much space for just one person.

  [pause] 

  Niles : You know...

  Daphne : Yes?

  Niles : You could live here.

  Daphne : Are you asking me?

  Niles : Would you like to?

  Daphne : Would you like me to?

  Niles : Yeah.

  Daphne : Then, I will.

  Niles : 'Kay.

  [pause] 

  Niles : Wow!

  [both begin giggling giddily] 

• Daphne : I'm gonna live in your apartment!

  Niles : Our apartment.

  Daphne : Our apartment. Oh, my, I'm gonna have to practice saying that. "Let's go back to our apartment."

  Niles : "Why don't we meet at our apartment?"

  Daphne : "Oh, my, our apartment has a gas leak."

  Niles : "Oh, no! Our apartment's going to explode!"

  Daphne : "Oh, no! There goes our apartment."

• Niles : Just to clarify, you're going to stay here but your parents are going to stay with me?

  Daphne : I'm so glad you understand.

  Niles : [mouthing to Frasier and Martin]  What happened?

• [Daphne wants to hide from her mother that she and Niles plan to live together] 

  Niles : That's ridiculous. We're adults; we're not gonna sneak around like this.

  Daphne : Well, it's not forever. Mum's getting on in years, and she smokes like a chimney.