Frasier (TV Series)

Retirement Is Murder (1995)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frasier : Hello Daphne. Is Dad here?

  Daphne : No, I haven't seen him since he knocked me up this morning.

  Frasier : [after a pause]  What?

  Daphne : Knocked me up. Woke me up. It's an English expression. What does it mean here?

  Frasier : Oh, something else. You'd definitely be awake for it.

• Dr. Niles Crane : It was an exquisite meal, marred only by the lack of even one outstanding cognac on their carte de digestif.

  Frasier : Yes, but think of it this way, Niles: what is the one thing better than an exquisite meal? An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Quite right.

  [lifts his glass] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : To impossible standards.

• [first lines] 

  Frasier : Ah, yes. Another beautiful Saturday night. The moon is full, the city lights are twinkling, lovers steal kisses in the park... and here, Chez Crane, my father and his assistant sit hunched over twenty year old photographs of a murdered hooker.

  [raises his glass] 

  Frasier : Life is a banquet.

• [Frasier proposes they both take Dad to the basketball game] 

  Frasier : Just imagine how excited Dad will be to go to a game with his two sons. My God, it's the archetypal male bonding ritual!

  Dr. Niles Crane : Couldn't we just go into the woods, kill something and have done with it?

• Frasier : Come on Niles--look, it'll give you a chance to see the Tacoma Dome.

  Dr. Niles Crane : I've already seen it. They had a home show there once. You know, that's where I got that idea to stencil a grape arbor on our Wilkes dresser.

  Frasier : I'm a Teamster compared to you.

• Frasier : Oh, oh, Bulldog, have you met my brother Niles? Niles, this is Bulldog Briscoe.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, oh, oh, just the man I want to talk to. As a sports expert, I'm sure you can tell me why none of the local media carry the Ivy League squash standings. Bulldog:

  [bursts out laughing] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : Whoa! Another one just like you. Some gypsy put a curse on your family? Well, I gotta run. See you later, Miles. Niles: It's, it's Niles. Bulldog: Like it matters.

  Bulldog Briscoe : [bursts out laughing]  Whoa!

  [to Frasier] 

  Bulldog Briscoe : Another one just like you. Some gypsy put a curse on your family? Well, I gotta run. See you later, Miles.

  Dr. Niles Crane : It's, it's Niles.

  Bulldog Briscoe : Like it matters.

• Frasier : Oh, look, there's a peanut guy!

  [calling out] 

  Frasier : Peanuts!

  Dr. Niles Crane : [a bag of peanuts is thrown into Niles's lap. He throws it back]  How dare you! Stop it! That hooligan is pelting me with peanuts! From the look of that tray, he's come prepared. Stop it!

  Frasier : Stop it, that is for me!