M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Heal Thyself (1980)
Jamie Farr: Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger
Quotes
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Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : [afraid of catching mumps] If you get 'em as a kid, you don't get 'em as an adult. But if you get 'em as an adult, you don't get kids.
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Klinger!
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : You bellowed, o top o' the heap?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Yeah, and I wish I hadn't. It looks like I've got the mumps and...
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : The mumps!
[backing away]
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Command me from a distance, my weak and withering leader. I have never mumped, and I'm too old to start.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : How'd you get him here so fast?
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : It's a secret, but if he asks you where the beach is, change the subject.