Star Trek: Voyager (TV Series)
Bride Of Chaotica! (1999)
Robert Duncan McNeill: Ensign Tom Paris
Photos
Quotes
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[when an alien enters through the hatch of Captain Proton's rocket ship, Satan's Robot steps between him and Paris]
Satan's Robot : Invaders! In...!
Tom Paris : [whacks Robot with his phaser] Quiet!
Satan's Robot : [at much lower volume, almost sadly] Invaders.
[walks away]
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Tom Paris : I'll see you at the Fortress of Doom. And remember: you're the queen!
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Captain Kathryn Janeway : Let me get this straight. Trans-dimensional aliens have mistaken your Captain Proton simulation for reality?
Tom Paris : Yes, ma'am.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : And now an armed conflict has broken out between these aliens and Chaotica's holographic army?
Tom Paris : Yes, ma'am. His Army of Evil.
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Tom Paris : One more thing: if you have trouble with Chaotica or you can't get to the death ray, you can always uncork the pheromones.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : I beg your pardon?
Tom Paris : Uh... Chapter 16: Spell of the Spider. Arachnia sends Chaotica a vial of her irresistible potion. Now, whenever he gets a whiff, he's under her spell.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : I get the picture.
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Tom Paris : Doc, activate the destructo beam!
The Doctor : The what?
Tom Paris : The big button in the middle of that panel.
[the Doctor is about to press a button in the middle of *a* panel]
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[last lines]
Dr. Chaotica : Our love was not meant to be, my queen, but be warned. You have not seen the last of... Chaotica.
[collapses]
Tom Paris : The end of a twisted madman.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : And you're going to miss him.
Tom Paris : A little.
[on an 'imagizer,' music announces 'The End - ?' - of the chapter, followed by Chaotica's maniacal laughter]
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Captain Kathryn Janeway : You're not suggesting we wait until this Chaotica defeats the aliens?
Tom Paris : No, no. I'm suggesting that we help the aliens to defeat Chaotica. They think that he's leading some kind of hostile invasion force. Once that threat is gone, it's a good bet that they will leave and close up their portals.
Chakotay : How do you propose to defeat Chaotica?
Tom Paris : Well, he's been attacking the aliens with his Death Ray...
Tuvok : It's a shame we don't have one.
Tom Paris : No, forget about what it's called, Tuvok! In the world of Captain Proton, it's the most powerful weapon that there is, and because it's photonic it's lethal to these aliens. Now, in chapter 18 Captain Proton disables this weapon just before Chaotica can use it to destroy Earth.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : And you think that Proton - namely you, of course - could still do that?
Tom Paris : Well, we'd have to knock out the Lightning Shield first.
Seven of Nine : A force field.
Tom Paris : Yeah. Now you're catching on. The Destructo Beam on my rocket ship can can disable the Death Ray but only if someone gets inside the Fortress of Doom and can shut down the Lightning Shield.
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[on the holodeck aboard Captain Proton's rocket ship, Tom examines some ticker tape]
Tuvok : THESE are your 'sensor readings'?
Tom Paris : Telegram. It's a message to Captain Proton from the President of Earth.
Tom Paris : [reads from 1930s-style telegram] 'Intercepted communications between Doctor Chaotica and Arachnia - stop. Chaotica at war with aliens from fifth dimension - stop. Must strike now to disable death ray... '
Tuvok : Stop. Please summarize the message.
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Tom Paris : [on Chaotica] First of all, he's a megalomaniac, so it's a good idea to appeal to his ego.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : Right.
Tom Paris : And, um... use grandiose language. He likes to be called 'Sire,' and it helps to say things like, "The clever fiendishness of your evil plan is brilliant!"
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Seven of Nine : [as the crew tries to persuade Janeway to take on the role of Arachnia] Think of it as Starfleet's first encounter with Planet X.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : Thanks.
Tom Paris : Uh, Captain, it won't be so bad. I can explain to you what you can expect, I can tell you...
Captain Kathryn Janeway : All right, all right!
[sighs]
Captain Kathryn Janeway : I'm a size 4.
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Captain Kathryn Janeway : [after Paris has filled her in on Chaotica] This is how you've been spending your free time?
Tom Paris : Well, I-I've been studying how past generations viewed the future.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : And?
Tom Paris : Well, it didn't work out quite as black and white as they imagined.
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Tom Paris : I was about to say 'Captain Proton to the rescue' but I see you have everything under control.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : I'm the queen, remember?
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Dr. Chaotica : Arachnia. Death, as you know it, has no hold on me. My defeat is but a temporary setback. I shall return to seek my revenge.
Captain Kathryn Janeway : He doesn't give up, does he?
Tom Paris : They never do.
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Tom Paris : Space drive.
Harry Kim : Check.
Satan's Robot : Check!
Tom Paris : Destructo beam?
Harry Kim : Check.
Satan's Robot : Check!
Tom Paris : [indicating Satan's Robot] If I could access holodeck controls, the first thing I'd do is delete this guy.
Satan's Robot : Delete this guy!
Tom Paris : As a matter of fact, as soon as this is all over, I think I'm gonna delete the whole program!
Harry Kim : What about your historical study?
Tom Paris : Class dismissed. No more robots, no more mad scientists, no more death rays. I am retiring my rocket pack, Harry. Someone else can save the universe from now on.
Harry Kim : Final chapter, huh?
Tom Paris : The End.
