Futurama (TV Series)

When Aliens Attack (1999)

John DiMaggio: Bender, Broadcaster, Judge, Beach Bully

Photos 

Quotes 

• Beach Bully : Huh, err, sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl, you punch me, I go down, she swoons, you slip me 50 bucks.

  Fry : 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her!

  Leela : Fry! Although I suppose we *could* go for a walk along the beach.

  Beach Bully : Uh, no thanks, ma'am, I'm actually gay.

  [runs off, Leela sighs] 

• President McNeal : And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom. Fresh from his bloody triumph over the Pacifists of the Ghandi Nebula: 25 star general Zap Brannigan!

  Leela : Sigh.

  Bender : Hey look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with.

  Leela : The Earth is under attack, can't we just forget about that?

  Bender : Evidently not.

• Bender : I can't go into battle. I'm a conscientious objector.

  Fry : A what?

  Bender : You know, a coward.

• [Aliens are attacking Earth] 

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.

  [He engages Bender's circuit] 

  Bender : It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity...

  [circuit deactivates] 

  Bender : Aw, crap!

• [Zapp Brannigan is briefing Fry, Leela, Bender and his crew on his plan to destroy an alien mothership] 

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

  [Kif groans] 

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.

  [Fry raises his hand] 

  Fry : W-Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first a - ?

  [Bender starts to choke him à la Homer Simpson to Bart in "The Simpsons". His antenna flashes again and he stops choking Fry and salutes] 

  Bender : Sir, I volunteer for a suicide mission.

  [Bender's antenna stops flashing and he bangs his head with his knuckles] 

  Bender : Cut it out!

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : You're a brave robot, son. But when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

• Bender : Bite my red-hot glowing ass!

• Bender : Okay, everyone! Come and get it!

  Fry : Just like my dad used to make, until McDonald's fired him.

  Bender : Bite my red-hot glowing ass!

  [pause] 

  Bender : Wait a minute...

  [looks at his backside] 

  Bender : Red-hot glowing ass? I'll be right back.

  [runs into the water] 

  Bender : Ow-ow-ow! Ow-ow-ow! Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

  [cools off] 

  Bender : Ohhh yeahhh...

• Broadcaster : Pizza delivery! Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh?

  Broadcaster : Well, it's a Fox affiliate.

  Fry : What are you showing right now?

  Broadcaster : "Single Female Lawyer". It's the season finale. Wanna watch?

  Fry : Ah, I dunno. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre "World's Blankiest Blank".

  Broadcaster : She *is* wearing the world's shortiest skirt.

  Fry : I'm in!

• Bender : [singing]  Single female lawyer / Fighting for her client / Wearing sexy mini-skirts / And being self-reliant. Hey, I'm pretty good.