Criminal Minds (TV Series)

Just Getting Started (2022)

Kirsten Vangsness: Penelope Garcia

Quotes 

• Penelope Garcia : Looking snazzy, sir. I see you serving a casual Friday on a Thursday.

  David Rossi : Penelope, what do you have?

  Penelope Garcia : Oh, yes. Luke filled me in on the Chrissy Delaney of it all. She appears to be a delight, but also a loner, and I do believe that this unsub is the latter, as well. He lacks the confidence to interact with people IRL, so we're looking for a storm cloud to Chrissy's sunshine. I think this unsub is a he, and most def, he is late teens, early 20s, tops.

  David Rossi : No, the unsub's older, practiced.

  Penelope Garcia : Oh, uh, yeah, I thought you were gonna say that. Here's what I know. Aside from me, no one born before the year 2000 has access to SOAR. Period.

  David Rossi : Well, someone does, because here's what I know: whoever's doing it has been at it a while. He's in his 40s, at least. Period.

  Penelope Garcia : You don't know what it took me to dive in, and I want to help and I'm going to, but nobody talks to me like that anymore, especially not people I love, so, bye.

• David Rossi : We need to find someone on SOAR who spoke to both Chrissy Delaney and Jessie Westbrook.

  Penelope Garcia : Respectfully, way ahead of you, sir. We've been digging into family-issue boards. Jessie and Chrissy never connected directly. However, Luke, in a rare stroke of genius, recognized some communication on both accounts with someone looking to find his birth family. Username RJ2003 and 2003RJ, respectively. Both Chrissy and Jessie encouraged him to do it. He was born on Maryland's Eastern Shore, but says he doesn't remember anything about his family.

  Luke Alvez : There's a lot of farmland across the bridge. Uh, it's a good place to disappear. He doesn't mention any landmarks.

  Penelope Garcia : Nope, just pine trees, cornfields, and a creek.

  Jennifer Jareau : So he's probably been staying there, and if he's taken Chrissy, it must be remote enough that no one's seen her face all over the news.

  Penelope Garcia : [finding something]  Oh! It still feels good when I find a thing. Two dozen acres were taken over by the state 15 years ago. The owners ODed on Oxy. 4-year-old Rory James Gilcrest was the only survivor, hence the name RJ. Bounced around foster homes. He was in juvie. Records are sealed, but he's out now. So he's hardened and a definite loner, and he's 19.

  Jennifer Jareau : So he doesn't have any family, but he needs to find a place to disappear.

  David Rossi : Couple dozen acres would do it. Luke, meet us on-site. Thank you, Penelope.

  [to JJ] 

  David Rossi : Let's move.

  Luke Alvez : [kissing Garcia on the cheek]  You're the best.

  Penelope Garcia : You owe me lunch and no talk of awful things.

• Luke Alvez : Chrissy Delaney was targeted on SOAR.

  Penelope Garcia : No. That's... that's impossible. Luke, SOAR is unhackable. I know. I'm the one that secured it. N-No, no. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this!

  Luke Alvez : She doesn't use any other social media platforms.

  Penelope Garcia : One time. One time. Once.

  Luke Alvez : Deal.

  Penelope Garcia : Like, for reals. If somebody is... oh, I don't know. Let's say they're taking dead people and dressing them up like-like cast members from "Star Trek", I am not helping.

  Luke Alvez : [she slaps him on the arm]  Deal.

  Penelope Garcia : Okay? I mean it. And if someone... if someone just starts killing everybody who shops at Goop because their wife blew her hoo-ha out with one of those eggs made of precious stones...

  [slapping his arm again in emphasis] 

  Penelope Garcia : I am not helping!

  Luke Alvez : Look, we're on a clock.

  Penelope Garcia : Okay. I created SOAR to avoid things like this. I mean, users are protected through an end-to-end encryption with a VPN built in on both ends. You have no idea what I'm saying, do you, Luddite? The whole point is to avoid stranger danger. These big, beautiful lines of secure communication in a safe forum. Now, I can dig into this Chrissy Delaney person, but I do not feel good about it, and her DMs are not available, so don't even ask.

  Luke Alvez : What discussion boards does she look at?

  Penelope Garcia : Eh, academic expectations, semester abroad, GelX nail art, Korean drama. This is not unsub hunting territory.

  Luke Alvez : Until it is. I mean, the unsub is looking for someone with a complicated family dynamic, and that's... that's not Chrissy Delaney, but sometimes...

  Penelope Garcia : Sometimes.

  Luke Alvez : Some people, you know...

  Penelope Garcia : With strangers, they express frustration in a different... gah!

  [slapping him again] 

  Penelope Garcia : I hate how easy it is to pick this back up! So why are you doing... I have a gorgeous life here.

  Luke Alvez : One, stop slapping me, okay? That's number one. Number two, let's focus on what the unsub's hunting ground would be, okay?

• Penelope Garcia : You can't just waltz in here and blurt out "There's a missing girl." My Anglophile baking club is not equipped to handle that, and neither am I.

  [indicating a plate of cookies] 

  Penelope Garcia : Take one of these. They're very good. And get out.

  Luke Alvez : We didn't know who else could help.

  Penelope Garcia : [reluctantly]  We've got to wrap it up, mates.

  [her guests murmur in disappointment] 

  Penelope Garcia : Yeah, we'll reschedule. I'm sorry. Take... take it all, please. There's so much soft butter here. These cookies were gonna be so short. We'll reschedule. We'll do it. We'll do it. Yes. Thank you.

  [one guest whispers in her ear] 

  Penelope Garcia : Oh. Oh. One dinner. Three years ago. We thrive as frenemies, however.

  Luke Alvez : We're friends. Why... why do I have to be your enemy?

  Penelope Garcia : You owe me some very short cookies.

  Luke Alvez : Well, just admit it, okay? You miss me.

  Penelope Garcia : You know what? First of all, it's gross to talk with your mouth full, and also, I have banned the 24-hour news and doom scrolling, so whatever it is you're talking about, I don't even know and I can't tell you how well that works for me. Who'd you lose the bet to?

  Luke Alvez : It wasn't a bet.

  Penelope Garcia : Tell JJ I love her, but I can't. No, I just can't. I thought for a second I could, but I can't. You have destroyed my party, but not my day. Take your carbs and exit, sir.

• Penelope Garcia : If you really think the unsub is stalking on SOAR, that means that they are under 22 years of age.

  Luke Alvez : No, Rossi thinks they're older and more experienced.

  Penelope Garcia : No, age doesn't always provide smarts. Life experience does. Eh, the kid could have had a rough run of it. I... I need to talk to Rossi.

  Luke Alvez : Mm. I wouldn't do that. I... he just hasn't been himself lately.

  Penelope Garcia : Well, I'm going to talk to him. He'll be excited we're breaking scones together.

• Penelope Garcia : Why does Rossi think the unsub is older?

  Luke Alvez : Because of the sophistication.

  Penelope Garcia : Yeah, but all the tech points to younger. He is trying to destroy any sense of safety.

  Luke Alvez : Exactly. And why would an unsub want to ruin a family? You know, I mean, if he's as young as we think he is, was he abandoned?

  Penelope Garcia : We need to dig into family-issue discussion boards.

  Luke Alvez : [watching her work]  You know that your office is still empty? You know, the four people that try to do your job, they try to do it from home.

  Penelope Garcia : Have you ever met them?

  Luke Alvez : Never.

  Penelope Garcia : Do you know their names?

  Luke Alvez : Sorta. I mean, they're just boxes on a screen.

  Penelope Garcia : Oh, that's weird.

  Luke Alvez : Totally.

  Penelope Garcia : Is it weird that I kind of love it?

  Luke Alvez : Define weird.

• Luke Alvez : You okay?

  Penelope Garcia : Yes. I'm fine.

  Luke Alvez : I know we all said we would respect your decision.

  Penelope Garcia : No, it's not that. How long has Dave been like this?

  Luke Alvez : It's hard to say. I mean, we haven't been together much.

  Penelope Garcia : Which means he's doing it alone, which means he's convinced himself he doesn't need anybody and he's rejected the hive mind.

  Luke Alvez : Yeah, until he's reminded that it works.

• Jennifer Jareau : Oh, my goodness. We are... we are so overdue for breakfast.

  Penelope Garcia : Ah, we are. I hear it's a hellhole there.

  Jennifer Jareau : Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say that.

  Penelope Garcia : [indicating Luke with her]  It's less annoying when he's not there, correct?

  Luke Alvez : You just couldn't wait to get started on me?

  Penelope Garcia : Mm-mm. And gosh, the room looks so much smaller from this screen.