Barry (TV Series)

The Audition (2019)

Bill Hader: Barry Berkman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barry Berkman : [rehearsing line from a script]  Hey, Ike, ya shitbird! You wanna little pie? Mr. Cousineau said that I should put some mustard on 'pie' there...

  Sally Reed : I'm sorry, can we, um, stop...

  Barry Berkman : Sure.

  Sally Reed : -- for a second? I just - I feel like I need to say something... Barry.

  Barry Berkman : Okay...

  Sally Reed : This piece that I'm doing for class, it's exactly what I should be doing.

  Barry Berkman : Yeah, I know, and It's great. What you're doing is...

  Sally Reed : I'm terrified, okay? Because my piece is real. It's not a character. It's me. Raw, unapologetic truth with a capital T. -- all caps, actually. I'm thinking like a writer now. I mean, this was stuff that I couldn't even talk about without lying. And here I am, about to strip naked in front of a bunch of strangers and share something that I am... .massively ashamed of -- not literally, I don't believe in nudity unless it drives the story forward. I'm afraid that they're gonna judge me, and I'm afraid that Sam's gonna find out and do something crazy. But I have to do this. It's- it's my story to tell. But then, I mean, so many other women have the same story. What, am I a spokesperson for them now -- could I be the face of a movement? I mean, what if I get it wrong? I mean, I resent the fact that Nick can get up there and talk about his stomach condition, and it's not like he has to be the poster boy for bulimia. But I get up there, and whatever I say, it's like, What are we saying about women? I mean, this is just my story! But what if you get it wrong, Sally?I don't know. You can't get it wrong, Sally. But you can't not tell it either, Sally, because it's who. You. Are. Which makes this thing that my agents sent me on today so fucking insulting. 'Payback Ladies'? It's just another shit male idea of what strong women are. Oh, oh, oh, grab a gun and some stilettos and get a goddamn blowout. And look how strong you are now, Sally! It's bullshit! Which, by the way, so is this. It's quite possibly the worst thing I've ever read. But you want to know the worst part? You want to know what's really driving me fucking crazy? I am... so jealous that you're reading for this. I have never had a director's session for a feature -- which is the same thing as a movie, P.S. And I have been doing this for way longer, and... I think you'd agree that I am way... better. I... made you! And I'm actually represented by Gersh. Well, at least I was. I don't even know if they'd rep me anymore after what I said in there today, but still at least I held my ground, because I am an artist, okay? An artist, and this is not fucking... art! But then, I mean, to be honest, of course I'm so happy for you. I mean, of course I want you to get this part, and I want to be the one to help you learn your lines and fix your inflections. But I need you to know that if you do get it, it's gonna make me like... like a hundred times more insane, okay?

  [sighs] 

  Sally Reed : Continue!

  Barry Berkman : [long pause, then]  Hey, Ike, ya shitbird! You wanna little pie?