This is a bad movie, with stereotypical roles, terrible special effects, but it is really funny. Not so bad it is good, but checks off so many boxes. There is a mayor of the town who wants things quiet, as there is an election coming up. There is a group of sorority pledges shepherded by a real piece of work, self centered and spoiled. The Sorority is the Deltas. Some of the pledges come across as air heads. There is a sheriff who got the job because no one else wanted it, and has a Deputy Ferguson, who is as inept as they come. Tully is Fish & Wildlife, whose daughter is in peril from what is going on. And what is going on is a company, whose CEO, Ms. Murdoch, is in a quest for an anti-aging drug made from a serum of a croc and anaconda that are genetically engineered to get really big. The snake escaped, and she needs the eggs from the snake. And she will sacrifice anyone in her way. In many ways, the absurdity overcomes the ineptness of the movie. It is stupidly funny.
Reviews
479 Reviews
Underwater
(2020)
Captured the danger
9 May 2024
The movie certainly depicted the danger and claustrophobic situation of a disaster deep underwater, when survival is in doubt. I simply cannot accept that is was at the bottom of a trench nearly 7 miles deep. The living and working areas were simply too spacious. But I can accept they were on a drilling platform quite deep. An earthquake or other such event has compromised the entire working area, with flooding and collapse, and we have a few survivors who are trying to get out alive. And they face dangers aplenty, with sections destroyed and systems not working, and an annoying AI voice listing things that have gone bad. In traversing the tubes connecting the various parts of the drilling array, they are forced out onto the ocean floor, where they find out they are not alone. And that is done fairly well, as the nature is kept mainly disguised, except it is deadly. Until the end, one is uncertain exactly what is out there. The danger level is kept high and also believable. There are no sudden super heroics that would cause one to shake their head. Just simple determination to survive.
Julia X
(2011)
Lots of gore
7 May 2024
Kevin Sorbo is only known as 'the stranger' and he is meeting Julia at a cafe on a first meeting date, and Julia suddenly walks out. He follows her and kidnaps her and therein follows a cat and mouse game of escape and capture. But there is more to the story, and what follows is some background for Julia (she and her sister Jessica witnessed her father brutally beating her mother) which turned her into an avenger. There is a lot of gore in this movie, and the budget for blood and bloody make up must be significant. There are a lot of flaws in this movie, so it is difficult to give it a high rating. But it still keeps one interested to see how it will progress.
Pensive
(2022)
May have been lost in the dubbing
27 April 2024
This may have lost a lot of the nuance in the dubbing, because what came across was not that great. It is graduation, and they will all be going their separate ways, but Marius manages to get a place where they can travel to have a party/rave. At the forest cottage, there are wooden statutes, but none have eyes. One suggested perhaps they are not meant to see. There is a lot of drinking and drugs, and four wind up in a sauna, where they get trapped and die from the heat. And because they used some of the statutes for firewood, that may be why. And along comes a masked slasher, with a hatchet, killing quite a few. Others run to their cars, and they set off the car alarm. More deaths. Marius escapes in a boat with two others, they quarrel and Marius is left in the boat with a classmate he shared a kiss with. He thought that might be the start of something wonderful, but she tells him he is probably still alive since he is so boring, even the killer won't kill him. And perhaps due to the drinking and drugs, others make the worst possible choices when faced with certain death. Nothing new in the slasher movie, and much to not care about.
The Dark: Forever Winter
(2020– )
Like being dropped in the middle
26 April 2024
The three episodes seem as if they were dropped in the middle of a larger story. We first meet Lizzy, a young teenager, on her own, seeming on the run. Men are chasing dissidents. One night by her campfire, along comes Thomas, who says he means her no harm. Even shares an apple, something unheard of in those times. The dark refers to a time of hatred and violence, cold and evil. The start is really never explained. Lizzy is searching for where her brother may be. We find that Thomas (Tommy) had a family, but now only him and his daughter Alice. And there are hunters seeking to collect a bounty. The third episode give a religious overtone to the entire theme, but still with many questions posed. And that caused me to drop my rating. There needs to be more to the story.
Restart the Earth
(2021)
Chinese busses are built strong
25 April 2024
There are certain things one expects in Chinese films. Some heavy handed propaganda and some terrible voice actors. This movie has an interesting premise, and could have been done much better. Specially engineered plants have suddenly become sentient, and have taken over the earth, and are feeding on all human and animal life to sustain them. The sets are done well, clearly with CGI, and the plants themselves are done very well, with plant and snake like features, and there is a lot of CGI in this movie. Teams of soldiers are to set out at specific points on the globe, to inject a substance into the roots of the plants to kill them off, and all the many sites must do that at the same time. And we follow one team. But first we meet a man and his daughter. His wife worked developing the plants, and died when they attacked. And he wants to protect his daughter at all costs. The young daughter has the worst possible voice actor and very limited vocabulary and her voice will grate at a person very quickly. A cross between whining and annoying. A team meets up with the father and daughter and slowly, members of the team are killed by the plants. Things start to get very melodramatic, in an excessive manner, which is part of the propaganda with films like this. But the idea is very interesting, as long as one does not ask too many questions. There is a scene with the team and father and daughter in a bus that tells a person those busses can really take a licking.
Grabbers
(2012)
" not a lobster"
17 April 2024
This is truly a 100% Irish film, and heavy on the stereotypes, but with good nature humor. A meteor falls into the ocean off this island, and there are creatures in it. They attack a fishing boat, and it is done without really revealing what the creature is. Meanwhile, one of the local police (garda) is going on vacation, and Lisa comes to the island to cover. She is a strict by the book person, and the other garda person is Ciaran, an alcoholic. There is also a marine scientist, somewhat flippant, Adam Smith. Some pilot whales beach up, and they had lacerations but Smith says they got cut up by the rocks as they washed ashore. One of the fishermen finds a small creature in a lobster trap that he puts in his bathtub. Bad idea, as the creatures like water and blood.. It grows, attacks, and he manages to kill it and takes it to the scientist who says it seems alien, but not from out 'there'. It is not big, but is female, and that means there is much larger creature out there, the male. And naturally, it starts to rain. There are eggs and newly hatched creatures are done very well, and also funny. And they discover while the creatures like blood, alcohol is a poison to them, so one can guess how to protect oneself. There is some good comedy, but it is also done fairly well so one does not feel their time was wasted. It seems open to a sequel. The movie is not a deep or probing monster movie. Just some silly fun.
Drive-Away Dolls
(2024)
Funny in 'blue'
17 April 2024
If one is tired of the very heavy lesbian theme, a person will really hate it. It one is looking for a quirky comedy, this certain is one of those. Jamie has broken up with Sukie, and is friends with Marian. Marian is rather reserved, not really out of the closet, but Jamie certainly is, and there is a lot of humor on that subject that my be too tiring for some. Jamie and Marian take a job to drive a car to Florida, where Marian's aunt lives. So they get paid to drive a car, cutting the expenses. Little do they know it, the car has something hidden in it, which is very sought after. And a couple of totally inept goons are sent to get it back. Inept is being really too kind to describe them. Nearing their destination, they get a flat tire, and checking for the spare, they find two items that one normally does not find in a car trunk. It is not a great movie, with some missed opportunities, but still it is not a stinker. It is raunchy.
The House
(2021)
Part politics, part high tech
14 April 2024
The opening scenes are the house becoming awake, with vacuums being sent out, drapes opening, etc. Johann, who wrote a political piece is in trouble. The government didn't like it, and so he gets fired. The government is heading into an election, and is getting very repressive. Johann and Lucia travel by autonomous water taxi to the house, which is on an island. The house responds to Johann, knowing where he is, what he wants, etc. So he doesn't even have to open a door. Water in the shower can be controlled through verbal commands. Even a glass of water is tailored to the person, with supplements. There is a glitch, and a technician is summoned, and he explains the system cannot be hacked, as it is isolated. The system is represented as a red sphere, perhaps an homage to the HAL computer. But is was set up for Johann, so it knows him, but he didn't include Lucia, so the house is learning about her. And something happens that Lucia was aware of, but Johann was in the dark, and that is part of the drama. The house is very interesting in itself. The movie is somewhat interesting, but very forgettable.
Andron
(2015)
Movies like this are important
13 April 2024
Movies like this serve an important purpose. When watching a movie like this one, one can appreciate so much better even a three star rated movie, as this movie almost gives bad movies a bad name. There are 10 trapped in a building/maze, who do not know their names, or anything else about themselves. Apparently, it is a game where only one survives, but one quickly gets to understand that one doesn't really care who survives, as the quicker they die the sooner the movie is over. There have been numerous escape from a maze type movies, and some have made it even interesting. This movie doesn't make it interesting.
Escort Boys
(2023– )
Lots of warm emotions
12 April 2024
There are a wide range of heartfelt emotions in this season 1 series. Ben's father has died, and his mother earlier, so he returns to the family farm, which raises honey from their bees. Left is his sister, Charly, who is 17 and needs to show a stable family life to remain there. The farm is on the verge of total default, with no money, and the bank ready to possess everything. Ben has good friends Ludo, Zak and Mathias. Mathias has a way with women and earns good money. Since honey cannot pay enough of the bills, they decide to try an escort service, and Charly acts as the business manager. It is done with a lot of humor and also a learning curve for them, as they are beholden to the desires of the woman who hire them. One of the subplots is that Ben is still madly in love with Romane, who has since married Chef Pierre Morand, and thinks he can still win her back. And how Ludo, being married to Nora, got an entire change in his marriage through his work. Nora became almost glowing. This series should elicit a lot of smiles from the viewer.
Burn
(III) (2019)
A very nice surprise
10 April 2024
The real reason to watch is the role of Melinda, played by Tilda Cobham-Hervey. Melinda and Sheila are paired on the overnight shift at a 24 hr gas-mart. From the start, it is clear Melinda is overshadowed by Sheila and she is cruel to Melinda. But Melinda has a lot of issues, and that really is the whole movie, and she plays it very well. Into the station comes a robber, who says he won't harm anyone, but needs money to pay off a biker gang, because if he can't, he is a dead man. Sheila tells him there is little money in the register and the safe is locked and she can't open it. However, Melinda volunteers that she will open the safe and get him the money. The catch is that she wants to go with the robber. And that was not his idea at all. And how this movie plays out is what makes it so interesting to watch. Melinda made up a plan without really thinking through what could happen.
Red Eye
(2005)
A fun ride
9 April 2024
When the movie started, I soon felt that I made a mistake, and it would be boring. But I was really missing some popcorn, as that is a perfect way to watch it. What seems as a random meeting at an airport, with delays and chaos, finds two unlikely strangers on the same red eye flight to Miami. Except it wasn't random, and it seems he had everything under control, and her attempts to get out of the situation failing. The best way is not to spend a lot of time analyzing each scene and poking holes in the plot. The last act is where all the drama and action come together, and is worth the wait. It is much better than I expected.
Marrowbone
(2017)
Finely crafted horror and tension.
7 April 2024
This story does not give one quick answers, but instead unfolds slowly. Little bits and pieces to fill in some of the blanks. So one needs to pay attention. At the start, something doesn't seem right. Jack is in this old house with Jane, his sister, brother Billy who is slightly younger than Jack, and Sam, the youngest. Jack makes a line in the dust on the floor, and if they all cross, they will always be together and the past is gone. The mother is sick and dies, so the responsibility falls on Jack, and he tells the others they have to stay by the house to remain safe. And the house is quite isolated. We find out that the father was a complete monster, and abuser, a thief and a killer, and was sentenced to prison but escaped and is presumed dead. But they have a sum of money of his, but they vow not to spend it, as it is blood money. As Jack has to go into town, he develops a friendship with Allie, although nothing romantic on his part. We see how the bond of these four develops throughout the movie. They even have a 'fortress', a safe place in a room in which can all gather. But soon, things take a turn for the worse, partly due to legal papers needed to be signed to take deed to the house, but the mother is dead and cannot sign, and they risk everything if that is not done. But it is the twist that comes that few would ever see coming that really ramps up the tension and suspense, and the danger.
Night Swim
(2024)
"It's worth it."
5 April 2024
Just remember, it is about Temegama. Ray Waller is a star major league ballplayer, who has come down with MS, so he can no longer play. But that is his entire life. He is married to Eve, with an older daughter Izzy, and a young son, Elliot. They are looking for a new place, and the first place they are shown is more or less a place where incurables go to die. But he feels he doesn't want that place, and as they are driving away, see this large home for sale. It has a pool, but no one has lived there for some time. They buy it, and fix it up for his condition, and also fix up the pool, as swimming can help him. It turns out the pool is spring fed, and supposedly has curative abilities. And as he starts swimming, he gets very much better. One night Elliot sees a girl by the pool, Rebecca Summers. Eve tracks down the family, and in a very matter of fact and chilling recitation, she is told the water has special properties, but does not give them for nothing, so someone has to pay, so the water can keep on giving. What is the price the Waller family has to pay, and will they? I feel the movie is somewhat padded in length. Enchanted waters have been done before, and this is neither better nor worse than some of those.
Angel Baby
(2023)
Saved by the twist.
5 April 2024
This is neither a great movie, nor a real stinker. In a house where an abuser father is about to seriously harm one of his children, the daughter steps up and puts a bloody stop it to. We then are introduced to Val, who just lost her twins in pregnancy, and her husband Justin. She has a friend Chloe who gives her support, has some medical training, and wants to make sure she takes her medicine to help her healing, and also get plenty of rest. After all, Val is crestfallen over the loss, and she is also sensitive to noise, which isn't helped by living just off a freeway. Justin, who does handy work, finds a cabin in the mountains that had been empty for 25 years, fixes it up some and they move there. Things start to go bump in the night, there are creaks, doors suddenly open and there seems to be a ghost of a man present. A book titled Angel Baby seems to be prominent, and also movies around a lot, but where it came from is an unknown. While Rebecca DeMornay gets prominent space on the cover art, she has little more than a cameo. Things get worse when Chloe makes a visit, and seems too involved with Justin. By then, many may already have worked out a scenario, but the twist is something many would not see coming, and helps elevate what could be a routine and boring film.
To the Ends of the Earth
(2005)
What the BBC does well.
3 April 2024
A journey from England to Australia, but not as convicts. They are traveling on a well worn man-of-war, but the crew was just rounded up in the days before they sailed. So it is a well done period piece-costume drama set on a ship. Talbot is a young man of privilege, from a noted family set to take a government position in Sydney Cove. His first experience with the sea was to get very sea sick. But his deference he receives is due to his class standing, and he seems to not understand that is the only reason. In the second episode, another British ship comes along, and they briefly party together. On the other ship is a Miss Chumley, who Talbot 'hears' is a prodigy of another passenger, but instead she is a protege and he falls madly in love with her and really makes a fool of himself, but alas the ships depart without his beloved Miss Chumley. In the third episode, the journey really has taken a beating on their ship, the situation gets very dire and there is also a wedding. The grittiness of the voyage came across, but not as well as in Master and Commander (2003).
Dark Light
(2019)
Uneven
3 April 2024
The movie starts out quite strong. Annie and her daughter move into Annie's childhood home, being estranged from her ex, Paul. Immediately strange things happen. There are lights in the distance, and then inside the home. Her daughter is suddenly on the roof of the house, not knowing how. Annie calls the police, and the sheriff comes out, but cannot find anything. On the Web, she finds a local conspiracy person who has a theory. There are creatures, not exactly lizard people, but they are very old and live unseen among us. They live by sucking energy from people, especially children, as that energy is the purest. When her daughter disappears, the sheriff is certain Annie killed her. But it seems as the plot unfolded, a different set of writers got involved, and didn't coordinate that well with the first part of the movie, as there are not only plot holes, but mistakes made that made no sense. It is an interesting take on a threat that doesn't quite have it all together.
The Cheerleaders
(1973)
Pushing the envelope for 1973
31 March 2024
There is only one way tor review this movie, and that is through the lens of 1973. Marketed to teenage boys, this movie was about as daring as could be shown in 1973, and there would have been plenty of places this movie would never be shown. The movie is a fluff piece, with a level of sweetness. The nudity, of which there really is more than I expected, is primarily of the female figure, in keeping with those times. The plot was a staple of movies of that era wanting to push the bounds of nudity in movies. There is comedy, silliness and simply a lot of nonsense. It may have been advertised as X-rated, to draw in young males, but there really was no such rating at the time. The thing to realize is the movie is devoid of nastiness, as everything was done for laughs. The initial shower scene where she is being chased is simply funny, but giving the males in the audience what they wanted. The audience was not looking for great acting skills.
Movie 43
(2013)
Certainly rated PG
30 March 2024
It is a series of short segments, based on the fictitious hunt for the 'forbidden' Movie 43. The two guys were punked by their neighbor kid, a very young computer geek. So to get back at him, they needed to distract him away from his computer. So they made up that Movie 43 is a super secret and universally banned film, which of course made it a challenge for the kid to unmask. When he finds multiple possibilities for Movie 43, they play short clips of the potential film. And there are a lot of noted actors in the clips, few clips less than raunchy and in many ways over the top absurd. There is plenty of humor if one likes it approaching X-rated, although it never really strays from R Rated. For the most part, the premises are simply absurd. To describe some of the premises might very well violate review standards.
On Fire
(2023)
The fire is the star
30 March 2024
The fire was done very well, and showed the real dangers of living in the woods and how fire can spread so fast. And with featuring the 911 staffing, showed how quickly things can change when fire spreads from strong winds. What seems couldn't happen becomes what does happen. The weakness is the script, as the actors do a good job showing their skill, their danger and the ability to think quickly. And the father Dave, risked everything for his family. Rated PG-13, it was watered down into too much of a formula driven script. But that is more the reality of what is necessary than the fault of the execution of the production. It needed to be acceptable for family viewing. It seems to be a lot of real fire, along with some CGI fire, but maintained the tension.
Lisa Frankenstein
(2024)
About the tanning bed.....
29 March 2024
The movie has a certain charm to it, but it left me underwhelmed. I can certainly see the influence of Tim Burton, and the opening credits are clever. I suspect the movie will gain a lot of fans who will want to see it over and over. It is not a bad movie, and in some ways a sweet movie with some really good humor. The acting is decent but perhaps I was looking for more in the way of a black comedy. Although the use of the tanning bed is hilarious. I think that it will not be too long in the future that I will completely forget this movie and in some ways that shouldn't be, as it is really not that bad.
Dark Nature
(2022)
Psychological terror
29 March 2024
In the opening scene, Derek comes home to Joy, and he is in a very foul mood. Later he gets very violent, kills her dog and strangles her. We flash six months forward, and Joy's good friend Carmen has her and Tara going on a women's retreat in the Canadian Rockies, where the leader, Dr. Dunnley says risk = growth. All the women have suffered great trauma and are working on getting it behind them. There are a number of things that really made this movie for me. For one thing, they sold, through acting, just how strenuous portions of the trip were. As a person who has done backing in mountain wilderness, I really appreciated that they seem to have their pack worn properly, and also didn't suddenly pull out things that they could not have carried in their packs. I find all too often movies of a similar nature fail that, as the actors have never done anything like that before, and they never research how things would be. Through most of the movie, the demons seemed to be from within their own traumas. Derek would often play with his lighter, and Joy seemed to feel she heard the clicks of the lighter as if she was being tracked. Others had their own demons to cope with. But near the end, a more terrifying demon is unleashed.
The Farm
(I) (2018)
Missed the mark.
28 March 2024
At the start, we are introduced to Alec and Nora, on their drive to where ever. It becomes apparent quickly that it is difficult to know why they are together, as they seem on different pages. This movie could have been a good black comedy, but instead the decision was to make it totally serious. To avoid falling asleep on the long drive, Alec wants to stop for the night, and is told about some cabins that are just down the road, can't miss. And there are quite as few cars in the parking lot, but no one seems around. They meet the manager and get the room. When she wakes up, she is in a cage, and he isn't around. It is in a large compound with many buildings, and everyone except the aforementioned manager are wearing animal masks. When Nora manages to talk to another captive and asks what is going on, she is told she doesn't really want to know. And no one can escape. The operation caters events.
I Am Rage
(2023)
Don't mess with Erin.
28 March 2024
The way the movie started, I felt it might be a real loser. A man, clearly beaten, manages to escape his binds, and then gets into a fight with one of the captors. He manages to get a knife, but hesitates, which of course is a bad idea. It then switches to Adam picking up Erin to go to his parents house, which is very isolated. On the way, they pick up his brother Michael and Sarah. The parents seem a bit strange, and at dinner offer their special drink. Of course it is drugged, as the parents are in the business of harvesting blood, rich in adrenaline, which they get by terrorizing their captives. And they have apparently a basement full of captives. But it turns out Erin is not just some young woman. At age 4, she was kidnapped, tortured and abused for 15 years before she could make her escape. And her captors didn't fare well. There is plenty of gore, blood and killings which should satisfy most viewers. It is basically an action film to be accepted on that basis.
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