Zeegrade Reviews

Death House (1988)

Nosebleed House.....Introducing Tane!

[4/10 · 9 July 2010]

Directed by John Saxon "Zombie Death House", with zombie shoddily superimposed to make this 1980's cliché filled flick appear more like "Return of the Living Dead" rather than a episode of "Hunter", focuses too much on exposition of the characters than on what this film was meant to be. A zombie infestation set inside a corrupt prison has all the elements to be a cult classic but this movie takes far too much time establishing the plot and offers little in violent mayhem.

Former Vietnam vet Derek Keillor (the late Dennis Cole) takes a job as a driver for local mob gangster Vic Moretti (the late Anthony Franciosa - did anyone survive this?) and promptly begins driving Moretti's girlfriend Genelle with his penis. When the affair is discovered Moretti kills Genelle and frames Derek for her murder. He's convicted of the crime (must of had a bad lawyer) and sentenced to death at a prison that conducts medical experiments on the prisoners through a covert government operation led by Col. Gordon Burgess (Saxon). This takes up the first 20 minutes of the movie which is way too long of a setup to introduce the "innocent hero" in a prison setting. The prison that I speak of has a corrupt head guard, Raker, that works for Moretti and answers to Moretti's homosexual inmate brother Franco and his boytoy Sean whom Raker gets "intimate" with during the film. Anyway, a new serum that's supposed to give ordinary men super strength is injected into one of the inmates about to be executed (does anybody think that super strong convicts might cause a problem?) when he turns into a zombie-like monster a begins killing his captors. Turns out that this infliction acts as a virus and the first signs of infection are persistent nosebleeds before succumbing to it. Derek manages to escape his cell during the attack which he then frees the other prisoners, who are more than cooperative for death-row inmates mind you, and organizes a hostage exchange with Col. Burgess who is watching the whole mess unfold just outside the prison. With the prison quarantined along with a few new guests, a former co-worker of Burgess turned newswoman Tanya Karrington (Tane! McClure) her cameraman and Vic Moretti himself looking to free his brother Franco minus his boyfriend. Will anyone survive? How will they get out? Will Tane! McClure show off her wonderful breasts? Does she ever fail to?

I don't know where to categorize this one. Clearly this was meant to be more of an action film under the original title of "Death House" rather than horror. When the zombies finally figure into the story it's only sparingly with too much emphasis on Derek's vendetta against Moretti. The gore is okay, not anything special and downright silly in one scene when someone loses an arm, and there are a couple of topless scenes including the absurd daydream that Derek has of Tanya. Speaking of the lovely Tane! this movie supposedly introduces us to Ms. McClure meaning that this was her first film. Not true! While "Death House" came out in 1987 McClure starred in the 1986 Klaus Kinski slasher "Crawlspace" in 1986 billed only as Tane!. You can find this in the bargain bin DVD section for about $1 which is all I would pay to see this nothing more. Disappointing.

Rituals (1977)

Don't go into the woods!

[6/10 · 27 June 2010]

Five city doctors reunite to go backpacking in the Canadian wilderness when someone interrupts the incessant work-related bickering by stealing their boots while they stopped at a river to rest. While the search for the boots comes up empty, DJ sets out to a local dam to see if he can find help as he is the only one to bring an extra pair of shoes, something he implored to his fellow hikers to do as well falling on deaf ears. While they wait, Harry (Hal Holbrook) and the others try to amuse themselves when a bee hive is tossed at them causing the four to tumble down a hill and into the river. This kills one of the doctors shocking the remaining three into the realization that perhaps these are no mere coincidences and that someone is out to get them. With tempers high and the travel slow and painful due to the lack of boots the doctors attempt to follow DJ's path to the dam. More traps await as the victims continue to pile up without any clue or reason to why it's happening.

I really would like to give this and even higher rating but sadly the degraded copy that I watched from Mill Creek's drive-in collection was poorly lit and edited severely. "The Creeper" as my copy was called, though I saw the trailer for this years ago as "Rituals", was the 89-minute edited version which sadly resembles the type of cut you would see on television. The scenes filmed at night were virtually impossible to make out especially during the climax. However, this is not the fault of the film itself which is a creepy thriller that will have you hooked to the end. Hal Holbrook does an excellent job as the jaded doctor and Korean war vet that is constantly banging heads with Mitzi while keeping the three of them alive. My one complaint is that you really don't sympathize with any of the doctors as none of the characters are really that likable. I saw myself as more of an observer rather than someone invested in hoping these doctors survive. I consider this Canadian "Deliverance" above average as far as the city folk versus the backwoods locals genre started by the aforementioned film. If you are interested in these types of survival flicks than let me also recommend the superior "Southern Comfort" set in the swamps of Louisiana.

The Killer Likes Candy (1968)

The candy must be sugar free.

[4/10 · 18 May 2010]

Really bland James Bond-lite European piece about an American government agent assigned to be the head of security for the king of Kafiristan after one of his comrades takes an assassin's bullet meant for the king. Sensitivites arise as the U.S. is looking to sign a lucrative contract with the oil rich country which needs him alive at least until the the deal is signed. Thankfully this was made forty years before Hollywood decided to make Americans the bad guy in all energy concerns but I digress. Enter "Angel Face" Mark Stone who spends his free-time pretending to be a fashion photographer which is funny because I do the very same thing when I go to the mall. Mark is the strictly business CIA agent that is tasked with hunting down a hit-man with a sweet tooth. At least this is what the film chooses to focus on as the candy thing is more of a quirk than a calling card to anyone who stumbles upon one of his victims. The killer is Oscar Snell, a former Nazi, who really makes a lot of mistakes for a professional assassin. His numerous attempts on the king's life all fail which spoils the confrontation between Stone and himself. Numerous fights scenes are clumsily spliced together as Stone must outsmart a small army sent to dispatch him and his partner Costa who does a decent job as the girl-crazy comic relief. Not a whole lot of beauties to ogle either as this is a skin-free film that offers very little titillation which is rare for these kind of movies. The late sixties lounge musak score is so inappropriate in the shootout scenes that it's almost comedic when watching it. Complete with "bada-dada-da's" it's the kind of music which should accompany Mark prancing through a field of lilies. On the positive side "Killer" makes great use of the unique landscape like a shootout in a park lined with large ancient sculptures and a battle in the catacombs of a church. I really started to get bored towards the end as I struggled to focus on how Mark was going to capture Snell which ends anticlimactically as well mind you. If you're looking to be satisfied eat a Snickers instead and skip this candy.

Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

A nice present would be the fast forward button.

[3/10 · 12 May 2010]

Asking slasher fans to kill the plodding 110 minutes of this bland Canuxploitation film is the only bizarre form of murder you'll encounter while watching "Happy Birthday to Me". Dull, slow-paced, and constantly trying to throw the viewer "off scent" as to who the real murderer is which makes the already insipid plot annoyingly repetitive.

Virgina is part of the too cool for school "top ten" clique at a Canadian private school. Right off the bat I would want to knock off these annoying punks without any provocation whatsoever. Secondly, besides Melissa Sue Anderson, whose character is supposed to be turning eighteen, most of the other students look old enough to be teaching the classes rather than attending them. One of the ten is murdered at the beginning of the film yet the others don't seem too concerned when her character just disappears. Guess the "top ten" ain't that close. A series of confusing relationships exist between the ten, especially Virginia and a couple of the male members, that there is no coherency as to a motive for the murder. It doesn't help things that Virginia, who has blackouts stemming from a serious car crash that killed her mother, consorts with men who at certain moments act like homicidal murderers. One such gentleman sneaks into her home just to steal her panties. Another takes her to a church belfry where he decides to approach her menacingly with a knife. If that isn't enough a glasses wearing dork with a pet rat (how did he get in the top ten?) pretends that he decapitated the girl who was murdered at the beginning. Why would you hang around these jerks? Eventually Virgina begins to believe that she is responsible for the disappearance of her friends which she confides in her psychologist Dr. Faraday (Glenn Ford who should be in something better). If you happen to stay awake until the ending you're in for one of the most confusing explanations in movie history. At this point I couldn't have cared less.

As for the bizarre murders, you'll be sorely disappointed as there is nothing memorable about any of them. A shish-ka-bob skewer to the throat? Yawn. A brain surgery scene is shown for no other reason then to try and up the gore factor which skimps out in major parts. Dr. Farady's death is a prime example of this as the room is covered in blood like someone shot it out of a hose and yet the actual death scene is not entirely shown. With its little gore, no nudity, cardboard cutout characters and asinine story this could have easily been edited into a Lifetime Channel movie of the week which I think is one of the worse possible things to say about a horror movie ever.

Riot on 42nd St. (1987)

Sucks more than Tim Kincaid did in "Cop Blowers".

[3/10 · 9 May 2010]

After watching "Robot Holocaust", "Breeders" and now "Riot on 42nd St." I have no doubt in my mind that Tim Kincaid made the right decision in returning to his previous film career of Gay Porn. The absolute lack of emotion by the "actors" as well as the worst case of continuity problems I've ever witnessed are indicative of a director whose one and only creative decision is which body orifice, hole, or blow-up doll to stick a penis into. When your star's biggest claim to fame is doing the stunts on "Ishtar" you're not exactly looking for top tier talent to enhance an already thin plot. Guess he couldn't book any of his buds from "Mens Restroom". Bummer.

Glenn Barnes (said "Ishtar" tumbler John Hayden) has just got out of the pokey for accidentally killing some deadbeat who was harassing customers at his dad's grindhouse/comedy club/strip club/casino/stage show/delicatessen. Okay, I added the last one but come on, how many things can one cat have going on? When he returns to his old neighborhood, which happens to be a pre-Guiliani 42nd street, he immediately reopens the old club nicknamed "The Garage" with the same variety acts as before. This disturbs his main competitor Farrell who runs the "Love Connection" minus Chuck Woolery and the countless other forms of entertainment that The Garage offers. Farrell is a man after Kincaid's own heart as he physically abuses his girlfriend and mentally abuses his musclehead enforcer, Remy, probably because of the immense crush he has on him. This epic battle between smut dealers and no-talent comedy hacks (see the Yahoo Serious-like Zerocks) is causing the two cops assigned in this neighborhood to brood silently as if coma patients. Bored cop A is Michelle who loved Glenn or loves him or just maybe wanted to love him, it's hard to read this emotionless broad. Bored cop B happens to be Jeff Fahey who is slumming here, even by his own standards, must of been one hell of a bet he lost, in a short role as Frank. After an opening night massacre on Glenn's patrons forces him to face Farrell and his flunkies, the laughably awful riot ensues. At least there's plenty of nudity.

Have you ever stepped away from a movie for a few minutes, returned, and become completely lost as to what just transpired on screen to get to where it's at? Well, "Riot" is exactly like that without even having to leave anywhere! There is absolutely NO cohesion from one scene to the next. People appear in the club in one scene then in a dark sewer next. Characters stare offscreen blankly for no explicable reason as if we are supposed to guess what is capturing their gaze. Nobody shows an ounce of emotion whatsoever especially Kate Collins as Michelle. If ever there was an actress to portray someone who has been lobotomized she's the one. Tons of nude pasty white women in unflattering underwear are abound which has become a Kincaid essential of his mainstream movies. He still doesn't get that naked women for the sake of nudity is kinda pointless if we don't care to see what average looking women are like nude. Since I'm not from New York I can't recommend this on purely nostalgic purposes though I do encourage you to watch this as another wholly inept attempt at legitimate movie-making by someone who clearly has no clue how to accomplish that very thing.

Hellgate (1989)

No chance in Hellgate

[3/10 · 6 May 2010]

The only reason this dreck doesn't get a one is Abigail Wolcott's ability to look sexy as hell in whatever she's wearing (or not wearing) whether it be a 50's dress or simply prancing around clad only in white panties. That's the only positive thing to come out of this brainless script that has Horshack (Ron Palillo) of all people as the hero Matt. What, you couldn't get Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington?

The movie begins with three rather homely actors trading scary stories as Bobby, whose short hair and complete lack of breasts compliment her boyish name, begins her tale of Hellgate. Back in the fifties a young girl named Josie (the physically enhanced Wolcott) is harassed and kidnapped by bikers. They take her to a recreated western ghost town which happens to be run by Josie's father Lucas. In an attempt to rescue his daughter, Lucas (Carel Trichardt who doesn't seem to speak English) throws an ax that hits one of the bikers in the face causing him to steer into the path of Josie and a brick wall killing them both. Are you with me so far? Later one of the employees of Lucas' town finds a crystal that emits a blue laser beam that brings the dead back to life. After testing it on a goldfish and sea turtle, watching both mutate and explode mind you, he immediately decides to resurrect his dead daughter and pimp her out on the highway so she can lure travelers or horny guys back to the town where Pops can turn them into zombies. All of this before our "star" even enters the film.

Once again it is present day and Matt has become lost on his way to meet up with his friends when he stops at the very same diner that Josie was kidnapped from. After getting directions he proceeds to town when Josie appears mysteriously in front of his car. Seeing that she is clearly a fine little piece who doesn't seem to be interested in underwear Matt drives her back to Hellgate where she tries to seduce the dork for some inexplicable reason. A confrontation ensues between Matt and Lucas causing him to flee the house and eventually find his friends. Matt becomes torn between his feelings for his girlfriend Pam and his infatuation with Josie. If you ask me it's no contest as Pam, like Bobby, ain't exactly a looker. An eye-gouging scene ensues as the nude Palillo spills the beans while giving Pam a backrub. Who said there isn't sumpin' for the ladies? The two couples venture to Hellgate to find out what is happening there as well as letting Matt fondle Josie's tits again.

It's little wonder that this was the last gig for both director William Levey and writer Michael O'Rourke. The script is so amateur it's almost as if this movie was made solely for the purpose of the actors rather than the audience. In almost every instance Matt, Pam, Bobby and her boyfriend Chuck make the most imbecilic decisions once they arrive. One such example has Bobby, after watching Chuck get decapitated, decides to stay by herself in a saloon and get drunk which Matt obliges of course. A few scenes depict Zonk, one of the surviving bikers, sharpening blades as if preparing to battle Lucas, then promptly getting shot in the neck never being able to use them. What was the point of filming that then? The dialogue is absolutely idiotic as the inane banter between the four leads will have you rolling your eyes through the back of your skull. A lame azzhole gibe is repeated three time between Matt and Chuck with disastrous results. It didn't work the first time so why repeat it! I normally would recommend to stay away from this kind of a movie however I think this example of 80's detritus must be seen to be believed. I guess a worse name to call a town besides Hellgate would be Kicked in the Balls Heights.

The Pit (1981)

Newsflash! Twelve year old boy obsessed with boobs!

[7/10 · 3 May 2010]

I've got news for all of you. All twelve year old boys are obsessed with boobs. Well, most of them are. Sammy Snyders really makes this movie stand out as he really amps up the creep factor as Jamie Benjamin the neighborhood outcast that nobody, and I mean nobody, likes. This misfit is beaten up at school, teased by the local redheaded brat, looked down upon by most adults and has a strained relationship with his father who has grown tired of his antics. The only "friend" Jamie can confide in is Teddy, his stuffed animal that talks back to him and him alone. When his parents leave for an extended period of time they hire Sandy who is just the latest in a string of hired help that must look after the little pervert while keeping the house clean. Jamie is immediately smitten by Sandy and begins his own special way of wooing the older woman like staring at her naked breasts while she is asleep. Not a good start. After this odd morning encounter Jamie tells Sandy his secret. There is a massive pit about a mile from the house and inside this pit are little apelike trolls that only Jamie knows about. Sandy immediately dismisses the story as pure fantasy and tries to reign the little sex-fiend in. When Jamie learns that the "tralops" or whatever he calls them are carnivorous he at first tries to keep them fed by buying meat bought from a butcher until his money supply becomes quickly depleted. Teddy gives Jamie the idea of feeding the monsters all the bad people who have angered him over the years. This leads to one of the most amusing scenes as Jamie lures the people to the hole, knocks them in, quips sarcastically, and exits the forest with whatever booty he acquired from the victims. Eventually taking care of the beasts prove to be too much so Jamie drops a line down into the pit allowing the trogs to run rampant in town. A very enjoyable horror flick from the early eighties with enough naked breasts, goofy plots, and the aforementioned disturbing performance by Sammy Snyders. My only gripe is the fact that the relationship with Teddy is never really hashed out. In one scene the bear's head turns on its own indicating a supernatural explanation rather than Jamie just hearing his own voice during his conversations with it. What was the connection between Teddy and the monsters in the pit or was it just two separate details that just happened to have converged? Needless to say, this doesn't really detract from the movie as even the ending is pretty satisfying. A rather obscure movie that not a whole lot of people refer to when talking about good horror movies of the early eighties and I didn't even need my teddy to tell me that.

Primitif (1978)

Mondo Lame

[1/10 · 29 April 2010]

Supposedly inspired by the Italian cannibal movies of the seventies "Primitives" is an Indonesian insult to the genre and should be avoided at all costs. Three dopey college students are interested in writing a thesis about primitive tribes so they venture deep into the jungle in search of one. The trio consists of the athletic Robert, annoying butterface Rita and nerdy Tommy whose rail thin face makes him look like a brown skeleton with long hair and glasses. The group dismiss the first tribe they encounter due to the lack of primitive street cred (aren't the college types always elitist snobs) convincing their river guide to take them deeper into the jungle. After crashing their boat Robert and Rita become captured by the primitives they were looking for and are subjected to the lamest "tortures" ever. The tribe all wear the same goofy wigs while yelling "oooh oooh oooh" for EVERYTHING! The funny thing is somehow the same grunts obviously convey information as the tribe seem to react like it's a distinct language. Anyhow, Robert and Rita are tied up and stripped down in tame Hallmark quality exploitation. Robert ends up in his briefs while Rita is basically given shorts and a cutoff t-shirt. Are you titillated yet? Let me inform you now that the prude who plays Rita obviously refused to do any hint of nudity which is a shame because all this screaming no-talent has going for her is her decent sized tits. The aforementioned torture? Gasp in horror as Robert is forced to give piggy back rides! Try to peel your eyes from the vicious rape that basically consists of a native flashing Rita! Be shocked at the extreme urination scene where a boy relieves himself on Robert's prison cell! There is some graphic scenes in this movie but of serious animal abuse that really is used as an excuse to seem edgy. Don't be mistaken. I enjoy a rare piece of red meat like most men however I find this kind of senseless killing of animals appalling. Now as for the director, well, that's another story. This is the cannibal movie equivalent of holding hands on a first date. No nudity, very little gore, stock footage stolen from other Italian cannibal movies, unappealing characters, lifeless storyline, plodding pace, and that's just for starters. How was this film inspired by anything other than sitting in a doctor's waiting room reading a twenty year old copy of "Highlights" magazine? What's worse is the quality of the film. First time I ever needed to adjust the tracking on a DVD. The font used for the subtitles which appear to be Greek are so large they take up the bottom third of the picture. It appears in some parts that the film was missing (lucky me) as the runtime on my DVD was only an hour and twenty four minutes. Packaged under the "Tales of Voodoo" label along with the dismal "Diamond Ninja Force" with neither one of these movies having anything to do with said voodoo. Perhaps there was voodoo practiced on me as I was dumb enough to buy this double doody waste of time. If you happen to come in contact with this movie burn it immediately.

Diamond Ninja Force (1988)

Ninja Terminator 2: Return of the Garfield phone

[3/10 · 28 April 2010]

Basically a sequel to "Ninja Terminator" only Richard Harrison's character is now Ninja Master Gordon instead of Harry. Everything else is the same, from his wife (Maria Francesca) and the Golden Ninja/Goblin idol to the awkward scenes with the Garfield phone. This time however the Caucasian Ninja storyline is intermixed with an Asian knockoff of "Poltergeist". The Black Ninjas want a sacred piece of land that contains buried magic talismans that will restore their Clan's strength in an ongoing battle with the Diamond Ninjas that seem to be represented only by Master Gordon. The head badguy Kogan, who has the absolute WORST taste in clothing, enlists the aid of a Ghost Ninja who in actuality is the ghost woman that haunts the family in the separate movie to secure this plot which currently a family of three resides on. The family consists of George, Fanny and their dopey son Bobo. Yes, his name is actually Bobo. Kogan also employs various pasty white guys who resemble more Sears employees than Ninjas though fans of Godfrey Ho movies know that this is the norm. The two story lines don't mesh well at all (no surprise) as the poltergeist movie isn't really interesting at all even with its occasional nudity and masturbating ghost. Can't say I would complain with being haunted by an Asian woman that wanted to screw my brains out but hey that's just me. The few fight scenes in the Master Gordon story are quick, stale, and utterly goofy. It seems all of these Black Ninjas like to fondle pistols in public places during the daytime. Not smart. This is pretty bad even for a typical Godfrey Ho movie as there is little to no momentum from beginning to end and nowhere near as fun as "Ninja Terminator". Many of the scenes shot at night are so horribly underexposed that I had no clue what was going on, not that I cared. Even Richard Harrison looks incredibly bored filming this garbage. So stagnant that it should have been called Cubic Zirconia Ninja Force.

Scream for Help (1984)

Christie Cromwell - Bull in a china shop

[10/10 · 25 April 2010]

Residing somewhere in a parallel dimension called "Scream for Help" where everybody is a scumbag reigns Christie Cromwell. Played with such over-the-top antics and foul-mouthed bombast by Rachael Kelly, this single performance makes this movie one of the sleaziest and most entertaining eighties bad movies I have ever seen. Young Christie thinks that Paul Fox, who has recently married Chrisite's mother Karen, is a conniving philanderer who is only after their money and wants the both of them dead. She's right of course but the problem is getting anyone to believe her since she's such an abrasive little bitch that nobody wishes to come near her let alone listen to her petty conspiracy theories. One morning she follows Paul on her bike until he motors away from her. Not one to be deterred easily Chrisite waits the next day until Paul drives by the spot she lost him at and continues to follow him. This goes on for about a week until she finds Paul's car outside a house. Christie looks into the window to see Paul engaged in a little back door sex with a mysterious woman which she promptly takes a picture of. This escalates the war between Paul and Christie with the dopey Karen caught in the middle trying to make nice with both of them. From here on you might need a shower as the seediness pours through every scene as Christie and Paul try to out scum each other. Along for the ride are Christie's acquaintances, I can't see her having any friends, the extremely large busted Janey (you'll know what I mean) and her boyfriend Josh. When Janey is run down by Paul Christie grieves like any good friend would do by losing her virginity to her boyfriend. This leads to one of the funniest lines when Josh comes over to see her only to be shot down when Christie says that she was looking for anyone to pop her cherry "even the garbage man". Wow! A final showdown ensues as Karen and Christie become hostages in their mansion as Paul, his partner/double crosser Brenda and her husband Lacey battle wits with the vicious teen. This movie is like a Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoon if Road Runner was banging Wile E.'s mom. That's the best way I can describe this. Every time Christie thinks she's got Paul dead to rights he manages to get away unscathed. Plenty of nudity, profanity, and eighties cheesiness to keep even the most jaded of viewers with a smile on their face. "Scream for Help" is the very definition of why a really good "bad movie" trumps the pretentious crap that poses for theatrical fare today. Simply a must see for any fan of B-grade cinema.

Zaat (1971)

CrAp!

[2/10 · 23 April 2010]

Dr. Leopold really has a lot of free time on his hands. Somehow in between bong hits he devised through twisted logic that he can dominate the world with fish. Exactly how humanity is going to be conquered by animals that can't survive on land isn't really hashed out. He had an idea and the mad doctor is running with it. At least he maintains a detailed itinerary that keep his looniness on schedule. Dr. Leopold, with some help from "the weed of deceit", turns into a catfish monster that more resembles one of the aliens from "Pod People". Next on his agenda is a mate to quell his raging fish libido drawing him to spy on an average looking blond woman that apparently lives in a van down by the river. An inept sheriff and his marine biologist assistant? friend? neighbor? Rex investigate a series of dopey fish related incidences by the local yahoos. When they realize that what they are after is a large fish-man-type-thing they try to capture it with the help of a husband and wife team of special "agents" that seem too interested in this case. Boredom aplenty as monster attacks locals, good guys follow, repeat makes this slower than a turtle with no legs encased in cement. At one point the sheriff stumbles upon some hippie vagrants, stops to listen to their dopey song, then like the Pied Piper leads them to jail for protection from the beast. Or maybe he was arresting them for the terrible song that was shamelessly played in its entirety. I do have to say that I was pretty impressed with the underwater shots for such a low budget film. That in itself saved this from getting a one. The incorporation of the various fish themed nature films with Dr. Leopold's inane dialogue dubbed over it just reeks of amateur hour film-making. I watched the unedited movie, which I recommend all MST3K fan's should do, on TCM and it really is a chore to watch. Trying to sit through this without the aid of Mike and the Bots quips is a task in itself. Not a fun bad movie but an extremely boring bad movie that could only be help by ingesting large amounts of a certain weed.

Deranged (1974)

More silly than shocking

[5/10 · 23 April 2010]

One of the first of many movies dealing with the Ed Gein murders that have inspired many films throughout the last forty years. "Deranged" at times resembles more a black comedy than a horror film as Roberts Blossom's hokey performance as the ultimate momma's boy Ezra Cobb is anything but intimidating. When Ezra's devout mother dies he is suddenly left alone in a world where his thin social graces have hampered him so much that he has no idea how to interact with other people especially women. When Ezra's neighbor tries to set him up on a date in one of the silliest scenes Ezra constantly envisions his mother berating him with all the sinful pitfalls that come with the fairer sex. Missing his mother's company Ezra digs up her corpse and begins to assemble her into a makeshift shrine in her bedroom. In an attempt to make her look more presentable he begins to lure women to his house in order to kill and skin them for spare parts. This is the catalyst for his derangement as he moves from simple homicide by a firearm to the capture, torture, and murder of his female victims. Again, it's hard to approach a macabre subject like this but the murders in "Deranged" lack any edge and come off more as witless shenanigans than anything. One scene has Ezra banging a skin-lined drum with a femur bone while trying desperately to convince his tied up victim that he truly is crazy when it seems like it's the audience that needs the persuasion. In an attempt to ramp up the shock value of his crimes Ezra kidnaps a young lady that becomes the finale of the film as she is dating his neighbor's son, strings her nude body up, and disembowels her. Sadly the red paint spattered over her nude body is the same kind of tacky murder scenes that were prevalent in the early seventies. "Deranged" has quite a little cult following but in my honest opinion this is an average at best B-movie that starts out slow and just gets goofy as it progresses. It seems hardcore fans of this movie are the deranged ones.

The Shout (1978)

A very cerebral metaphysical horror film.

[7/10 · 18 April 2010]

Robert Graves (a young Tim Curry) arrives at an asylum to score a cricket game along with one of the more eccentric residents, a man named Crossley. The man begins to tell Graves, in a story that may or may not be true, how he acquired the wife of one the cricket players in particular Anthony Fielding. Crossley imposes himself onto the musician that experiments with strange sounds and his wife Rachel. In a rather uncomfortable scene during the couple's first lunch with the stranger Crossley informs them that for the last eighteen years he has studied aboriginal magic which endowed him with various powers. One in particular intrigues Anthony simply called "the shout" which is a yell that kills anyone within hearing distance. Not quite a believer in Crossley's skill Anthony follows him out to a secluded area where he will observe the shout while impacting his ears with wax. Crossley let's out a blood curdling scream that knocks Anthony out and kills a sheep herder some distance away. As Crossley continues to intrude on the Fielding's lives he snatches a buckle from Rachel's sandal somehow making her infatuated with the stranger. This drives a wedge between the three which cause Anthony to flee his own home from fear of being shouted to death.

This is truly a one-of-a-kind film that I wanted to see the moment I saw the short trailer about fifteen years ago. "The Shout" probably would fail miserably with today's jaded "Saw" and "Hostel" crowd and sadly I might add with American audiences (Yes, I'm still a proud jingoist!). It all boils down to if you believe Crossley is in fact telling the truth as Anthony arrives to the game with a different woman and Rachel is a nurse at the asylum. It really makes you think if any of Crossley's story is truthful as Graves listens intently yet never interjects any questions as to the veracity of his statements. There isn't a whole lot of action here thought Susannah York is frequently nude in this. However, if you're looking for a gore splatterfest with plenty of buxom blond victims you will not like "The Shout". If you are interested in an intelligent mix of clever storytelling and a unique plot then "The Shout" will be a real scream.

Hercules (1983)

Hercules throws everything into space.

[6/10 · 18 April 2010]

Visually entertaining take on the Hercules myth starring Lou Ferrigno minus his real voice as the titular Greek demigod. Not intentionally funny but many scenes are downright hilarious as Hercules' answer to any complication is to launch it into space. A bear. Thrown. A log. Gone. A rock on a leash. You get the picture. Along his quest to defeat the evil King Minos Hercules fights a robotic three-headed dragon and wins the love of Cassiopea who along with most of the women in this movie wear just enough to not show any naughty bits. Chief offender as far as lack of clothing is the curvaceous Sybil Danning as Ariadne though the film calls her Ariana throughout it. Leave it to the Italians to have sexy babes even in a kid's movie, God Bless 'em! Make no mistake that this was filmed for children though the aforementioned beauties, the imaginative plot, and 80's cheesiness make this very easy to sit through in one sitting. My only gripe is the scary depiction of Daedelus as some sort of female winged bat-girl in a Great Kazoo outfit. Eventually Herc battles Minos and his Sword of Fire in order to save Cassiopea who appears in the skimpiest outfit yet! A very tongue in cheek look at Hercules that plays fast and loose with the mythical storyline providing Cannon Films the momentum to recast Lou in "Sinbad of the Seven Seas" which went straight to VHS in 1989. I recommend watching this at least once if you have the chance. You'll be amused. And if not, just toss it into space.

Enter the Ninja (1981)

Exit the room

[3/10 · 16 April 2010]

Do you like ninja movies and taking naps? Well have I got a movie for you! Anyone, and I mean anyone, who uses the word "classic" when talking about this movie should be banned from martial arts films for the rest of their lives. Boring, boring, boring! Franco Nero is Cole the only non-Japanese to been trained in the arts of the ninja. When he completes his training and is granted full ninja status (I guess they must serve an apprenticeship) his inclusion is rejected by Hasegawa (Sho Kosugi) who refuses to accept the American as part of their clan. I wouldn't either as the wooden Nero clearly has no martial arts training as every action scene conveniently never shows his face. It's sickening to watch Sho Kosugi play second banana to this empty suit. Cole travels to the Philippines to meet an old Vietnam buddy Frank who REALLY likes cockfights. Frank has become more of a lifeless drunk, at least when he's not cockfighting, which opens an emotional bond between Cole and Frank's bug-eyed wife Mary-Ann. The locals are terrorized by thugs under the control of Charles Venarius who Christopher George takes to cartoon levels of absurdity. When Cole easily dispatches Venarius' men he demands a ninja as if they can be had at any corner store. Turns out Hasegawa has left the clan and has become a mercenary ninja for hire. Slow buildup to the inevitable fight to the death between the former students. Uninspiring action sequences are hampered severely by Nero's lack of fighting ability as well as his complete lack of screen presence. His rigid performance makes Christopher George's so over-the-top that he joins William Beckwith from "Prime Evil" as two of the most campy badguys ever. There a so many movies out there that deliver the true ninja experience better than "Enter the Ninja" that it defies belief that this was even made for the American audience. One of the rare disappointments from the Golan-Globus duo that gave us so many cheesy actioneers in the eighties. Rather take a shuriken to the eye than watch this again.

Blood Freak (1972)

Must be seen to be believed

[5/10 · 16 April 2010]

I'm kinda torn on how to rate this movie. On one hand "Blood Freak" has some of the worst "acting" I have ever witnessed on film including a chain smoking narrator that constantly looks down at his script who at one point goes into a serious coughing spell that is not edited out at all. On the other hand this is a one-of-a-kind insane combination of drug propaganda, slasher films, monster movies and Christian evangelism that has never been repeated to this day. With both of these factors in mind I decided on a score between the two which is why I gave it a 5 out of 10.

Steve Hawkes is Steve Hawkes as Herschell. Why they choose to show his name twice is a mystery but make no mistake that Mr. Hawkes is the star of "Blood Freak" as he looks like a combination of Lou Ferrigno and Elvis. Herschell is a biker riding the Florida highways when he meets free spirited Ann who becomes instantly smitten with the soft spoken brute. She takes him to a drug party where he meets Ann's sister Angel who represents the straight and narrow path. Her words of warning to Herschell seem to resonate with him yet after one toke he becomes instantly hooked. Yeah, that happens with marijuana a lot. With his addiction growing and the need to satisfy his fix overpowering Herschell agrees to an absurd experiment where he eats turkey meat that has been tampered with by two scientists that are probably the worst of the so-called actors in this movie. Sure enough the infected meat turns Herschell into a turkey-headed beast that must feed on blood. From here he goes on a murderous rampage of neck slitting and leg hacking that takes "Blood Feast" from simple anti-drug screed into a gory hack-n-slash. To say that somewhere along the line "Blood Freak" got lost in translation is an understatement. How this was supposed to bring more Christians into the fold after watching this is beyond me. For bad movie enthusiasts out there this is THE MOVIE that you must see at least once in order to give you a true barometer as to what is considered bad in the bad way and bad in the awesomely bad way. I only remembered to review this when I stumbled upon Steve Hawkes on an episode of "Fatal Attractions" using his real name of Steve Sipek and his dangerous lifestyle of living with multiple lions and tigers. It's good to know that he continues to live beyond the norm.

Day of the Panther (1988)

Quit this "Day" job.

[4/10 · 6 April 2010]

Very bland Australian action flick that really goes nowhere fast as Edward John Stazak's lifeless performance as high-kicking Jason Blade leaves little to distinguish it from other 80's kung-fu flicks. When Blade's partner is chased by thugs in goofy masks and eventually killed by a crimelord's second-hand man, Baxter, he flies back to Australia to seek revenge. Blade, his blonde female partner and her father were all trained Shaolin Monk style by the Panther sect of the Chinese Triad. Funny, I thought the Triads were bad guys too. Anyway Blade teams up with his departed partner's dad and his spandex wearing niece Gemma to take down Perth's underworld boss Damien Zukor whose biggest crime is his atrocious wardrobe. Two idiot detectives tail Blade and act as comic relief assuming you think stupid comments and terrible policework is amusing. Eventually Blade gains the trust of Zukor and goes undercover as one of his enforcers. From there it follows the same connect-the-dots formula that makes this a real snoozefest. There's little doubt that Mr. Stazak is a very capable martial artist which is clear during one of his many spins kicks however I'm not a twelve year old so it gets old real quick. The real mystery is the fact that this was immediately followed by the sequel "Strike of the Panther". Who exactly was demanding this? Another problem I had was the lack of boomerangs, marsupials, mates, or any other Australian stereotypes that we Yanks like so much. This panther doesn't pounce. It sleepwalks instead.

Twister's Revenge! (1988)

Monster Sucks

[1/10 · 26 March 2010]

I didn't think it was possible for Bill Rebane to repeat the same fatal flaws that were so prevalent in "Monster-a-go-go" making it one of the worst movies I have ever watched. That was until I saw lightning strike twice in the form of "Twister's Revenge" an attempted comedy that is anything but. If there is a bottom of the barrel that extends through the substructure of the planet into the very depths of the universe finally spiraling infinitely into a black hole this is approximately where this film belongs. Painful doesn't even scratch the surface as most of the "comedy" comes in the form of three clueless dopes that for some uncertain reason want to steal a computer possibly to pawn it for cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Cheez Whiz to huff. When that proves unsuccessful they resort to kidnapping the soon-to-be wife of Wisconsin's lone cowboy (I'm surprised his hat wasn't made out of foam cheese) who in turn must team up with Twister, a talking monster truck. Thus begins a Tango and Cash like team with both inanimate objects blistering each other with mundane quips. Sort of like if someone called you stupid and you replied with "I know you are but what am I?". This movie is like telling the same knock-knock joke for ninety minutes. What's even more grating is how it quickly degenerates into amusing the lowest common denominator on Earth. If there was ever a film made for cavemen this is it. The cowboy and the leader of the three idiots trade rifle shots throughout the film as if attempted murder is somehow funny which is only topped by Twister's strategy of simply running friends and family members of the trio down. Vehicular manslaughter. Ha ha. The most horrific scene is easily the jaw-droppingly hideous "love birds" song performed by a beast of a woman in spandex with too much makeup. There is nothing redeeming whatsoever to watch here as not one iota of "Twister's Revenge" made me even crack a smile. If there ever was proof that man is devolving as a species this is certainly it. How many times can you watch a car get "runned over real good" before it becomes pablum even for the slowest of dolts? It's clear to me that at this point in his career Bill Rebane just plain gave up trying. Recommended only for those that are in the first stages of learning how to use your opposable thumbs.

The Devil with Seven Faces (1971)

Bedeviled in several places

[4/10 · 18 March 2010]

While watching this I began to think that "Il diavolo a sette facce" might be Italian for "women in goofy wigs" when it became more apparent that it probably meant "waste of 90 minutes". To call "Devil with Seven Faces" a giallo would be akin to calling "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie" a drama. There is nothing in this movie that is even remotely close to the genre as this is standard television movie of the week fare. Playboy lawyer Dave Barton takes the case of Julie Harrison who is concerned about her twin sister. Turns out her sister Mary was involved in a diamond theft and double-crossed her husband who was also her partner. While under Barton's representation Julie falls for Dave's sidekick Tony who likes to bag multiple women like his boss. Can't say I disagree boys. Things move pretty slow as the various car racing scenes and mindless backstabbing provide little thrills and even less enjoyment. For some inexplicable reason Julie's hair keeps changing lengths as in one scene she'll sport the Mrs. Brady look and in the next her flowing locks are down her back. She even wears a ridiculous blue wig on the beach. The woman that Dave philanders with does likewise. At one point in the film Julie's landlady is found dead yet nothing ever comes from this. What the hell happened? Don't let the sexy cover fool you as this is a sex free flick. One naked backside and a sideshot of the curveless Carroll Baker are all the skin in this film. Let's see, convoluted plot, dull characters, no gore, no nudity, why did I give this a four? Oh yeah, Stephen Boyd does a decent job as the ladies' man lawyer. Where did they get the awful idea to name this "Devil with Seven Faces" to begin with? Skip this boring diamond caper and steal yourself a better movie.

Drive in Massacre (1976)

Lingers like a bad fart.

[2/10 · 9 March 2010]

Do you like movies about questioning two losers? How about a couple of fatass cops sleepwalking their way through a film? What about endings that confirm the last 74 minutes of your life were totally wasted? Well then you'll love "Drive-In Massacre". Someone is murdering patrons of a Los Angeles drive-in with a sword. That's it. Yet this movie treats you to the minutiae of police work including extended questioning scenes of functional retard Germy and creep Orville who just wants to "beat his meat". Sound like a blast so far? Well hang on to your hats as Det. Mike and Det. John also talk to the world's biggest azzhole drive-in manager Austin Johnson who hates, and I mean HATES, everyone. The plot stumbles in circles like a drunk on a tilt-a-whirl with one meaningless scene after the other. This movie becomes fixated on the most mundane nonsense like a stupid argument between a philanderer and his girlfriend that wears a curly wig or questioning (again?) Germy at the "police station" with both the detectives desks next to each other like a couple of grade schoolers. Stu Segall hyper-focuses on these scenes like he's filming the return of Christ. Another major complaint is the various evening shots are so dark you might as well close your eyes and imagine whatever you want. I pretended that I was watching a better movie. Partially written by George "Buck" Flower who appears late in the movie as a machete wielding nut that bears no connection to the plot. He just sorta pops in to fill up running time like a carnival scene with Germy recollecting what the detectives have said to him. Woo hoo! Buck and John Goff (billed as Jake Barnes because he was probably embarrassed) worked together in Bill Rebane's "The Alpha Incident" which looks like "Raiders of the Lost Ark" compared to this crap. Mr. Flower even manages to cast his daughter Verkina in the crucial role of girl in warehouse somehow getting billing over Newton Naushaus who has far more screen time as the prick drive-in manager. This is the fiftieth and last movie in the "Chilling Classics" collection and boy did this thing end like it began. Appallingly awful waste of time.

I Bury the Living (1958)

Pin this one on Albert Band

[6/10 · 4 March 2010]

There isn't a whole lot to "I Bury the Living" but Albert Band, father of Charles, gets every last drop out of it. Robert Kraft has become the new chairman of a cemetery that the Kraft family owns when he is introduced to outgoing Scottish grounds-keeper Andy McKee. A quick tour of his new cold office brings Robert's attention to the detailed map of the funeral plots that Andy has kept pegged with black pins for those filled and white for empty ones. When The Drexel's, a newlywed couple, arrive at the cemetery to reserve their plots (very suave of you!) Robert accidentally marks the graves with the black pins. Later that day the Drexels die in a car crash. This small detail is not ignored by Robert as he ponders the odds of them dying the same day he used the wrong colored pins. When it hits another resident of Milford under the same circumstances Robert immediately becomes horrified that he has killed these people. What separates this movie from so many others is how Robert goes about trying to remedy the situation. Instead of developing into some dastardly murderer with his new found power he tries to alert as many people as possible as to what is killing everyone. He even tries to turn himself into the police which of course is laughed at when Robert tells them what the cause is. As the body count rises Robert quickly begins to lose his mind as the map becomes an obsession that he can't walk away from. If you are expecting a polished film with plenty of different scenery, deaths, and effects of any kind you will not like this film. However, if you can get past the fact that about 95% of the scenes are in the cemetery you will be treated to a smartly written thriller that doesn't take long to build up steam. My only complaint is the ending which made it seem like it was building up to a climax along the lines of "Return of the Living Dead" which would of made this movie that much more cooler in my book. Jump onto the Band-wagon and enjoy the creepy ride.

The Devil's Hand (1961)

Commissioner Gordon - evil henchman

[3/10 · 4 March 2010]

At least "The Devil's Hand" is short and to the point. Rick is having visions of a beautiful blond woman seducing him at night (I know, what's the problem?) when he tells his far too understanding fiancé Donna about it to which she merely shrugs it off. Yeah, lemme try that one on the wife and see how she reacts. The next day the couple come upon a doll store with one of the figures bearing a remarkable resemblance to the woman in Rick's dream. Turns out the place is run by Francis Lamont (Batman's Neil Hamilton) who tells Rick that he was the one who ordered the doll in the first place and that it's already been paid for him in advance. A confused Rick pleads to Donna that he has no recollection of ever ordering the doll when Donna spies another figure that resembles her perfectly. Turns out this was all planed in advance as the dolls are used for voodoo rituals with Francis the leader of a cult that worships an evil god named Gamba. The couple's fate is sealed as Donna gets bedridden in a hospital with a needle to the heart while Rick gets seduced by his nightly vision who turns out to be gorgeous Bianca Milan who had her sights set on Rick and gets what she wants thanks to her voodoo magick. Soon Rick ditches Donna, joins the cult, and falls head over heels in love with Bianca. Kinda hard to swallow that a looker like Bianca would need to resort to these tactics to get a man, but whatever! Rick becomes torn between his former lover Donna and his allegiance to the cult. It falls apart rather quickly.

I'll readily admit that I'm not exactly Rhodes Scholar material but "Devil's Hand" sent a lot of mixed signals that messed with the overall ending. It's been established that Francis clearly has some sort of supernatural power over his members when he maims Donna and kills an undercover reporter yet he has to use some lame wheel-of-swords type thing that he controls with pedals to dispatch others with. This makes no sense. Why not just use the doll? Another problem I had is trying to read Rick's true intentions. Was he there merely to infiltrate the cult or did he really become ensnared in Bianca's magick? And if so why did he care about Donna when it shows him crumbling up a note from her and tossing it? The conclusion is also perplexing as Rick doesn't want anything bad to happen to Donna but he clearly preaches his innocence to the cult. What would be the point if his intentions in the first place was to save Donna? Why explain anything? When the building went up in flames presumably burning the dolls wouldn't everyone die? Ughh, my head hurts! Linda Christian is quite the head turner as Bianca and Rick is Alan Alda's dad Robert. The film quality is awful as scenes jump quite frequently but then again what do you expect from these multi-movie packs. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to dress my Malibu Palin doll into her wolfskin bikini.

The Legend of Bigfoot (1975)

Bigfoot: Man in tights

[3/10 · 2 March 2010]

Imagine an episode of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom only instead of Marlin Perkins narrating you have an obsessive tracker who sees signs of bigfoot in all of the wildlife on film. That obsessive tracker is Ivan Marx and this is "The Legend of Bigfoot" a fictional documentary about a man that follows leads of the legendary apeman throughout the Northwest United States, Canada and Alaska. To say that he becomes a little fanatical is putting it lightly. After Marx captures some very questionable footage of what appears to be a guy in a gorilla suit skipping through the woods while waltzing with an imaginary partner he begins his pursuit of more "documentation" by stalking the creature all over the country. Where does this guy get his money from. It had to cost quite a bit to travel from state to state looking for bigfoot even in the seventies. Maybe its all the money he saved on gas by driving his red Volkswagen bug everywhere. Yeah, nothing says outdoorsman quite like a V.W. bug. Dork. Once he gets to a new location every natural act performed by the animals gives him insight into the creature. Geese arrive. Bigfoot must be migratory. Moose mate in the woods. Bigfoot must hunt here. A squirrel gets run over by a Buick. Bigfoot must have ties to the United Autoworkers. If Marx stumbled across a Snickers wrapper he would probably assume that bigfoot works in a chocolate factory. There's some other supposed footage of bigfoot that are just as silly and also appear to be just some stooge in a suit. Suffice to say this was as convincing as "Harry and the Hendersons" as far as lending credibility of bigfoot existing somewhere in the Pacific Northwest or anywhere else for that matter. Rumor has it Bigfoot's lawyer served Marx with stalking papers and he's now not able to come within 500 yards of him. I have the video to prove it.

Horrors of Spider Island (1960)

The unspectacular spider man.

[1/10 · 2 March 2010]

A bunch of really horny frauleins are on a plane ride to Singapore presumably to dance (I'm sure "dancing" in Singapore has a different meaning) when it crashes into the sea killing everyone except the girls, the girls' manager Gary, and Gary's assistant Georgia. Lucky for us. While lost at sea on a life raft, which I assume they pulled out of the sinking plane while leaving the pilots and crew to die, they happen upon an island and paddle ashore. Gary and his female crew come to a cabin on the island only to find a dead man hanging in a very large spider web. Turns out he was bitten by a rather large spider with claws that has become mutated by the uranium on the island. While on an evening stroll Gary gets bitten by said spider and becomes a goofy were-spider with claws that he uses to strangle victims with. Well, enough of that, let's get to the main focus of this film which is to ogle the ladies in various states of undress. "Horrors of Spider Island" was originally a nudie flick however when it was released in the U.S. all of the nudity was taken out. Hooray? This is an incredibly silly movie that needed all the help it could get so excising the nude scenes doesn't exactly enhance the viewing experience. The dubbed dialogue is just as bad if not worse than any seventies kung-fu movie I've ever seen. The women "ooh" and "aah" so inappropriately it sounds like they're having orgasms. The slaps are particular bad as the actresses don't come within a mile of making contact. One particularly stupid conversation has the girls stumbling upon the body of one of the ditzy broads when Georgia says "She's been strangled" to which Babs retorts "A spider". What? Where do you make the connection from strangulation to arachnids? What kind of spiders are in her neighborhood? After some skinny dipping two guys show up and proceed to try and impregnate the more than willing ladies. After about thirty minutes of lame dancing and prostitution Gary the spider monster shows back up for the anticlimax. I had an idea about a movie like this that involved whiskey and horny island women. It was "Zee Dies and Goes to Heaven".

A Bucket of Blood (1959)

A stinging indictment of the culture of celebrity.

[6/10 · 28 February 2010]

It probably helped that I saw "The Bloody Brood", a snobby and rather pretentious film that takes itself and the Beatnik culture a little too seriously. "A Bucket of Blood" is Roger Corman's take on these faux "artists" and gets to the heart of what lengths some people will go to attain such temporary fame. Walter Paisley, played masterfully by long time character actor Dick Miller, is such a person as he works his way up from a busboy who is ridiculed by the hipsters at the Yellow Door where his boss Leonard constantly reprimands him for talking to the guests to an overnight sensation. Miller will continue to employ the moniker Walter Paisley in future films as well. When Walter accidentally kills his cat he encases it in clay which makes it appear to those not in the know that Walter in fact sculpted a life-like rendition. When Leonard agrees to put his sculpture on display at the cafe they both work at it becomes an instant hit winning the approval of windbag Maxwell Brock who is the local beat poet artiste. Soon Walter is tasked with finding his next model which comes in the form of undercover cop Lou Raby (actor and future game show host Burt Convy) who attempts to arrest Walter on a mistaken drug charge. Walter kills him thus making Lou the first of his human sculptures that merely titillates the masses even more. When Leonard finds out the truth he suppresses it in order to cash in on a tasteless art dealer who will pay handsomely for Walter's work. This provides the comic relief as every time Leonard sees Walter's latest project he has to keep himself upright so as not to keel over from the shock. It's not long before Walter begins looking and acting the part of a highbrow virtuoso who becomes just as desperate for attention as his need for more "inspiration". A rather well done dark comedy from Roger Corman who was producing mostly trash like "Attack of the Giant Leeches" during this same time period. The acting is solid throughout the cast especially Julian Burton who seemed to relish his performance as the pompous Maxwell. It's amazing how sophisticated we've become in society in the sixty years since this movie came out. Instead of killing people for fame you can just star in your own porno. Instant notoriety. We've come a long way.