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taldarus
Only reason I created this account was because there is so much crap this year.
Apparently, I don't want to review romances, according to my demographics.
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Watchable, but barely
I am not happy.
This is the single weakest movie I have seen in the marvel franchise. Note that it is the first Movie that I think I have seen after the takeover. I loved Dr. Strange's first movie so I saved this as a litmus test.
Why am I unhappy?
This entire story has already been published in a different Marvel series.
More specifically, it was a ten to twenty minute short story. One of the 'Marvel's What If' episodes.
The only difference is the first thirty minutes of needless action sequences at the beginning. The mediocre backstory dialogue. The next thirty minutes of 'action' although I would have to say watching the second sequences and labeling it 'action' is a bit of a stretch.
It is literally a curb stomp, followed by a complete repetition of the earlier dialogue. Just in case you missed it.
What's my point? They fit the entire story in a twenty minute episode and then tried to force me to watch a two hour version.
Want the full spoiler? Find the "Marvel's what if" Episode 4 and then watch this movie. The script is identical.
One is far cheaper and doesn't waste your time.
One has a lot of unnecessary action sequences that made me wonder why I am watching this.
Kimi no na wa. (2016)
Loved it one time. Hated it twice.
I honestly don't know how to say it better than this point right here.
Once this movie was a powerful knockout. Watching it a second time, I just couldn't stomach it.
Note that I maybe watched it more than twice, but I doubt it was more than four times. I genuinely cannot stand to watch this movie anymore.
The first time was really enjoyable though.
Apocalypse Now (1979)
Uh, there are two versions?
I just saw this and wanted to give it a one star and a scathing review.
I despised this movie it was such complete crap. Fortunately, I have no learned that there are two versions, and I am pretty sure I didn't see it until after 2001. That means I could have easily seen the crap one.
I found the one I watched ridiculous, pretentious and complete garbage. I genuinely didn't understand how anyone could rate this so highly. Now I know there might be two versions. It is time to see if I watched the definitive edition (Pretentious crap?) or the theatrical release (timeless classic)
Back to the Future (1985)
I can't think of any reason not to enjoy this.
Well, OK, the beginning scene, were everything starts is a tad bit over the top.
And by a tad bit, I mean a huge mammoth chunk. The time travel mechanics are stupid, but its OK.
This is a movie that they want you to laugh at those things. They aren't serious about anything at all. So go ahead and have a good laugh, at all the insane time travel stuff.
Oddly, just like Indiana Jones, this follows the Great-Bad-Good pattern. If you are thinking about watching the trilogy, don't stress out about the middle one.
WALL·E (2008)
Delightful musical commentary.
There really isn't any conversations in this story, and yet it totally works.
Wall-E is a true pleasure to watch for me. Although, I must emphasize the near silence. A beautiful commentary about how humans are slowly changing into fat cows that sit around an watch TV all day, and because of this they just ignore the world crumbling into ruin around them.
Don't worry about responsibility the president of BUY-MORE is here to help!
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
And you can't go down from here.
If you read my review about a tunnel crawling, almost spy, action hero in my last review. You will quickly realize that this story is anything but that.
Oh, technically, it has all of those things, but yet it seems to lack anything else.
I have watched this maybe three times. Twice when young, and once again a few years ago when I thought it couldn't be that bad. It was.
I remember thinking, when younger, I was missing out on something important to the Indiana Jones movies. I wasn't.
Fortunately, we live in the modern age and you can watch this a lot faster on a computer than in the old days. Don't worry if watching it at high speed leaves you feeling confused. I felt that at normal speeds as well.
The Terminator (1984)
The second is better.
Ugh, I have reviewed far too many time travel stories of late.
They are not that good. This one is almost good, but not really that good.
The acting is sub par. The effects are decent. Although they don't actually have any real effects until the very end. Most of this could be done by an AV club, even for its time. I think there are two, maybe three scenes that would have been impossible for an AV club. If you want to understand the origin of terminator 2, go ahead; but don't expect the second movies quality.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Whipcracking Fun
A simple, honest, enjoyable adventure where the hero goes out and saves the day. About as creative as dried paint, but it is far more enjoyable. If you like action movies and/or silly archeology about overcoming a bunch of unrealistic traps.
This is the one for you to watch.
Also a bit of a 007 vibe to it.
District 9 (2009)
Almost likeable...
I am not giving this movie props for its being made outside of hollywood.
The story has one major, huge problem. Why is this entire story possible and the aliens are living out life in a ghetto?
Still the movie is moderately entertaining, and I almost enjoy it enough to watch it again. Like aliens, social commentaries, and violence?
This has all of those, just don't look too closely or you might see the flaws.
Arrival (2016)
I almost rewatched this...
And I never finished it in the first place.
I watched this the first time and I remember being bored to tears. I started to think that I should watch it again for the ending. Then I remembered that I completely lost interest in this thing.
There are better things to watch.
Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
Demographicly built crap
A lot of new stuff has been crap, and I just figured it out with the last two reviews.
This movie is literally a hodgepodge of other movies put together in as 'non-offensive' a way as possible in order to garner the maximum number of viewers as possible. I was joking on another review that it felt like something a crappy analytical algorithm created using a random set of story tropes...
Executron (executive-tron) lives! And apparently likes time travel sci-fi tropes.
The Happening (2008)
I couldn't care less
I just wrote a review for Birds, far better btw, and I remembered this little horror... lol... when I was thanking the divine that they didn't spend forever trying to figure out why the birds where attacking.
This is pretty much the opposite.
All I remember thinking was, "I don't care why, please talk about baseball now..."
The Birds (1963)
Weaker Hitchcock
But it is still fun if you enjoy a good monster story.
Fortunately, the movie doesn't waste time trying to explain 'WHY' this thing happens. Something that happens in almost 90% of monster movies at the opening on act III. Yeah, usually before the big climax the heroes find time to light a cig and speculate about why things happen.
Acceptable pacing, tension and acting. Not the best, not the worst. A good monster movie. A weak Hitchcock.
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Oh glod this was aweful
I hate this movie.
I have to say, with all the love pouring out for it. I wanted to see what other people thought of it.
Silent and Apes. Phew.
Way too much silence and apes. This movie had a really expensive set, they actually built a physical space station or something close to the real deal. That's cool.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Almost all the tropes
The good: Decent special effects. Good acting. Decent violence.
The bad: Huge issues with the story. It has plot holes and tropes aplenty. The bad guys are magically bullet proof at a distance, but everyone runs around with guns. The human population is being butchered, but they still insist on using a failed military doctrine.
The whole time, I kept wondering about the clear and obvious question, 'What will happen to the human races population in the future once they win? There is clearly no exit strategy.'
The script follows a decent logical course, but not a creative one. Like someone just copy pasted time traveler tropes into the story and arranged them in a computer algorithm.
All the time I pictured those two old guys from the muppets asking questions about all these hot young ladies running around. "Why did the human race need to invent time travel?"
"Because they invented birth control!."
And then the old guys laugh and no one else is laughing.
ADDM: It is called a spear btw. Humans carved their way to the top of the food chain using something called a spear. Bayonets are still fairly common practice in any military that doesn't have glowey blue guns.
The Thing from Another World (1951)
Better than the 80's one
But I know it's a less than convincing horror for most people.
I love this movie, and it will always have a place in my home. However, I really can't recommend it for anyone but a lover of the 50's b-movies.
Planet of the Apes (1968)
Replaced?
I have to question if this one has been replaced by the newer movies in my opinion.
They are, however, very different stories.
This movie has not aged as well as some others in its time frame. For a long time this movie was amazing.
The Time Machine (1960)
A dated piece, but a personal treasure.
I loved these 'old' stories.
This one has just seen better days. The concept is simple, and the implementation is fine enough, but the monsters are the problem.
Don't get me wrong, they aren't that bad, but they are just not scary either.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
A fantastic story that was remade into a flop
This is my third 50's movie that is just astounding to review, and I really want to rate them higher, but they are more and more becoming a niche market.
Still they are truly masterpieces.
Forbidden Planet (1956)
Simple, stunning, for it's age
This is definitely the 'father' of sci-fi movies. It is just astoundingly good for its time period. If you haven't ever watched old 50's sci-fi/horror, don't move your expectations too high.
For a person who loves the classics, it is easily a 10/10.
However, I suspect many people wont be able to appreciate the movie in the modern setting.
The War of the Worlds (1953)
Well worth watching for it's age.
Just wrote about how a horror failed to instill any fear in me.
Even if you don't want to watch the whole thing. I have to say that the farmhouse scene is hands down one of the scariest scenes on the silver screen. The actresses performance in that moment is so genuine you can feel the hairs standing up on her neck.
Truly terrifying. You can watch the rest if you really enjoy 50's era B-horror, but otherwise it's not that amazing.
The Thing (1982)
A gorey, cheesy remake of a fun b-movie
I loved the original thing. The carrot vampire from space!
This movie was nothing like that, and is my least favorite story arch of all times. That is why I hate it. It is one of these clasterphobia/hidden monster stories and it is just not scary.
The effects either had me laughing or grossed out. Never did I feel even the remotest tingle on my spine.
How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Rank it higher if you like dragons.
One of the best, if not the best, dragon story out there. Strangely, there are tons of movies with dragons; but they almost always suck.
There are many problems with this as a movie, but none should prevent you from enjoying it a first time.
The Sixth Sense (1999)
Directors best work.
About the only thing that will loose the audience is the more 'violent' nature of this story. Even then it isn't really 'violent' as it is scary or shocking. This is because of what the story is about.
The less you know about this, probably the more you will enjoy it.
A central element to the story is potentially offensive to people, but I know lots of people who I would normally associate with this category. No one has ever complained in my experience.
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
An unapolgetic apology from a criminal scumbag.
Still, its a pretty good movie.
The problem is that the moral of this story is very dangerously close to: 'Be a lying fraud at whatever you are doing, and you will get a movie and a book deal. All you have to do is apologize!'
His apology is literally crap, and functionally shifts blame onto everyone else involved in his adventures. Scum who thinks he is clever is still scum.
Still its a good movie.