toyman1967 Reviews

The Haunting of Hill House (2018)

The YAWNING of Hill House!!!!

[4/10 · 29 October 2018]

Did I watch the same show as most everyone else here???? I'll just jump in with both feet and say I wanted to quit watching this after 3 episodes because it was just SO slow!!! I DID finish the series hoping it would get better but for me, it never did. It was very confusing with all the flashbacks and the various ghosts. Everyone is talking about how creepy and scary it was and I found it neither. I found most of the story, both in flashbacks and in present day, to be drawn out and very boring. Yes, it FINALLY wrapped up all the confusing parts in the end and it made sense but it was too late for me. Sorry folks.

Mother! (2017)

The title of this film SHOULD be Motherf@#$er!!

[2/10 · 28 December 2017]

What the hell did we just watch??!!?? How did this film get such a high rating??!!?? It is SO slow and confusing. It makes no sense and just when you think it might get good..............BOOM, it goes downhill again!! There are comparisons to "Rosemary's Baby" and I see that but I hated THAT film too!! This is nothing but an artsy-fartsy piece of crap!! Don't waste your time with it!!

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Pan's Labyrinth................eh.

[5/10 · 12 October 2017]

I was FINALLY able to watch this after YEARS of putting it off and I have to say, with all the positive reviews from just about EVERYBODY, I was a bit disappointed. Sure, it was a beautiful looking and VERY well acted movie but for me, that was it. It wasn't boring in the least as it did hold my attention but I just don't get what everybody sees in it. I just didn't like it. I know that I'm am REALLY in the minority here and I guess that's OK with me. A beautiful film with no substance. Sorry.

Encounter (V) (2016)

Do NOT Encounter this movie!!!!

[1/10 · 22 February 2017]

What a HUGE waste of time this was!!! First off, I HATE found footage movies and when I found out that this was one, I should have NOT watched it. It is slow, boring and NOTHING happens!!! Then just when I thought it was about supernatural happenings, it turns into an alien flick. This is by far the WORST movie I have EVER watched and I have watched A lot of BAD movies. I kept falling asleep and having to rewind to see if I missed anything...............I didn't and you wont either if you skip this ROTTEN movie!!!

Split (IX) (2016)

We should have listened to the title of this movie and SPLIT!!!!

[3/10 · 25 January 2017]

HOW can a movie with such a HIGH rating be SO bad??!!?? First off I have to say it WAS well acted but you have to have a decent plot to go with it. It was BORING and YES there WAS a twist ending but it was from a movie, that I WONT reveal, that I predicted the ending to within the first half hour and if you HAVEN'T seen THAT movie you will have NO idea what I'm, or everyone else, is talking about. The last time I went to a movie based on a high rating was to see "It Follows". It should have been called "Sh&t Follows". THIS one should have just been called "SH&T". Save your money!!!! M. Night Shamalamadingdong's movies are going downhill with every new one. Can you say "The Crappening"? By the way, my wife fell asleep during most of the movie and SEVERAL moviegoers shouted "this sucks" when the movie was over so I don't know what movie OTHERS reviewers saw but it wasn't THIS one.

Tenebrae (1982)

Argento's BEST?? I'd hate to see his WORST!

[3/10 · 16 February 2015]

I just got done watching this mess of a film and felt that I just HAD to write a review on it. Why does this film have such a high rating? The acting is horrible, the editing is rotten and the "twist" I figured out within the first fifteen minutes. Other users talk about how bloody this movie is and the amount of nudity is in it. I must have been watching a whole different version because the one I was watching had very little nudity and hardly any blood, except at the end, and a victim has her hand or arm cut off, not in the version I saw. I watched a version called Tenebre, not Unsane, on Amazon Prime and it said it was unrated but I think it was HORRIBLY cut. I have watched only one other Argento movie and that being Cat O'Nine Tails and that one was bad as well. I saw that this movie had such a high rating from viewers that I should give it a try. WRONG!!! I've seen better acted movies from Troma films. If this is what Italian Gallo is, I'll just stick to my American films.

All Hallows' Eve (2013)

THIS is why people are afraid of clowns!!!!

[6/10 · 1 November 2013]

I just got done watching All Hallows' Eve and I have to say that even though it's not a great movie, I did enjoy it. The movie is a series of three short stories with a wrap-around story as its' tie-in. It's a low budget movie with mediocre acting and some decent gore effects but when it is over you'll be glad you watched it. I wont tell you what the stories are about. I'll let you find out as you watch it but what I WILL tell you is that you'll NEVER look at a clown the same way again!!! The first story is just okay, the second story is just plain awful but you'll LOVE the third story and the wrap-around story starts off slow but you'll LOVE it by its' end. Again, it's a low budget movie and most of the time they are painful to watch but there ARE exceptions and All Hallows' Eve is one of the exceptions...........and NO, I'm NOT associated in ANY way with this film. I am just a horror fan who enjoyed this movie.

Bandit: Bandit Bandit (1994 TV Movie)

A Smokey and The Bandit movie WITHOUT Bo, The Snowman or Sheriff Buford!!!!

[4/10 · 17 July 2013]

This is one of 4 television adaptations of Smokey and The Bandit that featured Brian Bloom and a whole host of other 90's TV stars. I never knew they existed until I saw the Smokey and The Bandit 7-pack on DVD in stores. They were made by Universal TV Studios and directed by Hal Needham in the early 90's. I don't know whose idea it was to make these movies, as the interest in Smokey and The Bandit had died out years before, but it wasn't a good idea. I caught THIS one on the Encore Family movie channel yesterday and I KNEW that it wouldn't be that good but I am a HUGE fan so I just HAD to watch it for the first time as ANY of these television movies are RARE to see on TV. I haven't seen the other ones in this series but if they are anything like THIS one they will probably be just as bad...........but I'd still watch them once to say that I've seen them. I'd recommend these to the DIE HARD fans of Smokey and The Bandit ONLY!!!!

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Dr. Strangelove.......strange covers it!!!

[3/10 · 8 November 2012]

I don't get it!!!!! I haven't written many reviews but after watching this, I feel compelled to do so. I have heard this movies' reputation for YEARS about how GREAT it is so I got the opportunity to watch it and I did and I will say it again......I don't get it!!!! I found it neither funny OR good. How can a movie about the end of the world be funny??? The war room scenes are long, drawn-out and tedious and the scenes in the airplane are repetitive(sorry about the spelling) and BORING!!! What is SO good about this movie??? Someone please tell me!!! I invite fellow IMDb users to tell me or am I just missing the whole point to the movie???

Machete Joe (2010)

Machete Joe may be scarred but NOW I'M scarred for life!!!!

[1/10 · 6 March 2012]

I haven't written a review for a film in quite a while but after watching this movie I feel compelled to do so!! I have NOTHING good to say about this movie at all!! The big stars of this film are Art Evans and Ernie Hudson but they only appear in this film a TOTAL of about 5 minutes COMBINED. The acting is horrendous, some of the worst I've EVER seen and I've seen MANY bad-acted movies. I would even put the movie "The Room" above this one in terms of better acted bad movies. There are NO redeeming qualities about this movie so I'm going to stop now because I just realized that I'm wasting my time reviewing a film that ALREADY wasted my time!!! Just stay away from Machete Joe!!!!

The Trip (II) (1967)

Wow, man. Look at all the pretty colors!!!!!

[3/10 · 20 May 2010]

Dude, all I have to say about this movie is..........WOW!!!! I don't usually go for this type of movie but I saw that it was on Retroplex and I have heard of it for years but have never seen it. The (plot?) is about this soon-to-be-divorced TV commercial director and his LSD trip and the effects it has on him..............that's it. I seen that it was written by Jack Nicholson. What did he have to write???? All there is is a bunch of psychedelic colors, some very loud late 60's music and Peter Fonda running around. Dennis Hopper plays a flipped out drug dealer and Bruce Dern plays Fonda's friend who introduces him to LSD. You won't need any luggage to go on this trip. All you will need is some weed and some LSD and you are on your way.

A Name for Evil (1973)

A Side to Robert Culp I Wish I Had Never Seen!!!!

[1/10 · 12 May 2010]

Sometime last year I bought A compilation of 20 horror movies called HORROR DO NOT WATCH ALONE for $5 at Wal-Mart. It contained mostly z-grade movies from the 60's to the early 80's such as Dementia 13, The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave, House by the Cemetery and this one that I am reviewing, among others. I thought it was a great deal. Boy, was I wrong!!! The compilation SHOULD have been called DO NOT WATCH AT ALL!!! These movies SUCK!!!! I will stick to reviewing THIS movie right now. I should have known I was in for trouble when I was watching the opening credits and seen that it was put out by Penthouse. Yes, the magazine. So I kept watching it thinking how bad can it be. There were some ghostly voices, a haunted house and some pretty freaky music and that's about it. AND THEN........Robert Culp hops on a horse and all hell breaks loose for no apparent reason what-so-ever!!!!! Sex galore and naked people everywhere..........INCLUDING ROBERT CULP!!!! I SPY Robert Culp's thingamajig!!! Then somebody dies and it's over. This movie defines the era in which it was made. Billy Joe Royal who sang the 60's song "Cherry Hill Park" sings a song and appears briefly in this piece of crap. The ONLY reason ANYONE needs to see this is if you want to see Robert Culp naked. Others, keep adoring him as Debra's father on Everyone Loves Raymond. I'm sure this was a poop stain on his resume.

Blood Sucking Freaks (1976)

Blood Sucking Freaks is fun, campy and nasty exploitation!!!!!

[7/10 · 11 May 2010]

I just got done watching this vile, disgusting, utterly repulsive piece of cinema............and I loved it!!!!!! This MUST be the inspiration for Eli Roth's Hostel. There are MANY OMG moments in this "movie" but my favorites were the "doctor" drinking the brains and blood out of a woman's skull with a straw, the midget getting "head" from a decapitated body and the "ass" dartboard. Listen for the sound effects when the midget pulls the darts out. UGH!!!!! The makers of this movie are not what we call normal. They set out to make a nauseating, sick, perverted movie and they succeeded on doing just that. I like my horror movies off-the-wall and that describes this one to a tee. If that is your type of horror film, then this is for you. The Jason, Freddy and Michael Myers type need not apply.

Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It. (1970)

A Psychedelic, Hippy Trip

[2/10 · 11 May 2010]

I usually don't watch this type of movie but today I seen it was on Retroplex and I didn't want to watch my usual horror movies so I sat myself down ready to be entertained. I should have stuck with the horror movies. What I ended up watching was this terrible, awful movie about the end of civilization if you are over the age of 25. Instead of eating hot dogs and chips while watching this, I should have had a bag of weed and some LSD strips then maybe I would have liked it. It was interesting to see Cindy Williams in a pre-Laverne and Shirley role. Basically, it is about these wacked-out under 25 hippies and their travels through the southwest and their meetings with other wacked-out hippies. It's kind of like a psychedelic Road Warrior type movie without the killing. Maybe if you were a child of the 60's, you might like this type of movie but I was born in '67 so I didn't like it. If you are into the drug culture of the late 60's then this movie is for you, if not, then stay far away from this one.

The Graves (2009)

um, uh, hmmm, ooooook, yeah, sure.

[1/10 · 23 March 2010]

I am writing this review to ask one thing..............what the @#$% was this mess about????? This is the first of the After Dark Movies To Die For that I have watched so far this year and what a way to start!!! Complete and utter CRAP!!!! Each year I look forward to these movies but with each year they get worse. Yes, I do watch them all and I should stop with this one but I won't. I guess I like torturing myself with worthless movies. I just got done watching Brothers with Jake However-You-Spell-His-Name and Tobey McGuire and that was such a great movie that I gave it a 9 and I go to this. So this is what Tony Todd, Candyman, is doing these days. For all those reading this review, PLEASE SKIP THIS ONE!!!!!!

Pick-up (1975)

What a stinky pile of smelly 70's exploitation !!!!!!!

[3/10 · 30 December 2009]

I am beginning to think that I wasted my money on the Drive-In Cult Classics set!!!! This is the third movie that I watched from this 8-pack set and they are just getting worse and worse. I am not expecting academy award winners but I was expecting something at least watchable. The only good thing about this movie was the cool bus!!! I've seen hotter soft core porn on the late night Oxygen Channel show "Bliss". I do have to admit that the two lead women are 70's exploitation HOTTIES and that's why I'm giving this film 2 stars for obviously naked reasons. I sure do hope these movies in this set get better.

Cindy and Donna (1970)

Booze and Boobs!!!!!! What more could a guy want in a movie???

[2/10 · 30 December 2009]

I just bought Drive-in Cult Classics at Best Buy today and quickly put in Cindy and Donna after reading what this movie was about, hey I'm a guy and it sounded great!!! After watching this appalling heap of 70's garbage I realized that this T&A movie needed something else.........to be buried and NEVER watched again!!!!! I thought all I needed in a movie was an ample supply of booze, boobs and drugs but I was SO wrong!!! I do have to say that I loved the ending!!! It was so sudden and unexpected. I hope that the rest of the flicks on this set are better than this one. I am giving this 70's sexploitation flick a two for 2 BIG obvious reasons.

The Last Resort (I) (2009)

Do not check into The Last Resort!!!!!

[1/10 · 11 August 2009]

I just rented this movie from the Redbox today and I must say that if you are looking for a good movie to pull up a blanket and a pillow to cover your eyes with this is NOT your movie!!!!!!! But if you are looking for a movie to pull up a blanket and a pillow to help you fall asleep to well then this IS your movie!!!! The acting is bad, the violence is dull and the script is horrible. I fell asleep 3 times during this movie. I was waiting for it to get better or at least watchable but it never got to either point. The length of this movie is barely just over an hour but it is an hour of my life that I want back. Hey, at least one thing good came out of it, I only wasted a dollar rental. Take my advice and DO NOT RENT and PLEASE DO NOT BUY this one!!! Lionsgate has many other films in their library that are passable but this is NOT one of them!!!!

Stardust (2007)

An unexpectedly wonderful movie!!!!!!!

[9/10 · 14 March 2008]

I LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!! Right away, I was thinking of comparing this great movie with The Princess Bride and lo and behold, I am not the only one. I do have to say, The Princess Bride will always be my favorite but this one comes in a very close second. Both have their romantic charm and their very funny comedic parts. I think that Stardust will go down as a classic in the future. I will not give it away but if you haven't seen it yet, Robert DeNiro gives his best surprise performance of his career. Forget his classics, this role will forever go down in history, or at least my history, as his best role ever!!! This is a great movie for the entire family to see and one worthy to sit next to the Princess Bride in anyone's sappy, romantic, fairy tale type movie collection

Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983)

Scumbum!!!

[5/10 · 27 October 2007]

Where do I begin???? I hope that Mr. Gleason is looking down at us right now asking for forgiveness for making this train wreck of a movie!!! I am the BIGGEST Smokey and the Bandit fan but even I have to draw the line somewhere.............and this is it!!! This movie had to have been one of those "has to be made cuz of a contract" movies. I can't even begin to tell you what is SO horrible about this movie, to the acting right down to the stunts, awful!!! The ONLY thing saving this stinker from the garbage heap is Jackie Gleason. He still is spouting off those great one-liners such as "Don't go in there. You might get a herpes on you." but even some of them are tired and sound forced. At some point, even he must have thought "OOOFF!". Jerry Reed as the Bandit just doesn't work for me. There are so many bad things about this movie. The editing is horrible!! There are times when you can plainly see what is said is NOT what is really said. It looks like a Japanese Godzilla movie at times. The mistakes such as the spelling of Big and Little Enis?? It is supposed to be Enos, the wrecking of the cars in one scene and in the next scene there is no damage to the vehicle, the change in the Trans-Am's wheels during a chase scene....I could go on but my fingers are hurting. I bought the Smokey and the Bandit pursuit pack, all three in one, so I could watch #3 for the first time in years to see if what I remember was true and, sadly it was. Even the soundtrack is downright horrible. They even threw in nudity to, I guess, spice things up. My guess is to keep the guys watching this awake, didn't work. Even the nudity is boring!!! I have heard over the years that there was an alternate version filmed of this movie called "Smokey IS the Bandit". It might be interesting if nothing else to see Jackie Gleason playing the Bandit. Watch this ONLY for curiosity then bury it and never dig it back up!!!!