Poivoroinen Reviews

Braindead (1992)

Oh dear...

[3 November 2002]

After a lot of talking about this movie from my friend we finally saw it on the video a dark and creepy autumnnight. Wow.

Forget about the story, which is something about a ratmonkeys bite that turns people into zombies. Have you seen Night of the Living Dead? Though that movie more depends on a scary atmosphere, this movie depends on it's black humor and griesly, stomachturning splattereffects. The entire last 40 minutes is all about butchering zombies in all kinds of imaginative ways. If you have a tender stomach, you are WARNED hereby. Bring something to spew in. This is so sick people have fainted from watching the movie. But it's all in good fun! You gotta remember that. And it is most definetely FUN to watch the dismemberment of the zombies!

One of the best qoutes of all times: "I kick arse for the Lord!"

++++ of +++++ or 8/10

Spider-Man (2002)

Itsy bitsy Spider...

[5 July 2002]

Wow! I certainly had a lot on my mind when I went to see this movie. My favorite super-hero, finally on the big screen! And I shall confess to you all, abit picky as I can be, not much was flawed in this very amusing, exciting and breathtaking adventure!

The special effects did their job, but there were some drawbacks. At some point the hero (as Peter Parker) swings thru the city and you can hear him scream of joy. Setback? Mouth ain't moving...

But that's just a petitesse, there is so much to talk about that brings a smile to my face.

The actors are excellent and perfectly casted for the parts. Tobey Maguire is Peter Parker, Kirsten Dunst are all what Mary Jane is about, Willem Dafoe gives as Norman Osborn/The Green Goblin a performance much like Jack Nicholson's portail of the Joker, outstanding and off top that he really do is Goblin. Oh, and not to forget J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson, the Daily Bugles cheiftant and master in a brilliant and lovingly act as one of the most love-to-hate good guys ever to hit the silver screen!

The story is as you spiderloving friends all now it to be. Nerdy Peter Parker get's a bite form an radioactive spider, transforms into Spider-man after learning from his uncle that "with great powers comes great responsibility" and try to win the heart of Mary-Jane Watson and on the same time battling the megalomaniac Green Goblin, destroying New York on his rampage.

Green Goblins suit is a disappointment, since Spidy's costume is quite like the one in the comics why couldn't Goblin have received the same treatment?

Anyway, a real golden piece of movie... 9 of 10 of course.

Perfect Dark (I) (2000 Video Game)

God dammit, the perfect game!

[28 April 2002]

I am addicted to this game. After beating it (completing everything, cheats, levels and the thirty horrible hard multiplayer levels - damn proud) I have gone into some sort of dvala, just waiting for Perfect Dark 2. I do have a life (gotta check, to be sure... yes I DO have a life, phew) but this game is simply something amazing!

10 of 10.

Payback (I) (1999)

Mel Gibson is HARD!

[8/10 · 28 April 2002]

This is a movie much like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs with bad guys in the roles, bad guys with no marks of goodness or sympathy in them. This movie feels a bit more like film noir with it's dark and moody tune.

Mel Gibson is Hard. That is the basic plot. He's been robbed and shot by his former wife and best friend and was left for dead. Well, he survived two bullets in the back and he's back, p***ed like a mad killerdog.

Things never goes as you belive it should. Bad guys get nicked off at wrong occasions and small characters survives longer than most of the stars. Lucy Liu is a hoot as a sadist who in a very funny scene beats up her boyfriend FOR Mel Gibson. And the torturescene at the end is one of the creepiest scenes I have ever witnessed. True Pain.

But the ending is cool just as the movie and the grade stop's at a welldeserved 8.

The Shining (1980)

How can a movie being so boring be so great?

[9/10 · 25 April 2002]

Don't misunderstand. This is one of the weak horrorgenres best movies and get's a weighed 9 from me. But at time the movie is quite boring, but the music, the AMAZING music, so scary you'll slap yourself silly is breathtaking and keeps you pumping with adrenaline during those dreary parts.

Jack Nicholsons act is one of his best in his fabolous career. Only Batman, One Flew Over the Coocoos Nest and As Good As It Gets are better. He is over the top, but somehow beautifully played over the top with style and panagé.

Heeere's Jack!

9/10.

Blast from the Past (1999)

Hey, it's Christopher Walken in a silly mood!

[21 April 2002]

First of all, everything me and my friend's laughed at in this movie had something to do with that madcap maniac Walken! He is outrageously funny! When Fraser get's up to the surface and the romance between him and Silverstone begins the movie bog's a bit.

See it only for Christopher Walken!

6/10.

Resident Evil (2002)

Play the games instead.

[5/10 · 21 April 2002]

As ALL other game to movie this is a disappointment. Of course this is in the genre game to movie the best of it's genre.

Complicated story (LOT'S of explaning) a lot of meleé actor's, and the zombies really stinks!

That's the main problem with the film! It's already rated R, so why couldn't Andersson have brought out the gore more? That is one of the game's best bet, gore, thrill, horror simply. It's supposed to be a horrormovie, yet it's quite BORING! George A. Romero has done far better with Night of the Living Dead, and that was a black and white movie. The zombies in Resident Evil aint scary, they don't look dead.

5/10. Oh, and Milla Jovovich is kinda flat in the movie, not at all the whamming experience that many imdbvoter's think she is.

Top Gun (1986)

Um, Tom Cruise look's good and fly good.

[7/10 · 21 April 2002]

Not really my kind of film, I can understand the people that like it (the endless hordes of teengirls) but there is some cool scenes with the airplanes, and if you can forget about how oh and pretty Mr. Cruise is, he actually do a good actingjob.

7/10.

Batman & Robin (1997)

Aaaaarghh!

[20 April 2002]

I give up. Batman 1 was best. Batman 2 second best. Batman 3 comes next.

And this crap... God! Joel Schumacher tries to bring more of the campy Batman into this movie. It really stink's. Either you make a good actionBat or campyBat (like in the tv-series from the 60:ies) but you can't have both!

George Clooney: Woody. But not as woodygoody as Michael Keaton.

Alicia Silverstone: Just shoot me. She CAN act, I know that. Why doesn't she try that?

Chris O'Donell: Again, just shoot me. He is worse than in Batman Forever.

Uma Thurman: Not bad, but not good either. Just flat and boring.

Arnold Swarchenegger: I thought this guy would actually be overacting good. But the bad part is that he actually tries to act. Aaaargh!

4/10.

Batman Forever (1995)

Where's Michael Keaton?

[19 April 2002]

Tim Burton directed two dark, brooding Batflick's, both good. Now the turn has come to Joel Shumacher. He decides to bring Batman into a more ... comic mood. No not funny, comic like the little comicpaper. It has both advantages and errors. Mostly errors. I just don't want to see Batman like this! Burton's version is better.

Val Kilmer: I don't like the man's face. He seem's to have bit a lemon or something. But then again, the hero isn't really important, it's the bad guys.

Chris O'Donnel: Yeah, the bad guy's important. Yep.

Tommy Lee Jones: Overacting is not funny if you overact this much. His laughter is something of the worst thing I have ever heard!

Jim Carrey: Oh thank God! At least ONE person in this project has been casted properly! Carrey is PERFECT as the Riddler. Over the top, yes, even alrightythen over the top but that's just what saves this movie. He is hilarius! Just as I pictured the Riddler, insane! Only the Joker can top this bad guy!

7/10.

Batman Returns (1992)

So the Bat's back, accompanied by the Cat, the penguin and the Walken?

[19 April 2002]

Yeahn folk's, it's not as good the first. Why? Well, where's the Joker? Hmmm... dead! Let's face it, the Penguin does not have the same panagé as the Joker and even if DeVito is really cool, no-one can compare himself to Jack Nicholson. Tim Burton does do a good work directing, and Danny Elfman's dark, brooding score is as good as ever.

Michael Keaton: Best Bat ever. Sure he's woody but it's the bad guys that we wanna see, right?

Michelle Pheiffer: Meow! She has the posture, the look, the aura of Catwoman. And her suit! Weow! A mean act from the girl in black!

Danny DeVito: Someway, just beeing in a film makes this guy cool. But the Penguincharacter get's such a weak background. Why can't they just let him be mean?

Christopher Walken: Well, just for appearing, I raised my grade of the movie. This guy is one of the coolest actor's I have ever witnessed. Man is he cool!

So that make's three really cool crook's and yet together they can't outshine the Joker. Disappointing? Weeell, a little, but the movie is actually good.

8/10.

Batman (1989)

Nanananannana Batman - not!

[19 April 2002]

Wow, the first Batflick to cross our eyes is as sweet as could be expected. With gothic grotesque and disturbed direction Tim Burton deliver his best film up to date. The environment (gothic Gotham), the creepy script, the moody music and of course the outrageously funny, bizarre and cooky Joker bring the tale of the caped crusader to life.

Michael Keaton: Best Bat ever. I think beeing a bit woody and stiff is what Bruce Wayne is all about!

Jack Nicholson: Now really. Has he ever done a bad role, even if he has appeared in bad movies? He is outstanding as the Joker! Well, yeah it's a bit overplayed, but it's the Joker(!) for God's sake! Every scene with him is eyedropping! Can someone actually BE that cool?

9/10

Taxi Driver (1976)

You lookin' at me? Of course I am, Mr. DeNiro!

[14 April 2002]

*Spoilers*

This truly is a amazing movie. I saw it for the first time yesterday on late tv just to see if the hype was what it was getting at. That Taxi Driver is a very good movie. Well it is.

What struck me firstly was the very subtle and at quite a few places very odd music. When DeNiro walk's in to the taxioffice to apply for a job you could feel the doom coming. Then we simply follow his life as a cabbie in New York, here portaied as a really rotten place - of course this is viewed through the instable vietnamveteran eyes who is on the brink of snapping.

When the very violent ending occurs (where limbs are shot off and blood poors on walls and floor - filmed very ghastly, truly more frightening than those B-horrormoives that goes direct to video) it is the first time you truly care for DeNiros character. Belived dead he soon appears again, back on the road in his cab with his little smile on his lips and it is then, at that moment I finally understood all those filmcritics that keeps mentioning this movie.

Oh, and the faboulusly famous scene where DeNiro talk's to himself in the mirror truly are one of the best moments in film I ever seen. "You talkin to me?" Yes, Mr. DeNiro, I am. Wonderful work.

9/10.

Life of Brian (1979)

Blast 'em Python's, they've done it again!

[3 March 2002]

In my opinion, John Cleese is the funniest man in the world. Here he is accompanied by five more guys who is almost as funny. Toss in a funny script, crazy goofs and many Monty Pythonlike features (silly, silly, silly) and you have got yourself one of the best movies ever made.

*Spoilers*

The chaos of sillyness includes such faboulous scenes as: "The stoning" "The Gladiator" "The Roman spelling lesson" "The failed abduction of Pontius Pilatus wife" "Biggus Dickus" "Incontinentia Buttocks" "Pilatus speech to the crowd" and of course the best Pythonsong, if not the best song EVER: "Always look on the Bright Side of Life"

You have to be DEAD not to appreciate this. 9 of 10.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

So silly you'll slap yourself silly!

[10/10 · 3 March 2002]

This is the best the Python's have made. The Holy Grail contains their silliest material, Graham Chapman is drunk during the entire shooting and John Cleese is fabolous as french.

Well, that aint all, prepare for some of the most silly things you ever have seen. Forget the new silly movies that the Farrelly brothers do (I like them alot but they can't compete with the Python's) and do the Pythonwave instead.

*spoilers*

Unforgetable silly scenes: "The Cocoanuts" "The French Taunting" "How much can a Swallow carry?" "The Black Knight" "The Knights of Camelot" "Sir Robin's tale" "Sir Lancelot's tale" "Sir Galahad's tale" "The knights who say 'Ni'" "Tim the Enchanter" "The Killer Rabbit" "The Holy Handgrenade" "The Castle of Aaaarrgghh"

Well don't miss it. I know many get upset by the flat ending, but I think the Python's did a Kaufman there, the joke was on us, and it was the Python's laugh. After som many silly jokes for us, I guess the endingjoke is quite alright.

10 of 10.

Bandits (2001)

SleepoverBandits are the best sort.

[24 February 2002]

This movie build's a lot on Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett. Both are excellent in their roles and perform with comic perfection. Bruce Willis role is more flat, he's the cool, hard and masculine hero. Billy Bob is the opposite, weakling, funny sidekick (though he is actually the hero too) and neurotic as hell. Blanchett is also weird in many way's.

Cudos for the good ending that I actually missed to figure out. That lifted the whole movie and the feelgood feeling was there when the funny credit's came. Good work, chaps.

Dont forget the best line: "Beavers and Ducks!"

8 of 10.

Late Show with David Letterman (1993–2015)

Dave is the man.

[24 February 2002]

I recently watched the Late Show when Janet Jackson was the guest. She had a very toppish top on that kind of embarrassed Dave. I laughed like never before. Despite him being embarrassed, he deliverd some lines that were simply perfect. "Need help with the zipper?" "I'm 54, I'm not used to these kind of things." Paul: "You have always loved fast women, Dave."

Well, Dave cracks Leno everytime. He is just more personal than mr standup.

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

So be it, Jedi!

[10/10 · 23 February 2002]

Return of the Jedi is a nearly flawless movie. Despite the cute Ewoks (that draws down the suspense only to get some comic relief and sheer cuteness in the movie, things that R2-D2 and C3PO already does, and so much better) and the sequensces on Endor this movie make a tribut and top both A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back!

*Spoilers*

All in thanks to the impressive fight with Jabba the Hutt and Boba Fett on Tatooine in the beginning of the movie and the final battle with Lord Darth Vader and The Emperor in the end of the movie. Yep, the beginning and the ending is the best of this movie and the middle (which consists of Ewoks on Endor) skin down the grading a bit.

But that final fight between the trio Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker and the Emperor makes it all up. I am completely captured every time I see it, I am excited and sad at the same time. The ending of the Star Wars saga is brilliant! Evil destroys itself, you could say. Luke doesn't do anything, only his being there is enough for Darth Vader to wake up from his dark sleep and tread the path of Jedi once again. The Emperor has lost and while Vader tosses him down through the reactorhole the dark ruler claims his expupils life. So poetic. And when we finally get to see the frightening Vader's true face all we can feel is pity and sadness. Every tme I cry.

And when the John William score takes place and the saga is over, I am left totally shaken and fragile. I am so happily sad.

Despite the middleboredom I must give this a 10. I just have to. Few movies touch me as this one did.

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)

Damn it, I wanna be in that galaxy far, far away!

[9/10 · 23 February 2002]

I guess it's quite pointless to write a review for Star Wars when there's lot's and lot's of other geeks that has written all there is to know about it (if you haven't seen it, your'e probably alone in the universe of it) but I guess I can give you some pointer's.

Darth Vader is the coolest badguy persona EVER! Together with the Emperor (who isn't in this movie) they form the perfect dark alliance. These two together can give anyone the shivers. James Earl Jones do Vader's voice to a frightening and powerful melodic and metallic eerie sound that is ever to haunt you when you turn the movie off.

The interaction between Darth Vader and Obi-Wan Kenobi is priceless. Actually, after seeing Star Wars, ten times or so, this is what I wait for every time now. "Now I am the Master."

I give Star Wars a roaring 9. Topped by it's sequels, only, actually. (This alone makes it a damn good movie.)

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

When Gandalf speaks the audience shivers of delight.

[10/10 · 19 February 2002]

*Spoilers*

"Tell me, friend, when did Saruman the wise abandon reason for madness?"

That line keeps haunting me. I have seen the movie five times on the cinema and every time Gandalf delivers his line I, and the audience shivers. Then an incredible cool fight take place. I remembered the first time I saw it, and the scene ended, I turned to my friend and said: (the only time I left my eyes from the screen) That was cool.

I don't have a habit saying those words. Thirteenyear-old's have a habit of saying this when they're watching "cool" film's that Arnold and Stallone makes, but I don't have a habit of saying that. But that scene... as magical as the laserswordfights in the Star Wars movies.

But this movie is more than cool. Much, much more. It is what I've been waiting for. This is what it should feel when you visit the cinema. An experience, a treasured moment that will count for much, a true feeling that you've experienced something... magical.

I belive most here on the IMDb has said the most of what can be said about this fantastic movie. Beautiful, exciting, funny, dramatical... I could go on for ever.

The scenes with Gandalf and Saruman are my personal favorites. These men have such enormous panagé, such encridible persona, such superb prescence on screen. Their every word are stuck on my mind for ever, their strong and beautiful voices echoing in my brain. Their acting is wonderful.

I felt such dreadful sorrow when Gandalf fell, every time I saw it my heart stung and I cried every time. "Run, you fool's!"

But the best and most funniest line the movie ever produced was that of Gimli (John-Rhys Davies). My friends and I roared with laughter every time.

"Not the Beard!"

10 of 10. 4 of 4. 5 of 5. Or how ever you would like to vote, top grade, top notch, jackpot!