kelii3 Reviews

True Detective (2014– )

Season 4 Review: A Frozen Turd

[2/10 · 6 February 2024]

From that annoying echo-room mumbles from B. Eilesh soundtrack, it does portend the enfolding disastrous 4th season from Issa López whom I admired from Tigers are not afraid. I don't think Ms. López has any true detective clues as a creator in this genre or carryon Pizzolato's story telling of his season 1 masterpiece. Very few can.

I won't go into the causal events of season 4 because it becomes obvious after episode 3, the sci-fi mystery that sucked us in like a trumpian deception is only a plot device.

The miscasting and talent of Jodi Foster and the great charcter actor John Hawkes is wasted. Instead we are punched by Kali Reis menacing demeanor and cheek piercings, that have very little context except riding and grinding her timid lover.

The Family Stallone (2023– )

Sly and the Family Stone?

[2/10 · 14 June 2023]

Nope not the 60's funk disco group but.. It's the Stallones or Bolognas Italian sub from Joisee. This family of bologne is purportedly the eastern answer to the west coast family of ultimate reality pukes.. wait for it... wait .. the kardashians! MIC DROP!! Reality couch potatoes are microwaving their buttered popcorn caging their pampered cats and dogs anticipating a war of REALITY BETWEEN MILLIONAIRES. This is probably the most disgusting vision in the universe and if..if there are other sentient life or higher powers out there in our beautiful wondrous universe please please cleanse our earth we are not the proper caretakers.

There's one positive. The family stallone have better genes without the kardashian corrupt baggage, for now.

Troll (2022)

It's okay

[5/10 · 2 December 2022]

I've watched a number of Norwegian films and tv series (Kraftidioten,the Wave, Fritt vilt,Trapped, Forbrydelsen) some have been as good or even better than American big budget super hero movies and tiresome formulaic tv. When I read a couple years ago one of my favorite Norwegian directors Roar Uthaug was set to direct an monster-thriller film based on Norwegian folklore, I became excited and bookmarked it on imdb. I really liked trollhunter (2010) and hoped Troll would be as enjoyable and fun to watch.

Sadly, Troll is not on par with any of the films above. The silly illogical script (co-written by Espen Aukan) is its' only weakness. For example a crowded outdoor park is in the path of the monster. The authorities learn the troll becomes distressed upon hearing the sound of bells. They send a bunch of helicopters equipped with giant bells and fly about its' head which infuriates the creature who goes on a rampage endangering everyone in the park and causing panic. If only Roar Uthaug had kept to his previous action-horror roots and not gone 'Hollywood' cliche troll could have been something better.

Other than that the cgi and action sequences are great, the actors were competent and likeable and there were few subplot boring filler thats normal for most American films of the genre.

Streaming on Netflix now.

City on a Hill (2019–2022)

Season 3 awesome as ever

[9/10 · 30 July 2022]

If you haven't watched seasons 1 and 2 do it now else these lives of the city in season 3 will mean very little. Bacon, Hennessy, Banks, Hodge excellent as always. It's not often you care about fictional charcters in an tv series but it's hard not to in this one.

Hannity (2009– )

Make America 18th Century Again

[1/10 · 26 May 2022]

Hannity in a bored monotone: "Local authorities have dispersed a crowd of Christian citizens who confronted a couple and two children who were beaten, hung doused with a flammable liquid and set afire. Witnesses said there was lingering speculation, doubt of the families faith in God and Country for months that was exasperated by the couples refusal to participate in Sunday church services. One witness exclaimed he was suspicious the family never attended any Gun Day target practice. Chief of Police Smith vowed to investigate allegations of the wife aborting a week young fetus. Now on to the weather.. haha..I'm in a comfortable 65 degrees studio but you aren't, haha..!"

Tucker Carlson Tonight (2016–2023)

Liar

[1/10 · 22 May 2022]

Tuck brings his own brand of flippant entertainment of fuxnews. He competes on the grotesque level below hannity. If there is a measure of absolute grossness and bearer of disorder the tuck is the perfect bipolar vehicle stir the uninformed. First amendment protects tucks free speech. His personal opinions are either debateable or outright lies distortion. The election of orangeman is proof that america is an infant.

Reacher (2022– )

America needs a Jack Reacher in every podunk town

[5/10 · 4 February 2022]

I have to admit I'm a fan of Lee Childs 'slam bam ty mam' Jack Reacher series of novels and binge-read most since start of covid-19 lockdown because I needed an escape from the boredom of lock-up. A little background about Reacher: He's an EX-MPI major who leaves the service after a disagrement with a superior over an internal murder investigation (if i remember correctly). He roams across Americas cities and towns with only the clothes on his back and a toothebrush; busting heads when its' appropriate while miraculously solving murders and exposing conspiracies. He's like the All-American white bread super hero with t-shirt and jeans.

I'm 3 episodes in of season 1 and it's based upon Killing Floor the first in the series but takes liberties prolong the suspense over 8 episodes instead of 4 at the most and I assume Lee Child was ok with that since he exec-produced all 8... They should observe the BBC's very succesful Vera (now in its 11th season) series - 90 minute productions and every one cut and dried.

In the books Reacher is a no nonsensce big guy and women admire his intelligence, morals. Unfortunately Ritchson as Reacher is as wooden as a 3 day old pizza and has no charisma, rapport with pixie Officer Roscoe Culkin (Willa Fitzgerald) who does a decent turn.

It's entertaing at least and I'll continue the series.

Secrets of an Escort (2021 TV Movie)

second the fake reviews but wait

[5/10 · 7 November 2021]

Ive watched hundreds of film and tv most were laughably bad, unfit for consumption. At some point you purge the unworthy media trash from your clouded memory. Sometimes among the debris there are low or mid budget content that are actually watchable with your human other or pet cat.

I think the title is clickbait. If the story is believable everything else falls into place. Pena and other actors do a great job.

And this, my review is biased because it made me homesick. I'd like to see what Miyata's next project will be.

Four Hours at the Capitol (2021)

"Bad company corrupts good morals."

[8/10 · 23 October 2021]

January 6 wasn't a "riot" or an "insurrection" but was a poorly planned coup to overthrow the U. S. government, substituet a petty egotistical fool like an 3rd world banana republic. You have the perfect idiot who thinks he knows how to game the system but has no clue who is pulling his leg.

The former game show host conspired with right-wing extremists, political operatives and misguided minions to decapitate the legislative branch and then rule by emergency decree based upon ludicrous false claims the 2020 election was stolen.

The documentary remains objective, presents the surreal event, recorded and streamed by agitators videos boasting of "owning the libs" & posted on their social media. Most of the minions was fined a weeks average ($600) benefit of what they condemn as "socialist": unemployment checks they received during the pandemic.

Most of us watched it occuring 'live'! The traitors were prepared to hang one of their parties OWN VP; led to the deaths of 5 people, injured 140 capitol police and caused more than $1.5 million in property damage which doesn't include the additional $520 million taxpayer pricetag for additional police and National Guard security response during and after the failed coup!!

What's extremely disturbing is the FACT nearly all of the autocratic party members who swore an oath to uphold preserve the constitution, refusal to condemn the anarchists & their treasonous leader. Leads one to conclude they are negligent immoral puppets as well and should be accountable for their inaction and cowardice.

Objective trruth is not a high priorty with conservative "values" when the mindless tribalistic cultural identity of their base keeps their greedy snouts at the trough. The wasted $522 millions could have been used for suppport progarms help people affected by a global virus pandemic but instead they chose to politicize the catastrophic event.

The preposterous 60+ "stolen election" lawsuits wrre all rejected by state courts, in some cases by judges appointed by the delusional autocratic ex-president himself. In one lawsuit even the SCOTUS conservative party-hack majority refused to hear the case! The taxpayer on both sides of the aisle in those states will share the tremendous cost of those stupid frivolous lawsuits.

Maid (2021)

Very poor decisions

[3/10 · 3 October 2021]

When any book to film adaptation declares itself as "based upon" it immediately signals ABORT. I wasn't disappointed.

10 episodes of an extremely naive young adult who foregos a college scholarship instead decides to have a child because..it seemed like a good idea at the time. Realizes verbal abuse can affect their love kid and without any plan leaves in the middle of the night; stops her car on the side of a busy interstate search for a cheap doll her child threw out the window prevent kid from whining..her car is demolished from careless driver.

The series proceeds stupidly downhill from the callous irresponsible actions of Alex. The charcter shuffles between "I'm a good mother.." to .. " I'm sorry" and a free car.."I'm sorry..". A great place to live "I'm sorry". Imagine if those roles were reversed colors...

like a rainbow.

Collection (II) (2021)

Is debt collection legal...

[4/10 · 17 August 2021]

From 3rd party collection agencies? NO! Congress enacted the Federal Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, a 1977 law that prohibits third-party collection agencies from "harassing, threatening and inappropriately contacting someone who owes money". And if you are getting these robocalls - hang up and block the call like I did and they can't force you to pay. That doesn't mean it won't clear your negative credit rating nor your debt; and i'm not encouraging a 'dodge' but arrange an afordable payment schedule from the original creditor, NOT the collection agency who gets a fee!

As for the film: It's strictly fictionalized entertainment nothing more.

The Ingraham Angle (2017– )

Alien human-like invaders

[1/10 · 4 February 2021]

From Obamani starships in quadrant xv20-0BVNeener were beamed down into american cities during the election, stormed the capitol. How do I know if that's real? Marge told me it was the truth because she was once an alien princess who left the Obamani when she discovered the holy cow spirit. Billions of Margies are recruiting for just a small donation towards her future.

I'm Your Woman (2020)

good promotion with mediocre content

[5/10 · 12 December 2020]

It's the '50s. A woman is barren and traumatized because she can't fulfill her obligation to produce a child and preserve the lineage of her gangster husband. She is a total mystery an alien in another world and unto herself as if she was suddenly dropped into another alternate reality. She does not know how to fry or boil an egg but was standard curriculum to little girls in americas home economics education system in that period. The supporting cast do an excellent interpretation of Hart's vague and intriguing script which leads to an inevitable contrived end.

The Undoing (2020)

More than your average whodunnit

[7/10 · 11 November 2020]

It's good to see Kidman back in an interesting murder/mystery by David E. Kelley (The Crazy Ones, Big Little Lies, Goliath). Hugh Grant is in a familiar role and does it well as the flummoxed prime suspect. I've rarely lusted over a character in any tv or film as I did over the sultry Elena Alves.

We can conclude after 3 episodes and overwhelming evidence we have our killer. But hold on, there are 6 episodes after all and in ep3 there is a hint which may cause the investigators argument to crumble like DT's re-election.

I look forward viewing the remaining serie episodes and how it will all fit together.

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020)

Edited for Alternative Republicans

[7/10 · 23 October 2020]

And that was disappointing because to be fair prior to an election parts were removed so it would not be banned by 'you know who'. The Guiliani embarassment is there but I assume the trump skit was left out due to political pressure.

Black Water: Abyss (2020)

It's so 2020

[4/10 · 26 September 2020]

.. and not in a good way. It pales in comparison to black water 2007, rogue with radha mitchell and crawl 2019. Watch those films and compare for yourselves.

Light of My Life (I) (2019)

Poorly written script of a story we've known before

[3/10 · 26 December 2019]

In a real post-apocalyptic world your go kit would not only include the essentials but also a first aid kit. The dad didn't appear to have any although there were several opportunities to pack one. Why didn't he arm himself and his daughter and teach her to use it? A knife, axe is good, a gun better. It's absolutely a necessity especially if the child is a female. You also teach them to hunt and forage for themselves because you'll never be around forever and could be a dead idiot soon enough and so will they because of your stupidity. Perhaps Casey 'Mumbles' Affleck left these out to make his film more suspenseful realizing 2 hours of tedious dialogue would have put the best of us to sleep. The only redeeming value would be the talented Anna Pniowsky as Rag and Adam Arkapaw's bleak wintry cinematography. There are other films in the genre that was done much better - Children of Men, The Road, even Bird box.

My score is 3/10.

The War of the Worlds (2019)

Disappointing made for TV rendition of the H.G. Wells classic

[4/10 · 14 October 2019]

The male lead character spoils the entire first episode by looking incredibly dumbfounded no matter what the situation - his private love life or witnessing an alien invasion. If his inaction is a prelude to the rest of the boring series, continuing to watch it any further will be painfully difficult for many.

The Professor (I) (2018)

Humorous glimpse at one mans last gasp before deaths door

[6/10 · 18 May 2019]

I've always admired Depp's roles throughout his career, he throws himself into a role with dedicated abandon and here with The Professor he still manages it with an ending that contradicts his characters personality. Richard Brown is a tenured professor of English literature at a private university in a joyless marriage. Diagnosed with stage four lung cancer he refuses treatment and with 6 months to live decides to literally let his hair hang out without revealing his condition to his wife and daughter. It's a wonderful and often witty look at ones impending demise especially the interaction with his students although we don't have the 'before the dying Richard professor' to measure the dissimilarity. The film is staged into 6 parts. Where I was sorely disappointed was in part 5 where Richard at a dinner party reveals his illness to all present which was illogical for his persona. Other than that I recommed this film. There were many times when I burst out laughing.

I removed a star because of the ending. There are explicit dialogue and scenes of a sexual nature, for mature audiences only.

Cold Pursuit (2019)

Embarrassing revenge flick for the man who defined revenge

[3/10 · 26 April 2019]

I'm a Liam Neeson fan and have watched just about every film he has made but his latest revenge crime thriller in one word, sucks.

The problem is not with Neeson because he loves his craft, he's believable. He wants us, the viewer to experience his pain and we can because he does it so well.

The script suffers from prolonged exchanges with characters who have little or nothing to do with the plot. It's what they call 'filler'. It becomes tedious. Forget about the first 40 minutes, it wasn't needed. Good editing down to 90 minutes would have made an exciting film.

I suggest you watch Kraftidioten with Stellan Skarsgard which Cold Pursuit is based upon.

Hanna (2019–2021)

great first episode

[29 March 2019]

I'm hoping after 4 episodes-in, this promising tv series adaptation of the 2011 film doesn't evolve into another 'made for teenage audience' that producers are wont to do, garner a larger viewing audience. Writers can have their original scripts twisted into a non reality pretzel like trumps 3rd grade tweet storms. I'm speculating I know but remain hopeful. All 8 episodes are on AMZ Prime. I will certainly watch the remaining episodes and update my review. Peace and Love.

Hunter Killer (2018)

Good action film

[6/10 · 14 January 2019]

Corny escapist popcorn film? Check. Ridiculous unbelievable plot and script? Check. Capable actors? Check. Worth the price of admission? Half-Check. What could have added more realism to the film if plot was reversed: "RUSSIANS rescue traitor U.S. President before impeachment".

A Discovery of Witches (2018– )

Fabulous production, great actors

[5/10 · 1 January 2019]

I've read the first of the trilogy and hoped they could have composed the tv series into 10 or even 12 episodes but episode 8 ends in a cliffhanger. You'll have to wait for the conclusion in another 6 or 8 months.

The Babysitter (I) (2017)

Worth a watch

[6/10 · 15 October 2017]

The Baby Sitter will appeal to its' target audience and perhaps jaded horror/comedy enthusiast like myself.It's a familiar combination of comedy and horror but what sets this apart from the genre is the keen direction, a surprisingly coherent script, crisp snappy editing and exceptional young actors. After introducing our characters in the first act, the delightful mayhem that ensues will entertain rest of the way.I surprised myself and sat through its entire 85 minute run time. I would not recommend to children under 10 years because of suggestive sex scenes and language. My score: 6/10

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

Kid Porn

[3/10 · 16 September 2017]

Disgusting trash only mindless bots would appreciate. The story starts where the other leaves us, in some ragged Trump city of the dead. I'm not sure who these 'tweens are but i hope annoying characters like them only exist in the writers sick minds. Heaven forbid I'm not a fan of the series but if its' an escape into the toilet of cgi formula, you have it all magnificently here in black and blue. Good luck.