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Reviews
The Core (2003)
This movie sucked donger.
When I first heard the idea for this movie I knew it would suck. When I saw the credits I knew it would suck. And when I saw the trailer I knew this movie would suck. Despite harsh feelings against this piece of crap, I actually payed to see this movie the week that it opened in theaters, and you know what? My initial distaste for this film was correct and justified. Occasionally the special affects are cool but other than that there are no likeable qualities about the movie whatsoever. Not even an Oscar winning actress in Hilary Swank could help this trash. It must have been the paycheck that drew her to this project because her previous choices since The Karate Kid 3 have been much better. Plain and simple this is not a good movie. The Core should never have been made. Obviously with the box office results that is evident. Hollywood complains about losses and copyright infringements but at the same time they dump 85,000,000 dollars into this crap. Go Figure.
Girl Fever (2002)
Just see 100 Girls
This movie was ok, but it is clearly evident that Michael Davis has shown no ability to do something different. I personally have seen three of his films: 100 Women, 100 Girls, and Eight Days a Week. And for the latter two his storylines were interesting and somewhat funny. However his latest work, 100 Women was not nearly as good as the other two. The acting was fine but the storyline was weak and the very similar to 100 Girls.
Murder by Numbers (2002)
I'm confused, am I supposed to feel bad for the killers?
The idea for this film was good but the movie has two fundamental flaws, 1)the bad guys aren't bad enough and 2)the casting was done wrong. Bullock was more annoying rather than endearing in this flick. Gosling and Pitt are fine, but their characters are too conflicted. Those who plan to kill people at random generally aren't going to come of as people I can relate with. Also, the movie builds up these guys to be serial killers, but in fact they only (ha ha) kill two people. Besides that, they definitely know their science but offer nothing else. Also was there supposed to be some sort of a gay relationship between Gosling and Pitt? Just watching the two made me confused and wonder what the director was going for. Pass on this one.
Preston Tylk (2000)
O.K.
Not too bad, not too good, this movie is decent. With the exception of Luke Wilson the acting was very good. Wilson just tries too hard to be a loser. It should be more natural. Just watch old video tapes of Jon Lovitz. The script was decent but there was not enough mystery involved, and at certain occaisons the movie goes over the top. For example, the scene where Norman Reedus lights himself on fire. Was that really necessary? I mean he had a gun with him, why not just blow your brains out? I guess they had some extra budget leftover. If you like mysteries and Wilson or Reedus see this flick.
Swimfan (2002)
I can't believe I payed to see this movie
Unfortunately over Thanksgiving break I was given some bad information. I was told that the movie "Swimfan" was supprisingly good and worth seeing. I wanted to see "Four Feathers" but supposedly my info man said that it sucked. It turns out he is mentally challenged and accidentally mixed the two movies up. The worst part is that I took his false word and saw the atrocity that was "Swimfan". Aside from the fact that the story is stupid, there is no character development and the acting sucked. James DeBello's character was much creepier than the supposed psycho played by Erika Christensen (who by the way was terrible). They never fully explain why she is homicidal other than that her boyfriend was in a car accident, and right before a glimpse of a reasonable storyline begins to appear the very uneventful climax happens. Do not waste your time with this movie, it sucks. I mean this movie really sucks like "Punisher" and "Jason X", except worse.
Crossroads (2002)
This was really, really, really awful
The rating says it all, "Stay away from this movie." It fails to provide the coming of age bonding chick flick for pre-teen girls or loser women. Also, Spears does not take it off immediately giving all straight males reason enough to pass this one at the video store. She can't act and even worse, if she could it would not matter because the script was so horrible it did not matter. As people we must pass on crappy movies like these because if they don't lose money Hollywood will continue to make others like them, I mean look at "The Core".
Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000)
Cool cars, badly played out
This movie was a major dissapointment. Of course it was produced by the notorious Jerry Bruckheimer, also known for "Pearl Harbor" and "Kangaroo Jack" (Both classics...ha ha). Immediately after finding out he had produced this movie, even before seeing it I knew the movie was not going to be too good. The cars were cool and so was the idea, but the writing was terrible. The perfect example of this was the dialogue between the Rains' brothers when Memphis tells his little bro why he steals cars. I almost crapped my pants laughing so hard at the horrible script. If you like cool cars and stupid movies see this flick I give it a 4/10.
Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988)
Quite possibly the worst movie ever made.
Clear and simple, this movie sucked. I saw this movie on the show Mystery Science Theater 3000. If it had not been for the classic wise cracks of the show the movie would have caused me to die of severe stupidity. Why this movie was made, who knows. Spare yourself the pain and agony of having to sit through this piece of crap.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Stick to war movies Barry Pepper
This movie made my brain hurt. Aside from the fact that this movie sucked, it completely disgraces a genuinely good book. The movie "Congo" accomplished the same thing, but at least in that movie there was killer grey monkeys. For your own good, don't see this movie, it sucks.
Whipped (2000)
Doesn't get much worse
For those of you who have not seen this movie yet, spare yourselves the pain. This movie has to be one of the most morally corrupt movies of all time. Also the script is a piece of crap and the actors performances sucked worse than that kids movie "The Two-Minute Werewolf". Basically this movie was a complete provides not interesting plot, bad acting, and no likeable qualities whatsoever. I will say though that Amanda Peet is a pizza, pizza ass, but she does not save this movie.
Baby Geniuses (1999)
So babies can kung fu fight and understand quantum physics?
If you enjoy killing brain cells at a pace like no other see this movie. Basically this movie was a piece of crap and should have never been made. The only positive thing that comes from a movie like this is that those who see it realized that morons can succeed in Hollywood. I mean if you can sell a script about babies with infinite intelligence whats stopping you from becoming the next senator or even president? If you happen to meet the person who came up with the idea for this movie, kick them where it hurts.
Flash Gordon (1980)
Bad script, bad acting, whole lotta fun
Football players saving the universe, little people as pets, and the worst James Bond ever make this movie as classic as it is. Im not really sure if they intended this movie to be a blockbuster, but with the colorful and cool sets one can only imagine that the studios thought this would be a hit. Well something went wrong...the script was a piece of crap, but thats good. The cheesey lines and crappy effects make this movie the cult classic it is today. I suggest you see this movie and enjoy.
Old School (2003)
Not bad, but first half was better than second
This movie is about three guys disenchanted with life who decide to revert to their old college ways. While in the beginning the movie shows promise, the film never lives up to the "Animal House" goal. Maybe no college films will ever be able to rival "Animal House" but atleast Todd Phillips is giving it an honest go.
Adaptation. (2002)
Excellent
There is not much to say when you run upon a very good movie like "Adaptation". If you liked "Being John Malkovic" you will like this movie. The last third of the movie will throw you for a loop but it is all worth it. 3 and a half stars.
Jason X (2001)
Please stop making these movies!!!!
If stupidity were a characteristic needed to be a writer or director in Hollywood would that be fair? The correct answer is obviously no. Obviously anyone that has also seen this wretched piece of trash called "Jason X" can verify that the person who came up with the idea for this movie should be tarred and feathered. For those of you movie goers who enjoy movies like "The New Guy" and "Kangaroo Jack", by all means please watch this movie.