cricket30 Reviews

The Color Purple (2023)

I've always been fascinated by filmmakers . . .

[8/10 · 7 May 2024]

. . . who tackle the task of making a picture about a color. Unfortunately, I have not been able to view very many of these myself, since many such flicks date back to the 1800's or 1900's, and are not available on my streaming service. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE sounds like a real treat, because I love nearly anything orange flavored, whether it's a pop, a shake, a cone or a smoothie. YELLOW SUBMARINE also makes me curious. I've heard the song a few times, and it makes the movie version sound intriguing. I started to watch REDS, but I dozed off because there was too much talking and not enough action. However, I stayed wide awake for all of THE COLOR PURPLE, as there was always a rousing dance around the next corner. It's enough to make Herald give up crayons.

Civil War (2024)

Only the most naive, ill-informed Americans refuse . . .

[8/10 · 24 April 2024]

. . . to admit that our nation already is in the midst of at least her fifth all-out civil war. No one says that the U. S. has suffered through a time of "troubles" as they do in Ireland, because every minute of our land's recorded history counts as troubled times. The film version of CIVIL WAR actually sanitizes Today's Real Life state of affairs. CIVIL WAR depicts NO school shootings. Toddlers are NOT being ripped apart by military-style assault rifles here. No one is being torn to bits while being chained to the rear bumpers of speeding pick-up trucks simply because they are people of color. Deranged killers in uniform are NOT slowly suffocating such victims to death on public sidewalks here. Maybe tons of Civil Wars were fought on our American Homeland prior to its history being recorded. However, the battles to eradicate indigenous people, then the British, then the states trying to escape this death trap, then the newly enfranchised winners and now the war against all enlightened individuals have overlapped and collectively spell out a penchant for unmatched violence, doom and CIVIL WAR.

The Bullwinkle Show: Defective Story or A Muffled Report/Leaky Lyrics or Bullwinkle Plugs a Song (1961) Season 2, Episode 50

Being a programmer with two English degrees . . .

[7/10 · 10 April 2024]

. . . my dad understands how the Evil Bots running this site work. For instance, this episode of The Bullwinkle Show includes a "Fractured Fairy Tale." The title of said segment constitutes a complicated pun, relying on an aspect of the American language involving "sound alike" words. "Sound alike" is how American elementary school first grade teachers address this aspect of our language. Older people, such as Second Graders, high school and college kids and literate adults use the specific grammar term intended for grown-up use--EXCEPT when they're on this web site. Here the nefarious censor bots silence, muzzle, stymie, censor and suppress this basic noun because they object to its first four letters. How childishly ignorant can a computer be?

The Bullwinkle Show: Subway Finish, or An Underground Round/The Last Edition, or Five-Scar Final (1961) Season 2, Episode 43

This controversial picture depicts a lady and a horse.

[8/10 · 23 March 2024]

As regular users of this site well know, it's nearly impossible to submit a viable comment that will be approved and accepted about such live-action features as NATIONAL VELVET, MY FRIEND FLICKA or INTERNATIONAL VELVET. There's just something about putting the equine species in close proximity to human females that the evil censor bots running the internet go out of their way to suppress, silence, stymie, squelch, censor, muzzle and otherwise hush up. Therefore, this show's broken fairy tale--SPEEDING BEAUTY--is pretty much untouchable, even with a ten-foot--but it's improper to use the p-word, as well.

The Bullwinkle Show: Boris Badenov and His Friends?/Bars of Steal, or The Hard Cell (1961) Season 2, Episode 42

The so-called broken fairy tale from this . . .

[8/10 · 20 March 2024]

. . . episode of The Bullwinkle Show has disappeared into the bowels of the Internet as if it had never existed. The on-screen title is given as THE ELVES AND THE SHOEMAKER, but the DVD index calls it THE SHOEMAKER AND THE ELVES #2. At any rate, it is busted bedtime stories' second stab at adapting this classic tale, previously the source for dozens of earlier cartoon variations. The original splintered fairy tale featured a cobbler who doubled as a frustrated artist, saddled with a scheming spouse who ended up cornering the market for high-end footwear. This second, seemingly unavailable, take on the story centers on a three-way conflict between a shoemaker, an unhinged monarch and a rogue band of troublemaking elves. The last line here is "There's no business like s-h-o-e business."

The Bullwinkle Show: Fifty Cents Lost or Get That Halfback/The Scheme Misfires or You Can Planet Better Than That (1961) Season 2, Episode 36

Some people believe that "peanut butter" is one word.

[7/10 · 16 March 2024]

However, if you type it in that way here, this site's spellchecker will underline it with a squiggly red line, accusing you of an egregious error. Which makes the whole situation a difficult mess, because peanut butter cookies constitute a key plot point during this show's fairy tale segment, titled SON OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. Viewers previously disappointed by FRIED GREEN TOMATOES and A CLOCKWORK ORANGE will find this version of BEAUTY equally remiss in not offering a single recipe for making peanut butter cookies, after bringing up the issue and whetting audience appetites. The American Congress must pass a law mandating that any film focused on a mouth-watering food MUST provide clear directions on how to make or obtain it.

The Bullwinkle Show: When Moose Meets Moose, or Two's a Crowd/The Midnight Chew-Chew, or This Gum for Hire (1961) Season 2, Episode 41

One part of this program is highly contentious.

[6/10 · 16 March 2024]

It has come to my attention that a virtual civil war has broken out concerning the animal names used in the Aesop segment of the March 26, 1961 Bullwinkle Show. During the heyday of this Ancient Greek dude, only a few animals had been discovered by Mankind. Consequently, Aesop--being a prolific tale teller--tried to construct a fable about every possible pairing of these various critters. When he'd used up all of the possibilities, he began redoing the duos, simply listing the featured animals in reverse of his original title. This, of course, has led to centuries of confusion, conflict and friction about Aesop's fiction. No one has figured out the correct title for the fable included here. Hound or sheepdog? Fox or wolf? Which is first, which last? Search me.

The Bullwinkle Show: Many a Thousand Gone, or The Haul of Fame/Down to Earth, or Me and My Shatter (1961) Season 2, Episode 39

Most people expect golden geese to lay . . .

[7/10 · 12 March 2024]

. . . golden eggs, but this Fractured Fairy Tale about THE GOLDEN GOOSE shies away from such heavy cargo. In this picture, the silly goose is simply a means to an end, which bodes ill for the poor fellow tricked into cutting down the gooseberry tree. As Alex G. Bell once observed, "Not every Princess deserves a phone," and that's surely the case with the naughty Royal depicted here. She's out to wed a commoner, so she can brow-beat, patronize, belittle and harass him. This is why most Americans would not be caught dead near a castle. The danger of having bored princesses bamboozling working class guys into unholy wedlock is simply too great to run the risk of romping with Royals.

The Dudley Do-Right Show: Elevenworth Prison/Saw Mill/Mountie Without a Horse (1959) Season 1, Episode 7

SAWMILL is such a controversial picture . . .

[8/10 · 11 March 2024]

. . . that I'm not sure whether a reviewer can get away including its title on this site. In Real Life, sawmills are dangerous places which tend to be full of sharp objects. The cutting facility depicted in this episode of Dudley Do-Right seems to be based upon the actual sort of lumber processing facility visitors can tour on vacations to timber country. However, the actions shown during SAWMILL are not consistent with Today's basic safety standards for the industry which America expects to transform logs into boards, fence posts, pencils, toothpicks and saw dust for elementary school art projects. I'd be happy to get more specific, but the censor bots on this site would be likely to silence, muzzle, stymie, suppress and stifle my input.

The Bullwinkle Show: The Wizard Biz or Bullwinkle Lays an Egg/Riptide Rocky or Drips Adrift (1960) Season 2, Episode 30

Some of this material is controversial.

[6/10 · 24 February 2024]

Take THE FOX AND THE THREE MINKS. Not unlike deer, elk and moose, mink is both a singular and plural term. Therefore, it is just as improper to say "minks" as it would be to reference "mooses." Furthermore, the Modern World deems mink coats to be barbaric when worn by humans. This is why the Mink's Revenge is considered to be poetic justice. When people learned that mink could "catch" the corona bug, many mink "farms" exterminated their "livestock." But the farmers themselves seem too dense to realize that mink savants rubbed their heads together, and came up with the pandemic as a means of exacting payback for centuries of abuse at the hands of vicious furriers. That's why the fox depicted here is perceived as such a villain by Today's populace.

The Bullwinkle Show: Squirrel in the Scope or Ring Around the Rocky/Block Party or The Happy Headsman (1960) Season 2, Episode 29

There's no reason that THE PIED PIPER is so controversial.

[8/10 · 18 February 2024]

Though this Fractured Fairy Tale involves more tobacco piping than musical piping, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Therefore, when my team of fellow researchers in the field of moose animation unearth startling facts about the backstory of, inspiration for and ramifications from brief films, it's quite discouraging to find mindless bots of some sort appointing themselves as a nefarious star chamber to rain on the parade of anyone with a viewpoint that's the least bit divergent. I personally know of many film buffs who have quit this site due to its thoughtless squelching of free speech. When it comes time to pay the piper, they shouldn't bother asking for whom the bell tolls.

The Bullwinkle Show: Burgled Bullwinkle or The Moose Nappers/A Crown for Bullwinkle or Monarch Moose (1960) Season 2, Episode 28

Controversy has dogged this Bullwinkle Show episode.

[6/10 · 16 February 2024]

Probably the most contentious aspect of Season 2, Episode 28 is the bit titled as THE ENCHANTED FROG. This sort of amphibian is not very popular within our American Homeland. Public schools have been notorious for many decades by requiring young students to dissect these green creatures. Kermit tried to stamp out this horrendous atrocity, but how loud can a grown up tadpole clog on a lily pad? At any rate, a lot of teens do not want to be reminded of their roots on Poppy Seed Lane, or whatever. In other words, pictures about amphibian frequently tank at the box office. Even though HOWARD THE DUCK did not spend as much time on land as Kermit, his profits also were considered a dumpster performance. If you're involved in green-lighting flicks, stay away from frogs!

The Bullwinkle Show: Fright Flight or A Rocky to the Moon/Bullwinkle Bellows Again or Moonin' Low (1960) Season 2, Episode 25

This picture warns Americans against . . .

[6/10 · 6 February 2024]

. . . "Grand Viziers." It turns out that such malingering miscreants are not so grand after all. They apparently originated during the so-called "Foot Stool Empire." Given my druthers, I would not care to participate in any empire, no matter what sort of stools were prevalent. But as the Grand Vizier wrestles with ALADDIN here, it seems that the focus of their tussle is vastly overvalued. It's hard to find any Modern Residents of this Our Futuristic 21st Century who are partial to such Turkish Delights of Yesteryear as Turkish baths, Turkish cigarettes, Turkish rugs or Turkey dinners. Most U. S. citizens in good standing would prefer hams, unless they find a frozen turkey in the trash barrel by the front entrance of their local Cone-Ye Island. Though you cannot beat free in price, you often get what you pay for.

The Bullwinkle Show: The Space Rat or Of Mice and Menace/The Shot Heard Round the World or First National Bang (1960) Season 2, Episode 23

There are lots of names for black birds.

[6/10 · 2 February 2024]

The kind of winged creature featured in the animated series known as Heckle and Dr. Jekyll are labeled as magpies by some, grackles by others. Edgar Allan Poe wrote a poem about such a flier, known to him as THE RAVEN. But perhaps the most common name for these corn thieves is crows. This episode has a segment called VAIN CROW. Even though G. Stein famously observed "A crow is a crow is a crow," would this picture stand up under any other name? A vain grackle might sound like a bird with a mouth full of gravel, which would hardly constitute an improvement. Vain Raven appears to denote a wind direction devise belonging atop someone's barn. Furthermore, Vain Magpie smacks of a sort of oxymoron: Who would not be extremely self-conscious, with a moniker such as "magpie"?

The Bullwinkle Show: Knock on Wood or Bullwinkle Takes the Rap/A Knock for the Rock or The Lamp Is Low (1961) Season 2, Episode 20

There's a famous saying about an ox.

[5/10 · 26 January 2024]

It has to do with whose ox is being gored. This episode of The Bullwinkle Show has five parts. The most controversial bit seems to be the segment labeled as a "Fractured Fairy Tale." The American Right to Free Speech is being muzzled when anyone attempts to comment upon this picture. Some viewers feel they are being stymied and stifled if they make reference to the ogre here. Others guess that it is mentioning the feline that leads to their suppression troubles. There are those who believe that this site is making it impermissible to refer to any other film when reviewing a picture. Legal scholars are taking issue with the way in which Evil Bots are waging their War of Attrition against thinking people. Unless something gives, the current debacle will end with everyone's ox being gored.

The Bullwinkle Show: The Squirrel Next Door or High Neighbor/The Spell Binders or Hex Marks the Spot (1961) Season 2, Episode 17

This is the show causing all of the controversy . . .

[6/10 · 20 January 2024]

. . . making it difficult if not impossible to talk about it on the internet. Certain Big Money interests have secret Red Flags embedded within the censor bots for sites like this, which means that as of the 2020's, if you incorporate one of these forbidden "trip-wire" terms, your American Free Speech Rights will be muzzled, stymied, squelched, stifled, censored, silenced and totally suppressed as if you are a Soviet saying something negative about Putt-Putt. Among the many squeamish Big Money underwriters of these pernicious Thought Police is Big Oh-Eye-Ell. Their tyrannical anti-criticism bots have become so omnipotent that you can no longer mention Olive's surname when reviewing a Popeye picture. Similarly, Big Toboggan--an obvious substitute term--will not allow or tolerate any mention of the nefarious cats and their vice of choice in this Aesop episode.

The Dudley Do-Right Show: Snidely Mounted Police/Mother Love/Mountie Bear (1959) Season 1, Episode 4

Apples. Trains. Trestles. Blasts. Bears. Jails.

[7/10 · 14 January 2024]

These are all elements of the MOUNTIE BEAR story, which asks the question "Can a single ursine miss find true love in the Far North?" Perhaps the subtitle, Visiting Hours Are 9 to 5, sheds some light on the answer to this query. Maybe not. At any rate, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police or RCMP lock-up quickly fills up with a sizable cross section of the local populace, including Inspector Fen-Wick's daughter Nell, and visiting Americans Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose. The latter pair do not have any lines here, making their joint appearance a brief cameo. There is no backstory to explain how they wound up in the hoosegow. So it goes.

The Bullwinkle Show: Bullwinkle at the Bottom or A Mish-Mash Moose/Double Trouble or The Moose Hangs High (1960) Season 2, Episode 12

I'm not sure why a character in a fairy tale . . .

[8/10 · 9 January 2024]

. . . would be named "Portland." Today Portland is the most populous city in the West Coast American state known as Oregon. It is also the town with the most people within the East Coast U. S. state of Maine. Which raises the question of whether the little title miss of this fractured fairy tale is named for the Portland near the Pacific Ocean, or the one that's a stone's throw from the Atlantic Coast. The western Portland is named after the eastern Portland, which itself recalls an even more eastern Isle of Portland floating off the shores of Great Britain. Strangely enough, as of this writing all three of these Portland's have eateries offering Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwiches, aka BLT's, for less than $20 American.

The Bullwinkle Show: Sourdough Squirrel or Hardrock Rocky/A Creep at the Switch or Sudden Pacific (1960) Season 2, Episode 7

Having seen all eight of Master Potter's films . . .

[8/10 · 27 December 2023]

. . . I can honestly say that I do not recall ever seeing a witch living in a Gingerbread Home in or around Hog-Warts. It seems that if anyone would have a hankering for gingerbread, it would be Harry P. Raised by regular humans, gingerbread should have been a regular part of his diet. After all, during this episode of The Bullwinkle Show's fractured tale, HANSEL AND GRETEL are immediately aware that the mid-woods crone's house is made of that confection, implying that it's a staple of their own otherwise meager diet. When I was growing up, a German great grandma fed us a steady diet of mush, dandelion green salads and onion sandwiches whenever she came over to babysit us for a week. Never once did we get gingerbread. We were as deprived as the Hog-Warts students.

Wonka (2023)

Hats off to the latest chocolate factory film!

[9/10 · 20 December 2023]

As Queen Victoria often said regarding Sherlock Holmes, "The hat makes the man." I think that Willy's topper from his latest cinematic outing is his best head covering of all three films. The milliner for this movie did a great job in matching head-wear to character to actor. This picture deserves at least a nomination in the "Best Costume" category on the basis of Willy's derby alone. Though some viewers may quibble that when the Chocolate Cartel blows up the ship onto which they've lured their rival toward the close of this story his hat should have disappeared as he swam miles to shore, this criticism overlooks the fact that Willy is a magician, so his hat obviously is magical, too. The film crew even included a Magic Consultant. In summary, this prequel gets a big boost from its attention to detail, particularly when it comes to hats.

The Bullwinkle Show: Crash Drive or Oedipus Wrecks/Fender Benders or The Asphalt Bungle (1960) Season 2, Episode 3

This picture omits a few of the key facts about . . .

[6/10 · 18 December 2023]

. . . its title subject. KING MIDAS was the son of Gordon, who won the first gold medal in wrestling during the inaugural 776 BC Olympics. When he and his son Midas moved to Phrygia in 740 BC, Gordon found that he could not undo the knot tying his ox to the family cart. Overcome from the exertion of struggling with this Gordian Knot, he passed away after predicting that whoever COULD unravel the knot would rule all of Asia--as Alexander the Great did years later. Impressed by this fate-struck father-son duo, the local populace immediately declared Gordon's son Midas to be King of Phrygia. Midas turned out to be a greedy money miser, taxing every gram of gold anyone had and selling his only child to a sects abuser for her weight in gold. Unable to gain any more gold, and unwilling to part with any of his mountain of ill-gotten gilt for food or drink, Midas finally died of starvation in 694 BC. Since he weighed far less than his daughter at the time of his demise, no one would pay a nickel for the Corpse of Midas.

The Bullwinkle Show: Water on the Brain or the Deep Six and 7/8/Bullwinkle Goes to Press or All the Moose That's Fit to Print (1960) Season 1, Episode 26

Doubtless the best retelling ever done about . . .

[6/10 · 10 December 2023]

. . . LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, this Fractured Fairy Tale--included on the Season 1, Episode 26 airing of The Bullwinkle Show on Friday, May 12, 1960--blows the whistle on its title character, revealing her as the twisted tramp, vicious vixen, tarnished tart, warped witch, vicious vampire, wicked wretch, rotten rodent, deviant devil, sponging strumpet and belligerent bawd she was in Real Life. "Red" will do anything to make a quick buck, even if it means throwing her own grandmother to the wolves. When a fabulously wealthy potential customer walks into her hood shop, Red offers to sell this malignant bastion of ill-gotten loot the pelt of a young Third World male. How gross can you get?

Fractured Fairy Tales: Cinderella/Snow White/Sleeping Beauty (1961) Season 1, Episode 2

SLEEPING BEAUTY is sure to upset . . .

[6/10 · 2 December 2023]

. . . every fan of Walnut Ditsy, Ditsy Land, Ditsy World and Ditsy Princesses. This "Fractured Fairy Tale" totally eviscerates the Big Money Ditsy Empire and the Ditsy Mega Corporation, built mostly on the back of the title character here. If THE MARVELS epitomizes THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, this revisionist SLEEPING BEAUTY could be subtitled The Little Man Strikes Back. When the bogus Prince of Pork Reins ushers super-long lines of "guests" into his Moat Land, Entrance Hall Land and Stairway Land on the way toward his apparently comatose princess, he's making a mockery of the high-cost low-fun Ditsy Worlds. When it comes to skewering Ditsy, no one can beat Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Peabody's Improbable History: First Kentucky Derby (1960) Season 1, Episode 19

This picture documents how horse racing has been . . .

[7/10 · 29 November 2023]

, , , a corrupt anti-social felonious exercise in flagrant animal abuse from its very inception. During PEABODY'S IMPROBABLE HISTORY: THE FIRST KENTUCKY DERBY, all of the nags depicted are being spurred on by artificial stimulants. Shady shenanigans are running rampant, as any semblance of sportsmanship is tossed over the rails at the get-go. Conflicting interests, Big Money meddling, venal veterinarians and equine psychological trauma are among the plethora of race track wrongs trotted out here. Ponies are assailed with the odoriferous stench of their decomposed slain relatives, bottled up under the guise of glue. These nags are true gluttons for punishment.

The Bullwinkle Show: Give 'Em the Works or Rocky Around the Clock/Crime on My Hands or Hickory Dickory Drop (1960) Season 1, Episode 23

This show includes the revealing segment . . .

[7/10 · 28 November 2023]

. . . AESOP AND SON: THE HARE AND THE HOUND. When you research the original text of this fable, you'll discover that the entire thing adds up to only 58 words, when translated into American. However, this picture reveals that it is far more involved than that, and includes other characters, such as a bear and a skunk. HARE also informs viewers that rabbits may live as long as 60 years, which is a great relief to my family. A close relation raised an orphaned bunny in her bedroom for a couple of weeks, after it was found next to a deceased sibling below an eaves trough downspout extender not far from a patch of rabbit fur ripped from the slain parent by a nocturnal carnivore. After releasing the now much larger bunny in a woods ten miles away, the foster mom insisted that we honk to say "Hi" each time we drove by that park in subsequent years. It's nice to know that that hare will be around to hear this greeting for decades to come.