projectcyclops Reviews

Madame Web (2024)

Like an alien artifact

[4/10 · 12 March 2024]

In many ways, I absolutely love these types of films. It's just so fascinating to see how they get things so completely wrong. The entire tone of the film is simply bizarre - it really does feel machine-generated. No humanity whatsoever. Watching actors struggle under the weight of such blandness and mediocrity is actually a lot of fun.

There's a near-perfect scene where someone gives Dakota Johnson a thank you card, and she stares at it like it's an alien artifact, then states in monotone, "This is made of... paper?" and the scene quickly cuts away. Genuis!

In many ways it felt like a throwback to the pre-Dark Knight/Zack Snyder era of lighter, sillier superhero films of the '00s. No serious attempt at realistic setting or dialogue, just continuous contrivances and deus ex machina set to a loop of girlpower pop hits. For instance, it is never revealed what the baddie actually wants, or what he does for a living, or even his name - it's enough that he wears a dark coloured suit and lives in a big tower.

For the record, I found this less offensive than your average Hollywood 'blockbuster'. It's heart was in the right place... maybe...

Morbius (2022)

Just look at all that money...

[5/10 · 5 January 2024]

Morbius is curiously remincent of the '00s pre-Marvel superhero boom a la Daredevil/Ghost Rider/LXG/Catwoman etc. A very rushed and unconvincing set up, remarkably poor visual effects, vague/weak villain in Matt Smith - who just happens to imbibe the same potion as Leto, but becomes an 'evil' vampire for no reason.

Smith camps it up, and is by a mile the best thing in the film, but plot-wise all he does is strut around and kill a few street punks before Leto blithely pushes him off a cliff or something. ("You were supposed to be my friend!!")

Even Morbius's love interest it just some nameless lady scientist in a lab coat. She's supportive, and shows concern, but has nothing to do.

In its defence, it easily qualifies as so-bad-it's-good (Leto's attempt at a sincere performance admidst such chaos is grimly amusing) and would make a fun ironic watch, and it's always interesting to think about/observe all that money poured into something which turns out so bad.

Tony (I) (2009)

Psycho Killer, Ques Que Ce?

[10/10 · 30 June 2009]

A week in the life of a lonely psycho-killer with severe social problems and an unfashionable moustache, Tony is a darkly comic take on the horror/killer genre. Peter Ferdinando plays our eponymous anti-hero as a nervous and misunderstood loser, unemployable and on state funded job-seeker allowance for 20 years, but prone to sudden acts of extreme violence against anyone who might torment him.

The film is shot extremely well, with contrasting scenes of Tony's claustrophobic, spartan council flat and oddly lush views of a very grim looking London, complete with drug addicts, street walkers, homeless people, and a generally disenfranchised looking populace. Tony wanders the streets, really just looking for anyone to talk to or connect with. At one point he visits a local prostitute whose price list is pinned to the wall, 'Sex - £20, Oral - £30', etc. Tony asks, "How much for a cuddle?" and is promptly thrown out. As a character he seems obsessed with sex and violence, watching 1980's shoot 'em ups on VHS and keeping a box of Kleenex and some Vaseline on his coffee table, next to the discreet porn magazines. He visits a pub and is accused by a vicious thug of looking like a 'nonce' (paedophile to any non-Brits) and gets into a long running feud with the guy (played by Ricky Grover), which ends with a surprisingly touching redemption. He invites two crack addicts to his flat, after following them to buy some drugs from their connection, a black pimp who quotes poetry in a posh English accent and then snaps back to a London wide-boy guise in a split second. Back at the flat the guys hurriedly take their toke and try to ignore Tony as they fall into a drug induced stupor, only for our man to have some fun in brutally attacking them as they enjoy their trip.

Tony's violent ways aren't fully explained, there are no flashbacks or insinuations of an unhappy childhood, he's simply insane enough to have convinced himself that he's different, and it works perfectly. My favourite scene, and one of the most chilling, has Tony staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. He says, "You're not a criminal, you're a soldier, you're gonna die like a soldier." A brief pause indicates a shift in tone and he looks back at himself, "You're no soldier, you're a fly on a pile of ****." He then lets out a guttural roar that even had the gigglers in the back row quieten down and sit-up. In short, Ferdinando is terrific in the role. Throughout the film, a beautiful piano melody plays during exterior shots, as Tony walks the streets and observes the filth that surrounds him, these parts of 'Tony' feel like a nightmare adapted for the screen by Johnson, as do the scenes where Tony painstakingly separates limbs from torsos to dispatch them in blue plastic bags in the Thames at night.

The film is also hilariously funny though. It reminded me of the insane humour of American Psycho, when Tony wakes-up in bed next to a decaying corpse and offers it a good morning and a cup of tea. He quotes Rambo in 'First Blood' before a murder, shrugs his way through the world's most awkward job interview, and picks-up a copy of Héctor Olivera's 'Cocaine Wars' at a charity shop (I am guilty of this too, which freaked me out no end!). He visits a gay bar a few times and seems to enjoy the attention he receives at first, but on taking a guy home he changes his mind and... well you know.

For such an unpleasant and brutal journey in voyeurism and perversity, 'Tony' has a twisted sense of humour and a beating human heart at it's core, that helps to seriously lift it above other recent films in the genre. For anyone who was left cold by Steven Sheil's 'Mum & Dad' or is tired of the same old torture-horror that's offered so liberally by the industry, Tony is something special and absolutely the real deal.

8/10

Wide Open Spaces (2009)

At best, disappointing, at worst, unwatchable

[3/10 · 28 June 2009]

I love Ardal O'Hanlon, his performance as Dougal in the sitcom 'Father Ted', is one of the best things about 90's, UK comedy. I love Ewan Bremner, his performance in Trainspotting as the junkie, Spud, is one of the best things about 90's, UK cinema. Why then would both actors agree to star in something that feels like the aborted pilot of the worlds most depressing buddy-comedy? Myles (O'Hanlon) and Austin (Bremner) are best friends, who agree to work on Ireland's first, and only, famine themed adventure park. It's being run by a crooked businessman, who in turn is being funded by an eccentric, video-art obsessed, middle-aged vamp, who takes every opportunity to flirt with both him, and the two lads. They share a tin hut, in which a lot of the film is set, as they sit on their bunks and discuss their various problems in depth. O'Hanlon as Myles actually has a few good lines and his character, a depressed, pseudo intellectual, is quite engaging and sympathetic. He's level headed, but has very bad luck in life, chain smoking and pontificating away. Spud from Trainspotting, sorry, I mean Ewan Bremner, is playing Austin as a complete idiot, stumbling through his chores, and kind of making life more difficult for poor Myles.

Their boss charges them with some inexplicable debt collection, whereby they meet the repugnant Mr. Doo-La-Lee (HAHAHAHAHA!!!), who tries to do a runner, but winds-up becoming their friend, silly adventures follow. The film relies on the same brand of awkward humour that made 'The Office' a huge hit, as well as a little slap-stick and a small dose of dry, self-depreciating navel gazing, which was the only thing that kept me watching. I counted 14 people who left, and it was a press screening and yes, I did count, I was that bored. The film simply doesn't work. It's stilted, boring and frustrating. Written by the talented Arthur Mathews (Brass Eye, The Day Today, Big Train, The Fast Show, Black Books - This guy's a Brit-Com veteran!), Wide Open Spaces is, at best, not very funny and quite disappointing given the talent involved, and at worst, unwatchable.

Crying with Laughter (2009)

An intense dark comedy, keep an eye out for this one.

[8/10 · 21 June 2009]

An intense dark comedy set in Edinburgh, Scotland, Crying with Laughter is the brainchild of writer/director Justin Molotnikov and stars Stephen McCole (The Acid House) as a cocaine snorting stand-up comedian on the verge of his first big break. The film opens with his character, Joey Frisk, practicing his routine on Portobello Beach, belting booze and shouting at the waves as if they were a rowdy comedy-club crowd. His act is a hit, with wry humour and jabs at a willing audience, but after he bumps into an old school friend while kicking back in a sauna, things start to get creepy.

Frank, played to the hilt by Malcolm Shields, spots Joey and introduces himself with enthusiasm, reminding him of the time Joey drunkenly burnt down a schoolmaster's office for a laugh and wound-up being sent to a borstal (a cross between a school and a prison in the UK, thankfully the project was abandoned in 1982). That night Joey tells the anecdote to his audience, making fun of Frank's attempt at conversation, "One thing you just don't do in a sauna is make chat, it's a room full of half naked men for crying out loud!" is his take on things. Of course Frank is in the audience and Joey has to eat humble pie as he's introduced to Frank's girl. Joey gets drunk and wakes up in bed, post threesome, with two of his comedy club mates. The day goes from weird to worse and eventually he's kicked out of his flat and, after getting hammered again that night and is arrested on suspicion of grievous bodily harm for apparently attacking his landlord, something he can't recall, and seems unlikely to us, the audience. During the police line-up we see Frank again, pointing the finger at Joey from behind the one way glass. Joey doesn't have a clue.

Homeless and desperate, Joey phones everyone he can think of to find a couch or room to crash in, but only Frank answers his cry and happily puts him up in the spare room of his expensive, inherited house. From here the game begins proper as Joey is manipulated and emotionally blackmailed into attending a mysterious 'Reunion' at their old schoolhouse. Stopping off at an old-folks-home run by a dope smoking goon, the ex-military and increasingly sociopathic Frank kidnaps the above mentioned schoolmaster, now suffering from senile dementia and putting up little resistance. Joey is horrified but Frank holds the cards with a threat to Jo's daughter and ex-wife. What's Frank planning? What's Joey and Frank's connection to the old schoolmaster? All the dirty laundry comes out in a powerful third act, which involves brutal, violent torture and a confession of the unthinkable.

Set in and around Edinburgh, Molotnikov uses the location to his advantage, with its winding streets and alleys, lush architecture and seedy drug and booze culture. Thrillers like this are rare, promising and delivering on shocking exposition and an intense atmosphere; it's a great little gem. The technique of punctuating chapters of the film with Joey's final stand-up routine, which is a tell-all story of what's happened in the film, works well and the acting and direction are excellent all round. Shields stands-out, as he exudes a thinly veiled menace which he masks with earnest enthusiasm and innocence, and in the end we're almost on his side after revelations about the real villain of the piece.

Keep an eye out for this one.

Big Things (2009)

Unfunny and poorly made Brit-com

[1/10 · 20 June 2009]

Mark Davenport's first feature film comedy 'Big Things', apparently took three years to get made and involved many regional funding bodies, several separate periods of production and generally a lot of hard graft on the part if it's cast and crew. The film is about a young cycle courier called Richard. He decides one day that he'd like to make a film about a talented runner who dies, has a statue of him erected by his admirers, only for his biggest rival to be crushed to death underneath it while attempting to drill it to pieces. He dubs his less-than-bright best friend Ray producer, hires a cast of amateurs and gets to work. A lot has been made of the parallels between the real production and the one portrayed on screen, which typically goes awry with comic results.

Only the results aren't in the least bit comical, in fact, along with being one of the worst films I've ever seen, it's also one of the most downright grim and depressing. Nothing whatsoever works here and I can't help but wonder why it was chosen for this years EIFF line-up, I can only assume it's to acknowledge and reward some the struggle it took to get it made in the first place.

So we have Richard, played by Tony Claassen, who also co-wrote the script and is as good a comic actor as I am an astronaut. He also starred in 2003's One For The Road, with Mark Davenport, which I have also seen and which is wretched, but I digress. Richard's a simple minded and selfish cretin who ignores his girlfriend's pleas to meet his family and bellows contradictory instructions to his horrified crew; all of whom seem to have creepy mental problems or a below average IQ. Part of the proposed comedy in the film comes from how inept the characters are in their roles as filmmakers and actors, which makes me wonder why on earth they humour Richard at all. Keep in mind that he has no history or qualifications in film, nor even a passing interest (he makes up the plot on the spot when his girl introduces him to an industry type, putting her position on the line for this complete idiot). His family are typically awful with an alcoholic mother, depressed father and loathsome little brother, but he dutifully sits out Sunday lunch and the worlds most depressing birthday party with them (which means that we do too). His best friend, who slaughters chickens for a living, can barely talk he's so stupid and this is supposed to be hilariously funny when it's rather more awkward and depressing to watch, and things begin to unravel as everyone loses interest in whatever it was they were supposed to be doing in the first place. At one point a character who has been repeatedly hired, fired and re-hired over and over, smears his own faeces onto Richards front door and I'll be damned if we didn't get treated to a close-up of Richard cleaning crap for a few minutes. What is it they say about polishing a turd? This scene more than any sums-up how loathsome Big Things really is, and the crap smearer himself is played by... Mark Davenport! Hoho! What a crazy cameo!

Devoid of skill as well as laughs, Big Things is badly shot with many scenes simply out of focus and lighting schemes changing between character shots. This is pedestrian film-making at its most shoddy. Towards the end of the screening my inner voice was screaming, "END! END YOU MONSTER!! DAMNIT!" As if I were a particularly outraged version of Crow T. Robot. The denouement, such as it is, didn't even make sense. After his father regales Richard with the story of his biggest regret (not sending his novel to a publisher) he is inspired to finish his film, only to discover that everyone involved has moved on and isn't interested. So he goes back to work and bumps into his now ex-girlfriend who actually gives this guy her new number. Well dear, it's your dishwater, you can soak in it. As the lights went up and a quiet and listless crowd of press and media shuffled out the door, clutching the small plastic wheelie-bins full of cheap chocolate that we'd been given on entering, I turned to my own ex, who had come to cover this film too. We enjoyed a bit of chat about how amazingly bad 'Big Things' is, which was actually quite nice.

1/10

Idiots and Angels (2008)

A serious accomplishment.

[8/10 · 25 June 2008]

Idiots and Angels is a film by long time animator and Oscar nominee Bill Plympton. The film is completely without dialogue, relying on characters actions and fantasies to tell the story. It opens with our anti-hero 'Angel' waking up, shaving, showering and having his breakfast. He drives through the bustling traffic and blows up a car that takes his parking space, then heads to a seedy bar. The bar is populated by the surly landlord, his beautiful, neglected wife and a rather rotund woman sitting in the corner. Angel orders a drink and puffs away on his cigarettes until a cocoon in his hair suddenly gives birth to a butterfly. In their own way each character expresses how they feel - The landlord wants to capture the butterfly and use it to generate business, the fat lady wants to have the natural beauty of the thing and be worshiped by men, the wife would like to soar above the heavens on it's back. Angel? He wants to smash it. Angel is a bad man and his routine is simple: drink, sell guns and smoke cigarettes.

One morning he wakes up to discover two small bones sticking out of his back which he manages to cut off with his razor, but the bones are persistent and have soon grown into fully functioning wings. Visiting a back doctor with ideas of his own and delusions of fame, Angel flees and finds himself literally being forced by the wings to do good and to change his ways. While his 'friends' initially humiliate him for his new abnormality, they soon grow envious and decide they want some for themselves.

Idiots and Angels is a beautiful animation with striking imagery and a unique ability to change it's tone and message in a heartbeat. What starts off as a comment on banality turns into a noir-ish thriller then transforms into a morality tale before surging head on into romance. It's also a superhero film. And a comedy. Just as the animation morphs with wildly inventive transitions so does the story and pace. Plymton has an excellent eye for imaginative and outrageous imagery and often one is uncertain if what we are seeing is really happening or just in the characters mind, for instance one scene has Angel riding the landlord's wife around the bar like a horse while Tom Wait's sings in the background. The soundtrack as well as the visuals has a lot to do, essentially making up one half of the experience and it just shines with some great choices of both classical and contemporary pieces.

Basically I think everyone should see this film. It's a serious accomplishment and I think that Plympton should win his first long deserved Oscar for it. I first became aware of his work when I tuned into late night television aged fifteen and had my mind blown by 'I Married a Strange Person!', his surreal 1997 feature. With Idiots and Angels he has kept the same humour and outrageousness and built on the style to add a heavy emotional air that made me begin to really care about the characters and their fate.

Ping-pongkingen (2008)

Engaging, unusual low-key drama.

[7/10 · 21 June 2008]

The King of Ping Pong (Ping Pong Kingen) is a poignant drama about two very different brothers living with their mother in the north of Sweden. Rille (Jerry Johansson) is an overweight teenage outsider with a cynical perspective of the world. He's bullied by the towns teenage hoods and only seems on top of things when attending ping pong at the local community centre, where he's appointed himself steward of the racket cupboard key and tries his best to impress the younger players. His younger brother Eric is, in contrast, an athletic and popular boy who's always a hit with girls and, although protective of his older brother, argues with him and their mother frequently. The boys are not impressed with their mothers new boyfriend Gunnar, who owns the local sporting goods store and is considered to be the town joke, they're much more interested in impressing their father who's yearly visit is approaching as he's given leave from his job on an oil rig. Unfortunately their fathers visit brings disappointment, his half-truths, womanising and alcoholism mires his time with the attention seeking boys. Rille then overhears a conversation between Gunnar and his mother that may bring to light why he and Eric are so different. This sets into motion a series of confrontations between the family members which culminates in a terrible accident after which all might be lost for Rille.

Filmed in the snow-bound frozen north of Sweden, Jens Jonsson's first feature looks stunning and it's thanks to Askild Edvarsen's exceptional widescreen imagery (which won him the World Cinema Jury Prize: Dramatic at Sundance) that King of Ping Pong has such an arresting feel to it. The endless snowy hills could be seen as a metaphor for Rille's future, on the cusp of adulthood he looks out to see an uncertain life ahead of him and finds himself desperately scrambling through the wasteland in a cathartic attempt to save everything from disaster. The young actor Johansson has a tough job in basically carrying the entire film which is seen from his point of view, and he does a tremendous job in making the character seem flawed in his arrogance but also deeply sympathetic, engaging and amusing. The humour comes from the detail and little things - the family house for instance is home to about 20 cats which fill cupboards, shelves and any available surface, young Eric has a knack for casual profanity at unexpected times and the boy's father alternates between goofy comic relief and desperate locked out parent. Much of the films poignancy lies in the talks he has with his sons, the advice he tries to give them and the apologies for the mistakes he's made in life. Rille's love interest is of note also, a slightly geeky girl with a talent for life drawing. She exclusively draws muscle bound guys in suggestive poses, complete with bodily appendages and even treats Rille to a portrait of himself as a hunk, "It's how I see you."

The films ambles along like a casual walk in the snow for much of it's running time, it is in no to hurry to develop things too fast, but rather to let the story tell itself, until the third act which picks up pace and develops an almost Coen Brothers like, manic energy.

7/10

Warsaw Dark (2008)

Had potential, misses the mark.

[3/10 · 21 June 2008]

The cinema was nearly full during the industry and press screening of Warsaw Dark as this film has been tipped as something really special in this years Edinburgh International Film Festival. It's directed by Chris Doyle, best known as cinematographer for a number of projects including Wong Kar-Wai's In The Mood For Love and 2046, and for working with some real heavyweights including Gus Van Sant and M Night Shyamalan. The film concerns a young prostitute named Ojka (Anna Przybylska) who is with a Polish government official when he's assassinated one night in Warsaw. She's then caught by the hit-man, drugged, taken to an apartment and begins to experience a sort of personality replacement programme. Meanwhile the police try to solve the murder and track her down, following a series of number based clues that are ambiguous in origin. Ojka's experiences locked in the rooms being tormented by this man grow ever more disturbing and masochistic as he breaks her down and she begins to lose her grip on reality.

Some of the best films are hard to watch, plain and simple. Films like Eraserhead or 2046, Koyaanisqatsi, Threads, even Nashville was a tough nut for me, but while I watch them I realise that they are brilliant for there own reasons. Whether the cinematography is amazing or maybe a specific performance by an actor, the viewer might be uncomfortable or worn-out emotionally, but they're compelled to keep watching just to have experienced the movie.

Warsaw Dark is not one of these films, not even close, although I suspect that's what Doyle had in mind. Writing that plot outline I realise any director could have initiated the set-up in around 20 minutes and created a great political thriller to build on it, but here the envelope has been pushed so far it's fallen off the table and into the waste basket. I left after 70 minutes of endless scenes of Ojka's dazed wandering half-naked around the apartment while the films screechy soundtrack assaulted the senses, vague and half relevant conversations between the police officials, shots of the hit-man eating eggs over and over again (do the eggs mean something? Did he just have a serious hankering for some eggs?), flashbacks to scenes we've already seen and that don't really seem necessary and perhaps most bizarre of all was the cell phones. I'm not sure if it was a trick to confuse cinema audiences but the film is punctuated with the noise of cell phones ringing at random, more often than not the characters on screen don't react to them so people around me kept checking their phones and looking bewildered. I think if you took the worst elements of 'tough films' like say, Inland Empire, and put them together then this is the kind of thing you're looking at. It's overly dark, agonisingly slow, unjustifiably masochistic, utterly without humour and guilty of the worst crime a film can be guilty of – It is really boring. It's a beautifully shot bore. I can forgive a film pretension any day if it delivers entertainment, but Warsaw Dark did not, it is David Lynch if he were drunk and abusive, depressed and feeling unusually self-indulgent.

Before I got up to leave a lot of the audience already had so please don't blame me for not seeing the whole thing. I gave it more of a chance than most of the press this year, and I have never walked out on a film before in my life.

3/10

Sixteen Tongues (1999)

Ideas heavy, low budget cyberpunk thriller.

[6/10 · 25 February 2008]

Sixteen Tongues is a sci-fi thriller set in a dystopian and highly sexualised future. It's written and directed by sometimes film-maker Scooter MacRae, best known for his feature debut 'Shatter Dead' which won him the Best Independent Film award at the Fantafestival in 1995.

The plot concerns two female lovers living in a motel room in the near future. Ginny is an assassin, genetically engineered and implanted with two clitoris's (clitori?) on her eyelids to curb her psychotic impulses, while her girlfriend Alik is a hacker who's searching for the scientist who created Ginny and for the man who killed her brother... So far so cyberpunk, but things get even more brutal when a rogue cop moves into a room down the hall. Adrian is a violent and ruthless man, although considering that he's had sixteen tongues grafted onto him after a near fatal explosion one can see why. Said tongues are sending multiple taste sensations to his brain and it's driving him insane. After a chance meeting by the ice machine Adrian and Ginny form a sort of bond over their respective abnormalities and things progress from there. Over it's 80 minutes the film slowly builds-up tension and ends with a deadly confrontation in the corridors of the Saphio Motel.

The 3.2/10 rating on IMDb.com speaks volumes about the films reception into the mainstream, but there's plenty of fantastic ideas and creative imagery for those who wish to look closer and who aren't put off by micro-budget cinema. Sixteen Tongues is set entirely within the Saphio with no exterior shots whatsoever, no doubt to save money as well as create a look and an atmosphere. The halls are decorated entirely with pornography and the televisions play it on a loop, using your credit card is the only way to shut them off, or indeed to get water, ice, light, etc. The hotel is populated by an appropriately creepy cast of S&M freaks and bums that the main players interact with but ultimately disregard. In short it's a realised world these characters inhabit.

While I'd like very much to praise the vision of the film-maker and to highly recommend this film to anyone interested in apocalyptic film, I really can't. The execution of the film, the sound, the acting, the effects are all lacking. The lighting is bad, actors lines are often mumbled and there's an overall sense of a low budget hampering what could have been a very well done little thriller. The pornography, while an interesting idea and a good visual technique, seems forced and as a lot of other reviews say, you feel more than a little dirty after watching it. The saving grace is probably Ginny, a sympathetic character played surprisingly well by Jane Chase.

However... If you've seen MacRae's previous work and can see past the films technical flaws then you might discover Sixteen Tongues to be real gem, unusual, unsettling, violent and something quite different.

Diary of the Dead (2007)

Something of a return to form.

[7/10 · 19 February 2008]

I just saw a screening in Glasgow last night and was really impressed. After seeing Land of the Dead I feared GAR was destined to make only studio controlled zombie films that sold out his previous works, but this is something of a return to form. The budget is tiny and the actors unknown (as is the case with his best films), but the special effects are top-notch and there is plenty of gore that's made even more unsettling as seen through the lens of a camcorder.

The 'Point Of View' technique is bound to generate concern over similarities to other films using the same style (Cloverfield for instance) but Diary is a very different kind of film and certainly not a 'rip-off', but rather a smaller scale movie doing it's own thing.

There's humour (some real laugh-out-loud moments), social commentary (perhaps a little heavy handed, but relevant and intelligent), suspense, gore and everything else we've come to expect from a Romero film but bundled-up into a new and fresher style by the old guy. It was really interesting to see him trying something new.

As a fan of the genre and of Romero's works I was ultimately relieved and impressed by Diary after entering the theatre a sceptic. This isn't his best film and some fans will no doubt be let down, but after seeing it myself I was happy to see him back on track.

Thanks George.

The Revolting Dead (2003 Video)

Bloody hell!

[1/10 · 12 June 2007]

I watched Revolting Dead over a few drinks and with a friend and we were nothing short of astonished at how bad it is. I'm a veteran zombie enthusiast with over 30 zombie films in my collection, including serious dross like Flesh Eating Mothers and most of the Italian 80's films... But this has to be one of the worst I've ever, ever seen. I don't say this lightly, but to even the most optimistic and forgiving zombie/horror fan, don't watch this. It's utterly devoid of any skill, humour or decent horror/effects. I'd say it's on a par with 'The Zombie Chronicles', which is another no-go film. If you're after a half decent modern zombie indie film then I'd say go track down 'The Stink of Flesh', it's quite a bit better and has a few fun and interesting ideas. The other reviews pretty much sum it up, most low-budget horror has it's strikes and it's gutters but this is just the pits.

Right, I'll stop now as I could go on all day.

Jet Set Willy (1984 Video Game)

Good for the time

[7/10 · 13 September 2006]

I remember Jet Set Willy quite vividly, it really left an impression as a superior game at the time. I had it for the Spectrum ZX81 when I was about 8 years old and something about the idea of a high society type, or a 'yuppie' / 'Jet Setter' being the main character stuck with me. Very much a product of it's time, you can hardly say the game-play still stands-up when there's games like GTA and Halo out there. This one had a special something about it lacking in modern games however, character I suppose. Plus the monsters freaked me out, and the front cover of the game's cassette box (yes, it was a tape cassette) was just brutal.

Worth downloading a Spectrum emulator and having a whirl.

Dispatches: Young, Nazi and Proud (2002) Season 16, Episode 8

Powerful and intense documentary concerning young BNP member 'Mark Collet'

[10/10 · 16 August 2005]

Young Nazi and Proud is a British documentary about our most odious political 'party', the British National Party or BNP. Most people here in the UK are very well aware of the parties extreme right-wing views and their links with violent groups such as the National Front, and with that in mind would probably rather vote for Maggie Thatcher again. Although the party is generally thought to be very weak, it does find support in impoverished areas and areas which are used to house immigrants and asylum seekers, taking the line that "Why are we so poor? It's cos of them, coming here, stealing our jobs, etc." which can be effective, as we see in the film. The documentary concentrates on the rising young star of the BNP, Mark Collet ("One of natures live wires", as says party leader Nick Griffin), an economics graduate with a passion for Nazi Germany, metal machine music and computer games. We see him graduate, leave home, become an official member of the party, run for MP and give a speech at the annual BNP BBQ; with unintentionally hilarious remarks about 'Dreadlocked white slags going out with blacks' and how our ancestors were hunting woolly mammoth while 'the black man' was still swinging about in the trees - cue lots of cheering and hooting from a frankly terrifying group of skinhead, swastika tattooed grunts. Throughout the film the journalist interviewing him remains quietly sceptical and offers many opportunities for Mark to explain his views, but it isn't until the end of the film that we get some clear answers from Mark. When the camera is on he's preaches the standard BNP stuff about how asylum is crippling the country, increasing crime and generally removing the integrity of a once proud nation, but turn it off (or tell him its turned off...) and it's a whole different story. The guy's views are based almost entirely on prejudice and are frighteningly racist. His knowledge of history and geography is often confused or just plain wrong, and it's his ignorance that had led him to assume the BNP are right. He even goes as far to say he'd rather his children grew up in Nazi Germany than in his home town, something he is questioned about at the end when the journalist confronts him over his racist comments. Mark is initially outraged and then clearly upset that the film makers lied about the camera being off, but agrees to answer some questions after quitting the party via mobile phone. In an incredibly tense scene we have the interviewer (who by this point was actually quite close to Mark) admitting his Jewish ancestry, to which Mark replies 'I had an inkling you were a Jew'. It's pointed out to Mark that the man is as white as he is and in fact Mark's relatives had commented on how similar they both looked, Marks answer? 'I'm not a Jew!'.

Mark ended up staying with the party, breaking up with his girlfriend as a result. He appears in another documentary by the BBC, a bit more grown up and clearly still fishing for Nick Griffins job (who else would want it? Griffin was sent to prison after being secretly filmed at a rally making openly racist comments!). But this slice of investigative journalism is really something special, showing us an amazing insight into this twisted party, the journalist comments 'its less of a party and more a gathering of individuals who find a sense of belonging here'. It's sad but hilarious at the same time and my God does it make you think...

10/10

A Midsummer Night's Dream (1984 TV Movie)

Bizarre and unique interpretation of Shakespeare by one of Scotlands best (adopted) artists.

[10/10 · 19 June 2005]

This production of Midsummers Night Dream is very close to my heart, as a fan of Lindsay Kemps artwork and theatre productions I was thrilled to hear that this version of the play existed and nothing short of delighted when i finally managed to track a copy down (taped from television in the mid 1980's).

Kemp co-wrote the script with David Brandon and plays cheeky Puck, the mischievous sprite, but what stands out the most to my mind are the spectacular costumes and stage designs. The set pieces really help to add an air of magic to the play, while the performances themselves are undeniably graceful and poised proving that Director Celestino Coronada has competently handled the shift from stage to screen.

The story remains the same, four lovers, some rude mechanics and a quibble over a young boy by the King and Queen of the forest. The big change is that this is a musical version of Shakespears play and although the songs were written long after the playwrite was dead, his message remains as gently amusing and entertaining as ever.

I highly recommend this production to admirers of Kemps work and fans of the genre. Sadly very few copies exist, but if you find one... watch it! The surreal value and marvellous performances (especially the King and Queen) cannot be denied, every mid-summers night I watch this film with friends and each time it gets better.