JasmineFIowers Reviews

King of the Hill: The Father, the Son and J.C. (2001) Season 6, Episode 4

There would have been an intelligent way to write Carter/Habitat for Humanity into KOTH, but this wasn't it

[5/10 · 12 February 2016]

There are really tired ways to write comedy, and ways to cleverly pull in historical references which is amusing and occasionally, hilarious.

This is the longer.

Injecting a poorly executed southern accent and a whole bunch of clichés (showing a lack of research) as a comic foil is just tired. There could have been real promise here - Carters' administration focused on energy (hello, propane jokes) and foreign policy negotiation, and specific reference could have been made about Egyptians and how they'd both met them (Given WW2 was in Egypt too). Really, one of the weaker episodes of the series up until this point. The Cotton and Hank stuff was okay, but nothing really extraordinary.

A shame.

Spectre (I) (2015)

A hipster Midsummer Murders fanfiction on the big screen

[2/10 · 1 January 2016]

We are greeted by another tragic addition to the "Bond" franchise, starring the ever ugly Daniel Craig, trying to break down a mystery as to why a whole bunch of people were murdered, while they all remain slightly whiny and very too cool for school.

These are all the things that are wrong with the film. + Bad CGI- the first scene was full of it, and the last scene + This line "He's on his own" - well duh, M, Moneypenny and Q should NOT be out on missions! + Unnecessarily violent torture scenes and full view of hideous disfigurements + Plain if not ugly casting- Bond films used to be full of beautiful people. Daniel Craig is again, an eyesore. + Characters came off as whiny rather than strong (this is the Midsummer Murders component) + Bond appeared all touchy feely with a woman in the opening sequence. Too much of Bond in the opening sequence. + Gadget failure - there are not enough gadgets either + Not funny - Bond lacks wit + Efforts to create suspense were boring rather than suspenseful

If you only see one movie this year, make it something else. One star because it was a film, one more because it was the least worst Craig outing yet.

I have to really credit whoever is heading up this reboot, they're managing to trash the legacy of Bond very successfully. Bravo.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

A Dark Disney more for adults that takes risks

[8/10 · 20 October 2015]

This one did little for me when I was a kid. With morals like tolerance, loving people for who they are, multiculturalism, forgiveness, love, and friendship, it wasn't as glamorous as the Arabian design and neat little love story in Aladdin with the very funny Robin Williams as Genie. The visuals were very pretty though, the enormous and detailed stone façades and bright festival clothing of the gypsy people.

Fast forward to an adult seeing this. What brought me back was that scene where the bad guy was gazing into the fire, dishevelled, struggling while the fire and smoke danced for him. And I'm not the only one.

Judge Claude Frollo, a pious, cruel and ruthless man, has strongly sexual feelings for a female character in a Disney film, Esmeralda, and they play this out on screen. They also show him sniffing her hair. Not only that, they have him barricade a family into a house before setting it on fire to find her (not surprising, he implied he was intent on committing genocide and seemed quite at ease in the dungeons of the castle) and tries to have the Captain of the Guard killed and leave him to have a slow drowning death because he refused to do it himself. Then he captures her and puts it to her - either she be with him (presumably as a mistress - a man of his stature unmarried would be very unusual in those days, and she's a gypsy) or she dies. Esmeralda for her part does a dance that seemed to borrow modern elements from questionable places, and while Frollo's behaviour is never to be condoned, he would likely never have seen such a display.

Of course, none of these things are particularly self-evident to children who watch this film and for me as a child it went over my head.

But really, why this is important is it pushed boundaries Disney probably thought it never would. It is an adaptation of a far gory and less neat source. It creates a villain of which Disney has created few equals to in terms of his depravity. And a connection between two characters that has gone far beyond in adult nature what was done previously and since.

Jasmine in Aladdin tried to sexually seduce Jafar to protect Aladdin. This isn't quite as bigger plot element though and doesn't have a musical number. It's what the internet has called "Fresme" (Frollo/Esmeralda), and Disney knows it's a thing. Search for "11- 08-2012 - Esmeralda and Frollo - Disneyland Paris" and see cast members in Euro Disney play it up, with Esmeralda's supposed love Phoebus no-where to be seen and Frollo chasing Esmeralda around and asking her to dance. Dig further and there's pictures of him clutching her, stroking her face, hugging her. Cast Member Esmeralda, by contrast, looks happy while all this is going on. And while nobody would ever expect the Parks Jasmine to dance in a red outfit for Jafar, it's not quite the same for Hunchback. A majority of the fan activity on the internet about this movie is directed at Fresme.

This movie has become one of my favourites for the risks it took and the elements it created. It's not very charming unlike a Snow White or a Sleeping Beauty (sans the architecture which is fantastic), and the ending is unsatisfying (from my perspective) but it's like eating a whole tub of icecream in one sitting - wicked but so good.

Open Slather (2015)

Lacks focus and voice but so much potential

[7/10 · 18 October 2015]

Having seen 10/15 episodes so far, the first season started strongly with biting parodies of well known figures. The Real Housewives of the World series was good and showed the older Fast Forward talent was still kicking. Gina Minehart struck a chord too. Hannah Bath's similarity with Princess Mary of Denmark is being put to use which is also good. The parodies tended to be spaced out by weaker social commentary sketches, although the natural talents of the actors get used well sometimes, like Glenn Robbins' dweeby characteristics. It's a shame the talented social comedy writers Jane Turner and Gina Reilly with the much vaunted Kath and Kim, Glenn Robbins' successes with All Aussie Adventures, Shane Jacobson's larakin Aussie with Kenny, and Michael Veitch (Fast Forward), Stephen Curry (the Castle), Marg Downey (Fast Forward) and Magda Szubanski (Kath and Kim) just being...well...themselves, haven't cut through here as much as they might. A lot of it often feel more like one line jokes in sketch comedy routines than jokes that can be played out.

With the insight and ability to tap into culture demonstrated by the very talented cast (and I need to also mention Emily Taheny who has runs on the board from Comedy Inc and Mad as Hell), it seems that the show intended to take a lot of risks - at least that's what the intro from the first half the series promised. It seems like all the brilliant minds that are vested in this project need a blank canvas to go nuts, take bigger risks, and come out with some (hopefully) brilliant unique characters that can carry the series. Kath and Kim, after all, was a one-sketch joke at one point.

Foxtel needs to renew this show, and give them what the title promised - an open slather creative licence to find their voice. Either the show should soar like an eagle or go down in flames, but a "safe" middle grounded production helps no-one.

30 Rock: Queen of Jordan (2011) Season 5, Episode 17

Unintelligible trash loaded with reverse racism

[2/10 · 2 December 2014]

Angie is truly the most irritating character on this show. Her playing of the race card is beyond unfunny. She's selfish and crude and pathetic and the show would be better off not going anywhere near the themes it canvasses in this episode. Her "crew" are equally annoying. This episode is clearly parodying reality shows, but I don't watch 30 Rock to see a parody of a reality show. And it's not really smart enough written to pull it off either. All the regulars sink to the level of the idocracy which is a shame, because instead of quirky-cute they just become quirky-stupid. The story about the teacher is vaguely amusing but cannot rescue how silly this episode really is.

Restoration Home (2011– )

Dumbed down quasi-historical show of historical buildings being renovated hideously

[4/10 · 1 June 2014]

Kieren is the main thing that redeems this show. As an architect of sorts, his knowledge about buildings ability to read maps provides some level of legitimacy to the show.

The rest is pretty tedious. Caroline's voice overs are like Indian burns, her bored moaning overlaying the competently cinematographed shots of the program. Continually repeating previously revealed information and stating the obvious that's on screen, the show treats viewers like they have an IQ of 50 with a memory to match.

The utter worst part of the show is the unbearably tedious Kate. This glorified Google "artist" (the same way Subway has sandwich "artists") can't help telling us every time she finds something that it's "important" or "interesting" before going on, or saying "I was just looking this up" even when there are shots of her doing research, stating her finds with an irritating level of conviction as if she's found a needle in a haystack when quite often, she's done basic historical legwork. To dump her would improve this show 100%.

What's worse, they often find people who have purchased buildings (or more like shells as they're often so derelict they need lots of money tipped into them to get them up to code) of historical significance, hundreds of years old, t only install Ikea-grade garbage interiors with few calls back to the era of the building themselves, with varying level of finish depending on how much of a chav the owners are.

If you need a house renovation show, while Grand Designs features the smarmy and overly self-assured Kevin McCloud, the achievements of those featured are far satisfying.

The Best Laid Plans (2014)

Fails to hit the right notes

[6/10 · 30 April 2014]

There must be a reason why the podcast and subsequent book is so beloved by Canadians, because this series must seriously be selling short that vision.

The book was written by someone involved in politics, who lived and breathed it. But whoever wrote these scripts was certainly not the author, as the whole nuance of the work is missing something.

McClintock, who was formerly married to a well-known feminist, with a passion for water quality, would not be a man to be trifled with. He seems reduced to a warm and fuzzy eccentric engineer. Parkinson, who ran five times against a man with a 90% approval rating and with a passion for the individuals effect on the political process, seems to be dulled by her association with the nursing home. While it is implied both of these characters are bitey, as one would expect, neither really delivers anything particularly incisive or sharp. However, Raoul Bhaneja needs to be given credit here as the standout, as Chief of Staff Stanton, he injects energy, direction and insight that seems lacking from the other characters in the series (possibly down to mediocre direction).

And while the script has its moments and political insights, like the ridiculous way polling is analysed, the show doesn't seem to make up its mind whether to cruise in under the radar with the subtleties of Yes Minister, or hit viewers over the head like Thick of It or VEEP. Rather, it decides to do neither for the most part and feels more like a weekly soap opera that could be slotted into one of many genres...hospital, police, etc etc. Which if it were a 24-episode season program would be fine, but miniseries require fast character definition and a sharp script; this show has neither.

It really is a huge shame for Canadians that this celebrated book wasn't done better, it must be well loved for a reason, and Canada seems to lack TV dramatic works focused around politics.

Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World (1998) (V) (1998 Video)

A lack of Hollywood-style ending...FINALLY

[8/10 · 7 May 2011]

This movie actually attempts to follow on from the original Pocahontas, and give a bit more of the "history". While Disney doesn't follow history line-for-line (it's a kids movie), it doesn't sugar coat what actually happened. And this is why I like this movie, because Pocahontas is taken to England. We not only get to see England, we see the king, and, the man Pocahontas actually falls in love with in history.

This is hard for most Hollywood watchers, as by their yardstick, she should throw down her bouquet at the altar and run into the arms of her former love. But no, she has successfully MOVED ON, a story that happens all too often in life for many adults.

So if there is one key story children can take from this film, is that love, and the heart, moves on.

Tess of the D'Urbervilles (2008)

A personal connection

[9/10 · 18 April 2010]

I was emotionally moved by the story. Maybe Angel could have been portrayed better, but for me the actor chosen cut deep and made a connection. He seemed genuine, but probably a bit sillier than he ought. I understood why Tess 'gave up' and accepted her fate in the end. It's easy to sit in the audience and cheer her on to not stop at the house and keep going, or we just know she'll be caught, but we haven't lived her life or suffered her horrors. She had already been suicidal earlier in the piece. She had felt she was dead in the arms of Alec. Her reality and perspective was warped; not that she's deranged or anything, however, her experience in not running from the police is the norm in society with most people who murder. The whole piece together forms all part of the tragedy.

It was well shot, the scenery was great, most performances very good. I was curious if there was any more in the novel about Tess and Alec's arrangement, and I think it could have drawn out her pain and motivation for the murder should they have included more. Yes, we know that Alec is a rogue. Yes, we know he mistreats her. I guess with a legal mind the lead-up to the final act of desperation on Tess' part needed more explanation and the life they lead.

Having read another response I shall now critique part of it that pushed me to write the review. Attacking the substance of the source material is moronic. What's even more moronic is suggesting that a woman would have a defense to murder at the turn of the 20th century. The only defense would have been the Queen for a pardon, and I doubt Queen Victoria would be interested, given the circumstances. Battered Woman Syndrome, a defense in many jurisdictions now, was unheard of and women who murdered were "pure evil". The rape? Well, you heard half the male characters in the show itself...It was the woman's fault. Regardless of how overpowering the man was. Or ignorance. Or anything else. She brought him on. etc. etc. And being turfed out of a village for this too. She also would have not got a pence from a judge for her work at the "slave" farm, because of strict precedents from cases involving employment contracts back then. It is easy (and foolhardy) to say that most of Tess' problems could have been solved by the 21st century justice system, but the story is an excellent comment on the life of a woman over a century ago, and the vast developments in criminal law and society. In fact this is one of the reasons I believe it gets remade, to make a point about such issues. And in the end, I think poor Tess had enough. She knew bliss wouldn't last.

Love Camp 7 (1969)

Is it porn or a mainsteam film?

[2/10 · 22 September 2006]

It's hard to know whether it's a porn movie or a sadistic film pretending to not be a porno. Whatever the case, it's got itself banned in the UK. Which I would say was unnecessary, it was poorly made and acted but doesn't mean it's any worse than a red-blooded male can buy down at the porn shop these days. From a female perspective, the plot was lacking, the acting was s***, the cinematography was forgotten as was choreography and realism a joke. I saw "The Downfall" the same day I saw this, and to compare, Love Camp 7 makes you roll your eyes about the Nazis whereas "The Downfall" makes you a little empathetic. Certainally, Love Camp 7 doesn't make you hate them, as it's so over-the-top it's kidding itself. I found the physical contact between the characters downright boring, and you just know what they're doing is fake and unrealistic and a put-on to avoid getting banned, as nobody gets their pants off.

In conclusion, some women get attacked, some director had his wet dream come true, and nobody learned anything about Nazi Germany. Mission accomplished?

True Lies (1994)

Big, loud, and stupid

[3/10 · 28 March 2006]

Don't you have a tax return to fill in or something? Equally entertaining, just one of them isn't a complete waste of time.

The action doesn't make you think "this is gripping", it makes you think, "geez, this is stupid. They can't possibly string this ridiculous action sequence out any longer"- then they do. The wife comes across as plain skanky, not sexy, and the bad female equally so. The baddies? Terrorists. Hairy, dark, Arab. Sorry, the IRA was on vacation during the filming so they couldn't recruit some real terrorists, they just stuck to stereotypes. Bravo. And sexual innuendo? By the bucket-load. Sexual innuendo in film and TV is funny, to a point. This film just takes it, skanks up all the female characters, then lays it on thick and fast. Not what any thinking person calls 'humour'. I can't find anything good about this film. Masquirades as feministic with Jamie-Lee's role in brining down the terrorists, but with the skanky miniskirts, clearly isn't; packed with the worst early-90s stereotypes like screaming-daughter-"oh daddy I love you now but not before lets make up please help me". It's a doosey.

Arnie wasn't bad though.

Cameron's punch he got out of T2 is lost in this film, in a big, bad, ugly way.