HazelShade Reviews

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1991 TV Movie)

What Has Happened to the Redgraves?!

[4/10 · 25 March 2019]

Oh, golly, Ladies!! WHY??

I just....I am SO sorry!

(Kudos to the house, though, reprising it's classic role. You've still got it, kid!)

Guest in the House (1944)

Sociopath in Shoulder Pads

[8/10 · 23 March 2019]

Oh, wow! I'm just sayin', "Noir. Femme fatale. Melodrama." See what I'm saying?!

Does it matter whether there is life on other planets if they don't have black and white films of women running around in negligee that makes you want to chuck your current life for that of a genteel invalid?

Another important question: first filmic mention of "cutting"?

Pop that corn, tilt the wine bottle. Grrrls: Ms Baxter's gonna show us how melodrama WORKS!!

House of Deadly Secrets (2018 TV Movie)

WHY, Patty?! Are you okay?!

[2/10 · 20 November 2018]

10 stars for the idea of hiring Patty McCormack (at whose doorstep I do NOT lay this steaming pile of lazy thinking) minus 7 stars for troubling us with a French title for no good reason minus 1 star for existing = 2 stars.

Now that the math is out of the way: Patty! Seriously, sweetheart: is it the money?! Do you need money?! I will help you!! Please do not accept projects out of hunger! I will make you dinner!!

Or did you lose a bet?

Or does someone "have some dirt" on you? Say the word: I will break kneecaps!!

Whatever it is, Patty dear, we're worried. Please let us know you're not involved with a gang of rich kids who keep you hopped up on the dopes and force you to act in their lousy films!