What NOT to see
by lee_eisenberg | created - 27 Dec 2014 | updated - 14 Jan 2015 | PublicMovies that insult the very notion of cinema.
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1. Man on the Moon (1999)
R | 118 min | Biography, Comedy, Drama
The life and career of legendary comedian Andy Kaufman.
Director: Milos Forman | Stars: Jim Carrey, Danny DeVito, Gerry Becker, Greyson Erik Pendry
Votes: 137,497 | Gross: $34.58M
There was NO point in making a movie about a zero like Andy Kaufman. Who ever would have thought that the director of "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest", "Ragtime" and "Amadeus" could release a piece of garbage like this?
2. 40 Pounds of Trouble (1962)
Approved | 106 min | Comedy
Hilarity ensues when a casino manager spends a day at Disneyland with a cute but troublesome little girl.
Director: Norman Jewison | Stars: Tony Curtis, Phil Silvers, Suzanne Pleshette, Larry Storch
Votes: 1,129
This example of "family fun" feels like 40 tons of lead.
3. Everyone Says I Love You (1996)
R | 101 min | Comedy, Musical, Romance
A New York girl sets her father up with a beautiful woman in a troubled marriage while her stepsister gets engaged.
Director: Woody Allen | Stars: Woody Allen, Goldie Hawn, Julia Roberts, Edward Norton
Votes: 39,418 | Gross: $9.71M
There's nothing to love about a story of neurotic rich New Yorkers, especially when it's a musical.
4. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
R | 159 min | Drama, Mystery, Thriller
A Manhattan doctor embarks on a bizarre, night-long odyssey after his wife's admission of unfulfilled longing.
Director: Stanley Kubrick | Stars: Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Todd Field, Sydney Pollack
Votes: 375,217 | Gross: $55.69M
Stanley Kubrick did what I thought that he couldn't: he made a movie that had no plot.
5. My Dream Is Yours (1949)
Passed | 101 min | Comedy, Music, Musical
An agent must search for a new personality to replace a popular singer who refuses to renew his radio contract. He finds one in the form of a single mother, but complications soon occur.
Directors: Michael Curtiz, Friz Freleng | Stars: Jack Carson, Doris Day, Lee Bowman, Adolphe Menjou
Votes: 1,676
This is a dream? Give me nightmares any day!
6. Mac and Me (1988)
PG | 99 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family
An alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy.
Director: Stewart Raffill | Stars: Christine Ebersole, Jonathan Ward, Tina Caspary, Lauren Stanley
Votes: 14,522 | Gross: $6.42M
Is it more of an "E.T." ripoff or is it more of a commercial for McDonald's and Coca-Cola? Whatever the case, it's a poor excuse for a movie.
7. Happy Go Lovely (1951)
Approved | 97 min | Comedy, Musical, Romance
A chorus girl gets a ride from millionaire Bruno's driver. The cash-strapped theater director thinks, she's Bruno's girlfriend and makes her the lead. She meets Bruno, thinking he's a reporter. More confusion follows.
Director: H. Bruce Humberstone | Stars: David Niven, Vera-Ellen, Cesar Romero, Bobby Howes
Votes: 876
There are a number of good movies set in Scotland. This is not one of them.
8. Chariots of Fire (1981)
PG | 125 min | Biography, Drama, Sport
Two British track athletes, one a determined Jew and the other a devout Christian, are driven to win in the 1924 Olympics as they wrestle with issues of pride and conscience.
Director: Hugh Hudson | Stars: Ben Cross, Ian Charleson, Nicholas Farrell, Nigel Havers
Votes: 65,906 | Gross: $58.97M
Not a look at the triumph of spirit, but rather a glorification of English high society.
9. Pushing Tin (1999)
R | 124 min | Comedy, Drama, Romance
A feud develops between two air traffic controllers: one cocky and determined while the other is restrained and laidback, which inevitably affects their lives.
Director: Mike Newell | Stars: John Cusack, Billy Bob Thornton, Cate Blanchett, Angelina Jolie
Votes: 30,462 | Gross: $8.41M
Uh, WHAT was this supposed to be about?!
10. Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)
PG-13 | 118 min | Action, Crime, Thriller
A retired master car thief must come back to the industry and steal fifty cars with his crew in one night to save his brother's life.
Director: Dominic Sena | Stars: Nicolas Cage, Angelina Jolie, Giovanni Ribisi, T.J. Cross
Votes: 294,740 | Gross: $101.65M
If you're lucky, it'll be gone from your memory in that amount of time.
11. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
PG-13 | 129 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
A research team is sent to the Jurassic Park Site B island to study the dinosaurs there, while an InGen team approaches with another agenda.
Director: Steven Spielberg | Stars: Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlethwaite, Vince Vaughn
Votes: 444,152 | Gross: $229.09M
Steven Spielberg mistakenly thought that his Oscar win for "Schindler's List" gave him the right to insult everyone's intelligence.
12. Six Days Seven Nights (1998)
PG-13 | 102 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
Robin Monroe, a New York magazine editor, and the gruff pilot Quinn Harris must put aside their mutual dislike if they are to survive after crash landing on a deserted South Seas island.
Director: Ivan Reitman | Stars: Harrison Ford, Anne Heche, David Schwimmer, Jacqueline Obradors
Votes: 83,393 | Gross: $74.33M
The original "Swept Away" did a great job with it, and "Gilligan's Island" made it funny. This movie makes it boring.
13. Armageddon (1998)
PG-13 | 151 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
After discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas will impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep-core drillers to save the planet.
Director: Michael Bay | Stars: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler
Votes: 450,908 | Gross: $201.57M
Michael Bay directed it. 'Nuff said.
14. Batman & Robin (1997)
PG-13 | 125 min | Action, Sci-Fi
Batman and Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City.
Director: Joel Schumacher | Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Uma Thurman
Votes: 268,174 | Gross: $107.33M
After this movie, it's amazing that anyone was able to revive the franchise.
15. The Peacemaker (1997)
R | 124 min | Action, Drama, Thriller
A US Army colonel and a civilian woman supervising him must track down stolen Russian nuclear weapons before they're used by terrorists.
Director: Mimi Leder | Stars: George Clooney, Nicole Kidman, Marcel Iures, Aleksandr Baluev
Votes: 62,425 | Gross: $41.26M
George Clooney is now a respected actor. At the end of 1997 his career looked dead in the water thanks to this movie and "Batman & Robin".
16. The Human Stain (2003)
R | 106 min | Drama, Romance, Thriller
When a disgraced former college dean has a romance with a mysterious younger woman haunted by her dark, twisted past, he is forced to confront a shocking fact about his own life that he has kept secret for fifty years.
Director: Robert Benton | Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Nicole Kidman, Ed Harris, Gary Sinise
Votes: 32,260 | Gross: $5.38M
Let it be known: some moron actually thought that the pasty Anthony Hopkins could pass for mulatto.
17. Beach Blanket Bingo (1965)
Unrated | 98 min | Comedy, Musical, Romance
Frankie, DeeDee, and the gang meet singing sensation Sugar Kane in a publicity stunt; they all get introduced to skydiving and get caught up in love.
Director: William Asher | Stars: Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello, Deborah Walley, Harvey Lembeck
Votes: 3,155
This movie - masquerading as a look at sexuality - belongs on the beach alright...buried under the sand, preferably encased in cement.
18. The Flintstones (1994)
PG | 91 min | Comedy, Family, Fantasy
In a parallel modern-day Stone Age world, a working-class family, the Flintstones, are set up for an executive job. But they learn that money can't buy happiness.
Director: Brian Levant | Stars: John Goodman, Rick Moranis, Rosie O'Donnell, Halle Berry
Votes: 86,550 | Gross: $130.51M
There is no better argument for the existence of brain bleach than this disgrace to a classic TV show. Elizabeth Taylor must have spent the last seventeen years of her life kicking herself for having this as her final movie.
19. Town & Country (2001)
R | 104 min | Comedy, Romance
Two loving middle aged couples get caught in a series of marital misadventures over reasons of fidelity.
Director: Peter Chelsom | Stars: Warren Beatty, Diane Keaton, Nastassja Kinski, Goldie Hawn
Votes: 5,252 | Gross: $6.72M
Unless Warren Beatty stars in another movie before he dies, he will have had one of the saddest careers: as the original star of his generation, he ended his career with this vomit-inducer.
20. The Thirteenth Floor (1999)
R | 100 min | Mystery, Sci-Fi, Thriller
A computer scientist running a virtual reality simulation of 1937 becomes the primary suspect when his colleague and mentor is murdered.
Director: Josef Rusnak | Stars: Craig Bierko, Gretchen Mol, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Vincent D'Onofrio
Votes: 77,295 | Gross: $15.50M
"The Matrix" dealt with a simulated reality and made it interesting. "The Thirteenth Floor" dealt with a simulated reality and had the most muddled plot imaginable.
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