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65 (2023)
2/10
A sincere review from a palaeo-nerd's perspective
2 February 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Let's get this out of the way. No, I do not dislike this movie because the animals in it are (severely) inaccurate. However, I feel it's one of the contributing factors as to why the movie, I personally believe, didn't perform well or garner much public interest, this being because a majority of the so-called dinos that appear in 65 are totally unrecognisable as dinosaurs. Allow me to explain: if you show someone classic vintage artwork of an outdated dinosaur reconstruction, whether that be a water-bound wiggly-necked sauropod or a vertically-upright tail-dragging theropod (such as from the influential works of legendary palaeo-artist Charles R. Knight), they'd likely be able to recognise the image as an old-timely dinosaur in an instant. Whereas the weird Xenomorph-ish looking creatures we actually get in the movie look way more like bland space monster designs with little-to-no variety and hardly any distinguishing features, kind of like some generic flick you'd catch on the Syfy channel (try to think of them like bargain bin H. R. Giger knockoffs), rather than anything remotely close to resembling even a traditional dino model depiction. This is honestly perplexing to me, especially considering the fact that Adam Driver and Ariana Greenblatt's characters are the ones who're supposed to be the extraterrestrial visitors from another world and the faunal organisms we see are meant to be the native lifeforms of the planet they crash-landed on (that of course being prehistoric Earth). I don't know if this is true or not but that's only my assumption as to why 65 might've turned a lot folks off (especially dino-fanatics), because these uninspired Hollywood-made monsters just don't look at all like the conventional pop-culture dinosaurs (either stereotypical or up-to-date) they know and have grown accustomed to seeing in most forms of mainstream media.

The movie itself begins approx. 66,000,000 years ago B. C. E. And I was ready for it. Imagine all the cool animal encounters the characters could have with the various inhabitants of the Maastrichtian, especially if it's set within the North American region (certainly has potential). Our first non-avian dinosaur is the late Cretaceous troodont Pectinodon near a waterfall, a (possibly nocturnal) raptor species that's frequently used for many jump-scare moments built on artificial tension. OK, not off to too bad of a start (minus any physical inaccuracies), shows promise. Following this, in a forested area, we see... an ugly-looking Jakapil? A small biped with armoured scutes known from the Kokorkom desert of mid Cretaceous Patagonia (huh, excuse me?). Next up, wandering through the same stretch of woodland, there's a pack of what I can only think are freakishly oversized Lagosuchus, slender lizard-like archosaurs that're portrayed as loud brainless hunters instead of tiny efficient omnivores. So now, it appears that we've miraculously been transported even further back in time to late Triassic Argentina. Then we stumble across a Dsungaripterus flock on a beach, large-crested pterosaurs that lived in early Cretaceous China (alright, this is getting ridiculous). After that, it's a drab dull interpretation of what I suspect is the oviraptorid Anzu in a cave. If correct, this would mean that we've somehow made it all the way back to the Hell Creek Formation at the tail end of the upper Cretaceous, which is seemingly confirmed by the presence of what I presume are a sickly pair of radically malformed Tyrannosaurus that pop up at the spaceship wreckage site (finally, we're back on track!). But, wait... oh, no! Last but not least (drumroll, please!): a largely exaggerated Fasolasuchus rocks up near a geyser field to give the terrified characters one last fright, which means we've once again magically taken several steps back to late Triassic Argentina, for us to inexplicably come face-to-face with this predatory quadrupedal pseudosuchian, that might I add has been excessively decorated with a much thicker layer of jagged osteoderms than necessary (convoluted, much?).

That's the biggest problem with this whole movie. To put it simply, 65 doesn't know what it wants to be. What temporal range do they want to settle on? There's no good sense of chronological consistency within the internal context of the movie's geological locales whatsoever, a strikingly similar issue to the Jurassic World Dominion prologue and the duration of 10,000 BC (both of which were also riddled with their own geographical sins). It's as if they couldn't decide whereabouts on the Mesozoic timeline to have their story take place, so the filmmakers may've wanted to have their cake and eat it too by setting the movie literally days before the worldwide disaster of the global K-Pg mass extinction event and just randomly threw in all these out-of-place species which are unrelated to this given timeframe. It's jarring, confusing, and for me, off-putting. Why not commit to ONE time and place, or is that too much to ask? The only thing that kept reminding me of when abouts this movie is actually supposed to be set (other than the erroneous title, obviously) was that the characters kept on getting notified via a little device which warned them of an incoming meteor headed toward the planet. Without that, I surely would've lost track of the specific period completely.

A big negative cliche this movie pedals is the age-old villain narrative of the ultra hyperactive carnivores acting like malicious antagonistic aggressors that always attack unprovoked because their general representation is mostly done in a biased way which makes them out to be these relentlessly deranged murderers that're constantly famished every dang second (in no way is this realistic behaviour), while in stark contrast to the super peaceful herbivores which are far too often depicted as either timid and docile or simply altogether harmless (this is a royally dumb trope). By that same token, does this mean people think ALL carnivorous animals are inherently bad? If so, then what kind of logic is that? Canines and felines are predominantly meat-eaters, yet you don't see everyone going around labelling their beloved dogs and cats as demonstrably evil, do you? No, because they ARE ordinary animals with feelings and NOT heartless creatures that're devoid of any emotion. They're like every other carnivore out there in the world, plain and simple. The mere notion of there being both GOOD and EVIL in the animal kingdom is an outright fallacy. I still cite Jaws as the primary culprit for sustaining carnivores' bad reputation among the general masses.

From what I've looked up about 65, there were originally a few low-browsing dinosaurs included in the movie, such as Triceratops and Ankylosaurus (possibly even a stegosaur). These additions would've made the lacklustre intensity in the suspenseful scenes feel far more impactful if they actually ended up having these dangerous and potentially near-fatal dino encounters as obstacles for the two leads to overcome, helping to dispel the tired old myth that ALL plant-munching herbivores are "passive creatures that'll let you get up close to pet them." The megafauna of today's world are very much capable of becoming brutishly reactive and can inflict some pretty serious damage whenever they feel threatened, going into a hostile defensive mode as their survival instincts naturally kick in. You know how many people have been trampled to death each year by stampeding cattle, after they'd wandered into their territory? Quite a lot more than there've been by skittish predators, which are usually fearful and thus would typically try to avoid getting injured during a confrontation if they assess that the situation at hand is not worth the risk of engagement (they're not stupid). Herbivorous animals CAN be an intimidating force too and deserve our utmost respect (I wish more people would understand this). I'm willing to believe that the test-audiences were so bored that the studio had to remove these scenes entirely, proving why test-audiences are the worst things ever (they ruin everything).

This poorly thought-out creature feature is in dire need of an overhaul. Here's a thought: instead of the characters being these very human-like humanoid aliens, the movie could've benefited from them being actual humans. I think that would've been so much better of a choice from a creative standpoint, if it were about a human astronauts from a futuristic Earth that have their space shuttle crash land by pure accident on a previously unexplored planet where they come across an eerie primordial ecosystem of horrific saurian-esque cosmic critters that, by some astronomical coincidence in convergent evolution, just so happen to vaguely resemble the extinct animal specimens seen in the fossil record of our own planet's ancient past (making them appear otherworldly, yet familiar to us in a primitive sense). Tell me this straightforward premise setup doesn't sound more comprehensible than what we ended up with.
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Jaded (1998)
8/10
Proof that some women can be just as evil as some men can be
14 January 2024
In this world we live in of preaching double standards and fighting for equality between the sexes, I'm so glad this movie exists. For once, a bold film which harrowingly portrays the brutal yet honest truth that sometimes there are such things as female offenders capable of horrific sexual assault. There aren't really many (if hardly any at all) rape-centric dramas that actually have the courage to tackle the harsh reality of such a taboo subject as this, so I give the film a high level of respect and well-deserved praise for not shying away from this very serious and unfortunately stigmatised issue.

Performances were great all-round. Carla Gugino's acting come off genuinely believable as our petrified protagonist who's been shook to her core after going through an inhumane act of degrading violation, and you just can't help but feel tremendous empathy for her knowing that no matter how many times she tries to tell her side of the story, no one is willing to listen because it sounds too "unthinkable" to them. She finds solace in her platonic guy friend, played by Robert Knepper, who's a pretty compassionate bloke at heart as he's by her side every step of the way, helping aid her fight for justice. Rya Kihlstedt was also terrific as a despicable person and the reckless perpetrator who you want to see get a lengthy prison sentence, along with her accomplice, played by Anna Thomson (the other assailant). And not to spoil anything, but Ellen Greene's disturbing monologue recounting the events of her own character's past experience involving physical abuse was extremely powerful and heart-wrenching to hear (phenomenal actress!).

Other than that, there's not much else to say. Catherine Dent and Aida Turturro both did a good job in their prominent authoritarian roles, same with Christopher McDonald (bar owner) and Lorraine Toussaint (defence attorney) in their respective parts. Certain aspects of the filmmaking aren't up to scratch, with the main problem being the poor audio quality whenever characters are trying to converse in a windy area for outside scenes (they mustn't have know how to effectively do sound-editing). That, and the cinematography isn't anything to write home about either, with most of its standard camera shots feeling static and flat at times with the lighting setup (save for the PTSD-induced black-&-white sequences). And weirdly, some of the writing felt kind of rushed through when everything's getting wrapped up toward the end, which can feel a bit underwhelming by not giving an entirely satisfying conclusion (even though it's not a depressing downer of an ending).

Even though it's not perfect (nowhere near), I'd still recommend you watch this film at least once regardless of its flaws because I believe it's something important that people need to be more aware of and educated about. Abuse is abuse, no matter of gender.
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Blue Beetle (2023)
5/10
Superhero fatigue? Nah. Rehash fatigue? Yep!
23 November 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This is the live-action Blue Beetle movie adaptation that the comic book fans have been waiting for... if it was made-for-TV. Joking aside, you can tell this film was envisaged as a small-screen presentation to be shown on a straight-to-streaming platform. As for the movie itself? One part Iron Man, another part Spider-Man... ALL Guyver!!! (with some Ant-Man thrown in for good measure). There is not a single original bone in this entire film's body. Blue Beetle takes its story ideas and plot points from so many different superhero films and tries to amalgamate them altogether in order to pass itself off as "fresh" (but they aren't pulling the wool over my eyes this time).

Stop me if you've heard this synopsis before; our protagonist is a promising young lad who's academically gifted but fallen back on hard times (Spider-Man) somehow obtains an otherworldly device in the form of alien tech - a bio-mechanical suit comprised of techno-organic armour (Guyver) - which changes his life forever in monumental ways as he uses his newfound powers to stop an unscrupulous company from manufacturing weapons (Iron Man), all while figuring out his superhero status has a legacy behind it as a mantle that's been inadvertently bestowed upon him (Ant-Man). Oh yeah, and the superhero even fights a copycat supervillain in the third act that's essentially just an evil version of him with an almost identical set of similar abilities (only at a more advanced level than his). Our lead has an emotional talk with his deceased father's spirit and then finds the strength to batter the everliving daylights out of the baddie in a fit of rage, but stops as soon as he realises he's going too far which ultimately saves him from turning over to the dark side. And finally, our hero gets the girl as a generic pop song plays during the initial end-credits sequence that you'll immediately forget as soon as it finishes playing.

I've seen these story elements be retold beat-for-beat so many times now that it's starting to get old for me, personally. It's not what I'd call a fresh take on the genre anymore. It's the most paint-by-numbers, by-the-book type of superhero film they could've possibly made. There's nothing that's inherently BAD about it per se, but it's all just the same exact formulaic "been there, done that" sort of played-out stuff I've seen be done before in countless other superhero movies of its ilk. And this derivative cookie-cutter cape flick is like the least of all those others that I've seen. It's so lacklustre with its archetypal tropes and cliched writing that it rises to the point of mediocrity.

The only things Blue Beetle's got going for it are fun performances from a few of the primary cast members (George Lopez was a standout), refreshing practical effects for one or two of the set-pieces, and some adequate (if a tad iffy) CG visuals. For a relatively low-budget summer movie by today's ridiculously high "blockbuster" standards, the brightly vibrant aesthetic of its set design didn't feel cheapened in any way and is actually pretty nice to stare at in certain background sceneries. The strong overarching themes of family are another solid aspect of the film that have wide universal appeal, with Blue Beetle's family being aware of the fact he's a superhero and actively aid him for most of the runtime (which was cool to see).

But regardless of its redeeming merits, it's still an average studio-driven project with very workman-like qualities about it, wherein all the technical behind-the-scenes details have genuinely decent production values to them (e.g. The lighting, cinematography, sound design, fight choreography... ). If you've literally never ever seen a single superhero movie before in your whole life, I reckon this would be a good introductory course to the genre for any new first-time starters out there. Then once you've watched it, you can make your way up to several of the better ones I already mentioned at the beginning of this review.
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Life on Our Planet (2023– )
4/10
Not mad, but disappointed (and depressed)
26 October 2023
This palaeontological-based docu-series is so poorly structured. When you have a nature documentary focusing on prehistoric wildlife, you'd expect each individual episode to be centred around the ecosystem of one specific time period. Right? Wrong! They do this nonlinear type of narrative flow where everything keeps jumping back-&-forth between separate temporal ranges within the same episode and it gets real frustrating to me because I just wanted them to stick to the conventional ONE prehistorical local per episode format. The background music for this series is hardly even worth mentioning. And no offence to the him because I think he's a really great actor and all (don't get me wrong), but Martin Freeman's drawn-out lines of gentle voiceover narration (somewhat like David Attenborough's) were so soft and slowly spoken that I was nearly on the verge of nodding off (so lifeless). Despite how overly-dramatic his style of narration may have been, I was practically begging to hear Kenneth Branagh's voice again.

They placed a much greater emphasis on showcasing modern animals as the predominant feature of the programme; primarily utilising archival stock footage of real-life present-day animals from today's world. Why do this? Hate to sound salty (or even crabby) but nature documentaries about modern animals are ten a penny (or a dime a dozen). If I wanted to watch a nature documentary about MODERN animals, then guess what? I'd just watch one of the countless ones that already exist. The reason why I wanted to watch this is because I WANTED to see PREHISTORIC animals as the main draw and focal point of attention (that should've been the whole appeal of this show). You know how many modern wildlife documentaries there are out there? HUNDREDS!! THOUSANDS!! And do you know exactly how many prehistoric wildlife documentaries there are? Not an awful lot, only a handful of quality ones at best.

It's not all a total waste as it does have its compelling aspects. A majority of the photorealistic computer-generated reconstructions (when they actually appear onscreen for a considerable amount of time) were beautifully designed with finely rendered detailing and were fluently animated by the VFX artists to act out in such a lifelike manner. Many of the prehistoric animal models behaved in a very natural way and their movements were convincing. Sure, some CG shots seemed a bit ropey at times; particularly regarding a good bulk of the underwater stuff. But on the whole, ILM still did a pretty good job overall. The extinct animals themselves were expertly crafted with the most up-to-date accuracy as possible. So this series isn't completely without merit.

If you're like me and simply wanted to see new palaeo-media content, I honestly recommend you just wait to view some clip compilations of its prehistory segments when they get uploaded onto YouTube (which is bound to happen eventually).
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3/10
The Obligatory Watered-down PG-13 Shark Movie of the Week
21 August 2023
POSITIVES;

To be honest, I quite enjoyed most of the human parts in this film more so than a majority of the monster segments, which I found a good bulk of those scenes to be downright dull (this is problematic). When the least interesting aspect of your creature feature are the creature elements, that's how you know you've royally messed up. Frankly, when there were dramatic scenes involving the underwater industrial espionage, it all felt rather thrilling at points. Astonishingly, this is when it was able to keep my attention and managed to be somewhat cool, particularly when they were traversing the deepest depths of the ocean floor (fairly intense stuff). I didn't get deeply engaged in that side of the story, but it was more tolerable than the slog-fest of monster-action sequences that were (unfortunately) about to ensue. I liked the gorgeous macaw that those bad guys had aboard their cargo ship in the beginning of the film (that was a pleasant surprise). As shallow as this comes off sounding (bad pun intended), it was real nice to once again see that at least some eye-candy for the male-gaze was thrown into the third act, even if it was only for a few brief shots (that upside was very much appreciated). And finally, it's always a treat seeing everyone's favourite gruff macho Cockney (Jason Statham) be the leading man in another action role. There's all the praise this movie is getting from me (I was really reaching to find these good points).

NEGATIVES;

I know that a lot of big, bombastic, action-oriented Hollywood flicks nowadays are badly put together with their choppy editing, but jeez Louise... were they taking the Mickey, or what?! I swear, it really felt like the cinematographer was hopped up on about 50 cans of red bull and the editors had ADHD, because you genuinely can't tell what's happening onscreen during any of the action scenes involving the sea creatures (call that hyperbole if you want, but it's an apt description). Did they think this was supposed to be on the same level of insanity as Statham's high-octane Crank movies, or what? Plus, they must've edited these scenes with a weed-whacking garden strimmer (then piled them all into a blender, just for good measure). There are so many quick cuts with fast edits in these kinds of moments, it all leaves you feeling nauseated, to a certain extent (the camera operator seriously needed to calm the heck down and chill out). I'm not ashamed to admit that whenever the effects-heavy action scenes just started to amp up to headache-inducing levels, I truly had to close my eyes for the duration of these manic sequences, especially the climax when a giant octopus rocks up at a holiday resort (as seen in the trailers, so it's not a spoiler). I didn't do this out of fearing seeing blood/gore (of which there was none), but because those hectic scenes were literally unwatchable (no joke). The action scenes in the original movie were adequately well-made compared to this flounder of a follow up.

CONCLUSION;

If you're super into cheesy monster B-movies that're nothing but fun popcorn entertainment, this'll (probably, maybe) leave you feeling nauseated and give you a headache as a result of watching its incomprehensible creature chaos. If you're someone who's a fan of quasi-serious spy-esque espionage thrillers (sort of accommodating a James Bond vibe), then I'll bet all the absurdly goofy monster nonsense is just going to put you off seeing this entirely. So ultimately, what you basically have is a commercialised big-budget summer movie that's made for no one because it doesn't know what audience it's trying to appease/appeal to. Like the old saying goes; "if you try way too hard to please everyone, then you'll end up pleasing no one at all." Even people that were perfectly satisfied with the first one will most likely be disappointed by this muddled sequel and won't enjoy it as much (this actually made me miss the first Meg).
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Iceman (2017)
6/10
Yep, exactly what I thought it'd be
30 April 2023
I'll just admit it right off the bat, I had my reservations about seeing this prehistorical picture from the get go. For starters, it takes place during the post-ice age world of Neolithic earth, the "New Stone Age" period which was at a point in time when most of the late-surviving Pleistocene megafauna had already become extinct and early mankind evolved to a far more familiar state of anatomical modernity in terms of physical appearance and cultural behaviours (a lot less animal-like with regard to instinctively primal characteristics then how their older cave-people ancestors were acting). As someone who is just enamoured with primitive Palaeolithic prehistory, I had an inkling I wasn't exactly going to be all that riveted about watching this film. Despite the prospect of me not enjoying it all that much, I ended up giving it a watch and these here are just my own personal thoughts.

Evoking the pure visceral nature of a survival movie such as this doesn't come easy and is basically a huge feat in and of itself to pull off, one which I feel was conveyed quite adequately in this film (there's no denying). The authentic true-to-life-life costumes, natural surroundings of the rural wilderness setting, and advanced hunter-gatherer village lifestyle with domesticated livestock is ever present and nice to see done some justice to in a project that isn't a historical documentary for once. The pretty standard structure of this speculative story is obviously one of ambiguous guesswork, with dramatising a rage-engulfed Otzi who is essentially spurred into going on a "revenge mission" (of sorts) in order to avenge his savagely slain loved ones after they were all barbarically assaulted by a brutal band of malevolent marauders from another far-off settlement (hypothetically, him seeking out his own personal form of vengeance in accordance with his ancient people's ways and customary beliefs). The performances were solid all-round, with the actors really bringing out that certain sense of true grittiness in hopelessly bleak and extremely grim situations.

When concerning its level of accuracy, the film totally knocks it out of the park; featuring beastly portrayals of just how evil and vile the very nature of the Homo sapiens species could be in some rather disturbingly shocking scenes (carrying out heinous doings with apparently little to no remorse). So I didn't have any issue with potential inaccuracies or anything like that, it's just that it seemed like the movie was going to be average judging by the fairly mediocre plot (and I was kind of right). I know they say it's all about the execution of how these things are done when put into practice, which is all well and good for some but to me, this felt so generic (regardless of how it was executed). Sorry to say but when it comes down to raw movies of this ilk which additionally have prehistoric beasts featured in them, Quest for Fire (1981) and even the superior director's cut of Alpha (2018) are undoubtedly the more compelling (plus entertaining) prehistorical films to me, personally; the former of which I'm well-aware was always envisioned to be a bit more along the lines of a fantastical epic. But hey, at least it's closer in spirit to those types of flicks (even if it does lack some much-needed levity). I'd rather take something similar to Iceman (2017) any day over a period piece about the Roman Empire, Imperial China, or the Old West because I ain't no history buff (I'm a PRE-history buff).

Can't even say I'm all that disappointed because I never had high expectations for this film from the very beginning, to be completely honest. Also, another element of this movie's unoriginality comes in the form of its main story setup; "pillaging hunters mercilessly killing innocent members of an unrelated clan during a premeditated raid in their tribe's territory" is a near-on identical premise as that initially seen in the first act of Ao: The Last Hunter (2010) - I kid you not! And so with all that, I see this as a "one-time thing", where I'm glad I've seen it at least once but don't really have any inclination to rewatch it all over again. It was certainly competently made and all, sure, but I just can't see myself actually wanting to go back and revisit it due to the minor boredom I experienced halfway through. But just because I personally didn't gel all that much with its Bronze Age vibe, that doesn't mean the film won't get you invested in it (I encourage you to see the movie for yourself and to make your own judgment on it).
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6/10
It's just fine (plain and simple)
31 March 2023
I always obsessed over dinosaurs as a crazed little kid and eventually developed a pretty strong fascination with beasts and cavemen when I reached my awkward teen and young adult years, but for some odd reason I'm not too overly fond of this movie in-particular (I know, I'm a weirdo). I'm not entirely sure why but I'm guessing it's probably got something to do with the fact that I personally enjoy dinosaur- and caveman-related stuff more when they're both done separately, as I'm very much into learning about the actual real-life events which truly took place way way back in prehistorical times (I can't help but be an avid prehistory enthusiast, through and through). But this weird unexplainable feeling of mine seems to only apply to live-action films/series specifically and not animated features/shows, so that means cartoons like Hanna-Barbera's The Flintstones (1960), Blue Sky's Ice Age (2002), DreamWorks' The Croods (2013), and Genndy Tartakovsky's Primal (2019) are all fine by me. This might be because I believe you're allowed to take creative liberties through the format of animation with artistic license (there's no limit to this expressively imaginative medium).

A perfect analogy for how I feel is to describe it like this; most people would prefer to eat a nicely cooked dinner (a warm meal) first and THEN have a scrumptiously sweet dessert (cold ice-cream/cake) afterwards - instead of just slapping them up into one unappetising combo and ingesting both all at once within the same timeframe (two very good individual things on their own that simply don't go down well together). Let's put it another way, shall we. If I wanted to watch a dated-yet-classic dinosaur film, I'd watch Jurassic Park (1993). But if I wanted to watch a dated-yet-classic caveman film, then I'd watch Quest for Fire (1981). I wouldn't want to voluntary watch something like Ringo Starr's Caveman (1981) or Raquel Welch's One Million Years B. C. (1966), with the latter feeling like just as much a comedy spoof in and of itself (although, I am partial to certain satirical parodies). The eras of the Mesozoic (dinosaur age) and Cenozoic (beast age) are equally awesome and fascinating timespans, but I just prefer them when they're apart from one another (quite frankly, it might only be just me alone who possesses this mindset).

As for judging this movie on its own merits, though? Eh, it's alright enough. There's definitely some decent entertainment value to be had out of sitting through at least a single viewing of it, but that being said I personally found most of the scenes in here to be kind of dullish and repetitive and I thought most of the characters were pretty flat and unengaging (but that's just me). In all honesty, my own opinion is that this schlocky pseudoscience-fantasy isn't really one of Harryhausen's best works (I think his '50s giant monster/alien invader B-movies are more my kind of thing). I've also been in quite a state of fluctuation over what rating to give the film, constantly floating back-&-forth between either a 6 or 5 out of 10. But then I suddenly remembered how I unironically enjoy all the silly old kaiju flicks from around the same time, which heavily incorporated all sorts of wacky hyperrealistic plots involving fantastical prehistoric aberrations within their own fictional world, and so with that I lumped this into the same bonkers creature feature category as those (finally settling on a decent 6/10, which seems fair enough). I think this movie would've greatly benefited from being more of a classic time-travel adventure featuring an archetypal professor and explorer characters as the main leads, with them going around messing up by accidentally changing the main timeline throughout natural prehistory (just saying that this would've at least offered up an amicable explanation as to why the two displaced eras suddenly merged together into one).

SIDE NOTE; just a funny piece of factual trivia for all you diehard Harryhausen film buffs out there from a self-described palaeo-nerd (that being me). Dinosaurs died out well before 1,000,000 years ago B. C. E. Ever occurred and proper humans hadn't yet fully evolved by that point, either. Instead, what was around were an ancient lineage of upright-walking apes which had direct ancestry to humanity's beginnings - so this specific temporal range would've seen the rise of when our "missing link" origins came about (just another fun example of how this film has nothing to do with its actual titular date).
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10/10
Restored my faith in the infamous "terrible lizards"
14 February 2023
After years and years of being desensitised and not actually caring all that much about dinosaurs anymore, mainly due in part to the mind-numbingly corporate overexposure of them in everyday commercialism living (i.e. Films, books, TV, toys and a heap load of other merchandising content), rewatching this self-contained one-off special of BBC's Walking With... documentaries from 2000 - respectfully titled "The Ballad of Big Al" in honour of the individual - has honestly reminded me why I loved dinosaurs to begin with in the first place; it's because I always enjoyed seeing them when they're naturally portrayed simply as realistic animals, and not movie monsters (might sound weird to some, but it's just my own personal preference).

Despite my resentment of the blockbuster industry meeting consumer demands for manufacturing fictionalised bloodthirsty beasties, it's refreshing to go back and see an actual attempt at producing a dinosaur-themed project that's both accurate and has high-end production values. To put it bluntly, The Ballard of Big Al is topnotch quality in every single way imaginable. It's literally chocked full of enriching educational knowledge regarding natural history and has immensely entertaining scenes that'll leave a lasting impression on you long after your initial viewing (see, this is how "edutainment" SHOULD properly be done). Sure there're a few wonky moments of poor CGI and some of the facts haven't help up as well over the years, but those are just very minuscule nitpick that aren't even worth mentioning (they're petty, really). It's so cram-packed with idealistic displays of everyone's fan-favourite recognisable dinos which are actually appropriate to this specific geological/temporal range (Allosaurus, Apatosaurus, Brachiosaurus, Diplodocus and Stegosaurus) that you could almost describe it as a "Best of the Jurassic Period" complication, if you wanted.

I love how the intro sequence for the beginning has the perfect setting to start things off, located within the exact same natural history museum where the real Big Al specimen is actually housed. It allows you to get a genuine up-close and personal feel for the very essence of this once magnificent creature in action, especially with his majestic presence being felt via witnessing a ghostly image wandering about the place (this is genius atmospheric stuff for putting you in the right mood). And here on out, we see this fine specimen's journey as he grows from a clumsy-weakling babe to an accident-prone teen, perfectly presenting a myriad of notable bumps-&-bruises (a supreme collection of the absolute best skeletal wounds preserved in the fossil record). The speculative scenarios that serve as a likely explanation for how Big Al may have gotten these types of hindering injuries are immensely fascinating, to say the least. This captivating aspect engrosses you to keep on learning more by fully sticking with the programme until it's eventual conclusion (sure gives this colossal fossil poetic justice, putting it eloquently).

Of course, the standout sequence of pure spectacle in the whole entire thing (in regard to its technical filmmaking details; cinematography, effects shots, editing, pacing, sound design and musical score) would without a doubt have to be the sauropod hunt that Al joins in with midway through (not a major spoiler!), as numerous other Allosaurs try and breakup the hurrying herd of beautiful long-necked behemoths (I tend to favour these portrayals the most). I simply adore how for once in a story they don't demonise, vilify or antagonise the meat-eating theropods but instead, feature one as a central character, which only makes me want to root for the big guy even more. But alas, things don't always go swimmingly as life can deal you a bad hand at the worst of times and Al's no exception to this rule because he somehow managed to stumble his unlucky way into more hazardous blunders than possibly any other carnivorous dinosaur ever has done, either before or after him (you can't help but feel bad for the poor predator). It's a fantastically executed underdog plot, making you enthused and intrigued to see this weedy runt of the litter make it through his current plight of horrendous predicaments and successfully mature to adulthood (as told to us through Branagh's gentle narration). And as for when our boy Big Al finally meets his untimely demise, I'm not going to ruin tour experience by saying anything about it anywhere in here (because that would be doing a disservice) but let's just say he succumbs to a rather fitting end as he at least goes out of this world with some shred of his dignity still left intact (almost reminiscent of a tragic hero's character arc).

I'm fully aware how I come off as extremely cynical and pessimistic "dino-hater" with that downer of an opening statement up above, but it's just the cold-hearted truth of my past bitterness. When something's insanely popular and forever being talked about nonstop by the mainstream populous, I think you'd admit and even have to agree that it can get pretty tiresome real fast (similar to "Frozen fatigue" when Disney saturated their IP's brand), especially when it's concerning the hot topic of spreading misinformation in today's world (such as the case with glorifying long-outdated stereotypes and purposefully choosing to ignore more-updated facts, which ARE actually interesting to learn about). Not to sound like a jaded drama queen but it's kind of a little disheartening when you actually think about it, seeing this many people worldwide actively blindsiding real-life science like that, all because they still hunger for the same old big scary killing-machines (that continuously eat people and constantly fight each other all the time) and only want to see the Hollywood conglomeration continue to make THAT sort of stuff. Maybe if I were a young oblivious kid again, then I'd still be suckered into it. But I'm a rational adult now, so its "fantasy" appeal has lost its hold over me since I got a more firm grip on reality.

Instead of showing their willingness to be open-minded and embrace, all they do is demonstrate their reluctance by being incredibly closed-minded on the matter (it's like they're stuck in a rut). I suppose that's the predominant reason for why I lost interest and turned away from the subject in my later life (more rebellious years, going against the popular opinion), deciding then to basically convert my "childhood dino obsession" by investing all that time-&-energy into researching "life after the dinosaurs" instead (just out of spite).
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6/10
The BEST kind of schlock there is!
31 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Let's not beat around the bush with this one. Here we have a very fine example of a bombasically dumb yet thoroughly entertaining daikaiju film that's immensely enjoyable for all the wrong reasons (watching the hilarious English-dubbed version only enhances your viewing pleasure). It's not some deeply introspective, thought-provoking piece of true cinematic art that'll change your outlook on life, or anything like that. Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) is sincerely at its heart an unabashedly wild romp of a glorified cheesy B-movie with a lavished modernised look in its aesthetic choices, very much so trying to emulate the same trendy Matrix vibes in order to be persieved more like the other "edgier" products of the time (man, the early 2000s sure was an awkward point in pop-culture history). Drowning in plenty of laugh-out-loud illogical moments, it gives off the impression upfront that this is something not to be taken seriously in the slightest, being lumped in the same camp as DC's Aquaman (2018). This is somewhat of an apt description as Final Wars is exactly like that superhero film in terms of its more bonkers tone and surprisingly fun execution, being an unapologetically awesome monster flick with just the right amount of insane wackiness to keep any proud creature feature fanatic a happy-camper (when a studio genuinely wants to appease the avid fanbase of a certain niche genre, it's wise to satisfy your core consumers which ensures profits).

Now I can get on with the proper review after that preamble. So, what actually happens in Final Wars? Well, a better question would be "what the heck doesn't happen?" You got it all; giant monsters start causing havoc in different places on a global scale by (you guessed it) rampaging in capital cities and demolishing major sites (plus tearing-down world-famous landmarks), all the while being secretly manipulated to do so on command via advanced mind-control performed by a malevolent alien race that don't blink (dead giveaway!) and pose as benevolent intergalactic visitors to mankind. Not fooled by their peace-seeking ruse, a small band of specialised individuals (including, but not limited to, a martial-arts mutant man, a muscly ex-military mister, an unusually attractive newscaster lady and her unbelievably hot scientist sister) discover the terrible truth behind their true intentions and rush to stop these evil planet-conquering E. T.s from taking over our world and turning us defenceless Earthlings into their own personal food source (converting us all into "cattle", as they put it). Equipped with specialised high-tech gear (including a war-ready battleship that killed Manda earlier on) and some mild telekinetic-linking (I guess?), the group's last ditch attempt at bringing an end to this overload of madness is to locate and reawaken Godzilla from his decades old state of deep slumbering hibernation as he's been buried underneath ice sheets at the South Pole since the early days of the great kaiju wars.

With such an outlandish plot synopsis like that, it tells you precisely what you're in for (and what to expect, right from the beginning). To say there's an awful lot going on in this story would be a monumental understatement, building it up as a completely convoluted but epic finale to the entire franchise (at the time of its release, that is) loaded to the teeth with bundles of action-packed destruction and logic-defying spectacle (it's all kinds of stupidity). I've seen some schlocky schlock in my time, but this might just take the cake as it has to be without a doubt the most scholckiest schlock my tiny brain has ever been subjected to. In fact, I even dare to go so far as proclaiming that it's quite a proficient master-class in being elevated to a higher art form of sauropod-sized proportions (strictly in the terms of what it set out to accomplish in the first place). And it managed to do the whole "total world-ending annihilation" narrative rather well, all things considered. The bizarro nature of its unconventional cinematography is off-the-wall batty with rapid-fire editing techniques and seizure-inducing strobe-light effects littered all throughout the film's brightly-lit colour-palette (a warning to anyone who suffers from severe case of epileptic fits, the flashy visuals in its opening titles sequence will most likely give you a series of them). Speaking of other things that are of the "unconventionality", this movie's techno-rockin' soundtrack takes a big deviation from the norm of what we're used to hearing and I fully commend the musical score for its odd uniqueness (swapping out the franchise's traditional "military march" them for something a little more contemporary-sounding). Despite the runtime being a smidgen over 2 hours long, I felt it moved along at quite a brisk pace thanks to the fact there's so much maniacal stuff happening on-screen (perfect for those with ADHD).

The super-human combatants practice skilled hand-to-hand conflict in a fashionable manner reminiscent to that of an old drunken master-type picture, and equally operates under the same logically-broken cartoony sensibilities they did as well. The unbridled level of sheer ridiculousness in their loony combat methods are mesmerisingly astonishing, if you're up for a good-hearty chuckle at the wire-work on display (defied all laws of physics). And the Matrix comparisons are no exaggeration, as all the aliens wear black and dress in trench-coats. Also not to mention, slow-mo is incorporated into their specificsequences (a la bullet-time style). As for the villain... oh my goodness! He's honestly got to be the most over-the-top, played-for-laughs, jokes of a goofball villain I've ever seen in, well, just about anything. And yet, I couldn't help but be massively amused by this emo Xillien lad as I'm willing to bet he's probably given one of the BEST over-acted antagonistic performances in the cinematic history of hamming-it-up. Forget about Patrick Wilson's Ocean Master, because this guy is the REAL over-dramatic comical baddy.(seriously, give this bloke an award or something).

The updated stylistic renditions for every classic kaiju is a radically familiar makeover, with each one of the newly refurbished characters (both popular and obscure, alike) sporting a strikingly vibrant appearance that doesn't stray too far from the original designs and are showcased to the best of their abilities (minus poor Hedorah and Ebirah, though). These revamped incarnations also acquired an even more superficial humanoid body-shape than they had done before, guaranteeing their less-bulky and slimed-down physiques would give additional room for the in-suit actors to efficiently perform all those crazy Kung Fu-esque stunts and fighting moves without immediately collapsing from exhaustion. When a rejuvenated Godzilla first stomps his way onto the scene, the gloves are off as he goes in full-force with the merciless pulverisation of his "weakling" opponents in order to demonstrate his raw strength (for starters, it's Kumonga and Kamacuras), with the only exceptions being his previous comrades Anguirus, Rodan and King Caesar as he essentially spares them after playing a football match (yeah, never would you have expected to ever see the undisputed king of the monsters engaging in a game of footie with his best buddies). The grand Earthshaking showdown occurs in the post-apocalyptic battlegrounds of Tokyo (of course) as the Big-G unloads his fullest potential when he goes toe-to-toe with Monster X/Kaiser Ghidorah, joined by late-commer ally Mothra and an EXTREMELY upgraded Gigan shortly afterwards. It's a pretty impressive final smackdown regarding all the ruined city set-pieces, even if they're a bit rough around the edges.

This movie is totally 100% unadulterated fan-service to any long-time fan of the series, from the war-torn Gotengo aircraft (that eradicated Manda) to the supposed colliding-planet Gorath (even the satisfying part where Toho's almighty Godzilla takes out TriStar's puny Zilla). I'm very well aware that a good quantity of the fans don't usually tend to take too kindly of a liking to this peculiar entry as they feel it's WAY too out-there with its zany nonsensical nuttiness of sheer perpetual pandemonium in regard to some of the director's creative decisions, I myself will admit it's a uniquely acquired taste. However, I for one have a bit of a nostalgia-influenced bias preference towards Final Wars, seeing as how it was literally the first Japanese giant monster movie I ever fully watched back when I was a young teen (only ever saw them in chunks, beforehand). Just to be clear on one thing here, I'm NOT the type of person in this fandom who declares that a particular movie is either "incredibly overrated" or "criminally underrated". I'm personally of the non-judgemental opinion that people in this community can feel free to just like which ever one they want to, regardless of what the general consensus is on it specifically. If you either enjoy it or you're not very fond of it, that's fine. If you absolutely adore it or despise it with a burning passion it, that's also fine (the reality life is we're all different). It's in a comparable similar position to marmite, where you go one of two ways - LOVE it or HATE it (that's up to you).
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5/10
I seriously wanted to love this
30 December 2022
Presentation IS important (so VERY important). I simply can't stress that fact enough. I'm someone who's of the opinion that you can do a documentary on literally any topic in the world, just as long as you get the right kind of talent to make it an interesting watch to sit through (especially if it's going to be feature-length). That said, in all honestly, I found the execution of how this one was presented to be somewhat dull. Not hating on the guy and no offence, but I think Werner Herzog was the wrong type of person for something like this. I just felt that he didn't convey this subject matter in an engaging way, which is a real shame considering how much of a prehistory person I am (totally obsessed with OUR true past, which fascinates me to no end).

This is the sort of thing that would've greatly benefited from being given what I like to call the old "Attenborough treatment", by having less static shots of slow-moving stillness (it can feel very boring to the human eye) and including a more versatile range in different camera movements with frequent scene editing (you know, it helps to actually keep the viewers interested). This was only my personal constructive-criticism, some of which I know is totally subjective and might even seem a little invalid to the people who like Herzog's body of work, but these are just my own honest thoughts. So yeah, sorry to say that this was a huge letdown for me, because it was so. It's a real shame about this whole situation, as I believe cave paintings and stone carvings can offer us a very profound glimpse into the buried world of ancient artistry.

By the way, I only watched the 2D version of the film because I wanted to have a genuine good first impression of this product (nothing needs a gimmicky attachment to be falsely perceived as inherently prestigious).
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I Am Groot (2022– )
7/10
I, Am... A LOVABLE Mascot!!!
30 November 2022
If you're not already feeling the steady onset of mild fatigue in regard to the seemingly endless cascade of content that's being exclusively manufactured (oops... I meant "produced") for the Disney+ streaming service, then I'd recommend you give these mini-episodes of "I Am Groot" a whirl as they're relatively short in length and their runtime as such doesn't make you feel as if they're a completely pointless waste of your time to sit through. Quite clearly taking a ton of inspiration from the classical cartoon shorts of old (presented in a similar vein to the likes of something either Chuck Jones or Tex Avery might've done, back in the day), the condensed cutesy stories told within each adorably self-contained episode was pulled-off rather well for what they were (nothing too spectacularly special, but the charming simplicity plays in their favour as an effective plot-device).

In terms of pure enjoyability, the adventurous shenanigans and near mishaps our tiny titular tot gets caught up in sure can be amusing as every awkward situation Baby Groot finds himself trying to navigate through is made instantly more adorable thanks to his unique utilisation of infantile innocence which, in turn, provides you with just the right amount of sustainable entertainment value. The vibrant computer-animation style on display here appears it's been somewhat tweaked a little to be slightly differentiated from what we're normally accustomed to seeing in the mainline Guardians films, with them trading in their standard practices of employing photorealism in exchange for a more prevalent cartoony look instead, which I wholeheartedly believe was their original intention right from the very start of this quaint project's initial conception.

And now for the CGI side of things, the main focal point of discussion in which people on the internet just LOVE to whine and whinge about. I ain't no VFX artist, but I sure can empathise with them for the massive industry workload their underpaid teams get from numerous big-name studios (they don't deserve all the hatred that's hurled their way). Basically, visual-effects animators get unfairly criticised for their time-consuming craft, with online critics always leaving those "that looks so bad" and "this is really fake" comments. If anything, I say they ought to be bad-mouthing the over-demanding studios and their relentless requests for last minute detail changes, essentially asking them to do overtime without receiving any extra payment. There's no wonder why every single frame of the CG-centric scenes in a majority of Hollywood-produced projects (films/TV shows) today don't always look fully finished, that's because they simply weren't allowed the additional time to be extensively worked on some more ("hmmm... just gotta meet that headline, guys!"). So if the digital-effects don't look like they're up to scratch, please don't just instinctively blame the hardworking animators (it's not like any of them intended to make awful-looking CGI on purpose). Instead, the primary fault lies in the studios literally changing their minds all the time (they really should've thought-out every step of their preliminary plans more carefully). That being said, the visuals aren't too badly done here.

So all's well that ends well, I liked it for what it was and what it was is actually pretty darned good, even if I do say so myself. Was it entirely necessary for them to produce a Baby Groot spin-off series for no other reason than to blatantly cash-in on the immense popularity of the Guardians franchise and in order to keep the series relevant until the release of Guardians Vol. 3? Hmmm, I'd say "probably not, no. But there's no denying the fact that I did indeed get a lot of enjoyment out of this". If you're a dedicated superhero fan and want to see literally every piece of Marvel content they put out there that's MCU-related, I say it's well worth your time so give it a watch. I'd even go so far as to recommend it to non-superhero enthusiasts, because it just has that certain appeal of adorable cuteness to it.
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Prehistoric Planet (2022–2023)
9/10
For fans of dinosaur content, this is mandatory viewing!
31 October 2022
I'll fully admit, I had my apprehensions about Prehistoric Planet before actually seeing it. I just remember thinking to myself; "Huh! What? David Attenborough narrating a new up-to-date dino documentary, presented in a style reminiscent to that of the original Walking With Dinosaurs (1999)?" You seriously can't blame me for thinking any of that, especially since he's the one who turned down the offer to narrate WWD in the first place (leaving lucky Kenneth Branagh to take up the position instead). So initially, I just blindly assumed this was the money side of things doing all the talking for him to make some easy cash, as I was sure he wouldn't be willing to lend his famous voiceover to a "fictitious wildlife" programme (his own words, not mine). And yeah, to say I was a wee bit skeptical at first would be a the understatement of the year.

I'll 100% hold my hands up and proudly admit I was totally WRONG with my foolishly preconceived notions and that this truly was like a "labour of love" done for the educational advancements in showcasing the most plausibly realistic portrayals (not just in design but behaviour, as well) of these mysteriously ancient creatures, and not solely just for the money. In short, to see something like this be produced on a grand scale with such generous resources (recent discoveries/financial backing) in this day and age is nothing short of a miraculous event. Although we sadly live in an imperfect world where most folks still perceive dinosaurs as merely nothing more than big scary Hollywood-made movie monsters and continue to view them as such, fortunately though the timely advent of this brilliant 5-part miniseries will hopefully change a sizeable amount of people's perspectives on this matter.

Only problem with it I can confidently point out is that now, after witnessing this blessed breakthrough, I don't think I'll ever again be able to go back and rewatch the original Walking With Dinosaurs (1999) series. And I'm not just talking about because of the numerous palaeontological inaccuracies or even its many scientific errors regarding their show's outdated model reconstructions, but the poorly-aged CG visuals and ugly-looking design flaws are key elements which also play a factor into this for decision me (when combined together, it's all aged about as well as milk). In fact, as much as it's really hard for someone like me (a big palaeo-lover) to say, most of the Walking With... documentaries unfortunately don't hold up all that too well today (as I'm sure we'd all like to imagine they do), with the only standout exception being Walking With Beasts (2001) which surprisingly feels timeless because of just how well its episodes still hold up today (at least the latter three of them do). But no, in all seriousness now, there're only a few minor things which keep this from being a totally flawless and absolute perfect 10/10 documentary series, for me personally.

Firstly, although it's nice hearing a soft-spoken Attenborough talk about the starring-dinosaur species themselves, it'd be even nicer if they included some lines in his narration to explain about how the world's environment has altered since the time of the dinos. This is an aspect I feel was executed precisely in the Walking With... series, as Branagh's classical narration not only introduced and listed off all the featuring-animals in a unique and smart way, but also never neglected to bring up the valued importance of knowing their preferred natural habitats, the ever-changing geological ecosystems thrashed by uncertain climate conditions and more in regard to the drastically different state our world was once in, such as the constant shifting around of pre-historic Earth's continents and the rise/fall of global sea levels. Secondly, just a little focus the floral side of things would've most definitely gone along nicely with the discussions on faunal organisms and complimented each other, describing how certain "new" types of ancient plant species have evolved to cope with the extremes of hot temperatures and are able to thrive as a bountiful food source for a many magnificent variety of distinctively developed herbivores during the Late Cretaceous period (all these additional geology & botany elements would've been interesting inclusions to learn about). And lastly, despite how decent Hans Zimmer's musical score is when hearing it play throughout the whole viewing experience, Ben Bartlett's cinematic-sounding composition is always going to be my number one go-to for great documentary soundtracks to listen to, by a mile. Sorry to say, but there's no comparison (at least for me, there simply isn't).

But with all those trivial nitpicks of mine aside, this honestly is an extremely worthwhile documentary for enthusiasts of prehistorical wildlife and it's one that I genuinely believe almost everybody who's super into dinosaurs should really take time out of their day to watch all the way through carefully (speaking sincerely, this was well deserving of all the high praise and universal acclaim it's received). My one hope would be to see them make more nature documentaries like Prehistoric Planet and that they quickly arise in the near future, perhaps a sequel miniseries centred around the mighty ice age giants of the Late Pleistocene epoch (fingers & toes crossed we'll end up getting a spiritual successor done in a similar fashion akin to this).
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Pacific Rim (2013)
8/10
Seriously, what were critics even expecting? The Citizen Kane of Power Rangers, perhaps?
30 September 2022
I think for most English-speaking daikaiju fans in the early 2010s, our first exposure and introduction to the genre was with Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim (2013) - the most underrated and unappreciated movie in his entire filmography. Many of del Toro's doting critics who fell in love with his earlier directorial works, like Hellboy (2004) and Pan's Labyrinth (2006), might've felt that this visionary's involvement in doing a big dumb monster spectacle such as this really held his career down as they only see it as being one of his "lesser movies". But let's be fair now, western critics have never truly understood the kaiju genre or even grasped its appeal anyway (they often tend to look down on this type of thing, as if to say it's something shameful for a high-profile filmmaker to do).

To put things plainly and simply in a sort of "short/sweet/to-the-point" perspective, this movie's premise is just an adrenaline-fuelled joyride rush for those who wanna see a great quantity of rockin' robo action along with some pretty sick creature carnage (plenty of fun stuff!). Just sprinkle in a little bit of story & character development, and you're all set to go! But if you're looking for a more meaningful (potentially "eye-opening & life-changing") viewing experience set in the reality of our own world, then instead you should try finding one of those deeply-profound introspective dramas where it's presented as a real in-depth think-piece for a complex character study concerning mental psychosis (some pretty artsy and experimental stuff, yet somewhat dare I say occasionally "pretentious" depending on subject matter). Before I forget to mention, there's also this underlying theme of entire nations around the globe having finally put aside their centuries worth of argumentative differences for a chance at achieving a victory over their alien opponents, and to further benefit the greater good in the long run (may sound kinda preachy with its subliminal message surrounding politics, but it's not shoved in your face at all).

Obviously, this whole entire movie acts as one great big tribute to not just kaiju films, but all manner of creature features in general (not to mention, the mecha genre as well). There's some pretty nice neon colour-palettes with the cinematography having many great set-ups throughout the establishing shots of each scene, all with that distinctively vibrant visual flair which only a director of del Toro's calibre could pull off. That being said, its story is pretty standard monster-action fare and its plot isn't anything too spectacularly insightful. The overarching narrative has to do with the thematic bridging between survivor's guilt and learning how to live with that guilt after inadvertently losing someone you were so close to. Charlie Hunnam as a mentally-scarred Jaeger pilot gets a lot of flack for not being all that much of a well-developed character but to be honest, I don't get the complaints. He's clearly doing the best he could've done in the main archetypal role of the "tragic hero protagonist" with the semi-serious tone the movie was idealistically going for, despite how inherently goofy in nature the inspirational source material is, which was pretty much a given (we always strive to do our best in these trying situations by forcefully putting on a brave "tough guy" sort of face and hiding our true anguish behind it).

The rest of the supporting cast and side characters do good jobs bringing their respective personas to life, as I'm sure they were translated adequately from the working script to the big-screen. Idris Elba was just as great as he always is, this time in a more somber role portraying a tired war-torn marshal who's at the end of his tether with this seemingly never-ending kaiju conundrum to sustain humanity's chances for survival in a bleak and grim world (putting it mildly, he doesn't strike you as the type of person who's got a positive outlook at this stage of the game). Charlie Day and Burn Gorman made for a quite entertaining "comedic relief duo", playing off each other surprisingly well in the scenes they shared together. But of course, the standout performance would have to be Rinko Kikuchi (no question about it). Her story-arc of harbouring strong feelings of deep-seated revenge against the behemoth beasties for wiping-out her loved ones in a rampaging assault when she was just a little girl was conveyed excellently, setting up her understandable character motivations in a concisive yet coherent way via a traumatic memory flashback triggered by intensive emotional stress during her first neural linkup testing (powering up the gargantuan robot). Heck, even Ron Perlman's awesome cameo as a kaiju black market dealer was an amusing incorporation of del Toro's favourite actor buddy (yep, he's sure come along way since his Quest for Fire days).

As to be expected, the individual giant robots and monsters are all outstandingly designed with a shockingly impressive amount of painstakingly detailed work being put into making them as fully-realised things as the talented production team could've done (their aesthetic efforts greatly paid-off). All the high-tech Jaegers were given their complex structural designs with practicality in mind, NOT strictly for the coolness factor of "we're just showing off an ace looking robotic giant". When you see them on a big crystal-clear screen in the best high-definition quality possible, you'll quickly be able to pickup on the fact that each and every single piece of these massive moving machines felt like it served a purpose and had an important reason for being there in terms of robotic functionality (noticing fairly soon it's not all just flaps of metal for the sake of having it there). The giant monster segments provided the satisfactory visual stimulation of catastrophic creature chaos, along with a good dose of magnificently monstrous mayhem. And these sea-dwelling Kaiju designs are honestly exceptional when it comes to originality in recent years, bearing strong amphibious features and way more biological advantages than in any other past movie before their appearance (unless you take into account the utter weirdness of the Gamera franchise).

Ramin Djawadi's unique soundtrack is the icing on the cake, for me personally (love this man's discography). His epic-sounding score is the absolute perfect example of what happens when awe-inspiring and butt-kicking action music is played during various scenes of intense buildup and somber drama, and somehow still manages to fit in really well, sometimes by having the tracks precisely synced up to the earthshaking fights of what's going on between and around the larger-than-life robot/monster stuff (a good enough setting goes a long way). Although, that's not to say the film is without some of its more tender, emotional moments (all of which feels organic to the different situations and helps the story's natural progression flow along at a much better pace). Without spoiling anything, one of my favourite moments is actually something that happens earlier on during the course of the movie, wherein a helicopter descends down onto a landing platform as Rinko Kikuchi's character walks to it upon its arrival in the pouring rain and you can quite clearly hear this gentle, very Japanese-inspired track playing in the background of this well-put-together visually-stunning scene (a brilliant touch that compliments the scenery, I thought!).

So yeah, I think that pretty much about sums up my feelings as a whole. Once again, if this really isn't the right type of genre movie for you or if it's something you genuinely can't see yourself enjoying, then just don't watch it.
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5/10
Really wish they'd brought back Bear McCreary
5 August 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I love the kaiju genre. I've been enjoying these new incarnations of Godzilla and King Kong. And I also like the idea of there existing a modern shared universe of giant monster characters. So then, why didn't I like this movie? By all rights, this should've felt like a major event, in the same vein as something like Marvel's Avengers or DC's Justice League. To me, I believe GvK's failure comes down to one simple matter - the music (but not just any music). Most crucially of all, it's the orchestral score that's faintly heard playing in the background. Don't say "it's just a petty complaint which isn't that important", because it's the pivotal key ingredient that makes the whole thing work.

Contrary to popular belief, a musical score is a very powerful element that's basically the crux of an entire production's effectiveness in the "feels" department (expertly manipulating one's emotional state). With that said, these monster flicks are more often than not among the films that feature some of the greatest music ever heard in any motion-picture (period!). And for high-end action involving a lot of creatively over-the-top destructive fighting with an absurdly fun tone set in place, there desperately needs to be an awesome soundtrack accompanying these scenes to get the blood-pumping and your heart racing (alas, there isn't any to be found herein). Sad to say, but my heighten mood was diminishing at a breakneck speed while watching GvK. The grandiose instrumentals I was expecting to hear were practically nonexistent, instead being exchanged for lacklustre techno tracks that don't fit at all.

I guess you could say Junkie XL flat-out ruined my viewing experience of this movie, thanks to his truly horrible score (seriously, how does this guy keep getting work?). Every movie I've seen where he's the composer for it has been nothing but an audible snooze fest, no doubt about it in my mind (yeah, his dull style is just that catastrophically bad to my ears). And to think, I was patiently expecting to hear new cool renditions of the classical King Kong (1933) music and Mechagodzilla (1993) theme. I frequently contemplate the notion that if I were to ever hear another generic and forgettable movie soundtrack again, I'm just going to go out on a limb and automatically assume he's the one who probably conducted it (how unfair, I know).

As much as it's already been overused in so many other movies of its ilk, I still kind of liked the typical thematic side of things as it once again presented the whole "natural world versus technological advancements" agenda. When executed from a different angle, sometimes a decades old trope can actually enhance the narrative a little and maybe elevate it to something a bit higher along the way. It's not the most heavy-handed environmental commentary, by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoyed seeing the two titular Titans teaming up at the end to take on Mecha-G as it showed that even though it's hardwired in their very nature to be bitter rivals, they're still willing to put aside their differences to a certain degree and lend each other a helping hand against a common foe; with that newfound enemy being in the form of a comical dinosaur robot brought upon our fragile ecosystem by mankind's own greed for dominance over the world in an unbalanced power struggle. No matter what artificial creations man throws out there, it's a guarantee that good old Mother Nature will somehow always find a way to fight back and prevail. Might seem like a pretty dumb metaphor with a preachy message to some but I personally didn't really care too much because at its core basics, that's essentially what this genre's all about fundamentally - man versus nature.

One last noteworthy thing that I literally haven't seen anyone else bring up is the somewhat unique choices for its standout cinematography style, with the filmmakers opting to capture more dynamic scenes which require sweeping shots to be arranged and done all in one long take; such examples being the very first scene of Godzilla swimming up out the water when he reaches a Pensacola shoreline as the camera follows closely along the tidal waves and pans all the way around his semi-submerged body, or just after the climactic showdown near Victoria Peak when an exhausted Kong finally drops down his battle-axe as the camera follows its journey as it falls to the ground only to then pan back upwards again in Godzilla's direction where there's well-lit scenery. This is something you don't tend to see in any kaiju films, so I've got to give them kudos for that (suppose you could make out that it's an "artsy" monster movie).

But other than that, there's really not a whole lot more to say about this mediocre monster mash. The destructive fighting, while sometimes nice to look at as a purely visual spectacle, often lacks the momentous awe felt in prior CGI-filled action sequences that also utilised a heavy amount of photorealistic digital graphics in extensive visual-effects shots. It just didn't seem to sit right with me somehow, and I found myself feeling overwhelmingly bored by many of the so-called "epic" battle scenes (severely numbs the mind). And I hate to sound like one of those snobby armchair critics here, but it wasn't particularly fun to sit through when I look back on how much more enjoyment I got out of something like Pacific Rim (2013) and Kong: Skull Island (2017).

For this type of genre movie, the acting wasn't anything too special. The lady from Iron Man 3 (2013) was OK, as was the fella from The Legend of Tarzan (2016). Same with the guy from the Child's Play (2019) remake, who was a rather adequate addition. And that lad from Deadpool 2 (2018) was kind of unnecessary, with his only purpose being to fill-out the role of "tubby, scaredy-cat sidekick to some other more vital character" (a tired cliche that's starting to wear very thin). I'd talk about how the motion-captured performers (Terry Notary & T. J. Storm) were in their creature portrayals but sadly, to my knowledge, I don't think they were actually used this time around (except for a few moments of facial-capture done on the great ape himself).

So for me personally, I'm just very torn on my opinions of this movie. But by all means, if this sounds like the right sort of creature feature for you, then go ahead and give it a watch (hopefully, you might be more satisfied with this product than I was). For a awesome-sounding music that's actually appropriate for the action scenes, I think I'll firmly stick with the Heisei era of all thinks kaiju-related.
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Primeval (2007–2011)
7/10
A lengthy review of an almost forgotten cult classic TV show (with only minor spoilers)
21 July 2022
Even if you've never actually watched it before, chances are anyone who's ever lived in the U. K. between 2007 and 2011 has most likely seen a bit of PRIMEVAL at some point in their lives (or just heard of it, at the very least). Hailing from ITV and being branded as the channel's first foray into the sci-fi genre, PRIMEVAL was originally conceived by producer Tim Haines, co-creator of the astounding Walking With... documentaries. Along with his writing partner Adrian Hodges, Haines set out to put his passion project in motion by placing these long-extinct ancient animals in the contemporary setting of a drama programme that'd be more familiar to the home-viewers. To great effect, PRIMEVAL practically became an overnight success, with the show not only earning high broadcast ratings with audiences in Britain but also attaining a particularly strong following over in the U. S.. With 5 Series in total, the show ran its course and had a decent enough lifespan before eventually being put on life-support once the quality took a significantly big dip with the later couple of seasons. But on the whole, has the show stood the test of time? Short answer... yes!

Watching from seasons 1 to 3, you get a good sense of the large scope and epic scale this ambitious production was on. Back then, there wasn't really much like it in terms of a well-balanced mixture between complex science-fiction and high-end action in British television programmes. The most high-concept thrilling TV entertainment with hard-hitting emotional beats and lighthearted levity moments we got at that time was with stuff like Doctor Who, but that leaned more toward meaningful sci-fi plots and thought-provoking cautionary tales rather than scenes of pure fast-paced action set-pieces with a sense of fun, which is mainly what PRIMEVAL's eye-catching spectacle was all about and it excelled at nailing that aspect by delivering on what was promised to us with great effectiveness (which has basically been the driving-force behind its universal appeal). Other groundbreaking elements would include the main focal point of the entire show - the creatures; the dated photorealistic CGI used to depict them admittedly is slightly hokey by today's standards but still pretty darn spectacular, considering these were TV visual-effects and not something made for a big-budget movie. And of course, they did the smart thing of having constructed practical props for convincing interactions between the human cast. These primitive technological advancements in providing small screens with topnotch VFX value is probably a contributing factor in what helped revolutionise the television industry to where it's at nowadays.

First season is simple and straightforward; time-portals (dubbed "anomalies") start opening up all over the country and a crudely-assembled team of lab scientists, animal handlers and government officials are put to the task of learning more about this strange and fascinating new phenomenon as they also must fend off the prehistoric (and sometimes futuristic) creatures that make their merry way through. Second season is even better with an intriguing conspiracy plot-line; trying to keep the massive secret of something that's potentially life-threatening from the whole planet, our team now find themselves in the midst of a nefarious betrayal as they struggle with the ever-growing challenge of not letting the anomalies become public knowledge. Third season is where things start to go off the rails a bit and take a slight dive as it's an extremely mixed bag; an unfocused narrative-structure with a poor resolution at the end, the team's adventures this time around have some highs and lows in this muddled odyssey of conflicting tones, rushed ideas and bizarre creative decisions (due to many of the cast members departing the show halfway through its run, last minute rewrites are to blame for these inconsistencies). The fourth and fifth seasons I'll just talk about together as they basically feel like the same exact thing anyways; feeling like one long continuous streak of nothing but an unsatisfactory change-up, this finale definitely leaves an awful lot to be desired, especially since it's not as awe-encompassing as it's showrunners probably would've liked it to have been (you could even call it a slight disappointment).

The overarching storyline of discovering new things about the rising surge in anomaly cases is conveyed excellently throughout the entire series, showing how the co-creators put a lot of effort into their programme's world-building. Everything to do with this fictional universe's internal logic was surprisingly well-thought-out, right down from its very inception with the writers remembering to stick to these sets of rules for almost every episode. Although on the contrary, some plot-lines felt lacking and underdeveloped, like with the future exploration narrative of season 3's uneven structure. Not to mention, the cliffhanger climaxes of each season were always the most frustrating part for me with them often feeling rushed and being left unresolved, such as the aforementioned third season. While there's certainly plenty of plot-threads revolving around government cover-ups and numerous creature incursions throughout a majority of the series (plus mythical inspirations from folkloric legends), there sadly aren't as many to do with the environmental impact the temporal anomalies have on the natural world. Sure, there're few and far between, but nothing tremendously substantial enough to be deemed noteworthy. Explaining how a widespread historical phenomena such as unpredictable magnetic events and rips in the fabric of reality would drastically affect the Earth's balance of nature in modern-day would've been an interesting subject to explore further, than what little they inevitably ended up doing with regard to it (you'd think there'd be numerous geological disasters going off on a regular daily basis globally).

Of course, the series touches upon how the characters' actions in the past can severely affect how the present world turns out when they travel through the anomalies; with some changes being insignificant and barely noticeable while others, on the other hand, are quite far-reaching and can leave you in a fit of mind-boggling confusion as to the altered state of the 21st Century's new timeline (the paradoxical ramifications can go from minuscule to major). Can't forget to mention, it also vaguely alludes to the fact that since the anomalies have been active for some amount of time in the far distant past, it manages to give a plausible explanation for why the extinct animals aren't anywhere near as accurate as their real-life counterparts from actual prehistory, assuming it's made the fossil record evolve differently somehow (so people can stop their whinging and whining about how the show isn't 100% faithfully accurate, because it was never meant to be). And as for indulging in a little speculative evolution, the ideas presented range from either being completely feasible or totally unbelievable; this goes for most of if not all the fantastical make-believe critters invented for their elusive future worlds (some of which borrowed certain elements from Dougal Dixon's own hypotheses).

As with any moderately long-running TV series, PRIMEVAL had its heyday as it came and went at exactly the right time. Not pulling in the same high viewing figures meant the buzz from the masses just wasn't there anymore, leaving an abundance of potential behind (could've been exciting). Continuing its legacy for a brief period, a Canadian spin-off series was produced following in the wake of the original show's cancellation, with PRIMEVAL: New World swapping out family-friendly entertainment for a more grittier vibe by establishing a darker mood. While this spiritual successor has been criticised for its episodes being just "inferior clones" trying to imitate the original series' plots, I still enjoyed and appreciated this version for what it was attempting to do in the long run (I especially preferred some of the newer designs and lifelike portrayals for most of New World's creatures more-so than many of the unrealistic aesthetic choices made-up for the older ones).

I'd describe PRIMEVAL as a solid 7/10 show, although my rating would've been a lot higher if it'd actually managed to keep up with its initially consistent quality (then I'd possibly have given it an 8/10). I like to imagine that in some form or another, whether it be on a streaming service format or traditional television again, PRIMEVAL will hopefully make a triumphant comeback (but I won't hold my breath for the chances of that happening anytime soon).
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7/10
I guess Gunn's Disney firing had it's advantageous silver-lining after all
24 April 2022
OK, I'll be reviewing James Gunn's The Suicide Squad (2021) from the perspective of someone who isn't a diehard DC Comics fan, which is what I am (sorry guys, Marvel's always been more my thing). That said, I quite enjoyed this film for what it is, a really gritty war movie with boatloads of heart (plus simultaneous hatred), an underlining dark comedic tone and cascades of spectacularly over-the-top, sick action-violence that completely goes off the rails in quick succession right from the get-go (oh yeah, and a few satirical elements come into play). To put it blunt and simply, this is the most mainstream Troma-esque film I've ever seen be made, which is no surprise given the director got his start in the industry thanks to his mental former mentor Lloyd Kaufman - the madman schlock maestro himself. Since this film is centred around a ragtag bunch of rebellious antiheroes, it draws pretty strong correlations to the nitty-gritty Spaghetti Westerns of old with its unpredictable "rough and ready, no holding back" attitude, various double-crossing plot twists and the fact that not every character makes it out alive to see the end; A Fistful of Dollars (1964) and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) are the prime examples that spring to mind. Only difference here is that instead of being about gunslinging cowboy outlaws in the archaic Old West, it's a government led team of incarcerated bad guys with super-powered abilities who're all burdened due to their own internal conflicts and seeking some mild form of redemption for those past struggles (so not totally the exact same thing, but fairly close).

I recall back to when folks once hailed Alex Garland's grounded DREDD 3D (2012) as being one of the most ultra-goriest superhero films ever made, and how that honour soon quickly went over to Fox's screwball Deadpool duology (2016-2018). But I can safely say after seeing this, now they have to bestow that title onto The Suicide Squad because those previous comments couldn't be anymore redundant by now. Although saying that, if you've already seen a whole load of disturbingly gruesome imagery in prior genre films beforehand - such as the many body-horror movies of the '80s and '90s - then really, you might be a tad disappointed to find that it's not all that much gorier than most of those older horror-oriented ones are. What makes all the gory parts in those old-school horror movies more effective is that the practical-effects in them (i.e. Special prosthetic makeup and other physical on-set props) felt tangible to the human eye, whereas conversely the polished visual-effects bloodshed you see in modern splatter flicks today are all one big digital graphic generated on a computer screen and yes, while they may look way more convincing to audiences nowadays, they just never give me that same sort of feeling I get when I watch the classic older effects; which is a raw sense of dirty realism because it was all actually done in-camera during the principal photography shoot and not just composited in the scene later on in post-production after filming the whole thing (the point I'm driving at is that VFX don't affect me in the same way like how SFX do).

The main expendable group of awesome supervillain lunatics are all given their manically memorable moments to sadistically shine; whether that be them displaying frequent outbursts of psychopathic actions (some of which can be rather disturbing, at points) or just simply showboating to one-up each other on the mission, it's all good character-building stuff considering the fact they're supposed to be black ops baddies that we shouldn't like or be rooting for with their drastically unhinged personalities (this is further reinforced by their ever-present erratic behaviours). I'd say that out of the entire task force, Idris Elba's mercenary persona stood-out as the only one with a mostly cool, calm and collected frame-of-mind; a somewhat levelheaded "I don't care very much for your nonsense" type demeanour, especially when he's reluctantly forced into the awkward position of temporary leadership. Seeing as how it was partially featured in almost all the marketing (which includes trailers, teasers and TV spots), it's NO spoiler that Starro the Conqueror is in this film as the penultimate antagonistic threat. As someone who knows next to nothing about comic book lore but who's right into black-and-white creature features from the "Atomic Age" of classic 1950s cinema, this gargantuan one-eyed starfish-looking alien would've fitted in perfectly with the bonkers Gamera franchise (being a big daikaiju addict, it's appearance properly satisfied me). And Sylvester Stallone giving his voice to a slow-minded man-shark (who's constantly famished and friendless) in a prominent live-action role sure is one heck of an anomaly, one which I never thought I'd see happen to such a high-profile Hollywood actor as him (seems like it'd be the sort of thing you'd likely see in a cheesy low-budget B-movie).

Just some miscellaneous things I want to comment on now; I found it kind of distracting how Gunn's script brought up the word "children" several times throughout the course of the film, placed in the context of preventing something really bad from happening to them. It seemed to me like the man still harbours an awful amount of emotional guilt over the numerous risque mistakes he made on social media years and years back, in reference to him posting tasteless, unfunny and downright offensive "jokes" (his own failed attempts at doing edgy humour publicly) about certain sensitive subjects on Twitter long ago. I get he may continue to have a guilty-conscience about his previous actions and wants to atone for what he did by facing his inner-demons (from a certain point-of-view), but sometime or another you're going to have to let go and move on, hold your head up high and look forward to the future, try to better yourself and ultimately be the bigger person than you once where before without dwelling too heavily on your past wrong-doings because otherwise it'll gradually consume you (if you're not careful, it can leave you writhing around in a lot of guilt-ridden pain). I also wasn't a fan of the uncomfortable "bird cruelty" scenes, but I get they were all fictitious depictions and never really happened (so I'm not too distressed). I'm typically not that much of a prudish person but there's a big overload on the excessive usage of swear words spouted out for juvenile jokes, as it's shock value starts to wane when they're said over a billion times in the same scene (thus rendering them ineffective to the senses as your mind becomes numb after a while of listening to it).

So overall, The Suicide Squad was a ridiculously fun time. I may not like it as much as David F. Sandberg's tongue-in-cheek Shazam! (2019), but I think it's miles better than Zack Snyder's miserable and depressing Batman vs. Superman (2016). And just to reiterate, if you were expecting to see a high amount of extremely horrific gore in this movie, than you'll probably be a little let down with it's actual content. Sure, the pacing might drag on a bit halfway through when we reach the Second Act and people can complain about certain plot-holes all they want by nitpicking them to death, but I say anyone who takes movies too seriously is going to miss out on enjoying the immense entertainment value something as absurdly stupid as this has to offer the viewer. It's just an unapologetically CGI-heavy gore-fest with an appropriate soundtrack comprised of licensed music, tons of cleverly-written sarky quips to keep you amused (Gunn's trademark quirky style) and some gruesomely exaggerated sequences of crazy ultra-violent action set-pieces (most were seemingly done on-location in the real world with wire-work stunts and pyrotechnic explosions going off, and weren't all solely performed in front of a studio green-screen), all of which are surprisingly rich in exquisite detail. Accept it for what it is and you'll have an absolute blast watching; a hilarious ride of black comedy that's got an unleashed level of self-awareness which tells you to go along with the daft premise as this knows exactly how dumb it truly is by embracing it's barmy source material. But only watch if you're really feeling in the right mood for an insane war zone-type film with a morbidly-humorous silly vibe and vibrantly colourful superhero-motif.

Just one last piece of interesting trivia for you; if you've ever seen any one of his previous films before, it would appear as though James Gunn has a weird "tentacle fetish" going on in his prior body of work as his past filmography literally has them in almost every single feature he's directed so far - from Slither (2006) to Super (2010) and of course, his Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) for Marvel - and now, in addition to all that, The Suicide Squad as well. Man, Gunn sure likes his slimy tentacled thingies, doesn't he.
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6/10
Just when I thought I'd seen them all
20 March 2022
Just when I thought there wasn't any of this type of escapism entertainment left for my consumption, I find out about Ao: The Last Hunter (2010), a perfectly satisfactory supplement for my immense craving of non-fictionalised caveman-related culture (as in, how their real-life society actually once was). After going on an epic primal journey for sheer savage survival in Quest for Fire (1981), taking a look at inter-species tensions in The Clan of the Cave Bear (1986), witnessing a literal train-wreck in 10,000 BC (2008) and learning how we bonded with primitive hunting dogs from wolf domestication in Alpha (2018), how does this film stack-up against all these other ones? In short, it's just ever so slightly above average. Sooner or later, I thought filmmakers would've eventually hit a creative slump by always confining a majority of these caveman movies in a nondescript region of prehistoric Europe and having them take place during the last major Ice Age. But nope, they still somehow managed to incorporate this specific geological time period into yet another solid adventure film with a strong narrative focus.

This film's story starts out like any other for the genre, in the average ordinary life of a Neanderthal man who's being a good provider for his tribe's people by heading out on hunting-gathering quests. On top of all that, he recently became a doting father after his loyal mate gives birth (aw!). However, a sudden unprecedented attack on his people results in the genocidal slaughtering of his family (including his newborn child). This uncalled for assault was calculated by a scouting-party of cruel Cro-Magnon hunters that happened to stumble across the nearby hideout spot at their cave's entrance, which just goes to shows that even back then (thousands and thousands of years ago) there were very unjust conflicts between different human races for no apparent reason; other than the obvious fact that they were different. In the shocking aftermath of this brutally traumatic act which has fallen upon his once peaceful and disrupted lifestyle, not all is calm for his now scarred psyche as he contemplates about traversing back to the previous homeland of his old life (wherein his original family roots lie) whilst seething in a depressed state-of-mind. The movie does a nice job at chronicling this lonesome individual's odyssey on his exhaustingly long trek, navigation his way through the desolate mountainous valleys; all of which leads to some misadventures when he bumps into yet another tribal group, one that's more advanced but seemingly less-hostile. Will he have difficulty getting on with these strangers, or will things turn out alright for the poor fella in the end? (you'll just have to go and watch it for yourself to find out).

The scenery isn't anything superb and it's far from a showcase of stunning visuals, but the cinematography nonetheless gets the job done of being effective enough to keep one's attention (on a certain level, that is). I'm not entirely sure if the director watched Quest for Fire to do prep work for this movie, but in any case it greatly adheres to that film in-particular by having the same style of presentation, even more so than something like Clan of the Cave Bear. Also, even though the film doesn't have much to offer when it comes to prehistoric beasts, I'll forgive its lack of them for understandable reasons (mostly budgetary limitations). Something I really like and admire about all these types of movies is the fact that no matter where you are in the world (whether that be Western America or Eastern Asia, for example), the simple stories are still understandable and most of all you're still able to follow them quite easily without the aide of subtitles; thanks to the actors' facial-expressions, hand-gestures, body-movements and vocal-grunts. It's basically like a universal language that almost all of us can relate to, at least to some mild degree. No matter what dialect you may speak or what country you live in, it's inclusive to literally everyone on a worldwide scale. I'm sure it was no easy task on the performers' part because in order to pull this off and make it as convincing as possible, they had to arduously master the dying art of silent acting (a most impressive feat indeed).

Now then, on to a few of my nitpicks with the film's more technical aspects. Some of the compositing shots weren't very convincing, like the bear fight with Ao earlier on in the movie and a bison stampede he's trying to get clear from at some point later on (NOT a major story spoiler). The compositing in both of these sequences make the scenes feel slightly awkward to watch, because your brain's constantly alerting you to the fact that it's pretty obvious the two completely separate shots don't match-up perfectly together (they're not aligned properly, in other words). When you see the two aforementioned sequences for yourself, you'll notice how the scenes in question can be kind of disorienting at minor points with their rapid-fire editing, only making them last on-screen for a fraction of a few seconds at most. My guess is that they knew these already shot scenes didn't turn-out so well and I'm only assuming there was no time to reschedule for some major reshoots with alternate takes, which would most definitely explain why the editors frequently made the quick-cut edits in the way that they did as to compress the duration of the scenes' length down by just a bit. I'd say a little more superimposing work was needed to be done in order to make these loosely-edited scenes come-off less disjointed and appear more in-synchronisation with one another.

So all in all, I thought Ao: The Last Hunter was pretty darn good. The only slight negative I'd give this is that it's yet another one of these prehistorical adventure films that's set in Palaeolithic Europe, for the billionth time. I suppose it's because these filmmakers don't want to deviate or stray too far from this tried-and-tested formula. It's almost as if they're making a conscious effort on their part to play-it-safe by going down the conventional route and staying away from anything that'd be considered too niche for the mainstream public. Quest for Fire and Alpha were also set in Palaeolithic Europe, two quintessential crowning achievements I hold in high-regard as being a couple of the greatest, most authentic caveman motion-pictures ever conceived by modern mankind. But just for once, it'd be nice to see an ancient period piece that isn't confined to this one certain pre-historical location. Often times I keep thinking back to Missing Link (1988), which tackled the primordial beginnings of our extremely ancient ancestors in Pliocene Africa. With that movie, they were adventurous and willing to take a chance by setting their film's story elsewhere. In my mind, I can perfectly envisage an epic prehistorical film set in the Pleistocene Epoch of either North America, Asia or Australia. I really think there's a lot of untapped potential to be had with those overlooked ideas, having endless story possibilities.
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10,000 BC (2008)
3/10
Crazy science-fantasy like this belongs in a giant monster movie
5 March 2022
Before I get started, I just want to draw your attention to this great educational YouTube channel called "Trey the Explainer". His informative videos usually entail the scientific discussions of such topics as biology, evolution, extinct species, the prehistoric animal kingdom and many other fascinating aspects of our magnificent natural world. The guy really does make a lot of good in-depth videos and he's by far the best YouTuber to do palaeo-centric content on the platform. Several years back, he did this three-part video series where he objectively reviewed Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC from a purely palaeontological/archaeological standpoint and brought up how it's faulty story essentially "butchers history". I consider those longish video essays of his to be the most justifiable critiques of the film I've ever heard and an effective way to explain why it doesn't work as a whole. I highly recommend you check out his channel and watch that lengthy yet well-thought-out analysis (a more apt description than simply calling it a movie review) in-particular as I personally share many of the same exact complaints he has with the film. Also, not to mention, it sure makes for an extremely helpful guide when wanting to recognise and point out almost every single little inaccurate bone in that entire movie's body.

As for me commenting on 10,000 BC from my own unique perspective, I think it not only makes a complete mockery of palaeontology and archaeology but somehow geography as well (talk about giving these credible professions a poor reputation). I often keep asking myself the same head-scratching question over and over again, "what was Roland Emmerich thinking? What was going through his mind when making this the way he did? What's up with the man's many tone-deaf decisions and baffling creative choices?" And just to be clear, I'm not angry or mad, just disappointed in him. But seeing it as a summer popcorn flick, it's disposable inoffensive entertainment akin to the inconsistent likes of 2018's Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (another movie where its most ardent defenders constantly use the old excuse of "shut your brain off to enjoy it"). I was really amused by how totally wrong it got everything, so much so that I gave out a slight giggle whenever I noticed a major inaccuracy while rewatching it. If I'm not mistaken, I believe Emmerich cited 1981's Quest for Fire as one of the primary inspirations for this film due to his love/admiration for it, which is such a laughable thought to me. I've just got to say it, 10,000 BC has way more in common with Ringo Starr's slapstick Caveman comedy than it does with Ron Perlman's classic Quest for Fire odyssey (but on the plus side, it's not quite as Flintstony as you might imagine).

My main concern most of all is that by the filmmakers intentionally including all these blatant inaccuracies, I worry this type of mainstream Hollywood blockbuster can easily result in the likelihood of drastically misinforming an awful lot of gullible people into believing this as true fact when in actuality it isn't, nothing but pure fictional make-believe. For example, do you know how many people honestly thought the eyesight of a Tyrannosaur (a creature with superb binocular vision, comparable to that of a bird-of-prey's) was based entirely on movement? Some folks out there might've legitimately accepted this, all because they were told about it in a high-profile motion-picture by Spielberg. You see, the cinematic arts are a handy way of shaping the general public's perception on a certain subject in the widespread media. Speaking as an avid palaeo-nerd, these things need better on-screen representation for the purposes of providing common audiences with a bit of edutainment done in an intriguing way. I think silly science-fantasy with big action is perfectly alright on its own merits and can be loads of fun, but don't throw it into the mix with a prehistorical adventure drama that's trying to take itself seriously. Strictly from my own point-of-view, I think it'd be for the best if they just kept these two genres separate (guess it's a weird preference of mine).

And in case you're wondering, NO, I don't criticise the numerous historical inaccuracies of animated family movies - Blue Sky's Ice Age (2002), Disney's Brother Bear (2003), DreamWorks' The Croods (2013) and Aardman's Early Man (2018) - in the same way as I do with the more serious live-action ones, mainly because they're all absurdist comedies with elements of satiric humour sprinkled throughout. I'm typically more lenient and forgiving when it comes to them because cartoons aren't meant to be inherently realistic, in sharp contrast to the movies set in the real world (which are more steeped in the realm of realism). At the core of them all, it's in their very nature to be zany and ludicrous in the expressive medium of fantastical animation (it's artistic licence for creative liberties). And at the very least, those cartoon features came up with some clever puns, sight gags and other such prehistoric-oriented parody jokes. As for the argument put forth by a few individuals that 10,000 BC was never meant to be realistic in the first place, then why is it the director didn't indulge himself further by featuring any other extinct beasts in the film besides the standard mammoths, sabre-tooths and... terror birds? (huh). It's a pretty valid question as to why he held-back on doing that, because he could've just taken off the realism constraints all together and gone far-out bonkers by bringing some giant armadillos, ground sloths, hell hogs and bear-dogs into this fantasy hodgepodge of a jumbled up time period (their out-of-place inclusion would've made it more exciting).

I remember seeing a pretty obscure interview from around the time the film originally came out, wherein director Roland Emmerich basically compared it to BBC's Walking With Beasts (which is pretty much the thing that sparked my interest in this stuff to begin with) while doing his little promo tours. I kind of find this a bit insulting to that brilliant miniseries masterpiece of an influential palaeontology documentary, almost as if he was purposefully trying to drag its good name through the mud and down to his film's level (what a joke). Not to get too personal here, but I found his comment a tad disrespectful because Tim Haines and Jasper James (the genius co-creators of the entire Walking With... series) actually bothered to put in the time and effort to do their homework on the topic at hand, as to properly inform the unaware public and not mislead or straight-up lie to the naive viewing audience who may or may not know anything at all about the topic of life after the dinosaurs (I would never put Emmerich's degrading movie in the same league as something like WWB). And the worst part is that Emmerich himself was talking about 10,000 BC as if the scenes were actually based on "true historical events" whenever he got interviewed for it. Even to this day, his statements leave me mystified and thinking; this is so far-removed from "real historical events" that I'm not quite sure how to categorise it.

If you ask me, 10,000 BC is the kind of silly "shut-your-brain-off" fantasy movie that (in my own humble opinion) can only be fully-appreciated by those certain types of people who are firmly dedicated believers of legendary mythological folklore, which would include; the theory of the lost Atlantis civilisation, alien visitors built the pyramids, or that dinosaurs lived alongside mankind and still exist in a lost subterranean world beneath our feet... and there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that! I'm fully well-aware there are very passionate enthusiasts out in the world who do have a genuine enjoyment for this sort of stuff and I'm sure many of them like to take up cryptozoology as a fun side-hobby in their spare-time. Why, I sometimes dabble in mythical creatures myself now and again (only occasionally) and have watched my fair-share of golden-oldie Ray Harryhausen epics (very infrequently). So if you're a likeminded person who subscribes to that way of thinking, then I say "by all means, go for it" (you'd probably award it a solid 7/10). But for anyone like me who's got a strong interest in true prehistory facts based in the actual scientific research and studies of real-world palaeontological/archaeological findings, then you can do yourself a massive favour by skipping over this one entirely and just watch 2018's Alpha instead (I really can't give 10,000 BC anything higher than a 3/10).
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Roar (1981)
8/10
Move over Jon Favreau, this is the REAL live-action Lion King
21 February 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Let's not kid ourselves around here, we all very well know that the main draw of an exploitation film such as Roar (1981) is just the sheer spectacle of seeing these unprepared people who really aren't equipped to handle the situation of being thrust into a hostile environment with enclosed spaces that harbour a bunch of potentially (more than likely) dangerous big cat prides, all of which were 100% REAL and not depicted through the use of any special-effects whatsoever. In short, that's really the #1 attraction of something like this, just watching your average everyday kind of stand-in people interact with large apex-predators and bearing witness to the ensuing chaos that's unfolding before their very eyes. So basically, the plot to this extraordinary film is practically nonexistent (and that's NOT an inherently bad thing). Not every single movie in all of existence necessarily needs to have a strong, deep narrative storyline to be enjoyable or even simply watchable (just take any given plotless-but-entertaining creature feature).

So what do you do when presented with the unthinkable scenario of trying to survive in a maniacal moggy menagerie? Simple, you just roll along with things and go with the flow. Really, that's all this family probably could do to help stay alive in this specific case of life-threatening danger (you've just got to run like heck!). It offers up an interesting conundrum, to say the least. And the family in question were only flying out to there from the States with the intention of visiting a fella (the husband/father of said family) who's the very proactive conservationist in charge of this little safe haven for all things feline (sort of like his own private predatory pussycat zoo). Now that takes some real dedication right there, working all day in the sweltering heat of Africa just to give these killer (and kind of cutesy) kitty-cats the best possible chance while under his care and protection. That's about the gist of things, it appears he truly does enjoy looking after every single one of these big cats to ensure their species' future survival. Hmmm, I wonder. Something tells me if Smilodon never went extinct, this guy probably would've had some prehistoric sabre-tooths join the rest of his cat clan (I think he'd definitely be tempted by the mere thought alone).

Also, it must be mentioned that absolutely none of the big cats you see throughout the film were harmed in any which way while making the movie, they were just fine and came out OK in the end. With all that cleared up, I hope you'll find solace in knowing that everything went alright when it came to the treatment of the animals on-set. To be honest, I actually felt way more sorry for the poor human cast in most of the scenes. Seems as though Tippi Hedren really suffered for her art back in the day, doing most of her later work in order to gain a fairly substantial amount of profits for the various animal charities she's associated with (a very noble cause, indeed). She must've been a real trooper while shooting this film, as I honestly can't see how any other "non-animal expert" actors/actresses (whether they're professionals or amateurs) would be willing to let a fully-grown bull elephant pick them up and literally hurl them over to one side in an innocent rough-and-tumble sort of way, like she did (which I believe resulted in her receiving a rather serious leg injury, I'm pretty sure).

At points, it does start to have a bit of a gimmicky approach with just how farcical everything gets, but it's ultimately passable for being silly "on-the-edge-of-your-seat" comedic humour and so I'll allow it that. I think it's more-or-less a safe assumption that with today's safety standards a film like this will likely never be made ever again, which is all the more reason for us to give the filmmakers the respect they deserve for actually going through with making the thing (talk about fulfilling a right passion project). If one thing's clear, is that it's surely one heck of a fascinating anomaly in the wider spectrum of independent filmmaking history outside of the supervised Hollywood studio system.

To say it was a monumental production which took several long years in the making to completely finish would be a mammoth understatement, starting its development sometime in the early '70s and not getting released until the beginning of the '80s. Under the given circumstances, I'm surprise this wasn't more well-received back when it originally came out. I mean, sure, it did do decently with regard to critics' reviews at the time. But the box-office results were abysmal, barely making enough revenue to break-even (it wasn't a major success financially). I'm pleased to know Roar has been rediscovered by the newer generations of today via the help of online reviews and acquired a worthy cult status in the process, finally bringing it out of 1980s obscurity. It may not be the greatest movie ever made, but it certainly is the most gutsiest movie ever made (gets two thumbs up from me).
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Rodan (1956)
6/10
Just slightly better than The Giant Claw and a definite improvement over it (but that's not singing high praises)
10 February 2022
The story is fine, the actors' performances are alright, the script has ample dialogue, the musical score is just OK, the audio-dubbing track was decent, and the practical-special-effects techniques (rubber-suit costumes and miniature model-sets) and sound-design work were very much adequate for their time. Good, now I've gotten all that stuff out of the way, I can get on with what I really want to walk about and the whole reason behind why I wanted to do this review in the first place (and I'm certainly going to be upfront and honest in this review with my opinions). Before Michael Dougherty's King of the Monsters (2019) came out, Rodan was always my least favourite monster in the entire Godzilla franchise as I never really cared all that much for Toho's version of him. I never outright disliked him but to me, he just seemed like a blandly-designed generic pterodactyl-looking pterosaur and came off as such with no discernible features to make him standout from the rest of the traditionally reptilian crowd (say perhaps for his more upright, bipedal stance). When I noticed how Rodan's MonsterVerse incarnation had more bird-esque qualities about himself rather than those of flying reptiles, to say I was more than ecstatic with his new design changes would be an understatement (his "demonic firebird" redesign fits really well and starts to grow on you).

An overhaul of his appearance (in both physique and posture) with some slight tweaking in the form of a bright fiery bird-of-prey motif (likely inspired by the mythical phoenix itself) was totally a necessary approach to take and exactly what he needed, as I fully endorse the thought of there being more giant bird monsters in daikaiju films and embrace it with open arms as I believe there isn't nearly the same amount of them like there is gigantic dino & ape kaiju (what with me having a very huge soft-spot for animals of the avian variety). Don't get me wrong, now! I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the real-life extinct pterosaurs and I have nothing against them, but it's just I feel there's already been more than enough big pterodactyl-like creatures with drab, dull colourations in monster movies as it is because they've been done to death (especially the kinds of ones which still to this day are primarily based off old, outdated illustrations). Why not give bird monsters their own time to shine in the spotlight, for once? I know I'm completely in the minority on thinking this thought but I actually prefer and favour the original piece of concept art for this Showa era Rodan over the finished product we ended up with, back when he was initially supposed to be an archaeopteryx (a gliding bird-like dinosaur) with scaly-feathers. His ear-piercing "screech roar" would've gone extremely well with that first conceptual body-plan and complimented it a lot more.

I've heard that unless they have a drastically severe case of ornithophobia, many people simply aren't capable of seeing birds as "scary killer animals" in either giant monster movies or natural horror films because they look "too cute to be any sort of real threat" (me sighing very hard at that statement) when compared to way how we often perceive some aggressive reptiles, angry mammals, and other minor types of hostile creatures in the real-world. It's true, there's definitely no denying birds have this stigma attached to them of being peaceful creatures, small fuzzy critters well-known for their timid behaviour and friendly nature (BUT THEY'RE NOT ALL LIKE THIS!!!). I take it these unaware people have never heard of the flightless cassowary, a SUPER dangerous man-sized Aussie bird that could genuinely inflict some serious damage on whomever is unlucky enough to cross paths with the flesh-tearing sharp claws at the end of its long muscular legs (far from harmless, wouldn't you say). And I guess they've also never seen what a ravenous bird-of-prey looks like when it's feasting on a corpse, after an alert vulture pulls it's head back up from out of the dead body and you see it's menacing-looking face, scrawny neck and feathered areas gruesomely covered and soaked in fresh blood (it's horrifying imagery to picture in your mind, isn't it). Heck, even lovable parrots can take a pretty nasty turn sometimes and could potentially have your finger off with one forceful bite from their big beak in an agitated state (fierce little beasts, when they want to be). So you see, not all birds' personalities are sunshine and rainbows.

As for the rest of this film in-particular, it's plot follows the typical conventions of an average '50s or '60s creature feature, so it's pretty much your standard monster movie fare (this whole genre is practically built off cliches); nuclear bomb tests accidentally awaken an ancient beast from its prehistoric hibernation, where it then goes on a seemingly mindless rampage through populate areas, which has devastating results in causing monumental quantities of property damage by decimating human-made structures and levelling entire cities with ease as the hopeless military try their utmost hardest to stop it dead in its tracks, all while a room full of revered scientists gather around a large table to discuss their hypothesis on what lost and forgotten species it could possibly be (it's a formulaic-but-fun destructive romp). The bottom line is I firmly believe there needs to be more creature features involving monstrous birdies (whether they be abnormally-large or skyscraper-size), is the main point which I'm ever so elegantly trying to make here because we all know the world definitely doesn't need anymore of those oversized croc/gator flicks. Personally, I think it'd be really great for a kaiju character to have an avian aesthetic (not going to lie, I've always been kind of a bird person at heart). Fingers crossed, here's hoping Legendary's interpretation of Rodan gets a solo spinoff with his very own standalone film ("The One Born of Fire", "King of the Skies" and "Airborne God of Fire" would all make for good subtitle candidates).
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The Sand (2015)
1/10
This thing is so bad, it nearly made me want to give up being into films (so thanks for that, Isaac Gabaeff)
29 January 2022
Warning: Spoilers
This is going to be less of your typical mean-spirited internet movie review and generally, just more of a bluntly straightforward; "Hey now, listen up matey. Here's where you went wrong". I'll be explaining why this simply doesn't work, for a number of valid reasons. Never before have I ever seen any kind of movie fail so miserably at the art of filmmaking to such a dire degree, whether it be a theatrical release, made-for-TV or straight-to-video (or even a streaming thing). If only internet movie critics watched more stuff like this, then maybe they'd go a little easier on the real films made by seasoned Hollywood professionals.

#1 - WASTED POTENTIAL; like a lot of indie movies, this one's story had the potential for greatness. But too bad it falls short in so many ways as on a purely surface-level, it gives the impression of a truly horrendous Tremors (1990) rip-off. And now that I think about it, the concept of a giant mysterious creature lurking beneath the sand and waiting to strike for its unsuspecting prey also isn't very original, as it's literally the plot of a 2008 Primeval episode (which involved highly-advanced whip scorpions from prehistory). You see now, a well-paced story bundled together with tightly-edited scenes and expertly-crafted sequences of elaborate set-pieces are exactly the right kind things that this specific type of genre film needs. I know it seems like a real pain, but you've got to meticulously plan out all the tedious aspects of a screenplay beforehand and give your preparations a thorough think through while doing revisions on your scripting work. You also needed to hire a competent enough cinematographer who could've implemented some better techniques to achieve a more cinematic look by incorporating dynamic angles, rather than hiring a very inexperienced person who comes-off as very lazy with the way they decided to setup the pretty medium camera angles for all the dull static scenes (which I guess were kind of shot like how a soap opera operates behind-the-scenes, more for efficiency reasons rather than artistic intentions).

#2 - UNLIKABLE CHARACTERS; this is a problem that legitimately plagues almost every horror film out there today, and that's to do with all the young-adult characters being highly unlikeable! So much so that I honestly don't even care if any of them get killed-off or not, and sometimes I'll be actively rooting against the so-called "protagonists" (I know it's not very nice of me, but it's the movies' own fault for making me do that). Their display of performance is not compelling in the slightest, they have no discernible screen-presence, and they don't have that many distinguishable characteristics or personality traits other than wanting to get super drunk, partying hard, and frequently act like stupid brain-dead idiots to one another. And plus, none of them share any semblance of chemistry with each other (why should I be expected to care at all about this uncharismatic bunch of BAD actors?). No big surprise here, but their dialogue mostly consists of them saying swear words in a threateningly non-funny manner, which isn't all that entertaining to hear (it's only ever amusing when they're said in a more hilarious context). You urgently needed to polish up your script with several significant rewrites on the awful characters, and find much BETTER actors for those roles (not just to fill out the roles, but to actually give them the chance to show-off their acting-chops).

#3 - UNCONVINCING EFFECTS; the CG creature's interactions with its environment was handled poorly as it just doesn't mesh well with the real-world location that surrounds it. As much as I don't like the guy, I've got to admit that if there's anyone who can genuinely make CGI look convincing when composited into a real-world environment, it'd be Michael Bay on the first few Transformers films (from 2007 to 2011). The practical hands-on experience with him shooting and directing an on-location setup for some of his earlier works (instead of on a green-screened studio set) made him somewhat of a master at this craft, filming live-action shots so that the CG-created robots all appeared to be interacting with the actual world around them (like kicking up dusty dirt when they walked on the ground, or moving tree branches when brushing past the foliage). Those truly seamless scenes have honestly stood the test of time, unlike this trite. The lousy integration of computer-generated visuals into the live-action setting was a total mess in The Sand. They could've at least remembered to evenly-balance it all out with the use of some animatronic puppets and other physical props of that nature, for the close-up camera shots of actual interaction with the cast.

#4 - UNINSPIRED SOUND; and of course not leaving out the sound-design side of things (something most people hardly ever give a single thought to), which is another pivotal aspect that plays quite a large part in the substantial workings of all this. Oh what a shocker, the sound-effects were of course stock-sounding and just felt inserted at random times which makes certain moments feel super awkward (and the shift in audio quality was all over the place, as well). You could've invested in having a REAL sound-team to work on the movie's audio-effects. Jurassic Park (1993) has hands-down some of the all-time BEST sound-editing ever, with each one of the individual species feeling even more real when given their own uniquely created set of distinctive vocalisations to plausibly emulate how those extinct creatures may have sounded in life, while also filling out other areas where audio is needed (such as rustling trees, heavy footsteps and other organic noises found in nature). Unlike the functionality of it in The Sand, it's done in an inventive way in the Jurassic Park franchise, with those clever sound-engineers mixing together a combination from bits and pieces of different modern animals' noises and calls to create something new and fresh (heck, even the Godzilla series has nicer sound-design).

#5 - RUBBISH MUSIC; now then, music can occasionally help to cover-up any mistakes in the sound-deign and enhance the overall mood of the supposedly atmospheric scenes in horror films nowadays (I say "supposedly" because a lot of what you hear in scary flicks today is forgettably bland). The Sand's soundtrack can't even accomplish this basic goal, as it all just sounds like your generic throwaway stock-music you'd easily find on any old archival website that exclusively specialises in providing stock-music. Danny Elfman's beautifully conducted musical score (along with some operatic vocalist accompaniments) for the original two Spider-Man films was actually what got me into being interested in listening to good music in the first place, with the majority of his pieces being simultaneously heart-wrenching and optimistically-gratifying all in one (not ashamed to admit that at points, it even made me shed a few tears). Whether it be a full-on orchestral score or just a simple instrumental tune, it emotionally resonated with me and genuinely solidified my love of listening to background music in both movies and TV shows alike, with Ben Bartlett's phenomenal tracks for the Walking With... documentaries also being another truly great standout example for me.

Final thoughts; I think that if you're truly a dedicated filmmaking director, then I believe it'd be reasonable for you to want to listen and take in a bit of fairly honest, well-articulated constructive-criticism. So then, you can take what you've learned and apply that newfound wealth of knowledge to your next project, in order to produce a proper movie that's competently made (and not to mention, one that's actually decent). Sometimes home-truths can really hurt but they must be said, otherwise no one would ever learn anything helpful to progress their way forward in a tough career that requires you to have serious nerves-of-steel (a real backbone, you need). Never forget, good movies are always attributed to careful planning ahead of time and being an assertive coordinating leader in your position (not a timid, nervous wreck).
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Robin Robin (2021)
9/10
This brilliantly simple (yet effective) idea was long-overdue!
17 January 2022
I'm quite honestly surprised that out of all the different Christmas-related stuff to base entire movies, shorts and specials around, it took someone this long to figure out there hasn't really been any Christmasy film at all to do with a robin (our most friendliest garden visitor and a definitive staple of the wintertime's lovely wildlife scenery, along with the likes of the more famous reindeer). For many years now, this is something I've always wondered about myself and I say it's about time that a studio came up with a good enough reason for a basic story treatment featuring this beautiful tiny birdie as the primary focus point and main draw of the whole thing by employing it in some sort of creative method. And visually-speaking, you don't get more creative than the gorgeous stop-motion done by none other than Aardman Animation (REAL masters at the top of this slowly-dying art-form).

Just the very straightforward "longing to belong" story of a not-so-sneaky young robin wishing she were a real mouse as to properly fit in with the rest of her stealthy scavenging family (after having been taken in by loving rodents as an egg and still cared for when she hatched into a little chick) felt like a genuinely endearing tale to me as the tightly-written script was cleverly thought-out to the point where all the amusing events of fun action and playful "food heist" sequences took place in a non-contrived organic manner, a compelling fashion that even persists right up to the happy ending's resolution of the matter at hand; wherein it presents a rather satisfying payoff to our charming lead character having now unlocked her true potential with the aerial advantages of being a flying critter, making effective use of her natural gifts in order to help aide the loved ones she cares most about (don't worry, I'm NOT going to give any specifics away!). It's aptly comparable to Annabelle's Wish (a 1997 special), which was about a dreamy cow calf who wished so badly to fly like one of Santa's magical reindeer.

Stop-motion animation is of course, in and of itself, yet another grand time-honoured tradition in this most beloved holiday season of them all. The animation work that was done on the loveable main character is especially well-realised, with our lively little robin protagonist being portrayed as having a lot of high volume energy and just an all-round positive attitude in the daring food-pinching situations she's caught up in (either while it's with her surrogate mouse family, or just her going solo). I adore these types of animated characters, the humble ones with a hopeful outlook on all of life's trials and tribulations. And child actress Bronte Carmichael, who's the only cast member I recognised in the credits due to her co-starring debut in Disney's live-action Christopher Robin film (back in 2018), brought great spirit to her optimistic character's kind temperament and warm personality. In fact, all the rest of the superb talent did a terrific job at voicing their respective roles as well (especially this Richard E. Grant fella, with his part as a shiny-obsessed collecting magpie).

One thing that caught me off-guard was that for a short film (clocking in at approx. 30 min.), I really didn't expect there to be a handful of musical numbers in here (not that I minded any of them!). Also, while I get that it's supposed to be intentionally simple, I kind of found "Robin Robin" to be a bit of an unoriginal title. Frankly seems a tad redundant to me but whatever, it's really no big deal at the end of the day (my mind's probably just overthinking that one too much). For all you avid avian enthusiasts out there who enjoy seeing a good wholesome Christmastime cartoon, this cute little short is sure to be seen as essential seasonal viewing and will most likely go down in years to come as a must-watch family favourite with its immense rewatch-ability factor, being placed right up there with the likes of such quality as The Snowman (from 1982) and Mickey's Christmas Carol (from 1983). Personally, I already deem it to be a new holiday classic for people of all ages.
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1/10
Sorry, not for me
8 January 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Aside from the never-ending Child's Play (1988-) series and maybe the original Halloween (1978) film, I've never really been all that much into the slasher side of this horror sub-genre. I've tried giving it a fair enough chance on several different occasions, but so far it honestly hasn't impressed me one ounce of a bit and so I've finally deduced that they're just not my thing (I have more of a personal preference for killer animal horror films - when nature attacks mankind!). I mean, really now, what more can possibly be done with a deranged killer maniac on the loose going around butchering hapless people with a sharp knife (or some other form of blunt instrument)? Well, apparently you can't change things up too much in terms of having an innovative story and likeable characters who you genuinely want to root for, because otherwise the horror community will throw a right paddy if certain cliches aren't met. And no, just solely relying on "creative kills" isn't definitively what makes a good movie (to me).

The framework of this film's "plot" is, as with every one of these types of movies, is setup to be like that of a murder mystery story. But there's an issue with how it's done in here, and it's a big one. See, you really want to establish every character as a possible suspect pretty early on because that way you're then able to keep your intrigued audience guessing as to who the killer might actually be, constantly keeping them on their toes and in sheer suspense for a majority of the time (very much like how the masterful Alfred Hitchcock used to do). It's some edge-of-your-seat intensity that's sure to leave them in a perpetual mindset of nothing but theorising who it could really be. But no, instead of that, the true killer turns out to be none other than Mrs. Voorhees (Jason's middle-aged mother) who only shows up in a very delayed appearance near toward the end of the movie without having had any prior establishment (when there's no purposeful setup, then I immediately lose any and all interest in the worthless payoff).

Also, why'd they have to kill a real animal? When your production has a special-effects guy on standby, why do you feel the need to resort to using a SMALL and totally HARMLESS snake (literally, it's a non-venomous species) for quite frankly an unnecessary scene which involves the killing of said snake? When it comes to killing animals in this world, I firmly believe it should only ever be for food (meat consumption and dairy products) and other practical reasons such as humanely putting them down if they're in a tremendous deal of unrecoverable agony, or even culling a few (to help prevent the quick spread of harmful diseases). But when I see it's being done for the sole purpose of producing sleazy entertainment trash like this, that's where I STRONGLY draw the line (honestly, there was just no need for it!). I get the fact that it was of a very low-budget film for it's time, and all. But seriously, Tom Savini with all his convincing gore effects couldn't even be bothered to just make a fake prop snake out of rubber or something?

Hmmm, so it fails at building a decent mystery and it's guilty of deliberate animal cruelty... yep, sounds like a "great old time" (please note my SARCASM in that last bit). Saying that, was there anything at all I actually liked about Friday the 13th (1980)? Well, it was kind of an unsuspected surprise for me to see a youthful Kevin Bacon in this garbage. Hard to believe it was one of his earliest roles, but isn't that typically the case for a lot of young up-and-coming actors to get their start in rubbish horror films (so glad he'd eventually go on to bigger and better things, after first being in this overrated train-wreck).
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2/10
Hurray! Another Plinkett wannabe (as if the world really needs anymore)
31 October 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Just to be clear, I'm not going to be touching upon identity politics, social justice issues or any other sort of political movement within regards to him and his blatant stance on these things, because that's not what really irks me about this guy and just to be frank, I don't actually care a whole lot about that side of his unimpressive "pretend personality" (all put-on for show). So I'm not going to be mentioning any of that stuff, here. You know the expression "No one likes a critic"? Well I think he's the reason why that saying is still out in force, today. The Critical Drinker has got to be the most, how shall I put it, PETTY internet movie reviewers I've ever come across while browsing through the online community of constructive film criticism. From what I've seen of his content, this guy simply isn't a good film critic (he's enough to make the honourable duo of Siskel & Ebert turn in their graves).

His reviewing style mostly just consists of him using what he calls "jokes", delivered with a drunkenly slurred tone of voice in his speech pattern, to disguise the fact he really doesn't have anything insightful to say on the topic at hand. A vast quantity of amateur film reviewers on YouTube use this exact same trick; they rely on an excess amount of silly off-topic humour (which half the time, isn't even all that amusing) to distract the naive person watching their reviews from the truth, that they really don't know an awful lot on the subject matter their discussing at all. And what's even more discouraging, it enables them to easily manipulate simple-minded people into think that their poorly-constructed critiques sound way more "intelligent" and important than they actually are, thus their words will inevitably be perceived as believably convincing to the average person who's being influenced by them (basically described what Nostalgia Critic, RedLetterMedia and CinemaSins do). I bet this fella's thought process behind his decision went a little something like this; "Hey now, if I talk like a drunken idiot blurting out a load of random unfunny gibberish, then maybe people will respect my lame opinions on cinema and take me seriously. Genius idea!" Well he hasn't pulled the wool over my eyes with that sort of nonsensical dribble, mostly because I don't find any of his repeating gags entertaining (it's quite pathetic).

My personal gripe with this condescending person mainly stems from his moronic "How Not To Critique Movies" video, which I honestly found to be laughable and flat-out stupid. I feel you can't really preach to people on how they're supposed to review something because that's an idiotic notion. Who are you to tell someone what their own subjective thoughts and opinions should be on a certain product, just because YOU personally don't agree with them on it (give it a rest, mate). If more than one individual with a functioning brain has seen the film/TV show in question, then said individual has every right to express their own unique viewpoint about the thing they've watched (telling them otherwise would be a pretty dumb decision). Seriously, this guy seems to be under the deluded impression that his own subjective feelings are actually objective fact when there's really not a whole lot of truth in those rambling statements he presents (well, they're more like rubbish rants than anything else), speaking about how overarching thematic narratives aren't important to the cinematic arts, even though it's literally been a part of this storytelling art-form since the very dawn of filmmaking itself (has he ever even heard of the silent '20s German Expressionism motion-pictures before, or is he just that unaware?).

Worst part of all is that he hardly even provides substantial comments on the technical aspects of moviemaking, mainly choosing to focus an overwhelming majority of his attention span on the old "Mary Sue" archetype and the studios' "woke" agenda (at this point in time, they're not remarkable or clever observations to moan about anymore). Aside from playing up as a cynical narcissist, I've also noticed he isn't able to fully articulate when it comes to discussing a movie's redeemable qualities as he's often too overly negative for much of the time with not nearly enough positive words to utter. He rarely gives any praise from what I can tell, being eagerly quick to dismiss a popular film's merits specifically. Either that, or he's simply not willing to see the good in things and give newer movies a fair chance to impress (seems as though his head's always stuck in the nostalgic past, I reckon). I realise it's fun to hate on stuff and bashing perfectly solid films is a part of that experience (The Dishonoured Wolf sure knew all about that, before he understandably decided to leave the YouTube platform altogether due to it severely affecting his personal life in a bad way), but the novelty of constantly doing so starts to wear-thin real fast and it can soon get pretty darn boring after a while (ralphthemoviemaker ain't got nothing on the Drinker when it concerns that).

I find it rich how he openly complains about how all these big Hollywood corporations, like Lucasfilm for instance (now it's part of the Disney company), keep disrespecting the dedicated fans of old franchises, while he himself is guilty of doing the exact same thing in his "Godzilla Vs. Kong" reactionary videos. Publicly calling out the people who enjoy such monster movies and creature features by summing up this devoted fandom as "Big Monkey punched Big Lizard and it made my brain happy", or something to that extent (talk about pulling an insulting jerk move). And not to mention, making them feel bad about themselves for liking the type of film they like by harshly mocking and ridiculing it in such an extremely sarcastic and mean-spirited sort of way (possibly bordering on verbal bullying), all while on the unjust grounds of him NOT knowing or understanding anything on this certain genre's long-standing traditions. Basically, what those videos boil down to is that for someone who's supposedly an avid "cinephile", they really don't know jack about the daikaiju genre of Japanese cinema. You'd have to be a right fool to talk down about a thing which you don't even care enough about to research, at all (if you're not willing to learn, then just stick to what you know). Similarly, this hypocrite has become the very perpetrator of exactly that course of action; "disrespecting the fans". My best guess is that he must've done those when he was bored out his mind and didn't have anything better to do (sad, I know).

I much preferred this bloke better in his pre-drunken speech days, back in a time when he was regularly doing those reviews of forgotten films. And his "What Happened to The Clan of the Cave Bear TV Series" and "A Ghostbusters Scene Comparison" video essays were honestly a few of his most intriguing pieces of opinionated work because he seemed authentic and very knowledgeable in those particular ones and besides that, it's way more interesting to me seeing a YouTube reviewer just being their normal natural self (you know, NOT acting like he's putting on the over-exaggerated persona of a raving lunatic character). I rather enjoyed some of the earlier stuff he put out, until his whole channel eventually derailed and quickly devolved into tiresome clickbait videos with him providing his inept critiques (which is almost comparable to the disheartening situation with Cinemassacre's James Rolfe and how he slowly lost interest in his creative passion over recent years).

But most of all, I feel sorry for the gullible fan-base he's managed to garner, who've been blindsided into thinking his throwaway content is actually well-constructed criticism (which is laughable). I sincerely hope every one of his misguided followers decide to wise-up and go seeks out the REAL wisdom of some proper credible professionals, like the aforementioned Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert I previously cited above (knowing him, he'd have laughed at both their humble perspectives). Or as an alternative option, if they really want to listen to critics on the internet that are actually both informative and legitimately hilarious all at once, then I say check out some old unedited videos curtesy of the Spill review crew's archive YouTube channel (who've since moved on to doing Double Toasted, nowadays). And as for old Drinker himself, unless he cleans up this whole act of being a dull "charisma-void" and finally gets back on track with the way his decent videos used to be, then I'd genuinely respect him much more as a content creator/online personality than I'm currently doing right now. But I can't foresee that sort of improvement ever happening, so I won't expect things to change (although I'm not entirely sure if he even bothers to actually look on his own IMDb page, at least).
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6/10
Well, then... this was different (for me)
23 October 2021
I normally don't talk about actual straightforward dinosaur documentaries, honestly. I'm that niche kind of odd-person-out who'd rather prefer to watch a heap load of non-dinosaur related palaeo-documentaries instead because I've always been more interested in learning about what exactly came right after the non-avian dinosaurs' mass-extinction event, but just before the dawn of civilisation as we've come to know it today, via well-recorded historical textbooks on the middle ages of our own distant past (informative insight on what led up to the triumphant rise of modern animals during ancient times does it more for me in the whole "fascination department"). Ones like; 2001's Extinct, 2002's What Killed the Mega Beasts? And Wild New World: Prehistoric America, 2003's Monsters We Met and Before We Ruled the Earth, 2007's Prehistoric Predators, 2009's Animal Armageddon and Mega Beasts: Monsters Resurrected (I usually tended to just skip over the dino-focused episodes of those two), 2012's Titanoboa: Monster Snake and 2013's Ice Age Giants. And of course, I can't forget about 2001's Walking With Beasts and 2003's Walking With Cavemen, which is pretty much where this little obsession of mine originated from and started with. My close history with all this stuff first began because of these two marvellous Impossible Pictures productions, so I really have them to thank for all this (but it's only MY personal preference, though).

And so without further adieu, let's get stuck right into 2011's Planet Dinosaur as I attempt to review it unbiasedly. Well for starters, this surprisingly adequate miniseries boasts an impressively colourful display of numerous different dinosaur designs and features a whole myriad of several various geological times and places that have never before been seen in any other major dino-centric documentary. I especially enjoy the little aesthetic touches that really go into exquisite detailing, such as the case with the tiny scars and healed wounds (the result of prior battle-damage) all along the sides of the creatures' bodies and even the bright colouration of vibrant patterns running up, down and across the entire length of them as well (now that's a very commendable job well done, on the part of the experienced VFX animators). Unlike its spiritual predecessor, 1999's Walking With Dinosaurs, this BBC documentary actually goes out of its way to provide concrete proof of the factual evidence that's been acquired in the field of palaeontology from over the years (sticking much closer to the latest statistics in up-to-date discoveries, for the time in which it was produced). I believe it was a conscious decision to illustrate the fossil findings in this style of presentation due to the many controversies surrounding some of the incorrect scientific aspects as previously seen in a few of WWD's episodes. I reckon my best guess is that they must've went this route simply to avoid anymore backlash regarding their potential inaccuracies (it was done for the sake of not wanting yet another wave of complaints coming in, which is understandable).

Now onto my problems with the miniseries. It would appear to me that this particular nature programme is more violence-oriented than most others typically are, with a constant strong focus on depicting the ravenous top predators being viciously locked in seemingly endless battles to the death (they really put a tremendous emphasis on the overdramatised bloodthirsty fighting for either survival, dominance, territory, hunting rights or scrapping over the dead carcass of a prey item) with one another and other physical forms of aggressive species competition (whether they be of the meat-eating carnivore or plant-munching herbivore variety). Don't get me wrong, these segments wouldn't bother me all that much if the filmmakers were only striving to demonstrate how the intricate dynamics of symbiotic predator-prey relationships work in a bustling ecosystem (the perpetual state of natural order and balance within our vigorous world). But it feels to me like a reasonable amount of their admirable intentions were just a tad bit overly excessive (taken to some fairly drastic lengths, I suppose).

Coincidentally, Walking With Beasts also had its own fair share of horrific combat and gruesome imagery too and it may have come across as a bit morbidly gratuitous (possibly bordering on exploitive) at times. But ultimately the intensely graphic brutality seen in WWB was unique due to it helping further along the natural progression of the episodes' realistically raw stories, which were all centred around an almost forgotten world of primitive savagery (primal grittiness at its utmost). Besides that, it didn't leave out any of the quintessential supplementary topics; parents rearing their vulnerable offspring, chipper youngsters trying to survive into adulthood, learning what foods are safe to eat and which aren't, an individual's journey to reaching full maturity, mating rituals and reproduction challenges, coping with the tragic loss of a group member, the changing of climates, seasonal droughts, habitat loss, environmental disruption... the list goes on and on (it didn't forget to include any of these things). What I'm trying to say in its defence is that the faithful portrayal of explicit violence in THAT documentary somewhat made sense because functionally-speaking, it served a much greater narrative purpose by staying true to the unpleasant events of these real-life actions. And it didn't even happen all that frequently, which in-turn is what made you feel the full-magnitude of it when these certain parts actually did occur (it had a POINT of being there!). So you see, there's quite literally a vastly wider range of diverse and complex interlinked subjects in the natural world of the animal kingdom to be covered and explored upon besides just egregiously showcasing a merciless onslaught of violent content.

On its own merits, there's quite honestly a whole manner of different qualities Planet Dinosaur possesses. As I've already stated before, the expansive collection of entirely computer-generated environments and models created for each and every single one of the individual habitats and creatures alike were fully-rendered perfectly and made them all look topnotch (very nice lifelike reconstructions). And while some restorations of the prehistoric animals' movements can come off as robotically clunky at times, it wasn't a very noticeable issue for me personally (sadly though, the same can't be said for the cinematography's unnecessary reliance on overused "zoom-in & out" shaky-cam shots and disorienting sequences of rapid-fire editing). The background and theme music were both serviceable enough and just fine while watching the programme, but they don't leave a lasting impact on you in the same way how the majestic grandeur of Ben Bartlett's memorable musical scores do. And although John Hurt was a terrific actor, his narration can become slightly overdone during some sections of the episodes, with the refined tone of his voiceover not coming anywhere near close to being as iconic as the styles of David Attenborough and Kenneth Branagh.

So overall, I thought this was an OK documentary, even if a little redundant with its repetitive fights. I know it might sound like utter blasphemy for me to even entertain the mere notion of this unpopular opinion of mine, but I actually think I enjoyed it a smidgen more than something like the original Walking With Dinosaurs show, which I myself find kind of overrated (however, the sheer mind-blowing experience of seeing the live Arena Spectacular performance of WWD way back in 2009 was truly an unforgettable event in my young life). But this just makes you wonder, doesn't it. If Planet Dinosaur had done better with its initial figures in viewership, then it's highly likely we would've seen a few potential follow-ups to it. They could've gone down the Walking With... path of doing such passion-projects as a "Planet Beast" (sequel series) and "Planet Monster" (prequel series). It's fun to imagine the possibilities of what could have been, there.
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