texxas-1 Reviews

Sweet as Maple Syrup (2021 TV Movie)

Don't be fooled by the title

[2/10 · 12 March 2024]

There is way too much talk from the annoying, unlikeable leads. So much silly conversations and monologue story telling went on way too long, not a relaxing watch.

We usually just prefer to enjoy the scenery with these types of films, but you cant here since alot of the film takes place indoors with the two morons talking non stop one million words a minute.

Found myself fast forwarding through alot of it and I do not like doing that.

Do these two obnoxious characters fall in love in the end? Who cares! They spend half the film arguing about fresh marple syrup and shop bought processed stuff. I. don't. Care.

My Mother's Killer Boyfriend (2019 TV Movie)

Not believable!

[2/10 · 6 January 2023]

Who moves a boyfriend into the family home after dating for a matter of days without even knowing anything about him? No one wants their space invaded even if they are lovesick! They'd break up within a day.

What women tolerates a new boyfriend who she's barely been dating snapping at her and making nasty comments for no reason at all? No argument, and just unprovoked abuse out of the blue! Who'd be attracted to a man acting like a crazy old women?

Attraction gone i'd say.

A true narcissist is able to fool people and get them hooked, there was nothing attractive about this man.

And what's with the university girl letting herself get pregnant by him? She didn't get into uni by being stupid.

Witness Number 3 (2022)

Lame

[1/10 · 27 July 2022]

This is not a thriller, this is a badly made psychological horror. Channel 5 need to stop making rubbish like this. The lead character is boringly forgettable and what is with the awkward, forced, zero chemistry interracial couples? It looks so fake it's hilarious!

The Frighteners (1972–1973)

Tense, depressing, creepy, sad, no happy endings

[5/10 · 7 June 2022]

Some were funny, some were weird, some were just pointless, some played on your worst fears.

"Have a nice day at the zoo" This is without a doubt the best of the lot. Intense drama, the end takes a disturbing turn.

"The classroom" was kind of funny. A former student confronts a mean teacher and tries to get her to feel guilty and commit suicide, she turns it into a murder suicide.

The minder, old comrades and firing squad were just boring.

Miss mouse was hilarious. A man murders his annoying wife only to be forced to marry an equally annoying women AND be a slave to her mother. Either that or life in prison.

"The treat" was just weird and pointless. I had trouble making sense of it. A bunch of old men playing silly games and fighting with sticks like children.

My interpretation was a schizophrenic man is tormented by 2 imaginary friends who make him commit murder. Gave me a headache.

"The manipulators" was just disgusting and i couldnt finish it or even make sense of what was going on, I ended up skipping over alot. Apparently it was meant to be an "mind experiment" for the audience. Basically 2 scientists try to push a man over the edge to kill his baby, just because.

"The dissapearing man" was depressing and creepy. The ended played out like an American school shooting. Definitely one of the scarier ones.

"Night of the stag" starts out like some lame soap opera then ends in an unscary horror.

"Bed and breakfast" A couple that attempted murder in their younger years is forced to look after the elderly victim that they crippled.

"Glad to be of help" plays into your worst fear of being stuck with a crazy, dangerous person. A deranged loonatic corners an mp alone in his office and attempts to suffocate him to death with a belt. Watch this before meeting up with anyone online.

"You remind me of someone" was just predictable and lame, and ends in a quick murder...... its always when they're being nice is when they strike.

Deadline (2022– )

The horror part spoilt it

[4/10 · 5 April 2022]

I tend to enjoy channel 5 dramas. Just watched the first episode, seemed a bit so so, just about watchable, but towards the end there was this very creepy avant garden style nightmare scene, with creepy flashing colourful lights, horrible imagery and scary music. I did not sign up for a depressing horror fest. Hoping the other episodes aren't like that.

Electrician (2020)

Very boring

[1/10 · 6 January 2022]

Mark is an electrician. He's old, he's unattractive. He gets bullied and talked down to by his colleagues and boss's. He has no friends. He lives alone. He appears to be very miserable. The reason why he is all alone is revealed at the end.....he was a wife abuser. The end.

Forgiven (2021)

What was that?

[1/10 · 3 January 2022]

I came across this on amazon prime. This is the most shoddy amateurish film I've ever come across. No one can act, the writers can't write. This actually looks like some youtube video. Where do prime get such cheap rubbish content? Enough said.

Between the Covers (2020– )

Too silly, too many colourful characters

[3/10 · 28 December 2021]

I'm really into books so this seemed like the perfect show. It was okay at first, although admittedly I'd probably never read any of the books they advertise but I did enjoy hearing the reviews. However lately I've stopped watching as I find there's far too much joking around, everyone talking at once and just going off the point. I think this needs to remain a serious show that sticks to the point and doesn't trail off into going into the guests feelings and personal lives. Lately its become more like a silly daytime talkshow and some of the guests can be really self centered. They need to bring in better quality guests and for god sakes stick to the point.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

What the actual hell

[1/10 · 6 December 2021]

Saw this advertised in the cinema last year, thought it looked okay. Didn't bother seeing it because of lockdown. But it came on tv yesterday and I had to give up 20 minutes in. The person who voiced sonic has the most annoying voice. Sonic has always been a serious character, not a class clown. And he has never shown emotions he's always been very tough and hard headed, with the never give up attitude. They've completely ruined his character turning him into a 2020 full blown snow flame. Good waste of electricity.

Cinderella (I) (2021)

Okay

[5/10 · 14 September 2021]

Nice visuals, good music, entertaining performance. That's all really. The prince is not good-looking and I thought he could even be gay, and camila cabello although pretty, isn't pretty with bangs. It's just not a good look. No chemistry or romance and very badly cast. But entertaining all the same, I've seen alot worse.

The Haunted Hotel (2021)

A rip off from various old films

[1/10 · 9 July 2021]

Did the writers not realise that lots of us have seen old films? Complete rip off of Harry Pinters "the birthday party". Get your own ideas and stop stealing entire scenes from older films thinking no one will notice, WE DO!

Unblinded (2013)

I'm stunned

[1/10 · 26 June 2021]

What is this rubbish they keep putting on prime? I don't even want to call this a film. Its weird, it's creepy, it makes no sense and apparently its for teens.

We Broke Up (2021)

Boring soap

[1/10 · 27 April 2021]

2 young people who are dating decide to break up......and act like it's the end of the word. No strings attached whatsoever, no kids, no house, no marriage but been together 10 years apparently which I find unbelievably unrealistic in 2021. Did they get into a seriously relationship at 18 or something? They never met any other people? And apparently its the end of the world and all their friends and family think so too. Okay....

The Girl on the Train (2016)

Hated the heroine

[2/10 · 16 March 2021]

This was so irritating go watch. I couldn't root for the main character, she was just so annoying and pathetic. What does she care if her ex husband is cheating on his current wife! They're broken up! They had no kids together. She can walk away with no strings attached whatsover! But instead she decides to stalk him, his new wife, his babysitter, his babysitters husband. She rides the train to nowhere everyday to watch them make love with their lights on and curtains open. Who really does that? If this women found herself a little hobby like knitting or embroidery then she wouldn't have time for this nonsense!

The Secret Garden (2020)

A nice change

[8/10 · 5 March 2021]

I've read the book, seen the 1993 film and the 1974 series, loved them all. This didn't disappoint. Yes its different, but thats what makes it original. I didn't want to see a copycat of the last film. It did feel a bit like a one girl show at times and I would have preferred more dialog but Dixie Egerigx looked beautifully unique as Mary which is a change from most child actors who can be very annoying and fake-cute.

Martha's character was so dull but thankfully she didn't have many scenes. Colin was okay but his father lurking outside while he cried was extremely creepy. I think the crying at night should have been left out. It just doesn't fit in todays world, people crying hysterically at night can be mistaken for something alot worse than loneliness.

Mary grows as a person a but too quickly, I would have liked to see her have more challenges, but all in all, it is nice to watch. I think this version teaches children that whatever horrible situation you find yourself in, you can make it better, but only if you try. Life is what you make it.

The Nanny Murders (2020)

Predictable

[2/10 · 6 January 2021]

This really was such a bore. Girl has crush on celebrity. Girl works for celebrity and decides he's a creep and doesn't like him anymore. Girl continues working for him just because. Girl discovers he's a serial killer. The end.

Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

Get me outta here!

[1/10 · 24 December 2020]

After hearing that this is apparently a christmas classic, one dull Christmas Eve I decided to give it a go. 15 minutes in and I was going to fall asleep. Dull, cheesy and insanely juvenile. No one over 6 could enjoy this! Definitely not a family film. Not a patch on things like Home Alone, Uncle Buck and The Santa Clause.

Big Hero 6 (2014)

Its never hopeless

[9/10 · 20 December 2020]

This is some very heavy stuff for a kids film. An orphan boy living with his aunt who then loses his older brother whos basically a father figure to him. There's this one scene where the older brother tries to build a helper robot and it took him 100 times before it worked. This teaches kids (and all us all for that matter) that when you fail you try, try again, even if it means trying over 60 times, no matter how frustrating it is, how much it stresses you, how hopeless it seems, you don't give up. And you will make it eventually. Most things worth doing are not easy.

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

Entertained me during lockdown

[5/10 · 2 December 2020]

Hilarious, shocking and entertaining too. A few weak spots. I did not like the subplot where Willie is stalked by that strange young man. Definitely watch if you're not into tame comedy. Not alot of gross out moments, but a whole lot of swearing, dirty sex and one suicide attempt. Billy Bob Thornton is very believable as the depressed violent alcoholic.

The Visit (I) (2015)

Laughable

[1/10 · 28 November 2020]

Watched for less than 10 minutes then switched off when that annoying boy starts rapping. I realised this was going to be one of those "fun movies" basically where the cast and crew enjoy themselves by prancing around being the talentless idiots they are while attempting to make a movie.

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020)

Juvenile humour

[1/10 · 22 November 2020]

Watched for an hour then couldn't take anymore. This could have been written by someone who's very immature, very stupid, hates women and is on drugs. This will shock you, bore you, offend you, but it won't make you laugh.

Beatriz at Dinner (2017)

Waste of time

[1/10 · 5 November 2020]

A film with a bad plot could easily be saved with a good script. But the dialogue was maddening. The trophy wife's will not stop talking complete rubbish, in a very fast and irritating manner. 1000 words a minute without a pause. The rest of the film Selma Hayek is sporting a hideous haircut while quietly fantasising about murdering people in cold blood. What is the plot about exactly? Social psycholaths? Left wing terrorism? Suicide? I'm confused. I was tricked because I thought it would be a smart meet the parents type comedy. The best parts were shown in the trailer.

Anniversary Nightmare (2019 TV Movie)

Strong story

[8/10 · 26 October 2020]

One of the better lifetime movies, not at all predictable like lots of them. And for once we have a beautiful lead. Annalynne Mccord (Noami from 90210) has come a long way and seems to get even better with age. Definitely worth seeing.

The Lady in the Van (2015)

I hated it

[1/10 · 6 October 2020]

British films are all the same. They start off funny and interesting but then quickly become disturbing and miserable. Gave up falfway through when it became repetitive with no obvious plot. And whats with the being rated a 12a when there's the f word being constantly used?

Birds of Prey (2020)

All of the negative reviews are well deserved

[2/10 · 31 August 2020]

I feel ive been conned since the trailer looked so cool. When I heard this did really badly on the box office I naively bought the dvd thinking it can't be that bad. Boy was I wrong. Had I known that this was produced by Margot Robbie who also starred in it, I wouldn't have bothered because this is always an awful combination. What an earth does Margot Robbie know about producing a film? She's far too young. It was also written by a women, I know the media were claiming that no one wanted to see this because it was written, produced and starred mainly women, but the reality is, and I say this as a women myself, that women just can't write for sh't. It's sexist but it's true. I could have easily mistaken birds of prey for a netflix original because it was so poor, and I get the feeling it'll soon be one of those films available for free on prime. With the idiotic dialog that could have been written by a hyperactive 8 year old, Christina Hodson has brought shame on herself and should never be allowed near a film crew ever again. To top things off this was so dull and miserable, it is saw this at the bottom cinema I would have walked out. It felt very juvenile but at the same time it had gory violence and constant swearing. Who is this for exactly? Too violent and sweary for children. Too stupid for adults. Not sexy enough for men. I cheered when it was finally over.