rorge_retson Reviews

12 Monkeys (2015–2018)

Made it through the first season - I don't know how

[4 May 2024]

I kept wishing it would get better, but sadly, it never did. :-[

Great concept - sloppily executed. It was so bad near the end of Season 1 that they were jumping back and forth in time to do 30-second scenes, over and over again. Seriously? You couldn't string together more than one scene, in one plot point, with at least one other one, to spend at least one minute, in one year, before jumping again?

It was as if the writers (if there were any) were in the writing room on the day of filming saying, "I know! First Cole does this, then he goes back and does that..." and then decided to film it just like that an hour later.

They trusted the audience to stitch together some supposedly complex plot points (I say supposedly because at times we would be spoon-fed, while at others we would be left saying, "Huh?"), but we couldn't be trusted to realize that they were jumping back and forth between times when switching scenes? Perhaps if it weren't for this ongoing insult, I would be watching Season 2.

When every scene of an episode has "YEAR: XXXX" preceding of it, you know you're being treated like a child. Nothing says you don't trust your audience more than telling them what you're going to show them, just before you show them - as it they're not capable of getting it.

Poor Things (2023)

Huh?

[7 April 2024]

This film has the feel of being thought up one weekend, then filmed the next. The only thing that kept me going was trying to figure out how or why Dafoe or Ruffalo did the film exactly, and the only thing I can come up with is that the producers told each of them that the other was doing the film. Kinda like when a kid says, "Mom, can I go to Joey's house? Dad says okay if it's okay with you."

Even if I was compelled to find something interesting and thoughtful about it, I'm not sure I'd be able to. The only thing more confusing than Dafoe's and Ruffalo's participation is how on earth the rating is an 8. It boggles the mind.

Two stars because Dafoe is in it, but if you truly want to see something weird, see Antichrist with Dafoe and Gainsbourg. That's some real quality strangeness there ...

Special Ops: Lioness (2023– )

Unfortunately, Kidman's appearance ruins the entire series

[15 September 2023]

I wanted to love the show. Actually I do love it, with one exception, but this exception ruins the entire series.

Whenever Nicole Kidman's character arrives in a scene, I am immediately pulled out of the story, and find myself asking this question:

"Does someone actually go into a plastic surgeon's office and say, 'Hey Doc, I want FB/Insta-pursed duck-lips, please. Make it so when I am just standing there my lips are pursed all the time, so I don't have to go through the effort of doing it myself. Oh, and can you make this permanent too? Thank you.'"

Kidman's appearance is so distracting that I often miss the dialogue that transpires right after she shows up, so I end up having to rewind and watch it again, either with my eyes closed, or with my hand over the part of my TV that has Kidman on it. Only then will I be able to actually hear what is being said.

The show would be a solid 7/10 without Kidman, but unfortunately, with her, it is so unwatchable that I have to give it a 3.

The Fall (I) (2013–2016)

Tedious... and protracted... I'm done.

[7 May 2023]

I'm on S2E4 and this will be my last episode. They should be wrapping it up, but it looks like they are shooting for a third season, which is unfortunate, because the story is dead at this point.

Don't know if the producers had too many car payments or mortgages, but as of now they have turned the stove down to the Potboiler setting and have killed what was a semi-decent thing. Oh well.

Since I have more characters to type to meet my minimum, I'll take this opportunity to officially register my complaint against The Stone Face School of Acting. While Gillian Anderson did not originate this acting method (that was Ryan Gosling and Kristen Stewart), she has perfected it.

Seems all anyone needs to do now to be considered a good actor is have and keep a blank or stone face and let the viewer project whatever feelings they want onto the character. We've all heard of lazy writing (thank you Ryan Reynolds), but here, ladies and gentlemen, you have lazy acting.

Okay, minimum character limit met - I'm done.

Scent of a Woman (1992)

Weak

[1 April 2023]

Lesson Learned: Never second guess my instincts.

When this movie came out in 1992 something told me to not bother, so I didn't. Nowadays there is nothing but pablum out there, so when this title popped up in Amazon Prime with its 8.0 IMDB rating after scrolling for 30 minutes through all the junk, I thought, "Well, I guess now is the time to see this, 31 years later."

I really wish I hadn't expected a good movie. I kept waiting for something to happen, but it never did. This film is truly lifeless. There is absolutely no feeling in it. And the scene at the end was just pathetic. I felt embarrassed for the filmmakers and everyone who acted in it. If there had been logic in the speech but no feeling, that would have been better, but there was neither.

The Equalizer: The Equalizer (2021) Season 1, Episode 1

At least pick someone who could actually "do the work"

[14 January 2022]

Someone who has a hard time lifting their foot 10 inches off the ground is "The Equalizer"? Seriously? I've heard of suspending disbelief, but this goes way beyond that.

The first fight scene in the first episode of the first season is so blurry that I can't tell if I'm watching Bruce Lee or a cell phone in a blender. I guess that's what happens when your star gets winded just walking to the fight.

Nothing against QL - as an actress she is okay - but if she (and the producers) wanted her to actually be believable in the role, they should have stuck her in yoga and on keto. Hard fail.

Midnight Mass (2021)

A 2-hour movie crammed into a 7-hour miniseries

[5 October 2021]

I guess there are more people that have nothing better to do with their lives than I ever knew - both producers, and consumers.

This would have been a pretty good 2 (or even 2-1/2) hour movie, but instead it is like that sushi that expands to take up all the available room in your mouth - it expands to take up 7 hours of your life, whether it needs those 7 hours or not (Hint: It does not).

This kind of cinema is like buying consulting on a cost-plus basis - I ask how many hours worth of money you have to spend, and I spend exactly that much money for that many hours. I guess Flanagan got paid for a 7-hour miniseries, so that's what he delivered.

Does it matter that there is only 2 hours worth of film in those 7 hours? I guess not - this thing has a 7.8 rating. I guess I am one of the only ones who values his time.

The Tunnel: Episode #3.6 (2018) Season 3, Episode 6

The writers couldn't be bothered to make something comprehensible I guess...

[3 April 2021]

Or maybe it was too many cooks in the kitchen?!?

Regardless, I'm just sad about how it all ended up.

Paycheck (2003)

One star - because I have to.

[20 August 2020]

Blather, drivel, pablum. Trite tropes and lame lines. Sad.

Good Old Ben gives us his best wooden performance. When Uma emotes it reminds us that Ben cannot.

Don't bother.

BrainDead (2016)

Cool, then..... nothing.

[19 September 2019]

The concept is okay, but that's where it ends. After 3-4 episodes it's like Groundhog Day, except without the learning. Or Bill Murray.

It's a twilight zone - it's the same episode over and over again from week to week. Perhaps there's enough for a 90-minute movie here (2 hours would be way too long), but even then, I'm not so sure.

This is the (worst) product of binge culture - a never-ending movie stretched out into 13 episodes. And people are buying into it. Sad.

It Comes at Night (2017)

What comes at night?

[20 August 2019]

Answer: Nothing.

Don't understand how this has a review score over a 4.2.

Nothing comes at night. Or in the daytime, for that matter.

Stranger Things (2016–2025)

Just Okay

[9 July 2019]

I mean, no serious plot holes, and some solid acting on behalf of most of the cast, , but nothing stellar, either. A pretty solid, average score of 5.

Surprisingly, I find Ryder's acting to be the most irritating out of anyone's in the cast. She strikes me as shrill, with very little nuance. I think the series would be much better without her.

IO (2019)

I think we forgot something - oh yeah, right - everything !!!

[10 March 2019]

If you have a film with no plot, very little dialogue, and zero acting, can you still call it a film?

If we have lots of silence with nothing of value punctuating the silence, we can call it art film, yes?

I say no on both counts. Don't bother.

I am just grateful I've learned to cut my losses once I realize that no, it is not going to get any better.

The Umbrella Academy (2019–2024)

How does Ellen Page keep getting work?

[7 March 2019]

Ellen Page is the Nicolas Cage of the 21st century. I always wondered how Cage kept getting parts, with his zero range, stone face, and monotone voice. Now we have Ellen Page. Why (How?) on earth does she keep getting roles? It is a mystery.

Another mystery is how I managed to finish the series with her in it. She was truly the only unpalatable part of the whole thing. Even the sometimes questionable acting of Emmy Raver-Lampman and Tom Hopper still surpassed Page.

For me the highlights were Mary J. Blige and Cameron Britton - some great voice (and physical) work by them.

Can you leave Page out of the second season, please?

Roma (2018)

Huh??

[24 January 2019]

I don't get it. Truly. I'm not a cinema snob, or a Michael Bay junkie, or a Marvel Universe fan, but what exactly was I supposed to get out of this film? That life sucks? That men are jerks? That the universe is random? Seriously, I don't know what I was supposed to walk away with.

Nothing in this film was exceptional, or even above average. It was average. Except in the duration department, where it was much longer than average, which resulted in me taking it down from two stars to one. If it hadn't taken up 2 hrs and 15 mins of my life, I'd have given it two stars.

Some things in this world are a mystery. One of them is how this film has an 8.1 for a rating.

Disobedience (2017)

So much potential

[26 September 2018]

I found myself thinking through half the movie how I could have done a better job. All the parts were there, but they were put together with chewing gum and duct tape instead of screws and glue.

Other movies use silence to build emotion, or let us feel the emotion that has already been building, but in this film I found myself staring blankly at the screen like my dog who was right next to me.

Even with the one surprise at the end I found myself wanting to feel something, but nothing was there. Maybe I had to much coffee earlier in the day, I don't know.

Predestination (I) (2014)

Hard to understand why... this movie has a rating greater than 1

[21 October 2017]

Predestination is kind of like a good movie in reverse - it starts off interesting, with some breadcrumbs tossed about here and there, but the more you watch and find out, the stupider the movie gets, until the end, when you wish you had one of the guns that Ethan Hawke used in the movie, so you could shoot yourself.

Never have I gotten to the end of a movie with more hope that I would not be as disappointed as I thought I was going to be, only to have that disappointment expanded by a factor of 10.

If you are wanting to off yourself and are waiting for that final push, watch this movie, it will really make you wonder what you have been waiting for.

Scorpion (2014–2018)

I thought TV had hit its lowest point, but then this came along...

[25 April 2016]

I really wish I could give this show zero stars, or negative stars, but alas, the world is not as it should be.

How do I convey the true level of idiocy of this.... thing? How about this: Let's pretend this show, instead of being about tech stuff, is about regular life. If that was the case, this is how it would sound: Person #1: "Hey everyone, I had to take a dump last night. Wanna hear how I did it?" Person #2: "Let me guess - you sat down, with your ass perfectly centered in the middle of the toilet bowl, relaxed your anal sphincter, and then let nature run its course?" Person #1: "Nice try, smartie, but not even close. Here's how it all started - I didn't even know I had to take a dump, but I felt some rumblings deep inside my bowels. Instinctively, I leaned over to once side to allow any festering colonic gasses to escape. I was rewarded for this effort by the pleasant sound of escaping effluvium, consisting of a perfect blend of nitrogen, hydrogen, and methane. It was at that moment I realized soon I would need to rise and make my way toward the restroom. And thus, I did.

Person #2: Right!! I remember it happened exactly that way for me one time, when I had broccoli and sautéed onions for lunch. Please, continue.

And, etcetera, etcetera. More of the same, with every character explaining everything, so all I need to do is shut off my brain and let the words and images from the television enter my brain and slowly turn it into mush.

I apologize, actually, because I fear I have made my analogy too interesting, I cannot, in fact, make up anything that is stupider than the writing for this show. It is actually much, much worse than I have outlined here.

The fact that as of today it has a 7.2 rating means that mankind is indeed doomed.

Zoo (2015–2017)

Must have paid some Indians to push "Your Rating: 9 Stars!" over and over again...

[19 July 2015]

There is no way this show rates a 3 much less the 7.2 it currently holds. Clearly the ratings have been propped up by show associates; the reviews, however (for the most part), tell a clearer and more accurate story. Titles like "Facepalm," "Eye-Rolling Trope Fest" and "Awful is an understatement..." describe what is really going on (obviously, it's harder to hide your blind support when you are forced to put words to it).

In Summary: Bad acting, worse writing, and last-generation CGI are pretty much all there is to see here. If that's not your bag, then don't waste your time and just move along.

Unbroken (I) (2014)

I'll never get that 2.5 hours back...

[21 June 2015]

The characters were okay, but they went through the same scenarios again, and again, and again, and again, and again...

I had heard that Zamperini had a very interesting life after the war. Unfortunately, the movie ended on the tarmac upon his return to the U.S. Why?

I must agree with the other posters - for a 2.5+ hour movie, I would have expected the whole story.... or at least more than half of it.

The emotionality was there in Wantanabe, Zamperini, and several of his mates. I just grew tired of the same thing repeated over and over.

It is interesting how the coal carrying sequence was so long... like how the viewers had to carry the movie all the way to the 137 minute mark...

Red Dragon (2002)

Godawful

[5 November 2013]

What a Godawful movie. Clumsy, predictable, broadcast, etc., it had to have been conceived (and written) by a 5-year-old. A complete 180 from what Hannibal (and Lambs) was. How this manages a 7.2 is beyond me... makes me wonder if the studio propped it up with sham ratings.

I can't believe that they got so many names to join this farce - Keitel, Norton, Fiennes. Perfect definition of a potboiler. Tried watching it twice, but it put me to sleep the first time, and I nearly vomited the second.

Save your $$$ and rent something from Red Box for $1.00. Or, better yet, gouge your eyes out with a nail.

Rendition (2007)

The violin player should have won something...

[25 August 2013]

...for endurance. He/she played through the whole movie. Whereas good movies reserve the long, drawn-out, 'sad violin' music for a climax that is surprising, or amazing (or whatever), this movie had to play that climactic music throughout - because the acting was just so bad. SOMEONE/SOMETHING had to have emotion! Describing the performances as 'wooden' would be too kind, and also an affront to nice wood. Which accent did Meryl Streep have during the film? Depends on what scene you're watching. When is Jake Gyllenhaal doing his best Ryan Gosling 'stone face' impression? Pretty much any scene he is in. I could go on, but I'm wasting time...and I've already wasted 2 hours and 2 minutes on this dreck...

The Bourne Legacy (2012)

Bourne is Still a Trilogy

[12 January 2013]

Too long, too copycat, and had no business having Bourne in the title.

This is a perfect example of a movie that shows the heart of Hollywood decision-makers for what it is - full of fear. It is sad that so much money is spent on redundancy rather than creativity.

If this movie had its own title, its own storyline, its own everything - it could actually stand on its own merits. Instead, we have a franken-movie that attempts to graft onto a decent script these useless appendages and rotting leftovers from a dug up grave. Just plain sad.

Matt Damon was smart enough to know when to call it quits on Jason Bourne, why couldn't Hollywood? Oh yeah, that's right - it's Hollywood. Let's ride this horse 'till it drops, then prop it up with two-by-fours and pretend like we're riding it some more.

Bourne rode a motorcycle and did some tricks with it? Let's have this new guy ride a motorcycle, and do tricks with it too...only let's have THIS chase THREE TIMES as long as the other Bourne one - YEAH, THAT'LL MAKE IT BETTER!!! Bourne ran across rooftops? Let's have this guy run across rooftops too... because those are the only things we can do in action movies - motorcycle stunts and rooftop chases. I mean, what else is there in life and movies, right???

Pathetic.

Skyfall (2012)

Not impressed

[23 November 2012]

Don't understand the high ratings for this movie. I found Skyfall to be predictable, boring, and sad in its roteness. So many plot points come out of the need to cater to the ignorant and slow viewer, it is unbelievable that this was made in a post-Bourne Identity world. (The Bourne Trilogy - it will remain a trilogy to me as I refuse to see the most recent potboiler - should have shown Hollywood that viewers have brains and appreciate a plot that requires small leaps of faith... unfortunately, this film insults, rather than has faith in the viewer).

Spoiler: For example, in the final sequence where Silva is looking for Bond, M, and Kincade, Finney's character uses a flashlight to find the chapel on Skyfall's property, when there is plenty of available light and no flashlight is needed. This makes it easy for Silva to find them when he is looking around to see if anyone has survived the blast. This was totally unnecessary. The writers could have easily just shown the chapel by itself, which would have been enough. These types of insults pepper the entire film. This should not have been a James Bond movie.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Behave (2010) Season 12, Episode 3

Finally, a progression of the series

[24 December 2010]

SVU has taken it up an notch and again found its legs. The way they've done it this time is by showing more behind-the-scenes footage as to how a victim is treated, such as all they have to endure in order to process rape kit evidence. It is portrayed in as much detail as can be shown on network TV, with Jennifer Love Hewitt flinching and sobbing in pain, as some of the rape kit swabs are used to collect evidence.

Another fact divulged is the overwhelming amount of rape kits that go unprocessed all across the country. Benson travels to Detroit, Chicago and L.A., discovering that thousands upon thousands of articles of DNA evidence that could convict rapists go unprocessed and undocumented every year. This is another instance where SVU educates the public by bringing into awareness what is happening in real-life law enforcement nationwide.

It's nice to see that SVU has stepped it up as far as performing a public service as well as providing entertainment.