bastiaan0740 Reviews

Cosmic Sin (2021)

2,5/10 for the moment - and spot on

[2/10 · 4 March 2021]

Well, the good things first. I like Lochlyn Munro. I like Bruce Willis. This is turning into I used to like Bruce Willis though. I like Sci-fi. The visuals and colors are great.

Is it enough?

Well...no.

Just about everything else was bad - not an 'outright bad', but in the sense that there was a perpetual feeling of wasting time and confusion watching this, and the movie failed to capture me in any way. I wouldn't recommend this one even as a popcorn flick.

Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012 Video)

Okay.

[6/10 · 31 August 2020]

Exactly what you'd expect. Nothing more, also nothing less. Some simpleton goofy cannibals walk around and make some kills on a forgettable cast in a creative way. Okay for what it is, if you skip this one, you haven't really missed out. Only 'twist' is seeing how many, if any, survive, but I won't spoil it.

Death Note (I) (2017)

Quite enjoyable.

[7/10 · 12 March 2020]

Not having seen or read any previous iterations (I have now and they are somewhat better), I found the movie quite enjoyable. Has a definite 'Final Destination' Americanised vibe to it, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The monster is more convincing whether you like that or not, Willem Dafoe lends his voice well. Solid concept no matter which version you prefer, and not deserving of the low rating.

City Hunter (2018)

Conversions from manga to real-life don't work...

[10/10 · 20 January 2020]

Or so I thought. Born and raised with the French version, I decided to give this one a go, somewhat disinterested, somewhat bored, and ended up amazed with the end result. Humor is there, action is there, the style is as spot on as a movie can get, nice easter eggs, nods to the series, and cameos, the plot is correctly cartoonishly silly, some more nudity and raw humor than anticipated and a bit too much focus on some secondary characters, but it is easily forgiven for being feature-length. Clearly made with love and the correct demographic in mind - they did it right!

Charmed (2018–2022)

I didn't listen...

[1/10 · 15 December 2018]

Hundreds of 1/10 reviews (I counted), but of course I needed to make up my own mind...

I did, and I wish I listened though.

Looking back upon the original with fond memories, I was hoping on a spark of nostalgia beyond reason. This never happened. I was fully expecting this action/adventure/sci-fi/comedy to be hijacked by the current SJW liberal climate, but even beyond this corruption, we get overkill. I honestly turned the pilot off halfway.

We get a trio of SJW girls punching boys in the face on campus for no real reason with no regret, a professor being acquitted of sexual indecency, complete Kavanaugh scenario, although he must be guilty because a woman spoke up (I'm sure he'll end up being guilty in the story, they built up to it, but I thankfully wasn't there to watch) and the woke girls would obviously know that all along, a girl sorority praising themselves for being 'woke' (quoting), the main lead spontaneously attacking her liberal professor verbally because he is a man and shouldn't teach liberalism, because he's not a woman, and ... a lesbian sex scene.

Couldn't take any more.

Do not watch. Do not let your children watch. The best way to describe this, is as an insulting depressing parody without humor.

Acting is mediocre, special effects are ok, rest is garbage.

Cobra Kai (2018–2025)

Did this have to be made?

[10/10 · 3 June 2018]

Yes! A daring attempt that could well have backfired, but yes, this is the remake you wanted and never realised it. If you ever loved the original, this is a must, and it is contemporary enough for new viewers as well. Although nothing in the series came as a surprise, this exactly how I would fantasize it. I literally wouldn't change a thing, from the awkward friendship between the original cast, to the flashbacks, to the cliffhanger in the last episode. Clearly written by fans and for fans. Prepare to bingewatch the first season - I did!

Hangman (II) (2017)

Pfff, it's OK...

[5/10 · 30 November 2017]

...but not much more. If se7en is this type of film on steroids, this one is just anemic, and a bit sub-par. It's like watching a long version of NCIS - and a mediocre one at that. All actors were average in their part, the plot and development was average, nothing sticks out as too bad, and nothing shines. I think it tried at some points, and failed to captivate.

5/10 is the perfect symbolic score.

Shadowhunters (2016–2019)

7/10 for what it is is intended. 2/10 for me.

[7/10 · 30 July 2017]

A fair rating of 7 for those that will like it.

I never read the book or saw the movie.

2/10 for me. It's polished, like the effects and concept, music, fights, sci-fi, supernatural setting, even the acting, and it will hit the mark for some, but it is too liberal, 'teen', high-school love story 'twilight fan-base'. As a whole, it's just not for someone like me. If you're 40+, look elsewhere. After wasting time on 10 episodes, I'm calling it quits.

Queen of Swords (2000–2001)

A working reboot

[7/10 · 25 July 2017]

After ghostbusters, it seems that rebooting a successful franchise with a female lead, doesn't guarantee its success. Yet this is exactly what happened with the 'Queen of swords'. Having grown up with the old Zorro series starring Duncan Regehr, this one seems to be aimed at a slightly older audience, he antagonists aren't true stereotypical cartoon characters as much, sometimes posing a real threat and actually killing people; but nothing overly violent. For what it is, an 80s-like show aiming for some swashbuckling entertainment, it couldn't have been executed better. It's a little more layered and fleshed out than the original Zorro series, but not so deep as to abandon its fun concept. A great job, reaching a well deserved 7/10, the maximum I'll give for the genre.

The Recall (2017)

Not much happens.

[4/10 · 20 June 2017]

I like Snipes, couldn't care less about the rest of the cast, I like Sci-fi, the plot is more of a footnote than a script, it makes little sense and provides a theater for people acting the way they do with no real result. It mixes some suspense, sci-fi, slasher elements, but so little, and it's so bland...people and events come and go, then the movie ends. Entire movie feels like padding. Not boring, but definitely unfulfilling.

Extortion (2017)

Nothing new, but good work

[7/10 · 19 May 2017]

I caught myself being engaged from the start, things unfold just about how you'd expect in this type of movie although you don't know exactly, we've seen it all before, but it is done alright. Engaged, never bored, but never mindblown. The fugitive 'light' in the Caribbean, not much else to say. Polished feel. Well-deserved 7/10.

Blair Witch (2016)

Sigh...

[3/10 · 18 March 2017]

You know, there are some movies, even some type of movies in its entirety, you can only see once in your lifetime. They simply can't be replicated, like the loss of your first tooth. The original Blair witch was one of those events, not even stating it was good or bad. It had me wondering, leaving the theater, if the footage was - actually - real, and I wasn't the only moviegoer in doubt. Let's just say the movie took my virginity. So a remake is doomed to fail for me, I realize that, even if I want that 'feel' back - but not for other moviegoers that will see 'found footage' for the first time, and are in doubt and genuine suspense because of the authenticity. But even there it fails, because of the use of the title. In fact, I would have scored this movie higher if it was an irrelevant project.

The video quality is too crisp, the actors are professionals, the editing is done in a studio, and it all works against itself. The jump scares are unrealistic and out of place. The turning point of my tolerance was the added sound effects upon removing a bandage off of a foot.

It is still way better than Blair witch 2, but I turned the movie off halfway. 3/10 is my fair rating, all things considered.

Alcoholist (2016)

Somewhat confused

[5/10 · 13 November 2016]

I don't know...

If I were to read the script, I would say this movie would have a lot of potential.

The actors are great, but the main lead behaves nothing like an alcoholic. His house is too clean, his body too well kept. His behavior is so unconform a drinker, I cringed. He acts more like a schizophrenic - a better title fit. The alcohol is emphasized, but a moot plot point and a sales pitch, leading to nothing. The therapy is extraordinary and senseless. The killing of his neighbor seems almost like a coincidental story, and that will leave you unsatisfied. In fact, all plot points are. The 'supernatural' visions are of no matter, and nothing is done with them, nor is it ever explained. Didn't like the CGI. They should have dropped it. Didn't like the ending. It was more of a 'situation' than a finale.

This could easily have been the next 'the guest' with the plot idea. A stranger nearby with an aura of mystery and a mental condition, contemplating to kill - but believe me, if you want to kill somebody, you don't really go all out and buy the solitary house next door to make yourself the only suspect.

Plenty of things just don't feel right with this one.

Rating: 5.5/10

Total Retribution (2011 Video)

NO! stay away!

[1/10 · 29 August 2016]

A quick way to make up your mind, is to go to YouTube and watch a trailer.

Do it.

Yes, it's that bad. The CGI is horrible, acting is horrible with the exception of David Ian Lee, who however is completely miscast as a 'colonel', giving of a strong out-of-place Jim Carrey vibe. The rest of the actors look like people they found in the local diner. I've seen better acting in porn. Editing and sounds are horrible, props are horrible, there is no immersion. I cringed in shame when the makers proudly (over)portrayed their names in the credits, I would pay dear money to have my name removed from this project. Probably the most forgettable movie I watched.

The Green Inferno (2013)

A cult movie? No. OK? Yes!

[6/10 · 19 April 2016]

OK, now I had no idea this movie was 'anticipated', nor did I ever see Cannibal Holocaust (although I saw fragments), so I guess this is as fair of a review as any - although I do like Eli Roth and try to see most of his work, finding some good and some bad - so I'm pretty open either way.

One of the first issues I have is seeing Richard Burgi in a minor appearance. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy since 'sentinel', But him being cast previously in Hostel (and killed), and seeing Roth has a cult following most of whom have therefore seen mr. Burgi before, is spoiling the illusion of realism. There was no reason not to use a fresh face.

You will get what you came for: cannibals, dismemberments, and flesh-eating. We also get some torture, female genitalia mutilation, and mass zombie-like behavior as well, the last of which seemed out of place and unrealistic. Some parts are silly and not in a good way, I can't tell which ones (spoiler). Some minor CGI, can't tell... (spoiler).

There are some nice 'setups' in the movie, and I applaud it for that. We aren't merely talking about a documentary, we have people with an actual agenda and some twists. Ariel Levy does a great job in being unlikeable and providing a story arc, evolving into a near psychopathic personality.

The movie got a little carried away with some methods that ruined the realism, but to each his own. To me, that's what hurt the most. The way how the movie wraps itself up makes little sense, we get some ideas thrown in that didn't really work, combine or satisfy - but that's just the last 2 minutes.

In all, a careful recommendation to the fans of the genre.

Exeter (2015)

No regrets watching this, but could be a lot better.

[6/10 · 26 February 2016]

Indeed, crisp and clean. Very nice camera angle shots, effects and environment, well worked out, and an overall professional feel - in sharp contrast with the video editing and character behavior. We have dramatic scenes of exorcisms and levitation, followed instantly by the protagonists being downstairs, chilling and smoking a cigarette. I mean, editing that's so abrupt as in a kid's cartoon. Character behavior makes no sense. Some people are panicking at a Ouija board with some chilling, looking and eating a carrot. People are in awe, looking at a demonic levitation, just to collectively turn their back to it a second later. The story is pretty nonexistent, basically a reaction to a supernatural phenomenon, with all the options to just walk away, there's no getting trapped because of a blizzard or being stuck on a spaceship, and the characters, although I like the 'hillbilly' mentality and atmosphere, I couldn't care less for. 'Deaths' range from nice to disappointing, as if a character just needs to die on the spot for no reason or incident. Scores high and low in some regards, making the end product average.

Shark Night (2011)

A lot of people didn't get it...

[7/10 · 27 September 2014]

First of all - 25 mil $ to make this? Whow! Where did the money go? Did a shark eat it? Anyways, this movie feels like an 'exploitation' movie, and if viewed as such, delivers perfectly. We can easily see that this was the idea by the speed-up effects during the necessary but uninteresting setting of a few teens having some fun at the lake. Likewise, the special effects were intentionally crappy - but with good delivery, keeping the creepy effects of, say, the tiger shark's teeth. It also numbs a 'horror' feel of blood and gore, which would hurt this movie. We actually do get some substance and story here, much more than other sharkploitation films like 'Jersey Shore Shark Attack' - whereas here, there are 'bad guys', unlike 'Jaws', with a hidden plot and agenda, and there are a few twists.

A movie that fits above average in the genre of two headed shark, sharktopus and sharknado. If you like those, watch this and enjoy it. If not, steer clear. Personally, and to my surprise, I was entertained.

Sin Reaper 3D (2012)

I want to stab myself in the brain...

[1/10 · 18 December 2013]

Oh God. Oh dear God. Where do I begin? I'll start by saying this is, perhaps, the worst movie I ever saw. It fails at every level. It's so bad, it's REALLY bad.

No one in this movie, except Lance Henriksen, can act. He only makes a small appearance. I mean, imagine taking ten random people of the street, and give them an acting job. No, make that the worst of 10 people. No scrap that - imagine taking a dog from the street, learn him how to talk, and give him a leading role. No, that would be too funny. It's simply...horrible. The fact that Lance is in this, makes it even worse. Has anyone seen 'Suing the Devil' with Malcolm mcDowell? It is an extreme offset with the 'talent' of the other actors, who should desperately look for an other line of work. He keeps your brain active with false hope, so you stay awake during this nightmare, and suffer the full 100%. The constant 1 sec delay between their interaction, the way they deliver their lines...oh God...

I - so - wanted to turn this movie off, but as a cruel joke to myself, I kept watching. It progressively gets worse. The movie starts of as an adventure - thriller, and about in the middle - way too late - after some tedious and failing character development/filler, makes a switch to a 'slasher'. You will care for NONE of the actors. You will NOT care about the slasher. You will NOT be satisfied when someone gets killed. Why are some actors where they are? Why did they go there? Who/why are other people there and doing what they do? Why do we have supposedly two 2 million dollar relics in a 'museum' housing only 2 pieces? why isn't ANYONE or anything guarding it? Everybody simply converges there, breaking in, at the same time - slasher, a random thief, our heroes; and the second group of heroes. No one can get out somehow, the only phone is cut, no one out of 10 or so people has a cell phone.

The slasher's kills are the worst ever. I won't comment further to prevent spoilers, but...they are so stupid.

The way they leave the slasher knocked out only to try an all-out attack later...the abnormal death-defying ease with which he walks towards guns (he has no powers at all)...the ruining of any hint pf realism with a 3 sec '3D' CGI...ohh...

I couldn't have made a more aggravating movie if I tried. Recommended to give to someone you want to de-friend.

Grave Encounters 2 (2012)

A 'meta' movie...I'll explain. (Very mild spoilers.)

[7/10 · 25 May 2013]

And 'meta' meaning, applying a concept on itself. For instance, searching for 'Google' with Google, or buying garbage bags to dispose of garbage bags.

This movie does this as well! In the beginning of the movie, we have film critics rating their own movie(concept), plus this is a movie about a movie-maker, making a movie. In fact, the critics compare Grave Encounters with the Blair Witch, some other 'found footage' classics, and then, and I quote, 'that other one on the moon', referring to Apollo 18, which wasn't received well. Pretty ballsy, distantiating itself a bit from the 'rotten egg' of the bunch in the movie itself. Funny thing is that the IMDb rating of Apollo 18 at this time is 0.2 points higher...

I was even wondering if the critics comments on the first movie were from actual (you-tube) reviewers.

So far, this 'meta' approach, rekindling of the 'what footage is real' feeling and sharp attitude of the movie took me by pleasant surprise.

For the rest of the movie, I have very mixed feeling. I'll sum them up: for starters, knowledge of the previous movie is almost required for this movie to work. Second, the first half of the movie is an unsuccessful character development 'filler'. Yes, they are teens and party all day. In the end, I still knew nothing about them, nor did it make me care.

As the actor's list on IMDb suggests, we see a returning cast member. Will he get out this time? Watch the movie and find out.

We get an exact repeat of the first setting, which some will consider cheap. But also, this movie is therefore more aggressive, since the suspense is sadly somewhat lifted. Using the same settings, we already know what is waiting for us.

We get the supposed movie developer of the first movie, stating that the first movie was real, but some (imo unrealistic) special effects were added to the footage, after which everything got published - and they were SO close to gold with that one. We even saw some previous critics pausing the original movie and discussing the poor special effects. I - so - wanted them to take a more realistic 'found footage' turn, but alas, we soon see the same crappy special effects needlessly appearing in this movie as well. Quite fast and in an implausible way. What a missed opportunity.

We get a security guard thrown in, like the psychic medium in the first movie, but for - what feels like - padding. His attitude and presence is never really explained.

Perhaps my biggest issue is the plot - the (now sentient?) ghost presence wants to make another movie, is aware of you-tube, is able to read you-tube, reads you-tube for critic info, makes accounts and sends emails and calls (which provider would it choose?), and even ends up holding the camera and starts taping, I kid you not.

Really?

Also, it has already shown to have internet access and has its own cameras taping ghosts. Why would it need someone else to tape it? It doesn't have the right .mp4 codecs? Again, this could have been resolved so much better: New plot: the original movie maker wants a second movie, sends those mysterious emails to a naive critic to go to the haunted house and start filming, risking their safety for profitable footage. Brilliant and realistic. Again, so close to gold... the movie even 'corrects' itself later on to go for my plot.

With inner mechanics revealed, the disspellment of the suspense and mystery, and the rationalizing and unrealistic intelligence, this movie lost a lot and needs a total reboot if it wants a sequel.

My recommendation: This movie is clumsy in some parts, brilliant in others. Go watch the first. If you decide you want more of the same (and I did), go see the second.

The Factory (V) (2012)

Going nowhere...

[3/10 · 20 May 2013]

This movie had little to offer. We get John Cusack, which I have grown to like, especially after starring in '1408', and Jennifer Carpenter (the girl from Dexter), who is becoming the most typecast actor ever - doesn't she have anything else to offer than this sort of thing?

It's not clear whose story was told, even at the end. It's as if every character is secondary. The story is abduction/rape/torture style, cleaned up for Hollywood standards and deprived of mentionable sex and bloodshed. I couldn't feel any empathy for any of the characters. There is an end twist; it took me by surprise - which is good - but simply because it didn't make sense - which is bad...

In all, it left me empty and disappointed.

Vehicle 19 (2013)

Somewhat forced but decent

[6/10 · 5 April 2013]

Mild spoilers.

Before I started this review, I read what a few other reviewers had to say. I sometimes do that to see if what I have to tell has already been said, in which case it's pointless to repeat the review. And for this movie I read the complaint of one reviewer about the rental car being returned by a hit-man with the gun, cellphone and living victim still inside - which doesn't make sense, unless you're the most retarded hit-man ever. In fact, being unaware that this would be the case, I started piecing the plot together as the movie went along, and assumed that the car was being set up for the hit-man, to kill he victim somewhere remote and dispose of the body - with the car rental company being in on the deal, but making the mistake of handing out the wrong key to a passer-by. Still dubious though. I may need to re-watch the movie to get more clearance on that, but I accepted as a given that our hero somehow stumbled into the adventure in some way. What bothered me more on the 'vehicle' angle, except the unclear premise, is the reluctance of our protagonist to ditch the car, even after it being broad casted on the news, the car being recognized, and it having bullet holes in the side window. Man, at least pull your window down, you're in Africa after all. Why would a person breaking parole purposely drive away in the wrong car against the wishes of the rental company and risk an arrest? And why oh why didn't anyone bother to track the rental with its GPS? All rentals have it to prevent theft. Especially in Africa. We get a lot of emphasis on the vehicle for no motivated reason; the movie is even named after it and most of the adventure takes place in it - but the approach feels forced.

That being said, what you will get is an above average thriller with great cinematography and acting. But there is something off in this movie and I can't quite put my finger on it. It may be that some characters - the judge and the ex-wife - get no screen time, or that the appearance of the bad guy is underplayed.

Still, I was genuinely entertained.

Moderate recommendation.

Mirrormask (2005)

A work of art?

[8/10 · 11 March 2013]

This movie has been compared to many others for reference; Labyrinth, Alice in wonderland, the neverending story...I would even say Baron von Munchausen. Yet it differs from all of them. No telling where this movie is going or what you will see in the next 5 seconds. There is a lot of CGI in the movie which took some getting used to, but it works. There is a lot of detail in the effects, like lens flares, expressionistic, deep colors, and detailed and weird environments; almost as if the director wanted to create a living painting.

That is perhaps the best way to describe this movie; a work of art. The characters are very extreme in their acting, almost like watching theater actors. The masks they wear only emphasizes this. So it good art or bad art? Opinions vary...

Since this type of movie is very rare, I welcomed it.

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (2012)

The Universal Soldier movies sure have taken a strange turn...

[6/10 · 28 October 2012]

In the first U-S-movie, we saw a charming Van Damme as an action star. What we get now, instead of a covert military operation, is more like an underground cult. Van Damme and Lundgren were more like 'character actors', staring down the cameras with their aged, androgen-cut faces. The movie had a total 'grind-house' feel to it, including some gore in the combats.

A lot of the scenes felt illogical. They chose to keep the 'Luke Deveraux'-name from U-S 1, but brought back Lundgren, who was killed in that movie. The method on how super-soldiers are created, is also vastly different - apparently we can now convert living, untrained persons with a single shot and they become trained in martial arts automatically. The need to cool the soldiers down gets abandoned. I can accept that, but a lot of other scenes simply felt confusing or out of place. What makes up for the story are some very nice fight scenes though, including the baseball bat fight scene, and the armory fight.

You may enjoy it if you're a grind-house aficionado or a martial arts fan. Don't expect something like the first movie though.

Taped (I) (2012)

Low-budget but solid.

[8/10 · 7 October 2012]

As usual, I was watching this movie at night in bed, waiting to fall asleep. Bad move. Not that there were any scary/horror parts, I simply got caught up in the story so much, I was too pumped-up to sleep.

The entire story encompasses two Dutch tourists in Argentinia. Some parts of the movie are shot with their hand-held cam; the remaining scenes - amongst other things, by necessity - are shot from 'normal' movie cameras; for instance when they get arrested and questioned. It works together nicely.

We start out on a regular vacation, with a couple arguing about their personal life. It may drag on a bit and feels a bit like a filler, but because of this we get a 'personal connection' with the main protagonists, which we wouldn't have had if the movie started out with the real plot immediately.

This 'personal connection', together with the realism created by taping part of the movie with a hand-held, gets even more real with a plot that I could see happening in real life, which is: they accidentally tape a dirty cop committing a murder, and get chased by him and his partners.

You can really feel the pressure and the feeling of helplessness - foreign speaking tourists being chased and having nowhere to turn to, be it cops, airports or hospitals - throughout the movie.

My only issue is the out-of-place and pointless rehashing of some personal issues near the end - if it was to underline the psychological distress, it was redundant - and the nice but 'deus ex machina' ending where some technology is conveniently accessible and compatible. I can't tell any more in order not to spoil the ending, but you'll understand what I mean after the movie.

In all, a recommended reality thriller.

Posljednja volja (2001)

Enjoyable

[7/10 · 7 October 2012]

This movie has -in a good way- the low-budget charm of a high school movie, using slightly sub-par film quality, seemingly local actors, and no special effects.

There's a lot of humor, and the movie doesn't take itself seriously - fitting well with the immature attitude of the main protagonist. After seeing the movie halfway and falling asleep (I typically watch a few movies in bed), I caught myself wanting to see the end the next day - and I was pleased I did. Except from Angelica Bridges (Baywatch) in a support role, I didn't recognize any actor - although lead actor Goran Visnjic has later, apparently, played in such movies as 'Elektra' and 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo'.

The story is nice and the sometimes irrelevant subplots don't bore, although the ending seemed a bit rushed and predictable.

If you like 'Le gendarme de Saint-Tropez' style movies, you may like this too.