TobyS Reviews

The Covenant (2006)

Great, mindless fun with excellent visual candy

[8/10 · 18 September 2006]

No, this movie is not high art, nor was it intended to be. Anybody who thought otherwise is either delusional, or looking to feel superior by ripping into it. Many will bemoan The Covenant as yet another example of Hollywood's decent into the abyss. Think whatever you want, but if you're looking to something that is mindless entertainment (and cast with some of the most beautiful guys around); you can do a lot worse than The Covenant.

Much like the remake of When a Stranger Calls, The Covenant is total trash, but it's some of the most satisfying trash I've seen in a long time.

My Grade: B+

The Village (2004)

A victim of his own success...

[9/10 · 7 August 2004]

With The Sixth Sense, M. Night Shyamalan took what was essentially a run-of-the-mill ghost story (albeit a well thought out run-of-the-mill ghost story), gave it one wallop of a twist ending, and thus became an overnight wonder boy that cursed all of his follow-up films. I found Unbreakable to be dull and unimaginative, while Signs was taut, exciting and frightening. The ending, put me off with its simplicity on how the aliens are defeated, but not enough to not feel fully entertained, or that I hadn't gotten my money's worth. However, neither of those films lived up to the expectations that were placed upon them.

Now, Shyamalan takes us into The Village, and judging by the horrendous write-ups, coupled with the film's nosedive at the box office, not many people enjoyed the trip.

William Hurt, Joaquin Phoenix, Sigourney Weaver and Adrien Brody are residents in a sleepy 19th century village surrounded by deeps woods. The woods are inhabited by creatures that the town's people have a shaky truce with. For reasons that aren't fully, clearly explained (one of the films few faults), that truce seems to have ended, and the creatures begin to assault the village. A series of events climax with the daughter of the town father venturing into the woods to seek help from the outside.

To say anything more would risk giving away the big twist that Shyamalan is expected to deliver in each of his movies. The Village has a couple of them this time. One that I had an idea about, but was incorrect enough to still be surprised, and one that I had caught on to early on, but didn't fully figure out until right before it's reveal.

Say what you will, but Shyamalan knows how to set up a film. The picture is gorgeous. It's crammed with sweeping vistas, leaf blown woods and skeleton-like trees. The cast, for the most part, is also quite good. I wasn't as in love with Joaquin Phoenix's performance as I was in Signs though. He just kind of sleep walked though this film, and with the exception of one particular conversation on a porch, wasn't given that much to do or say. I know his character is a man of few words, but this tested that boundary. At the opposite end of the spectrum, Adrien Brody walked the line of being credible as a slow-witted adult, and being a cartoon. While his performance wasn't bad, it didn't do much for me either. Bryce Dallas Howard (daughter of Ron) portrays Ivy with such compassion and strength that she shows she's got the chops to be a rising star. I look forward to her next role. Both Weaver and Hurt give strong performance, and the rest of the case fill in nicely. Last, but certainly not least, I need to mention the score. The music is haunting and adds loads of dread and suspense.

*******SPOILER….DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU IF YOU READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH********

I just need to mention one part of the film that I picked up on, kept going over in my head, and now wonder if it was simply an error on the part of Shyamalan, or meant to be a clue to the ending. The film opens with a funeral. When the camera shows the tombstone in the background, notice the dates, especially the date of death. Even for that date, the village, people, customs and language seem awfully old. If I hadn't noticed the date, I would have guessed the people to be living at least a hundred or more years prior to the date the tombstone shows.

*******END OF SPOILERS **********

The Sixth Sense came from nowhere, and was such a sensation because nobody saw it coming. Shyamalan is now expected to top himself with each film, and none of them can or will reach that height again. The Village is a well thought-out, entertaining film. It may not be perfect, but if any other name was in the writer/director's credit, I think it would be hailed to as close to perfection as one can get.

My grade: A

Burnt Offerings (1976)

Not perfect, but very creepy...

[8/10 · 13 September 2003]

I love how horror used to be done. Not a WB cast member or inside joke to be found. Burnt Offerings isn't a film that will answer every question for you, but it is a film that will give you a serious case of the creeps.

Oliver Reed and Karen Black, along with their son and aunt (Bette Davis) move into a big, old mansion for the summer. Soon after, strange things start to happen as both the house and the family take of different personalities. All the while, Ms. Allardyce sits quietly in her locked room in the attic. And just who is that seriously creepy chauffeur who keeps popping up?

I liked Burnt Offerings because it took its time to tell the story. When the mother first steps foot inside the house, you can see that she's already captivated by it, and has made up her mind to stay before a word is even uttered between her and her husband. The slow progression and build up to its climax offers enough suspense and mystery that you'll be shocked with it finally happens. While some may see the climax coming a mile away, when Ms. Allardyce finally shows her face, it's one of the most chilling shots I can recall.

The cast play their characters well, with only a little of the over-acting that a lot of 70s films suffer from. Only the house's owners and Bette Davis overreach from time to time.

While I was a little disappointed that the reasoning behind everything isn't really told, I can overlook that. Many films lose their punch when they explain everything, and I like to try and come up with my own reasons certain things happen. Take the chauffeur; even though his role isn't explained, I took him to be the house's "sole", or even its "collector"

All in all, I recommend Burnt Offerings to fans for the genre, or even to those just looking for a good scare on a stormy night.

My grade: B+

Star Crystal (1986)

Calling it awful still gives this movie to much credit...

[1/10 · 28 August 2003]

I can't begin to try and get across how absolutely awful Star Crystal is. I knew it was going to be bad, but nothing could prepare me for this pile of steaming doo. The acting makes most grade school plays look like Oscar material. I mean, did these people really yell "cut", and then pat each other on the backs for a job well done?

More often than not, the sets are just a black stage with a spotlight on the "actors", and the ships are nothing more than dime store models dug up from a garage sale.

Lets not forget the alien. Where's the alien from the box cover??? THAT is the movie I wanted to see. The alien here looks like a slimy reject from Fraggle Rock! Worse yet, this mess was supposed to have had some resemblance to a sci-fi horror movie, but instead turns into the Muppet Family Hour at the end!

Thank God for my DVD player's fast forward function. I would have never gotten though the last 30 minutes without speeding this trash heap up to warp 6.

My grade: F (and that's still to kind)

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Very visual, not a bad first...

[8/10 · 23 August 2003]

House of 1000 Corpses is a throw back to the old 1970s films like The Hills Have Eyes, Last House on the Left, and yes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Rob Zombie has stated that he wanted to do this film because he was tired of the sh*t being put out by Hollywood like Scream and its to numerous to count knock-offs. While I did enjoy Scream and a few of its followers, I also was waiting for a film that shadows the '70s horror films to be brought to the screen.

After being dropped by Universal, adopted and then abandoned by MGM, Lions Gate finally picked this puppy up and released it. I was glad to see that (for low-budget horror movie standards), it did quite well in the theatre.

Having finally seen it on DVD, I was quite impressed with the film. Visually, it rocks. Rob Zombie has a great eye for style and casting. And while it does pay homage to many of the films I mentioned above, I don't think that's a negative because from everything I've read about this film, those homages were all intentional.

If you're reading this, you probably already know the story, so I'm not going to get into it again. The only thing I will say is that Zombie achieved his goal at shocking. While the film's rep may lead some to feel the final product is a let down, I for one enjoyed it very much. My only negative comments are that A: after the "burial" scene, it seemed like I was now watching a totally different film. Perhaps I missed a key point, and I plan to watch the film again to see if I can pick up on the link. And, B: after watching the extras on the DVD, there seem to be a lot of scenes that were cut from the final film. I understand that Zombie took some scenes out to garner an "R" rating. Why not either release the film on DVD as an "unrated" disk, or at least put those scenes in the extras? Oh, well.

All in all, you have to enjoy a special type of Horror (yes, a capital "H") film to enjoy House of 1000 Corpses. If all you've seen are Scream, Urban Legend and any of the other "cast from WB" horror films, then no, you probably will hate this movie. But, if you enjoy the old-time films by Craven, Hooper and others, then come on in to Capt. Spaulding's and have a grand ole time!

My grade: B

The Brotherhood III: Young Demons (2002 Video)

Running. Lots and lots of running...

[4/10 · 26 October 2002]

The Brotherhood III: Young Demons pretty much blows. Nothing happens except for a LOT of running. The acting is the worst yet in the Brotherhood series, as is the "plot".

Lex (Kristopher Turner) is his own Jeff Probst in a game he has created and plays in the school at night. The players all dress up like they're on their way to a renaissance festival and search the school for something that I really don't care to try and remember. During the game, Lex is able to see, hear and talk to anybody, anywhere in the school from his position in the library. As an added touch, a really stupid looking mystery man is loose in the school and appears to be making all of his victims pleasure him orally. This all builds up to a lame climax (no pun intended) that makes the end of The Brotherhood II look like Shakespeare.

This film is annoying. From the constant running though the halls to the never stopping heartbeat, this movie rots. There are two redeeming things about The Brotherhood III: 1: Lex is hot! 2: The shower boy has a killer butt! It's good to see DeCoteau did something right. Other than that, there is nothing in this film to recommend. When will he realize that constant lightening in every scene is not scary? And what was up with those camera angles? I was starting to get motion sickness watching! If I was to list every plot hole in this thing, we'd be here all day.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough about a movie that didn't deserve this much review space to begin with. I won't tell you not to watch it, for you have to decide that for yourself. But I will tell you that I stopped shy of hating this film, and hope that the inevitable Brotherhood IV is more on par with the first in the series than this effort.

My grade: D-

The Frightening (2002)

Decent flick

[8/10 · 28 May 2002]

DeCoteau, as usual, has cast a cute guy as the lead for his latest horror movie, The Frightening, and as usual, he has him in his boxer briefs within the first 10 minutes. Oh, it's good to know what you're getting into.

However, the last thing I expected from DeCoteau was a higher caliber film that ended up being pretty entertaining. Yes, the movie rips from everything from The Sixth Sense to Donnie Darko, but if you're going to rip off other films, you might as well pick good ones to take ideas from.

Corey (Matt Twining) has just moved to a new town with his mother to start a new life after a tragic accident left a teammate of Corey's dead. Enrolled into "Halloween High", he begins to notice that things aren't quite right. Be it that all the "social outcasts" start disappearing, or that the school itself has a dark past. He starts to question reality and the motives of all the students and faculty.

The Frightening isn't a bad movie. It moves along pretty good, was entertaining enough to keep my attention, and as with any DeCoteau film, is loaded with cute, buff boys to watch. However, unlike The Brotherhood (good film) or The Brotherhood 2: Young Warlocks (we won't go there), the homoerotic overtones are very much downplayed in The Frightening. Only once did it venture into traditional territory with a scene involving a group of young guys standing around in their boxers. DeCoteau also seems to have spent more time on this film. The majority of the actors are pretty good (especially Matt Twining), and the dialogue flows more smoothly than any of his past films.

The ending is a total rip-off, but in the defense of the filmmakers, I didn't see it coming, and thought it was pretty cool. On the downside, the murders were pretty cheesy. I'm glad that I'm not the only IMDBer to notice that no matter where you're stabbed or slashed, you will always bleed out of your mouth (with some pretty fake looking blood to boot). Although, I did like the one guy who had his face eaten off with acid.

I liked The Frightening. It wasn't a masterpiece, but compared to some of his other films, it's as close to being one as DeCoteau has gotten to so far.

My grade: B

When a Stranger Calls (1979)

Scary (well, the first 20-30 minutes)

[7/10 · 12 November 2001]

Much like every other comment posted, the opening of When A Stranger Calls is utterly terrifying. It's been a long time since I've seen a movie that has had that effect on me. I started out watching the film with the lights off. By the end of the opening, I had the lights on and was looking around corners before entering another room to make sure nobody was waiting for me.

Unfortunately, all the posted comments are correct. After a spectacular opening, When A Stranger Calls falls flat on it's face. The middle is boring, and except for a scene inside an apartment, not scary at all. The film picks up again for the very end, but doesn't quite reach the intensity of the opening. The first 30 or so minutes are flawless whereas the final act, while suspenseful, has loose ends that didn't tie.

I would tell anybody to watch When A Stranger Calls just for the opening itself. If the filmmakers could've even made the middle of the film half as good as the beginning, we'd be looking at a true classic masterpiece.

My grade: B

Blood Surf (2000 Video)

Sad...

[3/10 · 7 November 2001]

Oh, CGI. A blessing when used properly. A sin with it's used by people who have no idea what their doing. Sadly, that's not the only thing that's used poorly in this umpteen Jaws rip-off.

Ok, anybody who has read any number of my posted reviews has probably noticed 2 things. 1: I like low-budget horror movies. And 2: If there is a cute guy in said low-budget movie, I'll usually point them out. So, let's just get this out of the way right now. This is one low-budget horror movie I didn't like. The acting, for the most part, is horrible, effects laughable, and the script rivals Battlefield Earth as the worst I've witnessed this year. As far as the resident cute boy...Dax Miller (Bog) wins that prize hands down. This boy is hot! And surprisingly, he's not just a toned body with nice eyes and a cute butt...he can actually act (well, as much as he can in this odious film). Now that we have the housekeeping chores out of the way, let's get on with it.

In Cliff Notes version, here's the story (don't worry, I'll try not to give anything away)...

A film crew travels to a remote island to film a documentary about two surfers (established cute boy and his buddy) who surf with sharks. Unknown to them is a rather large salt water crocodile lurking around the island. Croc shows up, mayhem ensues, and people are eaten. Roll end credits.

As I said earlier, this film pretty much blows. It started pretty well, but soon devolved into being silly and stupid. A main character becomes lunch (in a rather humorous way), and our remaining heros utter one-liners at the victims expense. Also, if this croc is at the top of the food chain on both the land and in the water, what's with all the sharks around? If this thing can eat a 40 foot boat, I don't think a few skimpy sharks would stick around. The FX is some of the worst I have ever had the displeasure to see. The CGI is horrendous, and they've even managed to screw up the animatronic crocs. Attention, filmmakers. National Geographic. Discovery Store. The Croc Hunter. They know what crocodiles look like. You obviously didn't reference any of these judging by the monstrosity seen towards the end of the film. And what's with the pirate/drug pusher gang? Did you just need another reason to rip off a woman's top?

It's funny how we get little sub-genres in the movie world. With Alligator and it's sequels, Lake Placid, Crocodile, and now Blood Surf, it now looks like "over-sized crocodile/alligator" movies should now get their own category at Blockbuster. Alligator was good. Lake Placid was good. I even thought Tobe Hooper's Crocodile was good. Blood Surf, sucked.

My grade: D-

This Is the Disk-O-Boyz (1999)

Two movies in one...

[7/10 · 7 November 2001]

The first half of Wonder Boyz plays like a Disney Channel movie and is as bubble gum sweet and hokey as you can get. Whereas the second half turns dramatically more serious. I much preferred the second half. Kenny's breakdown gave a glimmer of what a legit film on the whole boy-band phenomena could've been. Unfortunately such instances are few and far between. The music, except for the cover of "Lean On Me" is pretty bad (although, I am led to believe that this was intentional). In fact, "Lean On Me" is a damn good remake that I wish was available on CD. I mean, if O-Town can seriously put out a song called "Liquid Dreams", then I have to believe this remake could be a hit, no matter who actually sang it.

Wonder Boyz- Good idea, childish execution. Full of plot holes, but then I didn't expect anything Oscar caliber. Oh, and the boys...yea they're cute (Especially Kenny).

My grade: C+

Shrek (2001)

DreamWorks gives Disney the big green middle finger...

[10/10 · 30 October 2001]

A single word describes Shrek- brilliant. Not in a long time have I enjoyed a movie as much as I enjoyed Shrek. This is a movie that plays on a few different levels, and manages to be entertaining on all of them. Plus, they stick it to Disney something good!

Mike Myers is Shrek, a big green, smelly ogre trying to live a peaceful life in his swamp. He spends his day brushing his teeth with bug goo and bathing in swamp mud. All is well until the vertically challenged Lord Farquaad (John Lithgow in a brilliant performance) banishes all the kingdoms fairytale inhabitants to Shrek's swamp. In an effort to regain his peace and sanity, Shrek, aided by his unwanted sidekick Donkey (Eddie Murphy), make a deal with Farquaad to rescue the Princess Fiona from The Dragon and bring her back so Farquaad can marry her.

It's well known that DreamWorks and Disney have had an ongoing feud for years, and Shrek is the latest and most destructive shot yet. The makers (led by ex-Disney, DreamWorks co-founder Jeffrey Katzenberg) hits Disney where it hurts most - animated features. No Disney chestnut is sacred. Various characters pop in and out of the film, and the sight gags playing on Disney's theme parks alone are enough to keep anybody entertained. Without giving anything away, one of the most hysterical gags in the film involve the Princess and a little bird in a very Disney, very Snow White singing sort of way.

The non-stop punches at Disney are one of the levels Shrek succeeds. The other is that it's a pure, heart warming story that anybody of any age can enjoy. Unlike most recent movies (animated or live action), Shrek is story driven. Watching the film you come to care about the characters and get involved in their feelings. I even found myself caring about characters that in any other movie would be pushed into the background soon after their "big scene". I would also like to say that I commend the DreamWorkers for the ending. It was unexpected and appreciated because it shows that beauty has many levels.

In general, Shrek can do no wrong. I usually see at least one thing I would've done differently, but not with this movie. I have racked my brain, and can't come up with a single thing I'd do differently. Shrek is visually stunning, hugely engaging and has a strong heartfelt moral. Good job to DreamWorks and PDI. Good job to everybody involved. Finally, good job to Disney because without you, none of this would've been possible!

My Grade: A+

Defying Gravity (1997)

A wonderful film...

[9/10 · 25 October 2001]

Defying Gravity is a wonderful film. It's both humorous, as well as heartbreaking, and is a film that I look forward to watching again.

Griff (Daniel Chilson) is an all American super jock frat boy. He plays hoops with a Nerf ball in his dorm room, and parties it up while flirting with the girls at football tailgating parties. Griff, however, is also carrying on a sexual relationship with Pete (Don Handfield) behind everybody's back.

After being witness to a gay bashing that leaves Pete seriously injured, Griff is forced to deal with his own sexuality, as well as the conflict of outing himself in order to bring Pete's attackers to justice. Say nothing, and he lets down somebody he realizes truly loves him, and wants more than just sex. Come forward, and he'll have to face his frat brothers, as well as himself and the feelings he's discovering he has towards Pete.

Both Beautiful Thing and Get Real dealt with "coming out" in a syrupy sort of way. This isn't to say those films are bad; Quite the contrary. They are both excellent films that I have seen and own. What I'm getting at is that it's nice to see a film that forgoes the syrup and plays it in less of a fairy tale way.

Given the fact that this was the first role for many involved, some of the acting shows strain, and ends up looking amateurish, but that didn't bother me as much as it usually would, and in fact, I think it made the performances seem all the more real. The relationship between Griff and his best friend Todd (Niklaus Lange) is both convincing and sweet. Todd is truly trying to understand and support Griff, even when he has no idea what his friend is going though. The only major drawback I can pick out is that the relationship between Griff and Denetra (Linna Carter) isn't fully explored, and I was left with wanting to see more.

Defying Gravity is not a glossy smooth production like either of the films I mentioned above, but that's not a fault, and shouldn't be considered one. Occasionally uneven acting aside, this is a wonderful film that truly has heart and I hope everybody will give it a chance.

My grade: A

Town & Country (2001)

Flawed, but not fatally

[8/10 · 19 October 2001]

Warren Beatty has never been one of my favorite actors by any means, so it was with a lot of caution that I watched Town & Country. The fact that it's the biggest box office flop in history didn't worry me to much, in fact that was part of the curiosity. No, it was Beatty, but I really liked the rest of the cast and was itching to watch a "grown up" comedy.

Overall, I enjoyed Town & Country. It was a good story, acted out well (even by Beatty did a good job), had a nice mix of humor and drama, and kept my attention through out. The endless re-writes and trips to the editing room does show, but not enough to take my attention away from the story. I just let myself go, and found I got into the film very easily.

In a nutshell, Beatty and Diane Keaton are a 20+ year married Manhattan couple who soon find out that one half of their best friend couple (Garry Shandling and Goldie Hawn) has cheated on the other. This starts a chain reaction of double cheating, sneaking and various mid-life crisis'.

The only drawbacks that stuck out at me were in fact the numerous editing that occurred behind the camera (rumor is Beatty and the director, Peter Chelsom battled over the final cut). Secondary characters seem to pop in and out on a whim (I'm still trying to figure out why Tom - Josh Hartnett - showed up in Colorado in the first place). Also, some of the scenes were borderline hokey for my tastes. Much of the Colorado sequences could've been cut in my opinion. One final gripe is to do with Charlton Heston. Why the guy is still getting roles is beyond me, but I'm even more tired of seeing him doing the same caricature of his gun toting, NRA persona.

Word is that Town & Country missed 13 release dates, cost upwards of $90 million, and caused a battle between the director and his star. I couldn't care less. With movies that have notorious making-of stories, I always find the stories fascinating, but what really matters in the end is the movie. I liked this film, have told numerous people my view and would recommend it to anybody looking for a grown up comedy. Like I said in my summary, its got its flaws, but as a whole, it's a satisfying film.

My grade: B

Titan A.E. (2000)

Underrated. Good, but didn't reach far enough...

[8/10 · 18 October 2001]

Matt Damon voices Cale, the teenager who's going to save the universe from the Drej, an electric blue alien race that within the first 10 minutes of the film reduce the Earth to rubble. As animated, Cale looks like he could be a fill in for N*sync if Justin Timberlake ever takes a sick day. It's quite obvious that this film is aimed at people who have grown tired of the traditional Disney formula. The filmmakers even went so far as to give Cale a butt shot. Now, I ask you, how many times did Aladdin, Hercules, or even Tarzan moon the camera? I thought so. Unfortunately, the makers of Titan A.E. didn't go far enough when developing their "mature" animated epic. I enjoyed Titan A.E. mind you (I own the DVD), but it to often got stuck in a rut of a story that's been done ten times over, and it's done with a mix of computer and traditional animation that doesn't always blend together seamlessly. Sadly, most of the supporting characters are stock and pretty predictable. Not even 20 minutes into the film, I had already figured out who was going to double cross who, and what the final outcome of the story would be.

If it sounds like I'm being to harsh on Titan A.E. (especially after I stated I liked and own the movie), it's only because I haven't gotten to the positive parts of the movie, which outweigh the negative.

Visually, the film is stunning. No, some of the cross animation doesn't blend together very well, but the majority of the film is beautiful. The space vistas are colorful, interesting and just plain gorgeous. The interactions between Cale and Akima (Drew Barrymore) are good, and the film moves along quickly. I also liked how the Drej remained mysterious and spoke in their own language.

As I said at the beginning, Titan A.E. is an animated film geared towards those who are looking for something a little less traditional, and there are numerous scenes that point out that that attempt was made. One such scene is the much talked about ice crystal cat and mouse chase. This one scene just about makes the movie. This is what the whole film should've been.

Given it's checkered history, it's not hard to see why Titan A.E. looks more like a committee movie than a filmmakers passion. This film put the last nail in Fox Animation Studios, and from what I understand, Don Bluth was never that into the movie to begin with. It's too bad that all the behind the scenes actions hurt it like it did because Titan A.E. really is a good flick. I was never bored and have watched it repeatedly since picking it up. With a little more focus and freedom, I think this film really could've been the envelope pushing sci-fi epic it was originally intended to be.

Bless the Child (2000)

Has its flaws, but still a good addition to the genre...

[8/10 · 2 October 2001]

It seems recently, films dealing with the occult and the supernatural have exploded. The director of Bless the Child even makes reference to that exact point on the DVD. Of course, Rosemary's Baby, The Exorcist and The Omen are the old-time classics of the genre, but more recently, we've been treated to Stigmata, End of Days and Lost Souls. Now, we have Bless the Child to add to this group.

I have seen all the films I listed above with the exception of End of Days, which I am planning on seeing soon. I have to confess that I didn't care for Rosemary's Baby (!!), and really liked Lost Souls (!!). I have always enjoyed this type of movie, and was looking forward to seeing Bless the Child, and finally picked it up recently.

For the most part, I was really impressed with the film. I think the box office was hurt by the unfair trashing the movie received from the critics. No, it's not on the same level as The Exorcist, but few films are.

The major players are good in their roles, and I was especially impressed with Rufus Sewell in his role of Eric, the leader of New Dawn, a Satanic cult masquerading as a self help clinic. I came to really hate his character and enjoyed watching him get eviler as the movie went on. My only complaint with the performances would be at the beginning. The early scenes with Kim Basinger and Angela Bettis in the apartment seem a little to scripted and don't flow very well. Small thing, but it may put off some people for the rest of the movie. Lastly on the negative, some of the sets and backdrops look too "staged". The rooftop scene of Eric's apartment comes to mind.

I was relieved to see the director using restraint with the special effects. Too often these days do movies get overloaded with F/X that look silly and distracts from the story. In Bless the Child, there are only a handful of scenes that have computer generated demons, and each time the effects are top notch and welcome. It made me wanting to see even more, and that usually doesn't happen with today's movies. Good job!

To wrap this review up, I thought Bless the Child is a welcome addition to a genre that I have always enjoyed. It's not a perfect movie, but with today's studio system, not many are. If your a fan of the genre, I wholeheartedly recommend Bless the Child.

My grade: B

54 (1998)

Empty...

[6/10 · 1 October 2001]

54 was one of the films of 1998 I-was-waiting-for.

I'm still waiting...

Give us the directors cut!!!

Based on a couple of gay-theme shorts Mark Christopher did, Miramax hired him to write and direct what was supposed to be a realistic portrayal of the infamous NYC night club, Studio 54.

According to people involved, Christopher did just that. His film showed an unflinching view of the late '70s. Sex, both gay and straight occupied much of the club, and the drugs ran rampant. I don't know what his version contained, but it HAS to be better than what was released into theatres. The story, as it is now, revolves around Shane (Ryan Phillippe), a Jersey kid who ends up bussing at 54. The movie focuses on is rise to the top, and then dramatic fall. Mike Myers turns in one of his best performances of his career as club owner, Steve Rubel. Ryan Phillippe, who usually has a limited acting ability, shows a glimmer of a great performance trying to break free. And, as far as Neve Campbell, Breckin Meyer and Salma Hayek, why were they in the movie again? I can't quite figure it out. Lord knows, the only reason Neve Campbell was there was to add another name to the marquee.

54 as it is, is a mess. Not much makes sense, and I didn't care whatsoever about any of the characters. I didn't care because I never got a chance to. The editing is choppy, dialogue reeks of quick re-writes, and the movie is tamer than most stuff put out under the Disney label. Hey, Miramax, remember The Crying Game? Priest? Kids? You used to take chances with your films, and stood behind the filmmaker. Now it seems your interested solely in the 'ole mighty buck!

54 had to have been the biggest letdown of the summer of '98 - and there were some pretty big let downs that summer. I urge Miramax to let Christopher release the version he shot (at least on DVD), because as it is now, it's an embarrassment to all those involved, and to all of us who were first in line to witness this hatchet job.

My Grade: C-

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Thank you, MGM...

[10/10 · 1 October 2001]

I just want to extend a BIG thank you to MGM! I haven't seen this movie in years, and have always wondered if it would ever make its way back to video.

If you can't tell what Killer Klowns From Outer Space is about by the title, then this movie isn't for you. The plot is so outrageous, that you need to be a serious Midnight Movie fanatic to enjoy it. It's only appropriate that MGM has issued the DVD under their Midnight Movie banner.

This is one fun movie. Not particularly scary, and not very gruesome, but hugely enjoyable. I've always been a little unsettled by clowns ("It" really did them in for me), and Killer Klowns should seal the deal. I've read a lot of reviews that compare Killer Klowns to the '50s "B" movies (especially the ones from American International Pictures), and I can say that I agree. Although, I can't even see AIP coming up with the concept of alien clowns overtaking a quiet town by sealing all it's residents up in cotton candy cocoons and shooting carnivorous popcorn from ray guns!

You'll be met with blank stares if you try and explain this film to anybody whose never seen it, so do yourself a favor. Pop a big bucket of popcorn, get yourself some cotton candy and sit your friends down in front of the TV and just let them take in Killer Klowns From Outer Space. Enjoy!

My grade: A+

Crocodile (2000 Video)

One of the better direct-to-video Jaws rip-offs...

[6/10 · 27 September 2001]

Let me get this right out in the open. I thought Crocodile was cool. No, it wasn't great, but I thought it was on par with Lake Placid (that one still has a bit of an edge). However, neither of them can hold up against the far superior "Alligator". But anyways, on with my review...

If you've seen Jaws or any of it's subsequent rip-offs (see above for examples), you've seen Crocodile. The concept is pretty straight forward. Take a (usually) remote setting (in this case the swamps of I think Florida), cast a bunch of "lunch items" (the more photogenic, the better) and come up with a nasty little (or big...bigger is always better) beasty with a creepy back story about it's origin, and yell "action".

In the case of Crocodile, the formula holds up pretty well. Being a direct-to-video film, even one directed by Tobe Hooper, I didn't have a lot of expectations for it as far as story, plot or F/X. but for the most part, however, they worked. The story is simple and straightforward. A bunch of college kids on spring break rent a house boat and are cruising the lakes. Abnormally large croc is on loose and very angry (won't tell you why), and starts chomping down on everybody that gets in its way. I was surprised by the body count in this film. Most of the victims were people I wouldn't have guessed. Some were welcome however, because midway though the film some of the characters began to get annoying. Glad to see that the film makers may have sensed that as well and off'd a few of them. If there was a downfall that ruined it for me, it was that the computer generated effects were poorly done. The croc not only looked obviously fake, but kept changing sizes as well!

Some have criticized the ending, but I thought it was ok. It left a couple of question open, one of which can easily be figured out by thinking it out a little, but in general, I didn't have a problem with it.

I would recommend Crocodile to anybody who asked me. It's not a great movie, but it's not a horrible one either. Tobe Hooper's name does give it a certain value (the cover box makes sure you know who the director is), and I'm glad to see him resurface again.

My grade: B

The Brotherhood 2: Young Warlocks (2001 Video)

Joe Boxer should be paid royalties...

[4/10 · 15 September 2001]

Well, here we have The Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks. Somehow, between the first one and this one, they've changed from vampires to warlocks, even though the "baddie" is supposed to have been in the first film. But, then again, you can't really look to deeply at this movie if you want it to make any sense. Lets just say that again, DeCoteau has filled one of his movies with a bunch of cute boys running around in their boxer briefs, and not much else. Nothing wrong with that, mind you, but at least try to have a little bit of an interesting story to surround all that naked, well toned flesh.

I'll be honest, I enjoyed the first Brotherhood, and was looking forward to seeing this one, but found it to be a major let down. Just like the first movie, the main lead (Sean Faris..."John") is gorgeous. He's got an undeniable cuteness that, if he plays it right, will move him on to bigger and better things (he's already started...he extra'd in Pearl Harbor). Stacey Scowley (Mary) is also surprisingly good in her role. She also has the potential to really break out. (I kept thinking of Meg Ryan - no joke - while watching her). The rest of the cast, however, leaves a lot to be desired.

Luke is the "new kid" at a posh private school, and sets out recruiting a group of outcast friends for his coven he's trying to start. One "lets all get naked and jump in the pool" scene later, and wham-bam, he's got his warlocks. Only now John wants out. Oh, and did I tell you that there's also sub-plots that involve a militant head mistress and a rather cute bully named Harlan who's group never wears shirts, and gets the proverbial "what they deserve" routine? Well, there are. A teacher also figures into all this somehow, but I couldn't tell you how even if I tried...and I just finished watching the movie 30 minutes ago!

To make a long story short, The Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks is a movie that has a couple cute guys in their underwear, bad acting, rotten dialogue, many unanswered questions, and totally ridiculous plot twists. Take my advise, stick with the first film. That wasn't a masterpiece by any means, but it at least tried to be a good movie.

My grade: C- (It'd be a "D-", but I still think Sean Faris is a hottie!)

The Mummy Returns (2001)

With so much going on, I still got bored...

[5/10 · 13 September 2001]

I really liked The Mummy when it came out. It reminded me (and everybody else it seems) as an Indiana Jones film. It was fun and focused, so it was inevitable that a sequel would be put into production. No big deal, the first one was good, second one should be as well, right? Wrong.

Writer/director Stephen Sommers packs this film with so much action that I actually got bored with watching it. He never spends enough time on anything for the viewer to focus on. One explosion, a few semi-funny one-liners, and on to the next scene. Arnold Vosloo as The Mummy is back, but unfortunately, this isn't his movie. Yes, he's in most of it, but I don't actually remember much of him beyond the canyon wave (essentially the sand face from the first film, only with water). This film belongs to the Scorpion King, which brings me to him...

As far as The Rock as the Scorpion King go, what's the big deal? For the few minutes he's in it (and I emphasize few minutes), he's either snarling and fighting, or he's snarling and running, or he's snarling as a very badly computer generated scorpion. I'm wondering if Sommers just ran out of money, or perhaps energy when it came to completing the film, because the effects in the last 15 minutes are really horrible.

There are good parts though. The canine warriors are spectacular, and the little tiny mummy creatures are campy, but hilarious. Plot? Forgetaboutit. There is not plot to speak of. Actually, to be honest, I can't even remember what the plot was to have supposed to involve beyond another little thing-a-ma-jig that would bring the Scorpion King back from the dead, and the reincarnated Anck Su Namun still trying to reunite herself with good 'ole Imhotep. Oh, and Brenden Fraser and Rachel Weisz are now married with a kid (the Action Movie Guide Book says it's better to involve children in those perilous situations for more suspense).

Now, come to find out, Universal is in production on a movie based solely on the Scorpion King. I certainly hope that they find a plot, invest more in some special effects, and let The Rock get his snarl back in practice, because I'm sure the critics are already practicing theirs.

My grade: C-

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

One of Spielberg's few disappointments...

[7/10 · 31 August 2001]

First off, I loved Jurassic Park, as well as most Spielberg films, but felt that The Lost World should never have been made. Jurassic Park (both the book and the movie) are instant classics, whereas The Lost World (both the book and the movie) look to be quick cash-in rush jobs. Did Spielberg have to fulfill his commitment to Universal before he could focus his attention to Amistad, his feature directing debut for his own studio, DreamWorks? I don't know, but the resulting Jurassic Park sequel doesn't have any of the classic "Spielberg touches" to it.

The Lost World is a mish-mash of scenes thrown together without much coherent sense. The boring scenes were to long (most of the beginning), and the scenes that were exciting were cut way to short (the raptor attack in the brush would've been great if it was extended a few minute longer). And lets not get into the whole mainland sequences because those just made me wince. (The Godzilla homages, for example, border on camp.)

Spielberg has said that he made The Lost World for all the millions who wanted a second E.T., but never got it (he swore he'd never do a sequel). I for one wish that he'd made that promise with Jurassic Park because the "what if" of a sequel that is never produced is a far greater allure than an inferior one that is.

My grade: C

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966 TV Movie)

Brings back a flood of memories every time I watch it...

[10/10 · 24 August 2001]

I grew up with this and all the other Peanuts specials. I remember sitting up until 8:00pm (late for me at that age) and loving it. I remember the Mounds and Almond Joy ads. I even remember the catchy CBS "Special Presentation" intro. What can be said for this classic that hasn't been said before? From Linus and Sally in the pumpkin patch all night to the still quoted "I got a rock!" line, not many holiday specials that don't involve Charlie Brown and the gang bring a smile to my face like It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Thanks for the memories, Mr. Schulz.

My grade: A+

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

SPOILERS!!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW HOW THE MOVIE ENDS!!!!

[10/10 · 2 July 2001]

****MAJOR SPOILER(S)!****

They were not aliens. They were robots. Why do I think this? Continue reading...

1. When David first steps off the elevator at the beginning, the blurred camera makes him out to look like the eventual beings at the end of the film.

2. Joe tells David that long after "they're" all gone, it will only be "us" remaining.

3. The "beings" speak to David in English.

4. The "beings" have computer screens within their faces.

There are more indications to the "aliens" actually evolved machines, but I can't list them all here...I need to get back to work.



5. circuitry can be seen inside the beings.

Komodo (1999)

Pretty good...

[8/10 · 21 March 2001]

Not a bad direct to tape creature feature. Too bad Michael Lantieri didn't have a bigger budget to play with because as much as I liked Komodo, I think it still had a lot of potential. Need more proof? Anaconda wasn't much more, and that film raked it in at the box office.

The set up is standard, and the characters are pretty much off the self, but I found the film to be entertaining nevertheless. My only complaints with Komodo are that the animals looked pretty fake in certain scenes (hey Michael, I know the budget was small, but couldn't you have called in some favors from the people you won Oscars for Jurassic Park with?) Also, I could've done without the afternoon soap opera music. This is supposed to be a thriller, not Steel Magnolias.

On the upside, this film had it's share of scares. I jumped more while watching this movie than I did watching Blair Witch 2 (which may not seem to be saying much, but you get the idea). Also, contrary to other comments posted, I think Kevin Zegers (Patrick) did a fine job with the role. No, he didn't talk much, which was a little bit of a let down, but then again, the role didn't call for a lot of dialogue. He looks to have a lot of potential, and I think we'll be seeing a lot more from him in the future.

The box art for Komodo touts Lantieri's association with Jurassic Park, and watching the movie, the similarities become clear. There are much worse ways to spend 90 minutes, and movies with much larger budgets that are still a few notches below this one. Komodo may be mindless, but it's mindless fun.

My grade: B

The Brotherhood (2001 Video)

A pretty decent free rental

[7/10 · 19 March 2001]

I rented this movie because I had a coupon, and this was the one I picked for my freeby.

I actually liked this movie (enough so that I looked to see if it was available for purchase yet). Yes, some of the acting is pretty wooden, and the most of the dialogue is cheesy, but I still found it enjoyable.

I'm thinking it mostly has to do with the lead...

Chris, to put it simply is insanely cute (check out the scene of him stretching after a jog). Sex has always been part of vampire lore, and films like Interview With the Vampire and The Lost Boys play upon the homoeroticism, but The Brotherhood screams it (every other scene seems to include a cute guy in his underwear). Neil Jordan and Joel Schumacher gave hints of this theme with their films, but The Brotherhood is the first film I've seen that brings it out front and center.

If you interested in seeing cute guys and vampires, this movie is for you. If your interested in Oscar winning special effects, topless women, and a big Hollywood production, look elsewhere.

My grade: B